Men - I need your help! What catches your eye on a dating profile?

1. 60

   Cheeky Chickposted 15 years ago

   I've been asked to write an online dating profile for a 33 year old fun, fit, adventurous, outdoorsy, girly girl (with big boobs, I might add).  She has a great sense of humor, and loves lizards, snakes, and bugs...anything that crawls or slithers.  Which is ironic since she really is a girly girl.  The picture I saw of her shows her in a mini dress, holding an overweight iguana.  That's all I know about her at the moment.
   
   My question is...what do men really want to know about a woman?  What information should I include in her profile that will entice a great guy to ask her out? 
   
   Thanks for your help guys!

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      Maximus591posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Oh dear.
      
      Bad idea,
      
      Very very bad idea.
      
      Can't the female concerned actually write her own profile? Are you saying she doesn't have a single thought in her head she can't put into writing? I know most females are devoid of interesting thought, but come on now, don't confirm that fact to me.
      
      You know, even the dumbest guy on the planet (and there are many) would soon be turned off once he realised the girl was nothing more than a pair of big boobs who was incapable of writing her own profile.
      
      Do your friend a favour and refuse to write her profile. That would be a greater mark of your friendship.

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      1. 60

         Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

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      2. 60

         megs78posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, but Maximus, isn't it you who said that female writers are usually fat and ugly?  Maybe she is afraid to be lumped into that category by writing her own profile because then everyone will know she is lying about being attractive because everyone knows that if you are a good writer, you must be a hag.
         

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            Maximus591posted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Errr no.
            
            You're confused.
            
            In order to support any theory you need to collect data which contradicts that theory. It's called science. That's how scientists work. They don't look for data that supports an existing theory because that is not good science. Once all the data that could potentially undermine a theory is discarded then the theory can stand on it's own merits.
            
            If this 'friend of a friend' (for the sake of argument, lets call her the dimwit) is incapable of writing her own profile because she's fat and ugly, contradict the theory? If it did, then my theory would be on shaky ground, but I don't believe it does.
            
            By virtue of being fat and ugly means you have to try harder in life. Evolution has dealt you a cruel hand therefore you need to compensate by developing other attributes. If the dimwit was truly fat and ugly what does this say about her? She really should just end it all shouldn't she? As she so obviously has nothing to offer.   
            But I suspect she's neither fat nor ugly (how often do you see very ugly, big boobed, overweight females in a mini dress?)... she probably has a modicum of attractiveness to her appearance which hindered her ability to develop more of herself in the way an ugly fat person would,

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   2. 87

      rebekahELLEposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I've heard of this trend of hiring writers to write great profiles for online dating, but it seems that for whatever reason this woman can't come up with her own thoughts and express in her own words what she desires? I have read profiles where I felt that the actual person could not have written it after communicating with them a couple times. I guess if it works for her, great! online dating is a hot market and requires a well written, truthful profile.

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      1. 0

         Maximus591posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         You're reading too much into it.
         
         If she's vacant enough to submit a photo of herself in a mini dress while holding a fat lizard and have her profile written for her, then her agenda is clear - she's merely looking for fun!
         
         What is unclear, is why this 'friend of a friend' is going to write a profile for her. She must know her actions are counter productive. If the girl looks like a flouncy tramp in her minidress then the profile itself will not get read. Men won't be wasting their time reading her thoughts because they will have already made a judgement on what she is like based on her picture.

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   3. 68

      gary777gposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      cleavage

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   4. 60

      terenceyap07posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      To answer this question accurately, one needs to know the definitions for "men" and "great guy".
      
      "Men" come in all shapes & sizes: from mamas' boys to serial killers. Not all women seek the security of a homely man; some women are attracted to risk and danger.
      
      What is this girl looking for in a man?
      
      A "Great Guy" could be: exciting, rich, famous, charming, athletic, muscular, handsome, a great talker, an expert at foreplay, a master of the karmasutra, etc., etc.,
      
      or...
      
      he could be: patient, generous, likeable, good natured, hard working, healthy, manly, a good listener, a caring person, a soulmate, etc., etc.,
      
      The better this girl knows herself, the better her chances of finding the right man.
      
      *smiles*

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   5. 60

      logic,commonsenseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, the best advice is to read Blondepoets' posts and hubs, you will get an idea of what attracts men.  Boldness, brazeness, wit, intelligence, caring,strength and, well just read what she has written and you will get the idea!

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      pylos26posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      The one's with rotting teeth are always charming...cus they don't smile often.

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   7. 61

      seyiariposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      age

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2. 48

   buffalo wingposted 15 years ago

   did you mention how big her boobs are ??

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      drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

      LOLOL

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   2. 60

      Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Well, as far as I can tell from the picture, I'd guess her boobs are at least a C up, if not a D cup.  But, this is just a guess...padded bras can be deceiving

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3. 68

   Flightkeeperposted 15 years ago

   Oooh, this should be an interesting thread.

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4. 48

   buffalo wingposted 15 years ago

   i still need to know how big her boobs are

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5. 68

   drej2522posted 15 years ago

   Honestly, I look for personality. So, if you could somehow show off her wittiness or off-beat humor I think that would draw people in...or at least me.
   
   Although T&A is nice too.

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      Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks!  That is excellent feedback.  I always think humor draws people in too.
      
      Cheeky

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         drej2522posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Anytime, Cheeky!

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6. 75

   livewithrichardposted 15 years ago

   Describe her job and how much time she can devote to a possible relationship. What are her living arangements, home with kids, back with parents, alone with a cat(s)?
   
   Describe what she does not want in a relationship. Do not describe her ex.

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   1. 60

      Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks livewithrichard.  That is good information to include.

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7. 48

   buffalo wingposted 15 years ago

   wanted--woman who likes to hunt and fish, preferably owns boat-- looks and lifestyle not important. please email photo of guns,  fishing tackle and boat.

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      sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Hear!Hear!

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   2. 60

      Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Ha ha, good one!
      
      Cheeky

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8. 0

   Scott.Lifeposted 15 years ago

   Whatever you say, do not use the words easy going, laid back, or down to earth....I'm beginning to think there's a woman's dating profile handbook that all of you are quoting from. No trashing men or asking "Are there any real men left?" Other then that its hard to say I have yet to read a truly original profile so I'm not sure what that looks like, but I do like the occasional funny one.

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   1. 60

      Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Okay, I promise I won't use any of those dating handbook terms.  You'd be great at writing a hub on this!  "Are there any real men left?"  Are you kidding?  That statement manages to offend the male population while simultaneously sounding desperate.  We will not be using that one.  Thanks for the heads up.
      
      Cheeky

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9. 0

   sneakorocksolidposted 15 years ago

   Fun but not easy, confident but not snobish, willing to explore and loves adventure, doesn't mind getting dirty.

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   1. 60

      Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Nice wording!  Thanks sneakorocksolid.
      
      Cheeky

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10. 68

    Flightkeeperposted 15 years ago

    It seems that the perfect woman for you guys is Sarah Palin.

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    1. 60

       Michellcatposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       LOL!
       
       I know you asked guys, but I can't help making a suggestion. Instead of worrying about what guys want to read about a girl,  just put what she's really like out there. What do you like about her? What does she like in a guy? What does she hate?
       
       There's not a lot of point in her trying to attract iguana-haters, y'know? Guys are going to be interested mostly based on the picture, and based on what she has in common with them. The profile that would attract the most guys, won't necessarily attract the right guys.
       
       The guys here have made it kind of obvious that they're mainly going to go by the picture. The first question asked was, "how do we find out pretty?" The picture. It's worth a thousand words.
       
       (And I wonder seriously, if it were a flat-chested girl in bluejeans, if they'd assume she's stupid just because she doesn't like to write, and is holding an iguana. I'd assume she was a herpetologist.)

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       logic,commonsenseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       The only problem with that is that Sarah is married!  LOL!

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11. 73

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Important part is the snakes and lizards, woosy men will be too scared, so that will keep the meek away, for the rest, honesty would be a unique angle!

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       Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Sounds good to me, Earnest!

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12. 42

    wavegirl22posted 15 years ago

    though I am not a man Cheeky I can tell you they seem to like the word 'spontaneous'
    
    

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       sneakorocksolidposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Spontaneous is good!

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       Cheeky Chickposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks wavegirl!  Spontaneous is always a good trait.  How's your future in sports reporting coming along?

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          wavegirl22posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Haha spontaneously I think I found a niche! And after seeing Irvin on Dancing with the Stars the other night (i think it was the waltz?) I am def updating my Wide Receivers Hub and adding him!!

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13. 76

    SweetiePieposted 15 years ago

    What site is this profile for as different dating sites actually would benefit from slightly different profiles.  For instance, a lady writing a profile for eharmony might desire a slightly more serious profile than a woman writing one for match.com.  I would figure out what site she is placing this profile on so you can plan accordingly.

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14. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    "Open minded", but only if she is--that's prison pen pal ad code for bisexual at least, and possibly more extreme alternative lifestyles.
    
    One of my personal challenges over the years was finding a female in good health.  Always wanted to, never really did.  Ended up changing my own self--my (seventh) wife, Pam, has every ailment known to humankind OTHER than HIV and cancer (thank goodness).

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15. 87

    Marisa Wrightposted 15 years ago

    What is she looking for? 
    
    If she's looking for a soulmate, you need to steer well clear of anything that could be construed as sexual innuendo.  "Open-minded" and "broad-minded" are both code for being sexually adventurous.  Certainly don't mention the boobs!  If she has a good picture, that will say enough about her looks. 
    
    Personally I think it's a big mistake to get someone else to write your profile. If she's just trying to attract some guys to have fun with, it doesn't really matter, but if she wants to attract a kindred spirit, her profile should express her own voice, not someone else's. 
    
    I remember once reading a man's profile on a website - it said that he had asked a friend to write it because he was no good at writing. I thought that sounded feeble - so he got wiped off my list!

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16. 0

    Maximus591posted 15 years ago

    If she doesn't have the ability to write in a way that truly reflects the essense of what she is, then all you will be doing is creating an artificial impression : A cheap photocopy if you like, of the person she is..
    
    It may be polished and say the things it's meant to say, but it still won't be her.
    
    The simple fact is that pictures of girls in mini dresses with big boobs don't have thoughtful and creative profiles. If it did, it would not ring true. It would raise suspicions. You also throw in the fact that she's holding an overweight iguana and just look at the mess you're working with - Big boobed girl in mini dress clutching fat lizard - If this 'image' is then dressed up with a clever and sophisticated use of words, guys will see through it, even the dumb ones.
    
    Tell your friend of a friend, to be what she is. She's obviosly not the smartest cookie in the cookie jar, so that fact should be revealed in her profile. That may sound patronising, but some guys well, go for girls whose smarts have deserted them. She can't be something she's not

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    1. 0

       Stevennix2001posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       First of all maximus, I'm not disagreeing with you on this.  However, I don't think you should be so harsh on her friend like that, since you hardly know her.  Sure, if she was in fact an air head as you say, then I would agree with you completely.  But there's no proof of that at all.
       
       Sure, you can mention the fact that she's not writing her own profile is proof, but it's really not.  Because there could be a numerous factors involved here.  One, her friend might have a very busy work schedule, so she might not have time to write it herself.  she could even be a single mom trying to raise her own kids while working a full time job.  Or she could be a foreigner that just moved to the U.S.A. and doesn't comprehend the english language yet, or knows very little.  Hence, why she might not be able to articulate well on a dating american site.  Ever think of that?
       
       look, i know your entitled to your own opinion.  however, i just think you shouldn't judge people until you know all your facts first.  at least that's been my experience.

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          blue dogposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          while i think max has created new definitions for the terms pompous and arrogant, i'll agree with him in this thread, so far.  if the lady can't write, then there are some issues to address.  big boobs and a short skirt?  those are a dime a dozen.  so far, she can't write, and she believes sex sells.  what, not who, is she trying to attract?
          
          steven, your questions bring up unanswered points.  if her work schedule is so busy that she can't write an a-b-c formatted profile, then she obviously doesn't have time for a relationship.  if she's a single mom trying to raise her own kids while working a full time job, then that obviously must be an integral part of the profile.  which leads back to the fact that she doesn't have the time needed for a quality relationship due to the fact that her "kids" are running her private life.  and almost lastly, if she's a "foreigner", then that should be stated in her thus far somewhat diminished profile.  actually, the "foreigner" part places her way up the list.  hopefully that would mean she's had little influence by the american way of life. 
          
          lastly, regarding her "foreigner" inability to grasp the english language means very little.  just look at all the trolls here on hp, americans by nature and self-proclaimed immigrants alike, who share that same characteristic.

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             Stevennix2001posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             hmmm..i never thought of it that way.  you might have a good point.  never mind, i guess i stand corrected then. lol.  although, i'm sure her friend will find someone, as not to sound sexist here.  but most men are idiots by definition.  so if she's hot in her pic, some guys may not care either way.  however, now that i think about it.  i think both you and maximus may have a point.

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17. 71

    Pearldiverposted 15 years ago

    Forget the Profile... It's more about....
    
    1) Her Eyes
    2) Her Smile
    3) Her Humour
    4) Her Confidence
    5) Her Eyes
    
    But don't quote me.... because the above can get you into all sorts of trouble

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       poetlorraineposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       so her eyes, you would like two sets

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          Helen Caterposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Maybe some teeth to go with the smile.

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    topgunjagerposted 15 years ago

    nice picture and not too many demands on what you want in a partner, it's better if you let them be who they are instead of making them meet your expectations, it makes more sense in the long run=)

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    poetlorraineposted 15 years ago

    Maybe assure the men that she will leave the zoo at home, and have a shower before she goes on the date...

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20. 48

    buffalo wingposted 15 years ago

    one singles place is always sending me profiles that say the women are into sailing, boating , jet skis although none of that was ever mentioned in my profile. sorry but i don't have time for all of that.  did i ever ask how big her boobs are ??

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       Stevennix2001posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       lol.  thats still funny even after hearing that question asked for like the millionth time on this thread.  maybe you should ask her what turns her on sexually if your going to be that bold to list her bra size.  lol

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       blue dogposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       they're a c or d cup. which then leads to her age and the laws of gravity.

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21. 82

    dohn121posted 15 years ago

    You know, I could really use a girl (not "use her" BTW) that's into the Yankees and Giants (NOT San Francisco, ).  A girl that's into sports says a lot about her character, not to mention downright sexy

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       wavegirl22posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       hmmm funny dohn but it sounds like you are describing me
       Its Yankee Ball tonight ! I know what we both will be doing tonight!

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          prettydarkhorseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          hi there wavegirl, maybe dohn is describing us both,,,,

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             wavegirl22posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             hmmmm how do we find out pretty?

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22. 65

    prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

    hi, if you have time you can read this one, it might help..
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Tips-on-how-to- … ile-online

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23. 60

    zadrobiposted 15 years ago

    I would definitely start with something like this....
    
    blah blah blah who ENJOYS quite time watching football on the weekends and having a beer or two while we kick back... loves to do all the laundry and the dishes as well. Can't stand trash so I take it out everyday. Is an expert messeuse and loves to keep the men happy. Not materialistic and only requires tender loving care.

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24. 60

    dave272727posted 15 years ago

    How about what she is truly and honestly looking for.  Not what her expectations are.  Something about who she wants to be with, and what she thinks that she deserves.  Its all about humor, respect, and honesty.

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25. 0

    Poppa Bluesposted 15 years ago

    Your post was enough to interest me. Whatever you do, don't put in too much information. Write the profile in a way that begs one to ask questions. Be coy in the descriptions of likes, dislikes, and wants and needs. This will give prospective suitors something to think about and to talk about if there is a date.

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26. 60

    Cheeky Chickposted 15 years ago

    Wow!  I had no idea this post would cause such a stir.  Never having participated in online dating, I had no idea what I was getting into. 
    
    Thanks to all the guys who gave me good, honest feedback.  It's nice to know you are out there.
    
    Maximus, I applaud your high standards, but I feel that you must have been through something that causes you to push people away.  Your disdain of those who are fat, ugly, or dim witted may just turn off those who are fit, attractive, intelligent and compassionate.  That doesn't leave many for you to choose from.  I wish you luck.
    
    Dohn and Wavegirl, I think you two need to date!  And yes, Michael Irvin rocks!
    
    Prettydarkhorse, I will read your hub.  Thanks!
    
    Take care everyone.  Thanks for a lively thread.
    
    Love,
    
    Cheeky

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27. 60

    ThatFranzKidposted 15 years ago

    It varies from person to person. Many men, I believe would be interested in her physique. That being height, weight, breast size... those sorts of things.
    
    Other men may be interested in more personal information, such as hobbies and interests. They may want to know about her choice in music, art, or movies, or what activities she enjoys doing to pass the time. Is she interesting in iguanas? That might be something to mention, especially if she's interested in other herpetologists.
    
    Perhaps it would be wise to include schooling information as well? A potential degree, an area of study. It's important to include all of this information, as different kinds will be appealing to different men.

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       Maximus591posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Ok, on the surface, this is good advice. It's hard to fault. But one question, have you ever joined a dating website? No need to be shy now, nobody will think you a loser and start sniggering.
       
       For instance, when Match.com shows your 'potential matches' they can be displayed in a 'tiled' format (approximately 10 pictures with part of that users profile visible) or 'gallery' format (cattle market style thumbnail pictures with absolutely no information visible). The gallery format allows 16 thumbnailed pictures on screen at any one time. With just one click, the page will reload with 16 new pictures. Now, many will say (they are lying of course) they spend a lot of time carefully reading each profile, studying their likes/dislikes, trying to assess if the person whose profile they are reading would be compatible with them. Then finding someone they like, they send them a polite and carefully worded email, as a way of introduction. That's what good online dating should be about, right?  Sadly, the reality is much different. 
       The reality is that many never read peoples profiles, they just look at the thumbnail pictures in gallery format and click the 'wink' button that is next to the picture. I trust you're familiar with 'winking'? They do this repeatedly, only occasionally stopping to read a profile behind someones picture.  But reading a profile becomes too time consuming. The 'click & wink' approach is but a two stage process. Accessing a profile then wording an email then sending it takes an eternity in comparison
       
       But hey, isn't it disrespectful to just 'cllick and wink' at all the pretty pictures without even bothering to read their profiles? Absoloutely it is. But, the reason many adopt this strategy... well, the reason many guys do (females click and wink too, but not to the same degree) is that many of the carefully worded and thoughtful emails guys send out never reach their intended recipient or even they do, the recipient cannot respond. Why? Well, becuase they are a non active member. Non active means they don't pay subs. Of Match.coms 15 million members,  a whopping 13.65 million are non-active, non-paying members. At any one time 91% of all match users cannot respond to an email, or even a wink. Its scandalous.
       
       A class action lawsuit has been filed against Match.com for it's fraudulent business practice. It will be interesting to see the outcome.

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          Stevennix2001posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          lol.  you know the more i hear you talk maximus, you remind me a lot of steven hyde from "that 70's show."  a cool guy that believe in the conspiracies of the man keeping us down, and your trying to convince all of us to see your point of view. sadly, your trapped with everyone else being some mindless corporate drone.

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          Star Witnessposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Em, it must have been 2 am in Britain, when you wrote this, Maxi.    Don't you have a job??  Or do you just post on the forum fer a job?
          
          And this is what I'm saying, I could help with your obviously pathetic technique.  IE, I only ever joined Match.com on a trial membership.  The last two relationships I have had came about initially online, and interestingly, through Match on the first 30 days of membership.  I only ever contacted 2 people for these 2 relationships, too.  One relationship lasted 3 years, the other, 6.
          
          All in the technique. lol Evidently, you just have NO clue about these things.
          
          And I recommend the ladies forget posting a detailed profile all together.  Otherwise, you are subject to guys like Maxi and the slam, bam, thank ya ma'am winking techniques he and others partake in.  Better for a lady to choose the guy she wants and write a sincere e-mail. (How else is it done in real life, you may ask yourself.  One at a time.  You certainly don't go after 20 women/men in real life in a night, unless you are trolling around for just anything, or are 18 at your first college beer party.)

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             Maximus591posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Oh, you're ignorance knows no bounds.
             
             Hello! You're female (allegedly). A females experience of online dating is fundamentally different from a males.
             
             You will not understand this unless you grow facial hair and sprout a penis.
             
             Really I mean. The personal view of any female when she starts talking about online dating experiences needs to be discounted immediately. The gender experiences are not the same. They never have been. This fact is lost on clueless females. I suggest they get back to their knitting.

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                Star Witnessposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                No, cookie.  I'm an extremely attractive gay man with long hair.  Sometimes I wear platform shoes, too.
                
                BTW, 'your' in your sentence stating, "You're ignorance knows no bounds," is spelled correctly in the former.  They spell it the same way on that side of the pond, right?
                
                And I believe the dating experience MAY be similar for all sincere, attractive people who have made a good assessment of themselves.  Although you may be missing part of the equation, don't know, and just sayin.'

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    wsp2469posted 15 years ago

    We are visual creatueres so a really good picture is important.  Also avoid using the word "generous" as that word implies "gold-digger".

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29. 60

    beefsteakcharliesposted 15 years ago

    Men will need to know a few things:
    1. The size of her boobs: Extra large, Tremendous, or Two moons snuggling in a hamper are the only answers we will accept
    2. How much plough experience she has, and it has to be some!
    3. How many Iceland bags can she carry on her back. They do such good deals in there you have to load up
    4. Whether or not she comes with a high-def 42 inch plasma screen or do i have to buy it separately?
    5. How many nectar points she is bringing with her into the relationship. Im saving up for a solar powered kettle and some elbow grease

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30. 59

    Pr0metheusposted 15 years ago

    BOOBS!
    
    LOL jk.  I don't really know, never used one of em.

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31. 76

    Bard of Elyposted 15 years ago

    As a man that loves lizards, snakes and bugs, that would be the bit that attracted my attention!

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32. 61

    Black Lillyposted 15 years ago

    Whatever you write, keep it short and leave an open, rather provocative question in the end, like "would you be afraid to hold my pet" or "you are not scared of mice, are you".
    Questions are there to be answered, right? And men like to do it. Later it's only up to you (your friend) how to respond to his answer.

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33. 65

    prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

    hi to all, if you have time just read this
    
    http://hubpages.com/hub/Tips-on-how-to- … ile-online

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34. 60

    Helen Caterposted 15 years ago

    Prettydarkhorse I just read it and it is good.

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       prettydarkhorseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       thanks Helen! good day to all

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    Manly Manposted 15 years ago

    Here are a few samples:
    
    http://washingtoncitypaper.selectaltern … d%3A133522
    
    And some from the UK
    
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ … rsonal-ads
    
    David's favourite ads
    
    I celebrated my fortieth birthday last week by cataloguing my collection of bird feeders. Next year I'm hoping for sexual intercourse. And a cake. Join my invite mailing list at box no. 6831. Man
    
    If intense, post-fight sex scares you, I'm not the woman for you (amateur big-boned cage wrestler, 62). Box no. 8744.
    
    My last seven adverts in this column were influenced by the early catalogue of Krautrock band, Paternoster. This one, however, is based entirely around the work of Gil Scott-Heron. Man, 32. Possibly the last person you want to be stood next to at a house-party you've been dragged along to by a friend who wants to get off with the flatmate of the guy whose birthday it is. Hey! Have you ever heard Boards of Canada? They're amazing; I'll burn you a CD. Box no. 3178.
    
    Meet the new face of indoor bowling! More or less the same as the old face, but less facial hair and better teeth. M, 28. Box no. 3377.
    
    The celebrity I resemble the most is Potsie from Happy Days. What feels so right can't be wrong. Man, 46. Box no. 2480.
    
    Mentally, I'm a size eight. Compulsive-eating F, 52, WLTM man to 25 for whom the phrase 'beauty is only skin-deep' is both a lifestyle choice and a religious ethos. Box no. 5115.
    
    I vacillate wildly between a number of archetypes including, but not limited to, Muriel Spark witticism-trading doyenne, Mariella Frostrup charismatic socialite, brooding, intense Marianne Faithful visionary, and kleptomaniac Germaine Greer amateur upholsterer and ladies' league darts champion. Woman, 43. Everything I just said was a lie. Apart from the bit about darts. And kleptomania. Great tits though. Box no. 2236.
    
    Philanthropy is my middle name. It's just a name though so don't be expecting any free rides. You can call me Mr Wallace. My first name is none of your business. Applications to box no. 9741.
    
    I have a mug that says 'World's Greatest Lover'. I think that's my referees covered. How about you? Man. 37. Bishopsgate. Box no. 8763
    
    If clumsy, unfeeling lust is your bag, write to the ad above. Otherwise write to me, mid-forties M with boy next door looks, man from U.N.C.L.E. charm, and Fresh Prince of Bel Air casual insouciance. Wikky wikky wick yo. Box no. 2851.
    
    All humans are 99.9% genetically identical, so don't even think of ending any potential relationship begun here with 'I just don't think we have enough in common'. Science has long since proven that I am the man for you (41, likes to be referred to as 'Wing Commander' in the bedroom). Box no. 3501.
    
    Normally on the first few dates I borrow mannerisms from the more interesting people I know and very often steal phrases and anecdotes from them along with concepts and ideas from obscure yet wittily-written books. It makes me appear more attractive and personable than I actually am. With you, however, I'm going to be a belligerent old shit from the very beginning. That's because I like you and feel ready to give you honesty. Belligerent old shit (M, 53). Box no. 6378.
    
    They call me Mr Boombastic. You can call me Monty. My real name, however, is Quentin. But only Mother uses that. And Nanny. Monty is fine, though. Anything but Peg Leg (Shrewsbury Prep, 1956, 'Please don't make me do cross-country, sir'). Box no. 0473.
    
    All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you. And a five-door saloon (fully air-con). And minimum income of £55K per annum. And two holidays a year (Latin America plus one other of my choosing). If you can meet these requirements, apply to 'Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions' (37), box no. 3685.
    
    You're a brunette, 6', long legs, 25-30, intelligent, articulate and drop dead gorgeous. I, on the other hand, have the looks of Herve Villechaize and an odour of wheat. No returns and no refunds at box no. 3321.
    
    If I could be anywhere in time right now it would be 17 December 1972. I have my reasons. Man, 57. Box no. 1553.
    
    The usual hyperbole infuses this ad with a whiff of playful narcissism and Falstaffian bathos. But scratch below the surface and you'll soon find that I really am the greatest man ever to have lived. Truly great man, 37. Better than Elvis and Gandhi. You'll never be a genuinely worthy partner, but try anyway by first replying to box no. 7637. Include a full list of qualifications, your aspirations, and a full frontal nude body shot.
    
    When not in my London city office overseeing the day-to-day business of my successful accountancy firm, I can be found leaning inside taxi cabs, spitting wild obscenities and challenging the drivers to fisticuffs. M, 47. We take the direct route home, we don't stop at Belisha beacons and we never - and I mean never - leave the impudence of a box junction unquestioned. Don't expect a tip from box no. 9091.
    
    OMG! This magazine is the shizz. Seriously, dudes. Awesome! LOL! Classics lecturer (M, 48). Possibly out of his depth with today's youth. KTHX! Box no. 2680.
    
    Google-search this: 'Inherited wealth real estate Bentley' - that's me, result 63 of 275. It'll take 0.21 seconds to find me online, but an eternity of heartache in real life. Save time now by writing to box no. 4511, or by just giving up. Mother says you'll never be good enough for me anyway. And you carry the odour of your class.
    
    We've all made mistakes. Mine was a cerise pump during London Fashion Week 2004. Style troubadour, (M, 35). WLTM similar, or appropriately dour fag hag. Box no. 8643.
    
    The toughest decision I ever had to make was choosing between soup and fish in a Brighton café in 1987 (I went for the fish, though later regretted my decision when I discovered the cod had been over-seasoned). Now, however, I'll have to pick one of you delicious women. The selection procedure will involve a four-part interview, along with an aptitude test and multiple-choice questionnaire. Apply now for full details to stupid man, 45. Box no. 6821.
    
    Remember when all this was open fields, and you could go out and leave your door unlocked? Woman, 24. Inherited her mother's unreasonable and utterly unfounded nostalgia (and her father's hirsute back). WLTM barber with fondness for Sherbet Dib-Dabs and Parma Violets. Box no. 8486.
    
    God appeared to me in a dream last night and spoke your name in my ear. He gave me the winning lottery numbers, too, though, so you can understand where my priorities lay when I raced to grab a notebook and pen. Man, 37, living on hope and the next seven weeks' bonus balls seeks woman whose first name begins with S, or maybe F, and rhymes with chicken, and has a surname that's either a place in Shropshire or the title of a 1979 Earth, Wind and Fire track. Shicken Boogiewonderland, I know you're reading this. Write now to box no. 5729.

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       Leta Sposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Wow. 
       
       If I am ever single again, remind me never, ever, ever to seek dating material from the UK. (Brits, now don't take offense!  Sorry to Sufi and Londongirl, lol.)  I suppose these missives are supposed to be witty, but they come off as kinda scary crazy.
       
       

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36. 61

    Manly Manposted 15 years ago

    Lindsay Lohan's Personal Ad:
    
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop … -2.7m.html

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37. 61

    Manly Manposted 15 years ago

    Here's a creative one:
    
    Handle:         Dianedemonium
    Hompage:    
    Gender:     Female
    Age:     35-44
    Region:    
    Ethnicity:     Caucasian
    Interest:     Seeking Men
    Message:     Variety is the spice of life, is it not? With me, Diane, you'll have a free-range realm of role play! Intelligence sets me apart, creativity will keep you coming back! What do you choose today? Your Secretary to take Dick-tation and De-Brief you? What about your most beloved Mommy, who knows that the way to your heart is a soft, warm, lactating breast and a clean, powdered bottom? Maybe you're in the mood for a beautiful but husband-neglected neighborhood Milf, who hires you to do the
    
    Date Posted:    
    May 21, 2009

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38. 61

    Manly Manposted 15 years ago

    Here's one that caught my eye:
    
    From today's Craig's List
    
    It's Halloween weekend
    And you're all alone
    You don't have a honey
    To talk to on the phone
    
    I'm right there with you
    I don't have a man
    My friend's said "Try Craigslist!"
    Guess it's my new plan
    
    I'm looking for someone
    With whom to have fun
    You don't need to be perfect
    Just far from hum drum
    
    Please be under age forty
    And legal to drink
    You must work and be mobile
    With no time in the clink
    
    I have much to offender
    I'm cute, smart and cool
    I've got a career
    And my own place too
    
    I'm so open minded
    Race isn't a factor
    As long as you're honest
    I'll see through an actor
    
    Fear not, I'm no porn spam
    This took too much work
    So shoot me an email
    If you're not a jerk
    
    Please send me your photo
    And I'll give you mine
    You won't be disappointed
    'Cause I look just fine
    
    If you're looking for ass
    Or you smoke and do drugs
    Please don't waste my time
    I don't deal with thugs
    
    This posting won't last long
    I'll take it down quick
    So send me an email
    With no pics of your dick
    
    I'll be patiently waiting
    For your witty reply
    Let go of your doubts
    And give Craigslist a try!

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39. 0

    lyricsingrayposted 15 years ago

    cash flow?  lol  lol

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40. 61

    Manly Manposted 15 years ago

    Personal Ad Dictionary
    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
    40-ish............................................... .....49.
    > > >
    > > > Adventurous...................Slept with everyone.
    > > >
    > > > Athletic......................................No breasts.
    > > >
    > > > Average looking................................Moooo.
    > > >
    > > > Beautiful............................Pathological liar.
    > > >
    > > > Emotionally Secure...............On medication.
    > > >
    > > > Feminist.......................................... ....Fat.
    > > >
    > > > Free spirit.........................................Jun kie.
    > > >
    > > > Friendship first............................Former slut.
    > > >
    > > > New-Age..........Body hair in the wrong places.
    > > >
    > > > Old-fashioned....................................No BJs.
    > > >
    > > > Open-minded.................................Desperate.
    > > >
    > > > Outgoing....................Loud and Embarrassing.
    > > >
    > > > Professional...................................... ...Bitch.
    > > >
    > > > Voluptuous.......................................V ery Fat.
    > > >
    > > > Large frame...................................Hugely Fat.
    > > >
    > > > Wants Soul mate................................Stalker.
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > 1. Yes = No
    > > >
    > > > 2. No = Yes
    > > >
    > > > 3. Maybe = No
    > > >
    > > > 4. We need = I want.
    > > >
    > > > 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry.
    > > >
    > > > 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
    > > >
    > > > 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not.
    > > >
    > > > 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
    > > >
    > > > 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you
    > moron!
    > > >
    > > > 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you
    > ever think about?
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > MEN'S ENGLISH:
    > > >
    > > >
    > > > 1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
    > > >
    > > > 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
    > > >
    > > > 3. I am tired = I am tired.
    > > >
    > > > 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
    > > >
    > > > 5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
    > > >
    > > > 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
    > > >
    > > > 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with
    > you.
    > > >
    > > > 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex
    > with you.
    > > >
    > > > 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have
    > sex with you.
    > > >
    > > > 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have
    > sex with you.
    > > >
    > > > 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm
    > gay.
    __________________
    There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

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    1. 65

       prettydarkhorseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       LOLOLOLOL< these are funny, thanks for making my day, you make me smile!!!

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41. 61

    Jonathan Jancoposted 15 years ago

    I have so many nightmare situations with dating sites that I have a hard time believing any of them are not scams. Furthermore, I can't really take someone seriously unless I meet them face to face.

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42. 0

    Maximus591posted 15 years ago

    People misrepresent themselves on dating websites, the females especially. They should be ashamed of themselves.
    
    When it comes to body size, the 'few extra pounds' tick box is usually code for... 'Im-a-gargantuan-heffalump'.
    Why can't fat females represent themselves more accurately? It's not going to kill them. Don't they have a responsibility towards their date? Is it fair to the poor chap who has to date this behemoth whose body fat index is akin to a hippo?
    
    I strongly believe fat females should not be alowed to post their profiles on regular dating websites. They lower the overall tone.

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    1. 0

       Denno66posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I see all that sensitivity training paid off for you.

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43. 61

    Black Lillyposted 15 years ago

    Maximus, those who change their gender according to their mood  should not be allowed there either - don't you agree?
    
    A dating profile that is made to attract people and later meet them, maybe date them, should be:
    - true. No exaggeration, no concealing. And here I must agree with Maximus, on some point.
    - up to date. Photo - within last 3 months, that's vital.
    - your OWN, with your own words, views, etc.
    
    If you do not follow these 3 rules, when you meet somebody, it's a huge chance that your first date would be your last.

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    1. 60

       logic,commonsenseposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I agree BL!  Great minds think alike!

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       Maximus591posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Then much firmer rules need to be drawn up which force females to come clean over the vastness of their body structure.
       
       Boxes such as 'a few extra pounds' need to abandoned in favour of 'I'm a monster fatty and I just don't care' - At least that is honest and males will then know what to expect.
       
       The picture issue is really only a problem if it's a very old picture or projects an image that is not representive of the person. I don't care if it's 2 or 3 years old, as long as there is a semblance to the real person behind the picture.
       
       But fatness is just plain wrong. Or more to the point, the misrepresentation of fatness. It's beyond disgusting. Most men will quite happily tolerate dating a girl who may be a smidgeon older than she appears in her pic. Most men would even be happy if say, her hair had changed or even if she had a spot on the end of her nose. But one thing men will not tolerate is digusting, overweight female chubbies who make out they are much slimmer than they really are. Just stop it girls, you are doing yourself a great disservice and you are practically bringing the dating industry to it's knees

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          megs78posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          This is just plain mean!  shameful really.

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             Uninvited Writerposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             That is what he does best...

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44. 60

    Dark knight ridesposted 15 years ago

    Boobies catch my eye every time.

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45. 61

    Rayalternatelyposted 15 years ago

    Originality will always stand out, regardless of gender. If you really like fish finger sandwiches you should say so. Even a moderate attempt at being an actual person rather than a series of measurements and cliches would get me every time. Not that I'm a "catch" of course!

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46. 60

    johnmatrixposted 15 years ago

    It depends on the type of man she wants to appeal too. The first thing I would do is ask her what she is looking for in a man, that way you will get some good insight into what kind of guy she needs.
    
    People need to share common interests to build any kind of lasting relationship. Her profile should state character traits and activities that are the most important to her.
    
    If she is looking for financial security she should state it as well. But her pickins will go way down because a lot of men are looking for women with enough money to keep them!! LOL..
    
    And why not? When the work force was dominated by men(50 years ago), women looked for a man with a successful career so they could have a nice home, raise some kids, and be taken care of.  That's all changed. Today, women dominate the work force and men dominate the prison population.
    
    If she is willing to enter the age of Mr.Mom, and willing to keep a man around like one might keep a lap dog, her chances go up. **GRIN** There are a lot of really nice, good looking, unemployed men out there. She could snatch one up, help him with his personal grooming, take him shopping, show him off to her friends, take him for a walk, see how well he takes to house training, check out his temperment, and if he is well behaved she can take him out to a movie, dinner....and who knows...maybe even take him to meet mom and dad!!
    
    Most wealthy guys are control freaks, philanderers, flirts, cheaters, promiscuous, pretentious, selfish, self arrogating morons that have no clue about such things as compassion, empathy, and humilty....so no big loss there. Maybe that's the kind of guy she is attracted to. But they are usually taken(sometimes taken to the cleaners) or they have a few on the side already.
    
    IMHO of course[as he chuckles]

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47. 58

    Brian Leightonposted 15 years ago

    Bullet points catch my eye.. They save so much time and cut straight to the point.

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48. 60

    Hanna Bambinaposted 15 years ago

    The men who are outside the window who aren't desperate enough to go on a dating site...

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       johnmatrixposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I don't think desperation is what it's about. There is nothing wrong with looking and making yourself available to others who are also looking.
       
       You only mention men in your comment....what about all the women on dating sites?

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49. 64

    mintinfoposted 15 years ago

    Mens tastes are very diverse. I think you should ask her to provide you with a list of the qualities that she is looking for in a man. You might be able to determine if her goal is realistic. Then you can ask her to provide you with an appropriate pic for the profile that you write.

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50. 54

    denverkervyposted 15 years ago

    Hello friends I think online dating is not for desperate guys. I actually met my girlfriends on this site http://www.clickhere-perfectmatch.com. You might want to try as well".... You will need to gain some trust first.You can make new friends there, take a look if you are free.

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