How would you or could you handle a parent coming out of the closet?

1. 66

   Rastamermaidposted 11 years ago

   How would you or could you handle a parent coming out of the closet?
   
   Got a call from a friend that this was just dropped in her lap.
   
   Her mom plays with girls and is buying a house with her girlfriend.
   
   

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2. 88

   hoppedposted 11 years ago

   I'd probably be pretty shocked, but ultimately I think I'd be really glad my parent was finally able to be honest about who he or she was and be happy.

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3. 72

   d.williamposted 11 years ago

   I would be extremely proud of them for finally stepping out of the closet and rejecting the negative feedback from others around them, who have no interest in their lives other than by virtue of their personal opinions - which mean nothing to any independent thinking person.
   It is time that we accept all others for who they are born to be, and rejecting the outdated idea that being homosexual is a matter of choice.

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4. 92

   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   I would feel sorry for them for having to keep it in the closet for so long. Everyone deserves to be happy without worrying about what others will think.

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5. 72

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   Honestly. I would starting thinking about how I came to be if one of my parents are into same-sex. Mostly, I'd try to ignore that parent. They must not know themselves too well to finally figure that out in their age.

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   1. 72

      d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Unfortunately many people repress their true selves 4 years due 2 the way society treats gay people. Happiness only comes when we R who we R truly meant 2 B by our birthright. Sad.

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   2. 72

      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I don't see the point in repressing so I wouldn't understand why the family and children exist if they felt that way. It doesn't make sense in my mind. They got in too deep and screwed themselves over by putting themselves in that position.

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   3. 72

      d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      repression is not a conscious choice. Neither is being gay. But societal punishment is a powerful motivator for repression.  Life is never all  simply black or white.  Fear & guilt R main causes of repression.

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   4. 72

      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If someone is emotionally intelligent, they can tell if they are repressing or not. Black and white, rules are there for reasons. If your morals are sound, you will respect those around you and be true to yourself before digging a pit.

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   5. 72

      d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      hiding who U R from ur self has nothing 2 do with morals. No 1  chooses 2 B who they R born 2 B. But when society tells U what U R is a sin against God long enough, repression kicks in. this leads 2 fear/guilt & inability 2 accept what U R.

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   6. 88

      hoppedposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You should consider checking out the film "Beginners".  It features a young man (Ewan McGregor) who, after the death of his mother, is shocked to learn that his elderly father (Christopher Plummer) is gay.  I think it handles the subject nicely.

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   7. 75

      jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Iburmaster - it's not that they "discover" it at 50yr old.  Some do. Some don't - they married because that was what was done in those days - being gay was illegal/mentally unwell until about the 1980s. So many parents are old enough to come out now.

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   8. 72

      d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      iburmaster: 1 last comment 2 U. If U truly feel this animosity toward others who R different than you,  U might want 2 re-evaluate ur religious beliefs or seek some personal counseling. It is unhealthy 2 harbor animosity toward others.

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   9. 72

      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It's not about what people expect for you to do. It's about what you feel. If you don't think marriage isn't right for you, don't do it. Simple as that. They lied to themselves and are stuck. Your not going to change my mind.

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   10. 72

       d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I cannot change anyone's mind,  but i can certainly feel sorry for your cynicism.  It can only hurt you in the end.  Understanding, tolerance and forgiveness are virtues, cynicism is not.

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   11. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I've grown up in a Christian Baptist viewpoint. If someone is viewed as same-sex relationship, they are basically ignored. If one of my parents said they were gay, it would be saying they are the anti-Christ. The other would commit suicide.

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   12. 72

       d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       WOW I am so sorry to hear about ur upbringing.  that kind of child abuse is inexcusable by any standards. http://youtu.be/gHbYJfwFgOU   I hope this short video helps.

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   13. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Oh, that idiot. I watched and loved him as a child and now am embarrased of him. And if Bill says it, it must be true. Sense the sarcasm. Don't try to change my belief's and leave the situation alone. You're picking too many fights.

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   14. 72

       d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Not trying to pick fight. but i now understand your 'sign in' name: ''I be your master'' pity the husband and the children for they be the next generation of the mentally abused

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   15. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       You are picking fights on at least three different topics and I'm tired of it. Bye.

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       jonnycomelatelyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       "lburmaster 23 hours ago
       I've grown up in a Christian Baptist viewpoint."   Ah!  So you are trapped.  Trapped by that upbringing - belief in a petty, diminished, judgmental god.  No further thinking permitted.

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   17. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Trapped and happy to be.

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   18. 75

       jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I think I'd be ashamed to have parented such a child. You would ignore them regardless of what they have up for you? Seems selfish to me.

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   19. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       If they cared about me, my siblings, and themselves; they wouldn't have put me in that position. Actually, they are proud. My mom said, "a black man had the gall to ask you out on campus?!", on my first day at the university. My family is my family.

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   20. 75

       jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       All I hear is me me me from this. If they cared about me, questioning how I got here. Wouldn't you care about their happiness? They can be proud and good for them. It's just I wouldn't be - I was brought up not to think of only my needs.

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   21. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       They can be happy all they like. Just leave me out of it.

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   22. 75

       jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Iburmaster - re-read your comment - selfish much? Again, I'd be ashamed. But thanks - I now know how not to bring up my children.

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   23. 72

       lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Actually, I told and showed my parents this question and the responses. They are proud To each their own.

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   24. 75

       jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Exactly. I'm not saying they shouldn't be. Just that I wouldn't be. If you are happy - I'm happy for you. It's merely my opinion on the matter. And yes, to each their own.

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6. 61

   NornsMercyposted 11 years ago

   I think I'd handle it well, as long as it allowed them to be more true to themselves and it honestly made them happy. I was born by a loveless marriage anyway so I wouldn't be shocked.
   
   I knew a person who was desperate about finding a mate because she was single on her 50th birthday, so she turned to being with women. It turned into a kind of "trend" for her, something to spice up her life... but, it was pretty much just her lying to herself and placing a band-aid on the pain she felt about men. I also know a woman who had a child because she was told something was wrong with her because she was gay so she was unhappily married to a man... then, found the love of her life embodied in a female who she has been with for 30 years... soooo....

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7. 0

   jonnycomelatelyposted 11 years ago

   So far, I find it very refreshing to hear the responses of people, so very positive and understanding, and mostly non-judgemental.  I would hope that the same could apply if it had been a father who was coming out.   Men sometimes have much more to lose if they get rejected, especially by their children.   So in such a case, even more respect and admiration would be in order.
   Also, whether it's Mum, Dad, Daughter or Son, even close cousins/uncles/aunts who are choosing to share their intimate secrets, they deserve your ongoing support and love.

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   1. 72

      d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Great outlook.  We need more of your understanding and compassion in this world of hatred and intolerance.

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8. 86

   Everyday Miraclesposted 11 years ago

   Just because a person is with the same sex doesn't mean that they are homosexual. Let us not forget that there are bisexual and pansexual people in the world as well who make their choices based on factors other than those that straight and gay people use to make their determination of who they want to be with. Just because she's with a woman doesn't mean that she's homosexual. Maybe she's bi or pansexual and finally found a person she wanted to be with. I wouldn't fault her for it.
   
   As far as my own parents: their lives, their choice who they partner with and whether or not they come out of the closet once they do. Since they are happily married to one another, I don't think that this is going to be an issue with them, but finding out that a parent was gay, bi or pansexual wouldn't bother me at all.

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9. 75

   jlparkposted 11 years ago

   If any of my parents came out, I'd be a little surprised, but accepting of them all the way. As long as they are happy, I'm happy.  They've all accepted my same sex partner/wife as part of the family, and one of us so it would be hypocritical and rude to disrespect them for it.
   
   Understanding that in the time prior to my birth in 1982 - being gay was illegal or considered a mental illness in many countries - people hid who they were and got married to the opposite gender - because that was the expected thing, and would have been seen as disrespectful to their parents (who were brought up in an even less tolerant time). I know several people who have ex-husbands or ex-wifes of the opposite gender, and children by those marriages - who have come out later in life - later being in their 30s for most of them.  But that is because people are more in tune with who they are now, and what they need, and aren't afraid to seek it out.
   
   To the person who asked about "how did I come into being, if they were gay in a marriage" - it's called sex - you don't have to be straight to have straight sex....nor gay to have homosexual sex. As a heterosexual you PREFER straight sex, and as a homosexual you PREFER same sex sex. And those who are bisexual prefer either - depends on the person they are in a relationship with.  But to take you answer a little further - if you want children in a same-sex relationship - you work it out - Fertility assistance, surrogacy etc etc - using your own ovum/sperm and a donor.

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10. 60

    MichaelJohnMeleposted 11 years ago

    As long as the said parent was happy and safe I'm all for it...everyone deserves to be loved...even if it is by a person of the same sex.

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11. 59

    fpherj48posted 11 years ago

    rastamermaid....I have to be completely honest and sincere with you.  If either of my parents came out of the closet, I would experience an instant stroke or heart attack or both, on the spot.     They've both been deceased for decades.......rest their precious souls............

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    1. 0

       jonnycomelatelyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       But they do say the best relationships are made in Heaven, .... don't they?
       But there is not much fun goes on up there.... all straight lace, and all that.

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12. 86

    Sunshine625posted 11 years ago

    Keeping secrets and not being true to yourself isn't healthy for one's mind, body or soul. I'd be cool with it, whatever makes them happy.

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13. 81

    Rfordinposted 11 years ago

    My parents? Hmmm.....
    
    As a woman in a homosexual relationship myself (after lying my way through two marriages) I can honeslty say that I would be ok with it.
    
    Although picturing either one of my parents saying that at this point in their lives would most likely cause me to think TWICE about the statement.
    
    There was NO inclination or clues prior to your friend's mother sitting her down to say...
    
    "Well honey, I'm gay and were buying a house together"?
    
    I don't know....
    
    I'd be shocked to say the least (but they would NEVER know) after the shock value wore off I'd be happy they were happy.
    
    Very interesting question.
    
    ~Becky

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14. 0

    jonnycomelatelyposted 11 years ago

    Much of the anti-homosexual platform within christianity comes from inflexible prejudice read more

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15. 66

    Rastamermaidposted 11 years ago

    First I would like to apologize to Iburmaster,this wasn't a question judging anyone's beliefs or the way they were raised.
    I'm so sorry you were treated so badly for "your own" beliefs.
    
    I also had my friend check out this forum, I sent her link,she was amused to say the least.She said it took her afew minutes to grasp the thought and concept,but only afew. She did say that if she were in the same state with her it would take a little longer.She said that's her Mom,regardless then asked if I ever noticed anything.

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    1. 75

       jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Raster - it wasn't really judgement. More an opinion on what she said. I'm happy for her either way - it's just not the way I was brought up and it grated at me. My apologies. It was an interesting and thought provoking question. Thanks!

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