What should the parents do ?

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   makusrposted 13 years ago

   When a teen commits a horrible mistake ? What's your first reaction, PUNISHMENT or UNDERSTANDING ?

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      bell du jourposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      My first reaction is understanding, after all a mistake is a mistake.  Of course sitting down and discussing what happened and giving advice to help ensure it doesn't happen again is so important.  I'm not sure about punishment, its only constructive if it helps the teen to learn a lesson, not as punishment for punishment sake.

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      dredcuanposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You need to know first the reason behind that mistake.  Maybe there's something in him or her that he/she needs to open up.  Proper communication between parents and their children is still the key to understand each other.  Once you already know the reason then you may give the necessary, reasonable punishment based on what they've did.

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      New 2011 Momposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      First thing is to try and understand what and why went on. Sometimes it is hard to understand teenagers, or anyones reason so let them explain everything in full detail. After they explain then think about what happened and if there is a reason to punish them or not. Sometimes a punishment is needed, but other times it is not. Just talking can be punishment enough.

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      Fellow Mumbaiteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I would prefer trying to learn the reasons for the mistake that he or she has committed. I would wish to learn this reasons from them itself. If they confess the truth then I would try to analyze the situation and their explanations for the same. Only after that I could get judgmental. Punishments if at all needed wouldn't include hurting them. Instead taking away certain privileges which mean a lot to them may work positively.

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      melodytsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      For me, know the reason first why he committed the mistakes. Weigh the situation and apply the necessary actions to your child like giving him advice or changing something between your relationship, etc. However, when he commits the same mistake again I guess punishment will be the best answer for your question.

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   chanrothposted 13 years ago

   Most importantly is communication. You have to know the reason by the child mistake or problem first before you set a punishment. Proper communication and relationship is the key to open a good relationship with your children and it is also to understand one another. Don't be like my parent. They see mistake and they hit me without telling me my mistake. I turn to make the same mistake twice and so on that it start to become a habit and my fiance was the one who tell me my mistake. I learn it from other people and not my parent. If my parent would of talk to me and tell me my mistake, I wouldn't do the same thing twice. If my parent wouldn't put their hand on me and beat me up without reasonable reason, I wouldn't go through so much miscommunication with them. Therefore, parent should always communicate with their children for any circumstances before set up a punishment.

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      Seafarer Mamaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for sharing your experience despite the pain it might cause. Sounds like your fiance is kinder. I hope that keeps up for you. Sorry to hear about your pain growing up.

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   lisabeamanposted 13 years ago

   It might depend on their reaction to their own mistake. Did they know it was a mistake? Did they purposefully make a bad decision? Is their attitude one of contrition or rebellion? Are they sorry they did it, or sorry they got caught? Many times the consequences of their mistake is punishment enough. Loving them through it and being understanding will teach them much more than harsh discipline.
   
   I agree with all of the comments on communication. You won't know the answers or how to best respond unless you can talk about it.

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   Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

   My first reaction is not to overreact.  Then I guess it all depends on what they've done.  I'm not a big believer in punishment.  Usually, I will just talk to them about it and try to make sure they understand there are consequences to their actions and not to do it again. By the time kids are teens, I think they know the difference between right and wrong. As a parent, all you can do is hope you've taught them how to make good choices.

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   awareposted 13 years ago

   Making things right . Express its importance . No sorry  will do .

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   JherusiaLheanposted 13 years ago

   For me the most effective way was to be open and have time to discuss and make the things work. Having a punishment will do for discipline but before acting on it, listening to the side of the child will help.

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   rodelmoreposted 13 years ago

   This is a loaded question. However, I will do my best to assist you.
   When a teen has committed a “horrible misstate” the type or magnitude is important.  If it has to do with breaking the law, one would be compelled to allowing to the justice system to do its job.  If it is not a legal issue you can take a step and back breath a sign of relief.  When asking ourselves “Punishment Vs Understanding we must keep in mind that most teens will make one or two horrible mistakes their life.  What separates your response is the lesson learned.  Did he/she learn something from this? This is not to say there will not be a consequence.  Depending on the issue this could be the perfect training opportunity to capture a memorable moment.  As a father of 9 children, there is never a shortage of training opportunities in my home.  Mistakes will happen and for most a consequence will follow, do not hide this fact from them.  However, convey to him/her that you understand they are human and will make poor judgments in life.  We cannot forget the element of forgiveness and support.  I take comfort in helping my children through their mistakes while the consequence is low.  When they become adults the consequences can be momentous.  Even when a teen screw up and goes to jail, as parents we can be that voice of encouragement.  They will someday look back on this moment and remember your kind but firm words more than the punishment given. Good luck and God Bless.
      
   Rod Elmore
   Life Coach
   Askrodnow.org

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8. 62

   Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

   I think it depends on what that "horrible mistake" is, why it was made, and how the young person feels about it (which not all kids are willing/able to be truly candid about, even if they're riddled with shame and guilt over something).

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   sassysexybossyposted 13 years ago

   I think understanding because we've all made mistakes and no matter what my kids do I will always be there for them.

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