Why do gays have to come out? why do they need to tell everyone?

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  1. tonymead60 profile image84
    tonymead60posted 12 years ago

    Why do gays have to come out? why do they need to tell everyone?

    I get fed up hearing about gay rights, gay whatever.
    I don't find the need to tell everyone around me that I'm not gay; I doubt if anyone cares, so why do they make such a song and dance about it?

  2. MickS profile image61
    MickSposted 12 years ago

    Yes I've asking that for many years.  Why do male and female homosexuals have to tell the world of their preferences as if they are so important that everyone has to know.  I've never felt the need  to tell every one that I am a heterosexual, I'm sure that no one really cares, the same as I don't care if someone is a male or female homosexual.

    1. tonymead60 profile image84
      tonymead60posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm glad that it is not just me that is bored by all this comming out, I'm more interested in who wins the football Euro finals this weekend.

    2. MickS profile image61
      MickSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Mmm, me too, I reckon , Germany v Spain, and Germany to win, the've played the best football in this tournament.

  3. NikoleRupple profile image61
    NikoleRuppleposted 12 years ago

    Well if this isn't offensive I don't know what is. You don't have to tell people you're straight because it's assumed already. People in the LGBT community "make a song and dance about it" because of discrimination. It's called being proud (hence June is pride month which I'm sure that's why you're fed up). Also being fed up hearing about gay rights? Then don't listen. It's a major issue in this country, around the world and in the upcoming election.  This country was built on every (wo)man is created equal, then stop with the hate. It's not flattering. How would you feel if you had to hide who you were? If being heterosexual was taboo and people were telling you it was wrong? Would you want to "come out"?

    1. Lucy83 profile image54
      Lucy83posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think the question is an expression of hatred but just ignorance. They simply don't know what it's like. Rather than reading it as an attack, I choose to see it as an honest attempt to understand the other.

    2. tonymead60 profile image84
      tonymead60posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't mean to offend, and I had no idea it was being proud month, if I was to be proud, I'd be proud of people who lay their lives on the line for us everyday to make sure we are all safe. I'd be proud of doctors and medical teams that save lives.

    3. Uninvited Writer profile image79
      Uninvited Writerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Do you wear a wedding ring tonymead?

    4. NikoleRupple profile image61
      NikoleRuppleposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I am proud of those people, it's amazing what they do for this country. At the same time, I can be proud to be a lesbian. There is nothing wrong with it and nothing wrong with fighting for the rights that every person deserves.

  4. Lucy83 profile image54
    Lucy83posted 12 years ago

    It's not about having to tell everyone. It's about no longer hiding your sexuality or pretending it were hetero just to fit in. Heterosexual "normal" people don't understand this because they never experienced a life where their desires didn't meet mainstream acceptable standards.

    Also your sexuality isn't something that you just get from one day to the next. It starts in your earliest childhood and gradually becomes more conscious with occasional jumps in development (first period etc). So when you say coming out this is something you can only do when you know what you're coming out with but a child doesn't understand those feelings at all and usually just thinks that something is wrong with them and they're the only one in the world. So they do the only thing they can do which is keep it to themselves. Once they're old enough to know what's going on, they've already lived a life of pretending and hiding - hence they have to make the decision to come out or continue to keep it private.

    Of course there is an easier way - have parents and people in general be more open and free about sexuality. That way children will feel free to ask questions about it and be more self accepting from the start. This would help everyone - including heterosexuals.

    1. tonymead60 profile image84
      tonymead60posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Where I live, there is no issue about a persons beliefs, or preferences. Maybe that is why I don't understand the problem. Reading some of the comments it seems that I don't have the right to my feelings the aggressive way they have reacted!

  5. MartieCoetser profile image67
    MartieCoetserposted 12 years ago

    All people have a need to be known and recognized and especially to be loved. Being gay, knowing that this is against the principles of the majority, can not at all be like living in a paradise. People who are different particularly need recognition, and why lie? Why must they pretend to be who/what they are not? To please who? If God - whatever your concept of God is - but let's call Him for the sake of this question LOVE... If Love can love, why is it so difficult for so-called normal people to accept and love those who are not exactly like them? I take my hat of for the gay person who have the guts to be honest and true to himself and others.

    1. yeagerinvestments profile image71
      yeagerinvestmentsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think it's about accepting..it just has very little relevance to my relationship with others. I don't care who you have sex with, period. I don't want to hear about it anymore than someone wants to hear about whom I have sex with.

    2. d.william profile image72
      d.williamposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      y.g. The typical general attitude. It does not affect me, so why should i care?  Let the government pass laws against you, and you will understand how hatred feels -  then talk to me about relevance

  6. yeagerinvestments profile image71
    yeagerinvestmentsposted 12 years ago

    I hear you. I don't really care who people are sleeping or living with especially at work. If you come in, do your job well and get along with people, your sexual status makes no difference.

  7. junkseller profile image80
    junksellerposted 12 years ago

    You are right. You don't go around telling people about your sexuality, because nobody does care. And if no one had ever cared about the sexuality of homosexuals they wouldn't ever have had a need to do so either. But people have cared about their sexuality and they still do. Because of their sexuality they have been, or still are, attacked, degraded, discriminated against, prevented from having sexual relations, and prevented from getting married. If any of these things were true for you based upon your sexuality, I bet you'd feel pretty differently about wanting to stand up for yourself.

    If you want a world where you don't have to hear anyone professing their sexuality in public, than help to make the world a place where no one is ever degraded, attacked, or discriminated against because of their sexuality. Gay pride is a consequence of division. Complaining about the pride without complaining about the division (and in part helping to reinforce it) is like spitting on someone and then complaining because they make a big deal in wiping it off. You, sir, are deserving of a glitter bomb.

    1. NikoleRupple profile image61
      NikoleRuppleposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      OH my. SO. WELL. SAID.

    2. hagsvilleUSA profile image66
      hagsvilleUSAposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      brilliant.    :-)

    3. profile image0
      TrinityCatposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Well said.

  8. Online-Russian profile image60
    Online-Russianposted 12 years ago

    Every time I put new photos of my wife and kids on my office desk, every time I hold my wife's hand in public, every time I kiss her goodbye when we go in different directions, and every time I tell her she looks beautiful when others are in earshot, I am "coming out" with my heterosexuality.

    I apologize to all of you who are fed up with my song and dance...

    1. peeples profile image91
      peeplesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Awesome Answer!!!!

    2. Rod Marsden profile image67
      Rod Marsdenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You're a lucky Russian!

    3. profile image0
      TrinityCatposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Brilliant answer. I applaud you, Online-Russian.

  9. d.william profile image72
    d.williamposted 12 years ago

    Those who ask this question are obviously not being discriminated against in their life.  It is not about being gay or straight, it is about having equal status in a society that boasts about equality for everyone.   
    When a group of people are discriminated against by law, government decree, by employers, by their religious affiliations, beaten up,  murdered, denied equal rights to marry under the law, denied housing, and live in constant fear of their life and livelihood there definitely is a need to hear this spoken out loud and in public for all to hear. 
    When the day comes that there is actually equal rights for all people in this country you will not see anyone having the need to "come out of the closet".  Until  we no longer have to live in fear of losing everything we have earned in life by someone finding out we are different, then that need must remain here to make our voices heard in the crowd as relevant, necessary and imperative.
    If you don't want to hear about it anymore vote for equality instead of discrimination.  Pay more attention to your own lives instead of judging others for being different than you are.  You call it a "song and dance"  I call it a cry for freedom and equality.

  10. jlpark profile image76
    jlparkposted 11 years ago

    Lostdogrwd - It has been illegal, and IS STILL illegal in some countries, to be gay. Some countries still have the death penalty for anyone convicted of homosexuality. So, I'd really like to know where you got your information from. 

    Tony - you're fed up with people needing to come out, because you don't feel the need to tell people you're NOT gay.  You know why that is?? Because everyone assumes that everyone else is straight - society is hetero-normative, so it's assumed that you are straight, you don't need to tell anyone.

    Coming out allows us to define who we are, not who we are assumed to be.  It allows us to acknowledge ourselves, and our partners. It's also so that we know we are not alone, and that those like us but still in the closet, still questioning, or being bullied, tormented and harrassed because they are, or they are assumed, gay - so that they know that they are not alone - and that it does get better.  It's about community. And it's about honesty.

    It's not that we are more important than anyone else, but that we are AS important as everyone else.

    1. jlpark profile image76
      jlparkposted 11 years agoin reply to this
  11. krillco profile image82
    krillcoposted 11 years ago

    I call 'foul'. Each and every time a straight couple hold hands, kiss, or hug in public, they are 'telling everyone' that they are heterosexual. I have never met a gay person that walks around 'telling people' that they are gay...'hello K-Mart shoppers, I'm queer!'. You statement is exaggerated and bigoted.

    If you think 'coming out' is 'telling the world', then you are simply wrong and do not have a clue about gay people. Coming out is about one's important, personal relationships, not YOU. If you are referring to celebrities that have come out, don't blame the celebrity, blame the media.

    With your 'song and dance' remark, you seem to be implying that the affect and presentation of people who are gay are objectionable to you. Really, they are just being themselves, not putting on an act to  'tell you' that they are gay. You tell people every day your gender and sexual orientation by your 'song and dance'; the way you dress, the way you speak, the way you act, and the things you do.

  12. hagsvilleUSA profile image66
    hagsvilleUSAposted 11 years ago

    is this question for real?  i don't think it's real.  you're kidding, aren't you?  yeah, you are.  i thought so.

  13. profile image48
    Meurdinposted 11 years ago

    If nobody cared, there would not be so much 'singing and dancing' around it. If this was true, I believe coming out would be just another term in Oxford dictionary. Unfortunately for some reason there are people out there who do care though it's none of their business. They're trying to diminish homosexuals' rights, making of them less then they really are and sometimes even beat them for who they are. Also, there's disappointment expectancy from both family and friends; you are expected to get married and raise kids. As a homosexual, this is not quite possible therefore your family/friends may reject you which is something every homosexual is afraid of and that is also one of the reasons why 'telling the world' is so important to them. That is why there's so much 'singing & dancing' around it, pal.
    I wish there was more people like you who simply don't care.

  14. Kylyssa profile image89
    Kylyssaposted 9 years ago

    Why don't you hide the fact that you have a wife (if you have one) for the rest of your life and have her do the same for you?  Never show her affection or acknowledgement in public, don't share your insurance coverage with her, and if you have any minor children just forget about ever getting to have any custody if the two of you break up. If you have a minor child and he gets in an auto accident and is in intensive care, I take it you won't mind just not visiting him in there even if he might die.  Oh, and never tell anyone when your wife does something you're proud of and don't tell your buddies how nice she looked for you went the two of you went out together. 

    Because all of that and so much more - that's what you are asking of gay people. 

    Why would you be bothered if your wife were dying in the hospital and you weren't allowed to see her because you aren't the right type of spouse and can't get legally married?  Whatever answer you come up with - that is why gay people need to come out.


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