Can a control freak be a true friend?

1. 77

   INFJayposted 12 years ago

   Can a control freak be a true friend?
   
   I plan to post this same question on my Facebook account to see the types of responses I get from friends vs. colleagues.

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2. 67

   rgalloway56posted 12 years ago

   I say yes.  If this person possesses endearing qualities that you are attracted to and want to include them in your close circle of friends, then go for it.
   
   You can have a good friendship with a control freak, if you are comfortable with who YOU are and you're able to keep them from taking over the relationship.  A true friend will like you just the way you are and not try to change you or control you. 
   
   When you have to say "no" to their plannings, say things like "no, sorry, I have made other plans" or "I'm not comfortable doing that" or "how about we try something different?"  If you meet with a negative response, stick to your guns and say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  This takes any persceived blame off of you and puts it back on them. 
   Once they get the message that you won't be controlled, they will actually respect you more.

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3. 64

   Motherbynatureposted 12 years ago

   I think anybody who truly cares for people can be a true friend.  The key is becoming friends with someone who suits your personality and your "ways".  A control freak would probably be best matched with a friend who needs close guidance and is afraid of making big decisions on their own.

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      cmeprosperposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      well said

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4. 69

   Mazzy Boleroposted 12 years ago

   I would say no. One of my in-laws is a control freak, and this has caused so much pain and heartbreak. If someone has to be in control above all else, it precludes any relationship which is based on equal give and take and mutual respect as true friendship must be. They can only act in a friendly way if they are confident in their own superiority - they have to be 'one-up' on you all the time.  Otherwise, you become a threat and they will become hostile. They will try to regain their sense of control by turning others against you.
   
   A true friend is one who cares about your happiness and your wellbeing, is glad when you achieve something, not someone who just wants you under the thumb.
   
   A relative also got involved with a male control freak and this was horrendous - he isolated her from friends and family and destroyed every iota of confidence she had. After a while, she didn't even know what she herself thought or liked any more, she would just echo whatever he said.
   
   Control freaks have issues from childhood, so you can feel sympathy in that regard despite the pain they cause to others, but they never seem to practise introspection; they avoid addressing their own behaviour and just project their own motives onto other people.

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   1. 67

      rgalloway56posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The person that seeks to control to the level you are speaking about, is either a sociopath or a narcissist, or both.  In that case, I would say, stay clear of such a person.  But I don't think all control freaks are incapable of beng a true friend.

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   2. 69

      Mazzy Boleroposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I guess it depends on what you mean by the term 'control freak'. Those I would refer to in that way want to control everything in their lives, including you.

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      Efficient Adminposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Mazzy you just described to a tee my biological father and brother. I hate to say it but I had to disown them and to this day do not regret it one bit. Wish I would have done it sooner. Oh the stories I could tell.

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5. 58

   BIZBSACRAMENTOposted 12 years ago

   Yes, a control freak can become a true friend for as long as you want him to be one. It really depends how you can handle the "quirks" and how you can withstand the pressure.

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   Kayla In Texasposted 12 years ago

   Friendship is measured by loyalty.
   Control is an insecurity issue.
   
   Yes a person can mean you well, by all means.
   The question is, does this person disqualify themselves for a relationship with you by having this emotional issue.  Its your call, it depends on what you want in a friend, what you're willing to put up with, and what is not worth putting up with by causing you too much discomfort.

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7. 71

   4wardthinkerposted 12 years ago

   I think they could be a loyal friend only because they think they are looking out for your best interest in their mind. Most control freaks are so caught up in themselves that they don't even know they are creating problems. They are the kind of friend you have to keep at a distance. I would go as far as consider them more like an acquaintance status for the best interest of others.

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8. 60

   Ashantinaposted 12 years ago

   Interesting questionn INFJay.
   I think it depends on what your definition is of a "true" friend. This could be that they must be a great listener, non-judgemental, forgiving. Or that when you are at your lowest point they pick you up and still love you and are there for you. Or all of the above and then some..... Now, one control freak may give you the latter and not the former.... or vice versa. Does that make him/her a true friend or not.....? It boils down to the individual aka You. your interpersonal needs and how you define your relationships.

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9. 73

   SidKempposted 12 years ago

   I would say no. The need to control life around us or other people arises from fear. Truth is the Perfect Love that casts out fear. A true friend - a truly loving friend - does not act out of a desire to control.
   
   A control freak is saying to those around him or her, "you need me to tell you what to do." That is enabling behavior designed to keep us week and dependent. a true friend is not enabling, but empowering, encouraging us to be true to ourselves.

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    Sal Manilaposted 10 years ago

    Be quiet and I will answer the question when I am ready!  GRIN

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