Would you dump your mate if they made a major change in their appearance?

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  1. dashingscorpio profile image83
    dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

    Would you dump your mate if they made a major change in their appearance?

    Recently someone posted a question asking if people would dump their mate for gaining a lot of weight or losing a lot of weight. Very often those who admit that they would are considered "shallow". Do you feel morally obligated to stay in a relationship or marriage with someone you are no longer attracted to?


  2. profile image0
    CalebSparksposted 10 years ago

    When you were married, did you pledge to one another to be faithful in sickness and health, richer or poorer, or for better or worse? Sounds like a serious commitment to me. Do vows mean anything to anyone these days?

    1. dashingscorpio profile image83
      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      CalebSparks , I believe most people have "deal breakers" no matter what vows they exchanged. Each person is also responsible for their own happiness. If someone were unhappy being with you would you want them to stay? Vow or no vow?

    2. profile image0
      CalebSparksposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You are looking for an easy way out to marriage. No can do. Marriage is for life. Just because people may have "deal breakers" does not make it right. You are responsible to love and be faithful to your mate.

    3. dashingscorpio profile image83
      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      There is no such thing as an "easy" way out of marriage. I have never known anyone who thought going through a divorce was fun/easy. Getting married is a LOT easier than getting divorced.
      One man's opinion! :-)

    4. profile image0
      CalebSparksposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      True, it must be heart-wrenching. Still, the right thing to do would be to stay married.

    5. Escobana profile image77
      Escobanaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      The right thing to do is to keep caring about your looks, hygiene and appearance even after taking those vows. If we talk about this and someone refuses to start taking care of himself, I'd feel unimportant to him and rather leave to be happy alone.

    6. profile image0
      CalebSparksposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I understand what you are saying, but still marriages are not all about FEELINGS. Marriages last because the man and woman have decided to love one another no matter what.

    7. Escobana profile image77
      Escobanaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      To me marriage, friendships and relationships are all about feelings, common sense and happiness. That's where we differ from opinion. Many married couples stick together because of commons sense while sacrificing their happiness. I hope you're happy

  3. duffsmom profile image59
    duffsmomposted 10 years ago

    Life is ever changing. Our feelings and emotions aren't static. But when we marry, we vow to love, honor etc. thru sickness, health etc.  So no, if my husband changed his appearance, I would not leave him. However I might voice my feelings depending on what kind of change and why. Is he in some kind of crisis, or is his mental state okay, something like that.

    We are very close and if he wanted a change I objected to, he would likely pass on it and vice versa.

  4. Borsia profile image41
    Borsiaposted 10 years ago

    It would depend largely on whether it was something that had been discussed prior to their doing it.
    If I had told my GF not to do something, like cutting her hair short, and she did it anyway I would consider it a deliberate lack of respect.
    Without respect there can't be any trust and without trust love is just a four letter word.

  5. connorj profile image70
    connorjposted 10 years ago


    Absolutely not; since our marriage is sacramental in nature I and my better-half are obligated to eventually become "one in spirit." I know that may sound "way out in left field" yet it is what we believe. Did you ever contemplate that the image of God may perhaps be inclusive of both gender's spirits melded together? This is something to ponder... Be one with God!

    1. dashingscorpio profile image83
      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes I have considered that God is inclusive of both genders. After all GENESIS 1:26 states: “Let us make man in (our) image, after (our) likeness." The word (our) implies more than one.

    2. tHErEDpILL profile image83
      tHErEDpILLposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That is a horrible Photoshopping job there.  Another hour would have made a huge difference to whomever did it.

  6. Rosana Modugno profile image74
    Rosana Modugnoposted 10 years ago

    Why would anyone stay with someone they were no longer attracted to?   

    You can't seriously expect your partner to feel the same way about you if you gain or lose weight because it's altering the whole dynamic of who you are.  You changed the person he fell in love with.  You re-negotiated the "contract".

    That's my opinion.

  7. Acmontero profile image60
    Acmonteroposted 10 years ago

    I do not think that you even notice the change. When you are with someone you love them. Everyday as time goes things change here and there. Not to long ago, my mom tells me that she noticed my husband and gained a few pounds. I honestly did not notice. Even after she told me I still did not really see the difference. A few days after that he noticed he gained weight and he mentioned it to me. I saw it in his tummy, but It is no big deal to me.

  8. Mark Ryan Briones profile image60
    Mark Ryan Brionesposted 10 years ago

    Nope unless she chose to. I will accept whatever change my partner will have. And I know that my partner already knows her self, partnered with me not for she needs me, but to share together the life with our separate individual journeys, and achieving dreams. In short, I trust that whatever change my partner will choose, it is for the good.

  9. Escobana profile image77
    Escobanaposted 10 years ago

    If I would feel no longer attracted to my partner, I would lose my interest in making love to him or having wild sex once in a while.

    I would talk about it with him and explain the risk of possibly feeling attracted to someone else in the near future. If we can't work the issue out, I would end the relationship.

    I would simply end it to avoid being unfaithful to him, for the lack of sexual pleasure in our relationship. I have ended more than enough relationships after a few months due to this issue, because attraction between me and my partner is an essential part of building an intimate relationship.

    I don't believe in moral obligations if this means I'll be the unhappy person, conforming myself to a relationship without true passion.

    1. Escobana profile image77
      Escobanaposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Dashingscorpio:-) Thanks so much for choosing my answer as best answer. I enjoyed this question and all the other answers given here.

  10. Diana Lee profile image79
    Diana Leeposted 10 years ago

    My husband cuts his own hair with a pair of barber clippers.  The first time he did this I swear he looked just like Homer Simpson's father. I'm still here.  Looks are mild reasons to leave.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image83
      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      An unintentional bad haircut is one thing but an intentional radical change is another thing. If you were completely (repulsed) by your mate's appearance which they planned to maintain, would you stay? That is the real question. :-)

  11. tHErEDpILL profile image83
    tHErEDpILLposted 10 years ago

    If you are no longer attracted to your mate for any reason you will eventually leave, no matter the moral obligation.  Unless....

    You are really old and have no sexual urges anymore to begin with. If this is the case you're happy with the companionship of your lover and could care less what they look like as they are no longer a person, but a soul mate.  Yes!  Score one for the Red Pill again!  Sweeet.


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