Is my wife cheating?

Jump to Last Post 1-6 of 6 discussions (10 posts)
  1. earnforlife profile image61
    earnforlifeposted 5 years ago

    Is my wife cheating?

    My wife refuses to do anything else on the computer apart from playing Sims 3 and Second Life. We have been married for 9 years and I know that she has been playing the Sims from its inception many years back in her teen years and started on Second Life about 4 years ago.

    She hangs out with a particular guy in Second life. This made me curious since it is an online game and I know that she is interacting with a real person. She spends a lot of time with this character and I am jealous. I told her to stop. Am I being stupid? Can she actually cheat in the game or should I leave her alone?

  2. ColleenMcLain profile image60
    ColleenMcLainposted 5 years ago

    I'd have to say you wife is probably not cheating on you, she's more cheating her own life.
    People who join these games are similar to avid readers, the story they are reading or in this case telling is gratifying at some level.  It could be because she looks HOT in her story, or it could be she has the perfect job - the addiction is generally about something that isn't achievable in real life.
    In this case you say she's hanging out with a "real" person, ask three questions, does she know the real identity of this person outside the game,  where is the person really lives? And what is he bringing to her that she feels she isn't getting in the real world?

    I'll liken this to a romance I had years ago.  My gent wasn't particularly interested in sex, after some exploration I discovered he preferred porn to real women.  The problem is real women don't behave like porn characters, and he confessed that even when one tried, real women didn't compare with the fantasy he got from his porn.  I'd say your job right now is to find out what your wife thinks is missing from her real life.  And you'll have to gracious about it, jealousy and anger will get you no where.
    Best of luck....

    1. earnforlife profile image61
      earnforlifeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Colleen. She does not know the man but it hurts to see her get so excited about spending time with him. I think I'll take her out more and stay with the kids sometimes so she can go out with her friends. Hope this will get her back to reality.

    2. Lisa HW profile image65
      Lisa HWposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I like Collen's answer except for "avid reader" thing.  Avid reading can be a part of more enriched/more whole life when people find ways to be clever/efficient with use of waking/sleep/waiting/commuting hours (etc.).    smile

  3. Abby Campbell profile image93
    Abby Campbellposted 5 years ago

    Colleen has a great answer. I have often wondered the same thing about people who play on these sites. I watched a documentary about it a few months ago about this particular subject. The consensus was that the partner "is" cheating because his/her emotions are wrapped up in that imaginary life. Cheating isn't just physical. Sometimes, emotional cheating can be more devastating. With these type games, one may not know who her partner is for "real" life, but both persons are still acting out their fantasies and emotions which are real. This is why the consensus is that the partner is cheating. And, if she is cheating you out of your time together, I would say you are not being stupid. Though she may be satisfied with her games, your satisfaction is in her and your cup is emptying.

    1. earnforlife profile image61
      earnforlifeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Great point Abby. I really don't want to hurt her feelings, I just want her to stop playing the game. I told her to stop but I know that she still plays when I am not around. I believe you, the game has captured her emotions.

  4. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    In many ways cheating is in the eye of the beholder.
    If one feels they are being "robbed" of quality time with their mate because she or he is (spending) it with someone else they essentially feel cheated.
    Once we get beyond the commonly agreed "cheating acts" such as secretly having sex with another person, kissing/making out, exchanging romantic emotionally charged or sexually explicit emails and texts.....Everything else is viewed differently by each individual.
    Personally speaking I would not consider someone who plays computer or video games in cyber space to be cheating. Having said that I would not spend much time with someone who was "into" that kind of crap to begin with.
    I think you were out of line to "tell" her to stop doing something (you knew) she had been doing since her teenage years. You are not her father! She is a grown woman. If you don't want a wife that plays computer games then you should have married a woman who did not play them! It's not rocket science.
    To "go along" with someone's hobbies until they are emotionally invested in you and then insist they "change" is a game of manipulation. If you had made this (demand) when you first met odds are she would have never married you to begin with! This is clearly a "power play" move.
    If this is truly a "deal breaker" and you're unhappy leave.
    Ultimately everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are. If you or your mate has to change their (core) being or give up something they (love) in order for you to be happy together then you are wrong for each other! Thankfully there are over 7 billion people on the planet. Odds are you could find someone who (shares) your same values. The only person you can "control" is you! Best of luck!
    One man's opinion! :-)

    1. earnforlife profile image61
      earnforlifeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing. I do appreciate my wife's hobbies and I have never interfered with her gaming before until now. Since 3 weeks ago, if left alone, she will play all night and for at least 8 hours in the day. Its really bad and we have young kids.

  5. Mrs Munday profile image57
    Mrs Mundayposted 5 years ago

    Well, The Bible says that those who as much as looks at another with passion or a longing, has already committed adultery in their hearts. Which is grounds for divorce, because they have cheated in their heart.

  6. profile image51
    MichaelJason1posted 4 years ago

    My Christian wife was just like that play this demonic game the whole night eight months later she said she wanted a divorce she wants to go live with a so called guy friend she never even met! Games evil, does your wife still play this game?


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)