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When married is chatting to the opposite sex on the computer cheating?

  1. dawnM profile image73
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    Is chatting to the opposite on the computer cheating or just being friendly/ where does the line get crossed?

    1. profile image0
      DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      depends on if you would tell your spouse what was said.

      1. Jayne Lancer profile image90
        Jayne Lancerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        One male Hubber has become a very good online friend, and I suppose we do flirt a little. Nothing goes on that I wouldn't tell my husband about, so I don't consider it wrong. Just harmless fun ...

        1. profile image0
          DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          does he consider it wrong? how much do you value his feelings? even if it isnt wrong, if it hurts him, would you quit?

          1. Jayne Lancer profile image90
            Jayne Lancerposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            We're both the type who keep things in proportion. If something like a mere (online) flirt with another man were to hurt his feelings, he wouldn't be my husband, and vice versa.

            1. ohmygoodnessrae profile image60
              ohmygoodnessraeposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              Why would you want to flirt with someone when you have already taken vows to belong to another?
              Nothing good could come of that . . .

              1. jazevox profile image60
                jazevoxposted 6 years ago in reply to this

                i totally agree with you ohmygoodnessrae... when couples take a vow (as husband n wife), its means you promise to each other to be loyal and respectful to each other. in my opinion, intentionally flirting with anyone else aside from your husband or wife can be disrespectful to the person to whom you made a promised to be loyal and be respectful...It is couples responsibility when they took their vow to take the time to make a marriage work by being there for each other instead of wasting time flirting with other people..

            2. profile image53
              Mchats99posted 6 years ago in reply to this

              Jayne agree with you. So long as there are boundaries....there is noting absolute it's all about drawing the lines in the right place

        2. Motherbynature profile image80
          Motherbynatureposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          The fact that this male hubber was the first thing that popped into your head is very telling, as well as the way you try to justify it.

    2. Bob Etier profile image60
      Bob Etierposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      It depends what you're chatting about, and the parameters of  your relationship. However, if you are having flirty or sexy conversations on line that you wouldn't engage in with people on the street, then you know you're doing something wrong or risky. Want to know if you're cheating? If  you can't wait to get home to see if there's an email from a certain party, or you're making e-dates for times when your significant other is not around, you're probably cheating.

      1. the pink umbrella profile image71
        the pink umbrellaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Yea, id have to agree with that.

      2. vinnz21 profile image62
        vinnz21posted 6 years ago in reply to this

        this is great, great great idea!

    3. Sab Oh profile image57
      Sab Ohposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      If you have to ask you know the answer

      1. the pink umbrella profile image71
        the pink umbrellaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I hate when people say things like that. When you have to ask, there probably is no concrete answer, nothing against you Sab, but sometimes people do ask questions about relationships in which the situation is not so black and white. It doesnt mean they are trying to justify the situation, or even make themselves feel better about it,  Shes prob just unsure.

    4. Rhonda_M profile image88
      Rhonda_Mposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Indeed it is easy to cross a line. That would be the line of secrecy, where level of emotional involvement with the person on the other end starts to escalate and your write stuff you wouldn't want others to do see, especially your partner. In essence, you start "diverting" energy from your primary relationship.

    5. profile image0
      cosetteposted 7 years ago in reply to this



      no it's not cheating because it's pointless and silly. i have never understood cyber flirting and i guess i never will.

      p.s. flirting online with someone is a far cry from meeting them in hotel rooms. now there are some people who have phone sex with others which is also weird, not to mention stupid. ugh i can't even imagine it. that might be cheating.

      but chatting online it is not cheating if there is no sexual commentary being shared. how can it be?

    6. eli grey profile image61
      eli greyposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Well it's the first step to cheating if it continues for a long period of time. It may seem harmless at first, but what happens when the two want to meet 'just as friends' and something happens?

      It also depends on the tone of the conersations as well; are there conversations going on that you should be having with your spouse and not some stranger?

      Finding common ground with someone of the opposite sex online could lead you to keeping secrets from your spouse but chatting about it with a stranger. It may not be cheating right off the front but again, it's one step closer.

      1. donotfear profile image91
        donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I've gotta agree with you here, eli. Even if there is no intention for infidelity, it's an open door to the possibility. There are a lot of different situations. Nobody is immune to it. Nobody.

    7. RNMSN profile image88
      RNMSNposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      yes

    8. Stevennix2001 profile image84
      Stevennix2001posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      umm..it really depends on what your talking about with the person.  if your just talking about casual crap like what you had for dinner or what your plans for the weekend.  or even what your favorite films and books are, then it's not cheating. 

      if it's playful flirting..it's hard to say exactly.  as some people that i met are just naturally flirty.  don't get me wrong, im not saying that's a bad thing.  however, that's just how some folks are but if it's just harmless flirting, then it should be okay.  although it is a very tight line to cross though.

      however, if the conversation deviates to being completely sexual without his/her spouse's knowledge of it, then that's obviously cheating.  at least that's what i think.

    9. warchild75 profile image42
      warchild75posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      As long as the conversation is non sexual and you and your partner are totally trusting then no its not cheating<cheating is having or implying that sexual relations are going or have happened

    10. dutchman1951 profile image60
      dutchman1951posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      all of it depends on the Intent....chat to just chat make a friend, not bad

      but chatting to play, implying something else, neither of you being truthfull, thats something else. 

      you either wish to be married to your spouse or you do not, make up your mind and do it! but be honest.  With promisquity you must have honesty, and if you do that be prepaired for your spouse to do same!

      can you handle that?   most who claim yes, can not!

    11. Motherbynature profile image80
      Motherbynatureposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I think that if one has to ask this question about someone they're chatting with online, the relationship is suspect.  Where there is no doubt there is no question. Now if the person asking is the chatty one's partner, then yes.  If it bothers you and your partner won't stop then they are basically choosing a chat buddy over you.

  2. Mrvoodoo profile image59
    Mrvoodooposted 7 years ago

    If the conversation becomes sexual then it's cheating (in my book).

    An old ex of mine has recently started messaging me via Facebook, it's innocent enough with a little mild flirting mixed in.  But she only messages me on the night her boyfriend goes out to the football.  So whilst innocent enough she knows she's doing something her partner wouldn't like behind his back.  So whether she knows it or not, she's already taken the first step to cheating on him.

    1. dawnM profile image73
      dawnMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      interesting, so it would be considered cheating if you are sneaking around to chat, correct? but out in the open it is not.

      1. profile image0
        DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        sneaking anything is never a good sign

        1. profile image0
          sandra rinckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          Exactly.  I am a total flirt but I hide nothing, actually sometimes I encourage my boyfriend to read it because sometimes I think I toot my own horn... I think I am funny.  big_smile

          1. profile image0
            DoorMattnomoreposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            hahaha, Sandra, you are funy!!

  3. PrettyPanther profile image83
    PrettyPantherposted 7 years ago

    I don't consider it cheating if both parties are aware of it and don't have any objections.  Flirting online, to me, isn't cheating, but hiding it from your partner is an indication of deception in the relationship, which is never good.

    1. Milla Mahno profile image55
      Milla Mahnoposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I agree

      1. profile image0
        sandra rinckposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        I also agree.  Harmless flirting is nothing on the internet, keeping it hidden is something and not good.

        1. profile image0
          sarahsherlockposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          I agree. It also depends upon the boundaries of harmless flirting!

  4. profile image0
    Kathryn LJposted 7 years ago

    I guess it depends what your talking about and to whom.  It's difficult to know since so many hubbers have avatars.  I for example could be a six foot rugby player from Wigan.  Reality? What reality?  Even so, flirting with what appear to be the opposite sex, on the quiet, has to be wrong.

    1. profile image0
      sarahsherlockposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Wigan? That's a reality we'd all like to escape! smile

  5. jennshealthstore profile image84
    jennshealthstoreposted 7 years ago

    It all depends.First are you hiding it? Second, If you become deeply involved emotionally with another person then I would call it cheating. But if the person is just like friend and no other emotions are involved then no.

    1. dawnM profile image73
      dawnMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      the avatar is pritty scary actually if you think about it, investing emotionaly with someone and then finding out that they are really a werido

  6. alternate poet profile image62
    alternate poetposted 7 years ago

    It can't be more or less cheating than chatting to anyone face to face, if you are cheating you are cheating and you know it.  Also important to consider is that what others say impacts your relationship, chatting about yourself attracts ideas from others but without any responsibility or care - and most online relationships are online because of some inadequacy in face to face relationships - if you get my drift.

  7. profile image67
    danadamsaposted 7 years ago

    It depends on the intent.

  8. Greek One profile image77
    Greek Oneposted 7 years ago

    if it is cheating in person, then it is cheating online...

    if it is something that you partner wouldnt be upset about if he/she knew, then it isnt a problem

  9. Jeff Berndt profile image88
    Jeff Berndtposted 7 years ago

    The problem with innocent flirting on the internet is this:

    What happens on the internet stays on the internet. For a long time. Whether you want it to or not.

    And it will be taken out of context by anybody who happens across it and wishes you ill.

    But practical matters aside, I agree with the others: if you feel that you need to hide it from your spouse, then it's a bad idea, and you should stop.

    1. Greek One profile image77
      Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      like that time when i innocently sent pictures of my pee pee to those 146 women, right?

      1. memunson profile image58
        memunsonposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        LOL!!!  Greek One - I've seen a few of your other posts and you crack me up.

        But that aside, I agree with the other's on here.  If you feel you have to hide it, then you should be cautious.

        If you can be open about it with your partner, then you're probably OK.  You may even find that he or she has a friend they flirt with occasionally on line as well.

        1. Greek One profile image77
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          I'm sorry.... i cannot make love to you

          1. profile image0
            kimberlyslyricsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

            me?

            1. Greek One profile image77
              Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              anyone.. not even my wife... 

              i feel that would be cheating with my one true love.. the one who knows me better than anyone... the one to whom I made sweet sweet love to that very special first time...


              me

              1. donotfear profile image91
                donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                Greek one, has anyone ever told you that you are crazy?

                1. Greek One profile image77
                  Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

                  you mean excluding those with a psychiatric license or employed at the local penitentiary?

                  1. donotfear profile image91
                    donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


                    Yep....lol!!!!!

      2. mega1 profile image79
        mega1posted 7 years ago in reply to this

        oh, gee, Greek!  I think I actually know you!

        1. Greek One profile image77
          Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

          did you ever serve time in a Kansas jailhouse too?

          1. mega1 profile image79
            mega1posted 7 years ago in reply to this

            no, then I guess you're not who I thought you were.  I only got as far as the reformatory!

            1. Greek One profile image77
              Greek Oneposted 7 years ago in reply to this

              child's play

  10. thirdmillenium profile image61
    thirdmilleniumposted 7 years ago

    yeah, sure. More than any one else, you are cheating yourself!

  11. TheWicklessCandle profile image57
    TheWicklessCandleposted 7 years ago

    I'm married.

    Stay away! I'm not interested!

    Hahaa

    Well, followers welcome, just not the flirty stuff. If I don't want my wife doing it, why would she want me doing it?

  12. lxxy profile image60
    lxxyposted 7 years ago

    I don't do marriage, but k@ri and I have discussed this....I tend not to talk to a lot of women folk via IMs/FB as much as I could because I'd rather not have any issues in our relationship. Not saying there would be, but jealousy can be a funny thing and you never know when that stressful week will slam you upside the head and make you think funny things.

    But, that's just me.

    I tend to do better with women, anyway, but I'm pretty content to do fly-by-night FB comments and tweets.

    1. profile image0
      kimberlyslyricsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      And that's why your absolutely adorable big_smile

  13. Rhonda_M profile image88
    Rhonda_Mposted 7 years ago

    The Internet certainly creates a grey area for many people. "But if it's in cyberspace does it really count?". I am a single never married woman. I have married male friends that I keep in touch with over the Internet but I keep a high awareness of "emotional boundaries" in myself (being aware of disclosing, flirting, being needy or dependent of the interaction). I also keep my antenna out for people who are having momentary difficulties in their relationships and need a cyberfriend to chat with a little more than casually as a buffer.

    I keep my interactions with married males light and innocuous. I avoid engaging emotionally. I write stuff that they could show their wives without difficulty, and I don't encourage face to face meetings.

  14. dawnM profile image73
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    so it seems that most people would agree than that if you are hiding the chatting from your spouse than that is considered Cheating?   except for Greek One who went off into another dimention all together?

  15. freecampingaussie profile image31
    freecampingaussieposted 7 years ago

    If it is taking you away from spending time with your partner then he is being cheated that way as well .
    What can start off seeming harmless can end up turning into a full on affair ending up in divorces, broken homes etc.
    it could be just online now but there have been many cases where they have left the husband for someone online who seemed more exciting .
    If you are truly in love with your partner you will not feel the need to flirt online .
    I was married to someone forr 22 years I wasnt madly in love with , now I am so feel the diference in many ways.

  16. Pearldiver profile image87
    Pearldiverposted 7 years ago

    Get Real.... The Chatting is perfectly healthy!
    It's the way the keyboard is being stroked that is the problem! hmm

  17. candice5 profile image60
    candice5posted 7 years ago

    No it is the distance between keyboards haha.

  18. Hokey profile image61
    Hokeyposted 7 years ago

    Its a very fine line. It really depends on what your talking about and if you keep it secret.

    1. donotfear profile image91
      donotfearposted 7 years ago in reply to this


      You're right here, too.  A very fine line.  I think one knows when it actually crosses the line or not.  Like I said, nobody is immune.

  19. classicalgeek profile image89
    classicalgeekposted 7 years ago

    I have an ex-boyfriend from high school. We broke up over a third of a century ago. The last time I saw him face-to-face was at our tenth high school reunion.

    He is having difficulty in his marriage, and we chat on the internet. I provide emotional support but I have made it clear that I have no intention of endangering his marriage. Once when he mentioned something I told him right away that if he wanted to consider divorcing his wife then we should quit chatting, he should wait six months before doing anything about it, and then if he still wanted to divorce his wife and contact me, he could talk to me when six more months had passed since his divorce was final. I have absolutely no intention of being the other woman and I wish this man and his wife all the best.

    However, he does not tell his wife, because she would go ballistic, even if provided with proof that I have absolutely zero interest in her husband as a romantic partner. I am not happy about the situation but that is his decision to make, and telling his wife would be disruptive to their marriage. On the other hand, without the emotional support I give him their marriage might disintegrate anyway.

    1. classicalgeek profile image89
      classicalgeekposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I should add that I do not allow him to flirt, only talk as a friend.

    2. Mrvoodoo profile image59
      Mrvoodooposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      You already are the other woman.

      Like it or not.

      1. profile image52
        smonkyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

        seconded

  20. Ben Evans profile image74
    Ben Evansposted 7 years ago

    I think a person has to ask themselves the question:

    What is the reason for talking to this person?  A normal every day conversation just like the one that we are having here is all right.  The conversation on this forum is innocuous.

    If someone has a friend of the opposite sex that they consistently chat with on the internet, I don't think that is fair to the spouse.

    The litmus test is:  If you were to show your spouse your chat with another individual, would it make them unhappy?  If it does, then it is wrong.  Just about everyone is going to know whether their spouse would be angry or upset if they saw the chat.

    I am not going to call it cheating but I would say that it is bad for the marriage.  First of all it is deceptive especially if it is hidden.

    Second: There is an intent behind flirtation.  It is an eventually wish of a romance (even if this will never happen) or just grab for attention and someone who is married should not engage in these practices. 

    So innocuous conversations are all right but flirtatious chats aren't even if the spouse is told.

  21. LindaSusan profile image56
    LindaSusanposted 7 years ago

    It may not be cheating initiallly but it can very easily lead to cheating. Consider how hurtful it is to see your partners profile out there as single when you are married or in a supposedly committed relationship. I think if you are chatting, flirting, hiding your relationship status, you are looking. When a man continually deletes history from the computer or downloads something like "hide my evidence", he is up to no good. And I believe all this hurts a relationship and is extremely disrespectful to your partner. My own BF posts on here and I just noticed he is no longer in a relationship. Gee, thought he was.
    I wanted to add that when you are aware that your partner is doing these things, you develop a sense of non trust. When they go out on errand and are gone for hours, it makes you start wondering, When you otherwise would think nothing of it.

  22. classicalgeek profile image89
    classicalgeekposted 7 years ago

    This whole discussion reminds me of Allan Sherman, who wrote once that the use of "do" for sexual intercourse was proof that there is only one thing the human race is capable of doing.

    Come on, people. There are such things as innocent secrets (a husband who doesn't know anything about party planning consulting a woman to help plan a surprise party for his wife's birthday or their anniversary comes to mind).

  23. Hubbin4V12 profile image70
    Hubbin4V12posted 7 years ago

    the line is crossed when they are on the Ashley Madison website, the safe haven for cheaters.

  24. profile image0
    ralwusposted 7 years ago

    I have a hard head and am used to my wife hitting me there with a knuckle rap now and again even when I am innocent. She knows how I am. A good thumping now and again builds character, mine just happens to be that of a flirt. Tell me not to and I do it the more.

  25. dawnM profile image73
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    well if the chatting prevents you from cheating isn't that good?

  26. Courtney_CollinsD profile image84
    Courtney_CollinsDposted 7 years ago

    Honestly it depends on the topics you two discuss online, the way your husband feels about it and whether you feel you have to hide it from him or not.

    I really see nothing wrong with chatting online with the opposite sex but some people do have insecurities about their other half chatting with the opposite sex online.

  27. TuesdayNeverComes profile image55
    TuesdayNeverComesposted 7 years ago

    My thoughts are, if you feel you have to hide it, and you go out of your way to hide it, it is cheating, because you felt guilty enough about the messages to get rid of them before your spouse/partner saw them.

  28. dawnM profile image73
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    well it looks like the answer to my question is very clear, it's about crossing the line and hiding the information that makes it become cheating, not the chating itself!!

    1. TuesdayNeverComes profile image55
      TuesdayNeverComesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      If it helps, I'm going through the same thing right now... I've called my boyfriend out on talking to another girl, and trying to hide her, and he still won't take the blame for it, even though i have intercepted her messages to him.

  29. lostdogrwd profile image60
    lostdogrwdposted 7 years ago

    let see. words turn to sex. wow, I didn't know man was God. can it lead to sex? yes. but is chatting cheating. no. its chatting. I guess you get some feeling though the keys. oh baby, ahh, ahh, ahhh, ahhhhhh, no , didn't work

    1. dawnM profile image73
      dawnMposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      very cute, do you want to chat?.........lol

  30. Diane Inside profile image81
    Diane Insideposted 7 years ago

    I tell my husband I'm going to find me a new man online, he just laughs, and tells me to make sure he is rich enough to take care of us both.  So I guess if your marriage is strong and you don't really let it turn into anything it probably wouldn't hurt as long as it is only as friends.

  31. dawnM profile image73
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    good point, Diana......lol

  32. Rose Ella Morton profile image60
    Rose Ella Mortonposted 7 years ago

    I could see it being cheating if it was on the phone. Where the vibration of the voice could stir up trouble.

  33. ohmygoodnessrae profile image60
    ohmygoodnessraeposted 7 years ago

    As long as it is only talking, it's just fine. Once you begin to flirt or stir up feelings for that person, it becomes wrong. Your spouse deserves the security in knowing that your heart is theirs and not something you pass a little bit of to everyone that you think would be fun to share it with.

  34. Zebedee353 profile image60
    Zebedee353posted 7 years ago

    I agree to a certain degree that once the flirting begins that is considered cheating. The only reason I agree is because if your spouse or significant other would not approve of it, then that is cheating. However, you do have relationships where something of that nature is agreeable.

  35. profile image52
    smonkyposted 7 years ago

    just dealing with this now. my now ex gf was telling another man (married with kids) that she never got over him (dated in junior high, 16 years ago) and was still in love with him. he has been replying with the same feelings as well. now they text each other and i guess have met up a couple times. hes been giving her "the marriage is over anyways" and even going as far as to tell her that his wife knows of them and their feelings for each other lies and she fell for it (yes im bitter).

    is this physically cheating? no. is it cheating in the emotional sense (which i see as worse)? your damn right.

    facebook and the 'net in general can open many cans of worms to those that may not be as honest and in love with you as they seem. i hate to arise doubt with anyone, but im speaking from experience.

    1. profile image0
      Baileybearposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      that's very interesting how an emotional affair can often hurt more than a physical one. 

      I agree with most of the above posts - it's cheating when you know your partner wouldn't approve and therefore you resort to deception.  Means the trust and respect in the relationship is severely compromised. 

      Couples may differ with the amount of flirting, if any they tolerate

  36. ftclick profile image60
    ftclickposted 6 years ago

    emotional cheating online is often times worse. Because those feelings from the wedding vows are now broke. Who wants to be in a marriage as 2nd or 3rd choice?

  37. libby101a profile image61
    libby101aposted 6 years ago

    I believe having friends of the opposite sex is fine as long as you don't allow it to go into something more! I have many friends I talk with... but we talk just as if it was the same sex friends!

    I think flirting can lead to a little more... but define flirting? Joking around??? that's okay as long as it's innocent! I see flirting as something a little more than "friends".

    And if you are hiding it from your husband or wife then that would be very wrong! If anything you say can also be said if your spouse was sitting right beside you then how could that be wrong?

    My husband knows of all my friends and has no issues! I have male and female friends! I treat them all the same... as friends! I don't see joking as flirting.

    If anything becomes emotionally tied. Such as you start talking romantic or sexual then that is very, very wrong and pretty much the same thing as cheating! If you keep it clean and make sure it's just friends then it's not going to be wrong!

 
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