What makes us humans crave to have just one partner for life?
I just read an article about those who have open marriages and the beliefs about them and I got to thinking. What is it that we are really craving by being with just one person forever? Not saying I agree or disagree with open marriages. Just wondering what made humans decide that the ultimate goal was to only have physical relations with one person for the majority of life.
It is not a true craving. It has been imposed by ancient religions and society. The whole idea of marriage is possession in an attempt to eliminate conflict between those wanting other's mates. In other words, if I say she is my wife, and I have papers, then hands off guys. She belongs to me. Not everyone agrees or goes along with that traditional suggestion. In the real world, people are mature enough to do whatever they want. They are not bound by religions or the opinions of others.
I believe the primary reason for this is traditionally due to our religious and moral upbringing. Christianity teaches that marriage is sacred, and doesn't the ninth commandment state "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." Another reason has been societal pressure and the feeling that one must sometimes make extreme sacrifices to the point of being as a martyr for the sake of the family.
I believe no person crave to have just one partner in their life, even if it's in dreams we think about what it would like to be with someone else. We live in a society that have strong views on one partner relationships.. These ideas came from our parents and there religious belief.
Whether or not I believe in open marriages, it's up to the couples who feels that a change is needed to help their relationship. jada67
it because of religion, the way you are brought up and society. People dont usually crave to have 1 mate. I think its more as sky is the limit. Let your imagination goes
I once viewed a non-religious documentary on this topic. It was a group of marriage counselors, PHDs and psychologists discussing monogamy versus multiple partners and the conclusion was, monogamy is healthier although I can't remember what reasons they gave although one can imagine. That was years ago and I can't remember the name of it. Monogamy feels natural to me.
The article I was actually reading may have been related(not sure). It was debunking an old study that was found to be biased. New unbiased (so they say) studies are showing those with open marriages are less likely to divorce. Not sure how true.
For me its the feeling, the knowing & the understanding that one person thinks of me, loves me & cares for me above all others. Its knowing that there is a special bond, a special understanding between the two of us unique as that we have with others. Its knowing that person will always be there for me until my last breath.
I don't think I am different than any other man in that I find some other women attractive, but I don't want to lose this special bond I have with my wife so I remain faithful to her & her alone.
Your last sentence made me wonder, if she said you wouldn't lose her and was comfortable would you feel different about being just with her?
Good question. The answer is if I had sex with someone else it would change everything. It's a mental thing. A frame of mind that defines me & our relationship. Committing to one person is something once broken is never the same.
I think people often crave the feeling of being special to someone. To have a person that thinks you're "it" for them is very flattering, especially if that feeling is mutual. At that point, you begin to feel like you both have something extraordinary together and perhaps even sacred so the need or want for any other person diminishes (ideally speaking here). It's funny and may sound strange but in a way, it could be seen as a way to fluff our own egos. Also, this special feeling often produces an addictive "high" that gets us hooked!
The appeal of monogamy is that it simplifies your life. You choose a spouse, put the question to rest, and then invest your time and energy into some other area of your life instead of chasing potential partners. You move on to new emotional challenges, such as raising children (common) and developing true intimacy and partnership (not nearly as common).
People talk about their sex drive being a natural and very strong urge, and I have no quibble about that. But when they say they have needs that cry out to be met, well, I think they're confusing "need" with "want."
Of course, not everyone, or maybe even only the few, can find and marry a truly compatible, emotionally-healthy spouse, especially in their youth. Serial monogamy is the next thing, as long as you don't find yourself repeating the same relationship with only different names and places.
I recommend Harville Hendrix's book "Getting the Love You Want" - it makes so much more sense than Mars / Venus stuff.
And I'll close with a monogamy-related joke: Do you know what is the penalty for bigamy? Two wives.
I just know I would never want anyone else besides my husband. He is it for me.
Honestly, I don't know why anyone would be against monogamy (one person forever). The pursuit of a good partner can be difficult and perilous as it is. Meeting person after person whose intentions you aren't really sure of, potential STDs, and even finding someone you have real interests, complementing personalities, and a genuine comfort level with can be rare.
How many true matches are really out there for a person? Exceptionally few.
A person who is just into sex with random partners is just living half a life. There is no completeness to that kind of thing. There is also no love for the partner in that situation. They are just a tool.
The hook-up culture of recent years is quite damaging and removes a great deal of love and well-being out of the social order.
Monogamy also makes sense for property, finances, offspring, health, and social relations in a community. Maybe many of us crave one partner for life because it is so beneficial to us.
Because when you commit to one person you are building a foundation, much like a pyramid. Build a good strong foundation and your relationship grows far beyond just sexual intimacy. I have been married 43 years and my husband is my best friend. We adore each other and enjoy spending time together. So a long lasting relationship with one person gives you such a sense of togetherness and support. And while sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship it is one part of a greater whole.
I believe it's a mix of pressure from society, our friends, family, wanting to conform and "fit in" with the rest of the group and religion.
As animals, we are not really meant to be monogamous, although there are animals like the wolf, pigeon and penguin, for example, who are.
And then there's the way we are brought up, the fairy tales we read, our culture, which of course as you know, there are people that believe in more than one wife/partner and they find it completely natural, probably think we're crazy to have only one. It's a personal choice, one person's idea of what they really need in their life, I suppose.
I think it is deeper than u think. People do not want to b alone. Beauty & sex r short lived. Committing to one mate brings security, comfort & a knowledge someone will always be there. These are things sharing oneself amongst many cannot pro
I would say "instinct." Humans have developed complex survival mechanisms due to our small number of offspring. "Love" perhaps is a means of protecting our young from harm during infancy, and childhood. Monkeys, apes, and great apes all exhibit similar behaviors regarding breeding partners. (They also lie, cheat and cuckold their mates) Feral canine species also "mate for life" and will kill or maim any rival suitors.(males) "Open Marriage?" That just says to a partner that You enjoy the sex, but if anything better comes along you wont hesitate to jump on it. Rather "I don't really love you, you're just the best thing that I've got right now." It's BS and don't let anyone talk you into it.
It is difficult to be "open" with multiple partners. You would have preference for one over the next, This would cause problems.
Plus it is no good to me to have a disloyal wife and I think my wife would prefer and expect the same from me.
In terms of "instinctually," or as mentioned here, "by nature," human beings were certainly NOT created with MONOGOMY in mind. A simple study of the origin of man (NOT Biblical) the habits, lives and procreation....will confirm all one needs to know on this particular topic.
However, through the centuries, due to evolution, advancement and major shifts in civilization, OH how man has reestablished his entire existence. Common sense and a lesson in self-preservation, can account for the move to "monogamy" As for "craving" to be paired with one person for life?.....If you mean "desire," I believe Love & devotion has much to do with this emotion. ..as do many other human emotions, such as jealousy, possessiveness, etc. It all adds up to "being Faithful to one's spouse," being a REALLY GOOD CHOICE!
Women and men have completely different ideologies about this subject. What man could ever respect a tramp? "Open marriages?" Just a ticking time bomb. If you want to sleep around- don't get married. Today's kids are confused enough.
Brandon, I believe the gap between the ideologies, has narrowed over the decades. I would add....What woman could ever respect a MALE tramp? It ALL goes both ways, thank you. Open marriage is just a front for dishonesty and immorality.
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