Do you believe that love and monogamy last forever, never wanting another the re

1. 78

   Charluposted 12 years ago

   Do you believe that love and monogamy last forever, never wanting another the rest of your life?
   
   Does love last forever and does that include monogamy in a marriage for a lifetime?  Can a person commit to never wanting another (or should I say conceding to another) for the rest of their lives, or does that just sound a little unrealistic?
   Have you been in a monogamous relationship or marriage for many years and how do you make it work?

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   Cristaleposted 12 years ago

   I believe that it does, but the reality of it is that one person has to find that special some one that encourages those good relationship traits.

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   DDEposted 12 years ago

   Good relationships succeed on communication, and trust

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      krillcoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Most folks fear true communication, for it points to intimacy. Trust is an outcome to intimacy, not a precursor.

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   zsobigposted 12 years ago

   Yes, definitely. If you meet the ONE, you already know that you really want the rest of your life with them and your mind just simply 'turns off' to look for a potential partner in the future.
   But if your mind still keeps looking, then maybe you were not lucky and the person in front of you is not the one with whom you are meant to be.

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      Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree that it definitely has to be the one and think sometimes people rush into lust thinking it's love.  Great answer.

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      That Grrlposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't believe in the theory of "the one". More like the one thousand or so. If you spend your life looking for "the one" and dumping people aside left and right, maybe you should have kept to yourself,  as "the one" in the first place.

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5. 85

   krillcoposted 12 years ago

   Being monogamous does not mean not wanting another, it means that you have cultured a valuable discipline of not having others. As for conceding, when it is done in response rather than reaction, it is an act of love. When done in reactivity, it becomes a source of bitterness and damages personal integrity. Married 30 years, and make it work through focus on my own growth through 'differentiation'. I even have a Hub about that.

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      Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I knew before I read your profile you were a therapist and one with incredible insight into relationships.  I read a couple of your hubs and they are sensational.  I can only imagine how well in tuned you are as a therapist and great answer.

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      Jaggedfrostposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      He definitely took my answer.  If I had anything to add, it would be that the more you look for the good in the woman you have made an oath to the less you start looking around for others to want.

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   Vellurposted 12 years ago

   Oh yes I do. If you truly love your partner there is nothing that can cause a break up. Being in a relationship is all about give and take. There are ups and downs but it all depends on how you want to look at it. Love keeps the world going and marriages too.

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      Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are definitely right about the ups and downs, and give and take.  I think part of the problem with relationships is not being willing to do just that.

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   AMarie Jacksonposted 12 years ago

   Love can last forever. Monogamy can too.  But never wanting another is an absolute falsehood.  But your choice to be monogamous keeps you faithful.

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      Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Huge difference between wanting another and acting on it no matter how small the gesture.  Good answer

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   Trinity Mposted 12 years ago

   Absolutely! I believe that being married to one person – and being monogamous – is entirely possible. I have been married for 12 years (maybe not that long yet) but I love being married and my husband and I cannot imagine being apart even for a single day.
   
   I think you need to be with the right person and most of all marriage is about not always being right. The question one should ask in their relationship is, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?” Putting the other person’s happiness 1st (and them putting yours 1st) always ensures that there are 2 very happy people in the marriage.

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      Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Is that like agreeing to disagree?? lol  Putting another first before our own wants and desires is an incredible trait in any relationship and congrats on the 12 yrs.

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   Mazzy Boleroposted 12 years ago

   Love doesn't always last forever but it can do.  It depends on the attitudes of the two people involved.  My parents, for instance, met at 17, married at 20 and were totally devoted to each other for 33 years until my father died.  It wasn't because neither of them got offers or could see that others were attractive: to them, marriage was a total commitment.
   
   However, that generation lived in a different world.  You hear people now saying that "serial monogamy" (in practice, serial adultery) is the new form of marriage and that it is unrealistic to expect to be in a relationship with one person for your entire adult life.  To me it's sad, because in practice it means serial heartbreak and having to go back to the dating game time and time again - not fun as you get older.
   
   When my parents looked at each other, they didn't see a middle-aged person. They saw the young person they fell in love with.  You lose that with the revolving door model of relationships.  Young people may think they are having a great time chopping and changing - but you gain a little excitement at the cost of lasting love and emotional security. 
   
   You need to commit to something or someone with your whole heart for it to mean anything.

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      That Grrlposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      People today act like airheads when it comes to relationships. They want devotion but aren't expecting to give the same.  I know women and men online who list their needs and don't consider what a partner needs at all.

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      Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are so right about a different world then and I think the whole level and commitment of marriage meant so much more.

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    Pollyannalanaposted 12 years ago

    It is very possible and it has been done but it takes two. You not only have to find the one you will always love but the one who will always love you. You go into a marriage thinking forever, and surely everyone does? You don't look left nor right and why would you if you have all you could want. Today with all the horrible sexually transmitted diseases in this world is a very good time to discuss and decide how good monogamy can be! Just think of "something" different, not "someone" different!

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       Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I love the idea of "something " different not someone different.  Great thought.

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    DREAM ONposted 12 years ago

    I do believe love and monogamy last forever.The relationship that you build on trust,respect,care,friendship and love is one that keeps building and never ends.I have been married for eleven wonderful years.Through it all we have taken the worst of times and made them better.Enjoyed the greatest times and repeated them as often as we can.Life is a learning process that is so much more gratifying when you have someone you can share it with.There may be other loves that satisfy urges but to be there through so many highs and lows in life and share all I am not so sure they last.One marriage and the strong bond of love is more than enough for me.

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       Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Wow  I think you wrapped it up in a nut shell, and there is no doubt when reading your hubs and poetry that your love and devotion is immeasurable, along with unbreakable.  Which is probably why it's lasted 11 yrs Congrats.

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    greenerydayposted 12 years ago

    It is hard to resist a new temptation for a new person coming into our live. However if other people can do and commit to one person only, then I think we can do it too.

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    That Grrlposted 12 years ago

    Of course not. It's not about doing what you want. It's about making choices. You choose to work on a marriage or you choose sleep around with anyone you want. You can want a lot of people for all kinds of reasons. There are a lot of interesting, sensual, etc people in the world. If you want monogamy from someone you have to give it to them too.

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    KaisMomposted 12 years ago

    I think it depends on who you are. Some people are designed for monogamy and others aren't. For me love is forever. Once I cross over to love, I never turn back. Monogamy . . . well . . . not so much. Monogamy and love are like apples and oranges. I don't think the two are inextricably linked at all.

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    Parks McCantsposted 12 years ago

    I beleieve that while the essence of one's first true love may last forever, the reality of eternal compatability is a far stretch. Love and lust are often entertwined, but should never be understood as being the same emotion. There is a strong difference between ' wanting another' and acting on that want. Loyalty as well as preserving a bonding faith in your partner may very well pay off with stability of relationship, as well as self.  Drifting? Talk it out...

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       Charluposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Lust and love what seems to be so close, yet light years in difference.  I agree about the far stretch, but I think it could happen a lot more often if people just worked at it.

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    ptosisposted 12 years ago

    
    
    From:
    http://www.wonderquest.com/animal-mate-for-life.htm - "3 per cent of the 4,000 mammal species are monogamous (and Homo sapiens isn’t one of them)"
    
    I guess the Galapagos Giant Tortoise would be the most faithful since live the longest. The pic shows what was the last Pinta Island tortoise, Lonesome George.

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    lostdogrwdposted 12 years ago

    that's a fool dream for people always want to be with some one else from time to time but it a person self control that keep him or her true to there marriage partner. Jesus was tempted but have the top of self control. but if that your main reason for wanting to get marry then that's the wrong reason for it FOR BETTER OR WORST ,FOR RICHER OR POORER AS LONG AS YOU TWO BOTH SHALL LIVE. and in that there nothing about monogamy but do said be true to each other. do as the vows made to each other said and it will work

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    Globetrekkermelposted 12 years ago

    These day and age, I think monogamy is more difficult to handle compared to onother era when the internet does not even exist. Now ,it is so easy to meet people . Ok , you are married but you see Tom Cruise , Brad Pitt or in my case Richard Gere(when he was young,LOL) it will be difficult not to fall for these movie hunks even just looking them in the cinema screen.I think men or women have fantasies outside marriage. Am not sure if that constitute not being monogamous .

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    viveresperandoposted 11 years ago

    I know couples who are totally devoted and in love with each other even after 40 years of marriage.   They had hard times like others but there was always respect, kindness, support, and allowed each other to grow individually and also grew together as a couple. It is a beautiful thing to see.  I have seen it.

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