My choice was to not. And I am more than happy with that decision. But everyone has the right to make that choice for themselves. I think it is great if someone wants to wait. I just know that wasn't my choice.
I get it. I've never been married, am still single at this time and sex is normal part of life. If you're sexual attraction leads you to somebody you'd like to have sex with, then I would hope that those two people are mature enough to make the decision on having sex.
As for those who preach religious faith onto others, trying to make it appear as if they did something wrong, it is them I cast my question to, because it is them who wants you to feel like you're dirt. And, I happen to respect the woman you've turned out to be and I credit your mom and dad with raising a great daughter.
The underlying question here seems to be whether or not couples should abstain from sex before marriage. Of course it is difficult to abstain: our entire biological makeup is built around the necessity of reproduction. Without sex, we die out. In this vein, why not before marriage? Does it matter, so long as the species is continued?
But there are, obviously, morals involved here, not just Darwinian survival. My personal opinion on the issue is that sex should not be the most important thing in a marriage. It is certainly AN important thing, but it is not paramount. One day, both you and your spouse will be significantly less attractive than you are now, and you will need something beyond sex to keep the marriage together (perhaps this sheds some light on the current divorce rate in Western countries).
But I digress. Whether or not it is "good" or "bad" to have sex before marriage is a different issue altogether.
I think every girl always wants to wait till marriage to have sex. But when you feel so aroused and that desire to be loved is so overpowering you give up that will to wait. I think that it would be wonderful to wait till marriage if that is your belief. But what if the spouse is horrible in bed and this is what you have to be with the rest of your life. I'm not saying sleep with everyone but sometimes you want to know what your getting before you commit the rest of your life to them.
I agree with Colebabie. In addition the key word in her statement is "natural". Part of our emotional maturity is learning to master or temper those natural feelings. Pre-marital interaction of this nature is harmful as it declassifies the priorities of a healthy relationship. True, it is extremely hard to curb these actions especially with teenagers. However, having made this mistake myself prior to my marriage I know understand exactly what I have lost in that process and can never claim again. So as far as raising my own children I teach them my own follies and regrets and instill the doctrines of temperance and mastering oneself. The rest I leave up to them. In the end as long as I know my hands are washed clean I won't have certain regrets concerning raising my own children and the necessities they need to know to be contributing citizens of integrity.
Yes, goldenpath. I agree to teach children and teens about sex and sexuality. I also agree that sex should wait until emotional maturity. However who determines when someone is emotionally mature? We do, for ourselves. So that premise is questionable. It is about a personal decision. I don't think that all premarital relations are harmful. Definitely not.
I am 22 years old, have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, am financially independent from my parents, have my own apartment, am on the pill, get condoms for free from the office where I work, have a pap smear and testing every 6 months. If you have a problem with me having sex... yeah I don't care.
sneakorocksolidposted 11 years agoin reply to this
Because someone has to stand for whats really right. I'm not as conservative as I let on. That said ,if I think somethings wrong I'll exercise my right to make a comment. I do not hold anything against anyone's beliefs unless they infringe on someone elses. I don't like socialism some oversight yes but not government control.
Cole most of the time I really don't care I'm here to have some fun and I love to mess with young people.
I had sex with my boyfriend after dating for over four years. Two weeks later we broke up...two weeks after that I met my husband of over 17 years. Boy how I wish I had waited! He is my one and only, and I would give anything if he had been my only one and only.
I have a seventeen year old niece who recently lost her virginity to her fiance...hope it lasts for them, otherwise she just gave up the most precious thing she could have given to her husband-whoever that may turn out to be...
I don't think it's the "most precious" thing. That's a great way to continue to objectify women. Is is the "most precious thing" if the man waitied until marriage? I waited until I was 19 was in love, don't regret it, I still have love for him to this day (13 years later), and we are not together. I also believe just because you love someone doesn't mean you are meant to be together.
i was socially isolated as a young man, i didn't lose my 'virginity' until i was in my late twenties. Now at 31 i realize how empty my life was during my formative years. I could have had a lot more fun. I know women are different, but to me, virgnity is an abstract concept that doesn't mean a whole lot. You are the same person before the first time, after the first time, and after the hundreth time. I don't want to marry a virgin or someone who's been around. I want to marry someone like me, who's had bad relationships and is ready for a good one.
virginity is overrated! well, thats my take on it anyway nowadays! for sure, I don't want my kids having sex before they're emotionally ready, but the problem is, often our emotions are out of control while we are in the discovery stage and so that ideal is usually out of the question.
We place too much value on the virgin and put too much pressure on our teens when they are generally in no place to handle such pressure being they are struggling through puberty, hormones, etc.
while i don't condone sex before readiness, I also understand that this cannot always be the case. Take me for one, and probably you, and you and you...did you wait? It didn't make life easier that I had premarital sex, but it didn't ruin me either. and not being a virgin didn't make my husband love me any less, or make our sex life any less amazing.
once again, virginity has become too sensationalized. think Britney Spears, and whats her name there...Christina (the girl that sings the song "Dirty") they both proclaimed to 'wait' for their husbands, and look what happened...
My husband and I have been married for a year and we were both virgins when we got married. He was truly worth the wait. Having sex creates such strong ties believe it or not, and when you finally meet that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have lost yourself to so many people, and its a part of you that you cannot get back. Premarital sex is one of the underlying reasons why divorce is so rampant everywhere. Because you have created those ties, you find yourself thinking back to what used to be, you find yourself comparing your mate to whosoever "was" and you miss out on what the Lord has blessed you with here and now. What is physical compatibility? Whoever came up with that? If you have been with one person your whole life, you don't have to deal with such "theories". You are compatible with the one God has joined you with. Finally its because God said not to have premarital sex, because eventhough it pleases our flesh, God knows what's best for us. It is unfortunate that people don't realize this, but the truth is not relative. Premarital Sex is either right or wrong, it has nothing to do with what we think. God made Sex, Sex is a wonderful thing and its best when it is in the sacred union of marriage.
So what would you do if the new Husband suddenly announced they liked violent sex or preferred dressing in nappies or something (possibly because of a bad childhood)? And what if the male had such a large penis that the women found it painful, or what if the women had Vaginismus and couldn't tolerate penetration? I think you need to re-think your opinions slightly, sorry but there is such a thing as "incompatibility" for sure, and this has happened numerous times.
BTW you said "Premarital Sex is either right or wrong, it has nothing to do with what we think." in one sentence, and then in the next sentence claimed that "Sex is a wonderful thing and its best when it is in the sacred union of marriage.", didn't you just say it doesn't matter what we think, immediately prior to stating your own opinion as 'gospel' ?
Yes sir we got one for you come on in! Let's now heres a pretty little philly she's pleasured 8 men 2 for over three years! She 's willing to show you everything she knows and bear your children! She comes with a 5 year fidelity contract.
Now this little Mama is in allmost new condition only three years and 4 men! She doesn't really know too much she just made some bad choices. So, we overhauled her and recently graduated from "The Madame Butterfly School of How to be aReal Woman.
I'd have to say that it's probably better to find out before marriage if two people are sexually and intimately compatible.. I understand the whole "old fashioned" thoughts of abstaining, but then it's also a double edged sword in that, now you finally get married, and you both find out that the intimacy is not possible or not comfortable. The same to me with living together awhile prior to marriage.. better to find out about a person before going for that long term commitment with them, than to be open to all kinds of surprises later on.
I couldn't agree more...I'm a virgin and believer in God but it's a struggle I want to have sex. The only reason I'm not is because I want to have sex in a relationship and I'm single a la mo. The thing is religion or its teachers just don't seem to get it. I'm not sure they can apply life to it. I believe in God and pray everyday but He's not going to make me less horny. I'm not going to become a whore or anything but I also think it's important to have sex and possibly live with the person you plan to marry.
I don't think premarital sex is the reason for all the divorce rates. People take baggage into relationships that can be sex related but not always.
Not knowing exactly who you're now tied to before getting married leads to divorce and I'm sure shit sex would too.
It's hard, I think about it all the time- it puts me off looking for someone to be with as well.
Try before you buy comes to mind---what if after you get married you find out that the equipment is not working,then what? But if you try a couple times then you are able to say hmmm i can work with this,need a little tune up but i can definately work with this.
Lots of people have sex before they get married. Getting married is about deciding to want to spend the rest of your lives together, and then making it official. People do not have to get married, but who cares if people have sex before they are married. Moreover, some of us never get married, and is it realistic to think that we would never have sex?
I visited an uncle in the tiny Italian town I was born in when I was a young man considering marriage.
The emphasis they put on remaining a virgin and waiting until your wedding night for sex made a lot of sense.
the experience of sex for the first time coupled with the commitment of the"till death do you part"intensity of marriage creates a bond that is unbreakable.
The divorce rate in Italy is almost nonexistent. Of course that may have something to do with the Catholic Church kicking your Ass if you even think about it. In any case it was way to late for me.but I thought that was a great rationalization.
My Italian Ex-wife (married 18 divorced 7ish now) and I didn't wait, she is from a very small town in Sardegnia, Italy where I met her and lived for about 7 years. The Italian mind set towards marriage is completely different than ours in almost every way, to say that my 3 year long engagement was and is considered a rushed engagement tells you lots. But pre- marital sex was common place even back then circa 1984... So I have to disagree with your observation.
You mean to tell me that MY country men are humping before marriage! I'm gonna call the Pope! Those people should have there"I'm Italian"cards pulled and they should be forced to become Swedish or Ukranian...
PS:I just figured out what LMAO means and I LMAO...
So waiting until marriage... hmmm... sounds rather archaic to me. Do you honestly think your/our parents waited? I'm all for trying the shoe on before you buy it theory. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if you can't dance well, it won't work out in the long run, if a kiss doesn't make you want more then why bother? And if the kiss feels good years later you made the right choice. In the long run if you can't be friends as well as lovers then you won't be happy or fulfilled. Eventually it all boils down to that. Sex will wane, but enjoying each others company shouldn't. I taught my kids to respect the opposite sex and never make the other feel badly about whatever may happen. Its healthy and normal to have sex before marriage, its how you learn, as long as you learn the right lessons.
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