Would You Date A Gynecologist?
I recently met a very nice gentleman whose tall, dark and handsome (and I mean that in every sense!) He's intelligent, he's funny.. you know the whole nine yards.
Trouble is I cant get over the fact that he's a gynecologist. The fact that he looks at "bajingos" all day just puts me off. I keep thinking if we get to do the deed, all I'll think about is "is mine better or worse that all those he looks at?" Its distressing me and I find myself distancing myself and finding excuses to postpone our dates.
Am I being silly? Just need some advice.
One thing you could try and do is turn it around. If you spent all day long checking men for hernias (the turn your head and cough routine), do you imagine that would change the way that you would look at a lover? I suspect it wouldn't. And that doesn't mean the allure of the mere object won't diminish. If he were to see you nude I wouldn't expect his eyes to pop out of his head. At least not by the mere object. It doesn't mean he won't be excited by being shown, or be excited by what, as lovers, you are about to do.
Plus, it isn't like we are ever, in most cases, entering into an intimacy with someone who has never seen bodies before. There can always be some anxiety about measuring up. And I would imagine that former partners' bodies are always going to be at the top of the list compared to bodies that are seen in a clinical, medical setting, so ultimately you are probably measuring up to the same favorite-bodies-he-has-ever-seen regardless of him being a gynecologist or not.
And for the most part, current lovers tell each other they are the most beautiful they've ever seen. It may not, in a pure object sense, always be true, but it usually is true because bodies aren't just beautiful for what they are, they are beautiful for what they do, and how we feel about them.
The one thing I can say with some certainty is that it is generally a bad idea to proceed, or not proceed, in a relationship based upon what you imagine is taking place, or not taking place, in someone's head. Why not just talk to him about it, or put it to the test. Invite him over and do a Sharon Stone Basic Instinct scene for him and see if he gulps.
Doctors have a different perspective on human bodies than lay people. For most of us, our bodies and the bodies of others have a curious mystique. I think doctors do sort of lose that perspective as they get intensely trained in all the parts of the human body and the things that can go wrong with them.
I still think it would be fine to date a gynaecologist. It depends on what he's like as a person. Also, I don't think he's making any comparisons at all while he's having sex with you. It's a whole separate thing for him, hopefully.
Sex is approximately 75% mental. How one feels about a person is what separates one person from another. A guy who looks at women all day long for (work) is not going to view you (the woman he is romantically interested in) as being just another day at the office.
Most gynecologists earn great money and if he is as you say; "a very nice gentleman whose tall, dark and handsome" chances are he won't be on open market for very long.
However I can also see how some women would not be comfortable with a man who gets to be with naked women all day long. In fact quite a few of them dread the thought of their man looking too long at clothed women! Nevertheless there is a major difference in mindset between work and lust. Uncalled-for jealousy can kill relationships.
If something doesn't feel right to you then it's probably not right for you. Being with your mate should never be an "acquired taste".
Is your issue with your body? Or is the issue of him seeing other "bajingos" all the time? Because generally, women are all different shapes and sizes. Some breasts are big, some are small.....so it all depends. I mean, you could have huge breasts, but there would be no attraction because maybe you're not "attractive" to someone. Also stated is you met him. But you're not actually "dating" him yet. Correct?
Sorry Aneegma but I have just had to laugh out loud as I had an image of your gynaecologist friend asking Mrs X " lets have a look at your bajingo then and see what's wrong."
On a serious note the man is obviously intelligent and as such I believe he can very easily separate home from work life, the trick would be for you to do the same. Surely you would not pass up the chance of what could be a good relationship because of what he does at work.
The biggest problem you have is your insecurity, he obviously likes you enough to be interested so I suggest you shed that insecurity and get on enjoying yourself with someone you obviously like. You never know, he may think your bajingo is the best he has ever seen!
Realize that his job is looking at body parts ravaged by cancer, venereal diseases, putrid infections, cut open to assist giving birth, and the like. So, on a day-to-day basis, how does 'yours' compare to all of 'theirs?'
Consider also the number of his patients who are probably obese, old, ugly, etc.
What a great conversation. It made me admire you for being brave. It made me laugh because of the "bajingos" and I just found it honest and endearing.
My brother is a reproductive endocrinologist (Harvard) and a gynecologist (Mizzou). I imagined myself asking him your question. I think he would agree with many here.
The relationship is based upon emotions, support, friendship and so much more. The sex is the addition. So no I don't think he would be comparing you. When the "bodies" are there, it's a job. When the "emotions" are attached, it's different.
Aneegma......If you dated a chef.....would you be too intimidated to prepare him a meal? How about a psychologist? Would you be constantly concerned he's "analyzing" your every word and action? If you went out with a Police Officer, might you worry he would arrest you for jaywalking? Out with an English teacher......are you fearful you may mispronounce or misuse a certain word? What about a Dentist? Would you not smile and expose your teeth? If you went to bed with a podiatrist, would you leave your shoes and socks on?
Are you being silly? You tell me.
Actually i dated a chef once and he wouldn't eat any meal that wasn't prepared by himself and constantly attacked my cooking so got fed up and ended it. As for the other professions I don't mind as it doesn't interfere with my thoughts.
Funny you say that. I have heard that "Chefs" have egos the size of a side of beef! Hmmm wonder why? I mean, big deal....cooking isn't like rocket science. Good idea shutting the oven on him!!
Many here have sort of defended our "bajingo specialist" in that he's human, it's his job, it's different...and with all rights. He is, it is, and I know they still play the "bajingo" because they have little "mini bajingo/bajango" specialists so obviously it hasn't stopped them...that doesn't mean it doesn't take someone special to overlook it. (This CANNOT be compared to dating a chef or an English teacher.)
As a man, I think we've all heard "Duuude. It would be so cool to be a gynecologist!" I never could feel the excitement. Sure, you may be lucky to see a "hottie" here and there that doesn't come in for a VD but most of the time...I imagined it being quite the opposite and being honest, didn't think I would ever look at a "bajingo" the same. Well, I just couldn't let that happen. Anyways, I say that to say...I don't at all question your concerns but think tall, dark, handsome, wealthy, smart, funny, etc...is all good but if YOU can't get past it, it doesn't matter if he can.
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