Is it really wise to be friends with ur husband's ex?
someone he once loves and shagged or maybe still loves.
if there are no children involved its a bad idea, it will hold you back..
For me, it's my wife's ex and if there are children involved, I think it's been great. It helps to provide a more stable environment for them, less turmoil and little room to have children play the 2 against each other if they would try.
Without children, I'm not sure. I suppose the bottom line is trust. Do you trust him? Remember, it's not her you have to trust, just him. If you trust him thoroughly, then I think it's always better to be friends than enemies.
As an ex-wife with an ex-husband I tried to be friends with for the sake of our son, I'll tell you that it is better to be at peace with it. If there are not children involved then a clean break - but when kids are involved, new women should stop being jealous and insecure and allow a dad who wants to be involved to put their child(ren) first. Sometimes this means contact with the mother/ex.
My ex-husband and I were friends for years, he was friends with my current husband, then in the last year he turned on us and started spending less time with his son all because his current girlfriend is jealous and threatened to leave him. He loves her so much he's obviously willing to risk damaging the relationship with his son - but she doesn't see that. She just insists that because we are no longer together that he should have absolutely no contact with me and that he doesn't really need to see his son as much since he's a teenager now.
I'm fine not having contact with him if that's how he wants to be, but it stinks for our son who now feels he's been cast aside for someone else. We used to hang out together for our sons birthday and on holidays for example, now we aren't allowed to do that because this insecure woman has decided she is the one who controls the situation and he decided to allow that.
Every situation is different, but women really need to put the needs of families ahead of their own insecurities or find a partner who doesn't have an ex or previous "baggage" etc. if they can't handle that.
I trust my current husband completely. If he were to talk to his ex I would not have a problem with it because I know him and I know he is committed fully to our relationship.
I have a unique situation. My husband has grown children. So while we do keep the peace with my ex for the sake of the children, I don't have to talk to my husband's ex at all. When I first met him, his children were older teenagers, most already adults. I tried to be peaceful with her, but she really made it difficult. It depends on the situation and the people involved.
Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
If his ex is the type of woman you would have been friends with had she not been involved with your spouse then you are being true to yourself if a friendship develops. If on the other hand the only reason you dislike her is because she was involved with your husband before you then you may be petty.
Most people have dated others before and not every ex becomes one's enemy. Recently I had a young lady complain to me about a guy she had been dating for 2 weeks who has remained friends with an ex for 12 years. I asked her if she really (expected) this guy to dump a friend of 12 years in order to please someone he's known for 2 weeks?! That's an example of an unrealistic expectation!
Personally speaking I'm not a fan of being with someone who is in constant contact with an ex unless they share a child together. In most cases we learn about such things early on. Therefore instead of forcing someone to change (their) lives it's on us to move on if we're unwilling to accept them for who (they) are and what comes with them. (friends and family)
Too often people will get with you and wait until their is an "emotional investment" and then suddenly demand you stop being friends with others or stop doing things you have always enjoyed. Some have been known to give their mates ultimatums! The great news is he's not keeping "secrets". If you don't trust him dump him.
Instead of trying to change someone we are better off finding someone who (already is) the type of person we want to be with.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or learn to be happy with what we have.
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