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Is it possible to be friends with your partner's ex?

  1. DeeS profile image52
    DeeSposted 9 years ago

    I would like to know your opinion on the following:

    Is it possible to ever be friends with the ex of your partner?
    If so, when? Does it depend only on you or also on his/her willingness to do so?
    If not, isn't cordial communication the least you can hope for?
    Does it depend on the ex being a male or a female? Which is worse?
    Is she allowed to hate you forever regardless of what you do?

    Let me know what you think!


    1. topstuff profile image60
      topstuffposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thats a big confusion.

    2. Lisa Petrarca profile image64
      Lisa Petrarcaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      For seven years I was complete enemy's with my husbands ex.  This was not my doing in the beginning, however once she started to get mean, I did it right back to her.  It hurt not only the two of us but most importantly the kids.  I'm happy to say that we have finally both matured and apologized to each other.  I can't tell you what a weight was lifted off of my shoulders....it's funny how you never realize how much it is affecting you until it's gone.  Now we all sit together at the kids games, go to birthday dinners at each others houses and the funny thing is, we wasted seven years of our lives over meaningless issues.  I think anything is possible...not always easy but definitely necessary for all involved.  I can say from lots of experience, be the bigger person and make your life easier!

    3. privateye2500 profile image44
      privateye2500posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      DeeS wrote:

      I would like to know your opinion on the following:

      Is it possible to ever be friends with the ex of your partner?
      If so, when? Does it depend only on you or also on his/her willingness to do so?

  2. Marisa Wright profile image98
    Marisa Wrightposted 9 years ago

    I remember, when I broke up with my first husband, telling my girlfriends that I hoped we could stay friends.  They all gave me strange looks and told me it didn't work like that.

    I didn't believe them at the time, but that's exactly how it worked out. 

    With the benefit of hindsight and maturity, I can see that staying friends with your ex, no matter how good the terms you're on, is a difficult and even unwise thing to do.

    For one thing, if you're a woman, your new partner is never going to feel totally comfortable around your ex.  And your ex is never going to totally accept your new partner.  Hetero men are too territorial!  So you create tensions in both relationships. 

    Obviously, if kids are involved, you have to stay in touch.  In that case, you have a right to expect your ex's partner to be civil, but you can't insist they be cordial.  They didn't choose you as a friend, after all.

  3. mohinish profile image60
    mohinishposted 9 years ago

    HI marisa you may be right, "hetero man are teritorial". i cann't say about women, but as a hetero man meeting ex of my girl would certainly be last thing that i would want. But certainly as civilized man i would certainly try, if not act, to be friends with him. Only business with him, no video games.

    I think meeting my ex too would be last thing that i want, & same goes to my girl. Obviously she too don't want to meet my ex (like me). But if by chance we meet, it would certainly be hi & bye thing.

    Worse scenario would be who so ever is more jealous.

    "is she allowed to hate you regardless of what you do?"
    i think here man is more jealous.

    1. Marisa Wright profile image98
      Marisa Wrightposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that's what I mean by tension.  In most cases, even though men may act cool and say it's no problem, the caveman reaction is there somewhere, deep down!

  4. MaxPowers profile image52
    MaxPowersposted 9 years ago

    no way!

  5. MiMi Paris profile image56
    MiMi Parisposted 9 years ago

    Absolutely!   I am friends with her.  It takes a lot of maturity and a lot of "being bigger" than..... but it can be done.  It is best for everyone involved.

  6. profile image46
    Tibbyposted 9 years ago

    I think it's totally possible to be friends with your partner's ex.  If you have a good relationship with your partner, then why would you care.  Chances are it will be the ex that will have the problem in my humble opinion.

  7. Bonnie Ramsey profile image78
    Bonnie Ramseyposted 9 years ago

    I think it all depends on the person and the circumstances. I have never had to face my hubby's as his first wife was killed in an auto accident and I don't consider that to be an ex.
    He, however, has had to deal with my exhusband due to the fact that he is the father of my youngest child. I found it to be funny that after the divorce, my ex and I actually got along better lol. His family is wonderful and we still think of each other as family, although I divorced their family member. I still visit and we would do anything for each other (the family that is). As for the ex, my hubby doesn't exactly "hang out" with him but they get along great when they get around each other.

    When there is a child involved (even if that child is grown) I think it is very important that you make all efforts to be civil to each other. As for my ex's mom, I still think of her as my family and hubby loves her and the rest of the family to death and even goes to visit with me sometimes. I think a really big part of it has to do with trust in the relationship as well. I know he fully trusts me and I don't give him any reason not to.

    When my ex had heart surgery, my hubby insisted that I be there with my daughter. When ex's grandfather died, hubby insisted that I should be there for her. He fully understands that it is what is important to HER that matters and that we should be her support in any circumstance. I feel very blessed to have one of the greatest men on earth! smile

  8. chantelg4 profile image84
    chantelg4posted 9 years ago

    My boyfriend hates my ex with a passion and would put him in jail in a flash. However, i have 3 children with my ex and we try to keep it civil, but as far as ever being friends, not a chance. But i do think it's possible, depends, my ex still has feelings for me so i see why my boyfriend would be intimidated.

  9. profile image0
    MOmmagusposted 9 years ago

    I think that has everything to do with your personality type.  An intimate question such as this must be answered by the only person who can look into the upmost depths of your heart - YOU!  Would you be friends with this person under different circumstances?