How do you get over a man who has found his life long partner?
A man finally found his partner and is getting married soon but the woman who he knew before his partner is finding it hard to get over his closeness he once had with her. She is happy for him but afraid she is going to lose his friendship.
Forget him and search a new partner.
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She is probably right. The new wife/partner will undoubtedly feel threatened if she continues a "close" relationship with him. Chances are her feelings toward him are more than platonic. She needs to move on.
It always happens to most of us. We are just scared and worried that we may not find someone as good as him. We are afraid to lose what we have now. The truth is life is full of opportunities and there is always hope. Everything is in our brain. We keep on telling ourselves that we cant afford to lose them or we cannot live without them. We have to stop thinking that way. Just let it go and move on. You will definitely find someone better and you will never feel sorry for what you have done
That is one of the risks of friendships between the opposite sexes. Even if they want to remain close their spouses or significant others may be opposed to it. If someone has to choose between their love or their friend most people will choose love.
My guess is if this woman has a man of her own he probably would not approve of her having a "close" friendship with another man.
Having said that it's very possible this woman is worrying too much about something that has not happened. He may continue to be her friend but naturally won't have the same amount of time to invest with her. That's life. Ideally one has more than one friend to confide in.
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength." - Corrie ten Boom
To any man or a woman in this situation, perhaps the following would help:
1. If "the die is cast" so to speak, applaud yourself for your nobility in handling the situation. This is perhaps one of the hardest things we humans have to face in life - the loss of love as we once knew it. If you're handling this with grace and dignity, marvel at your ability to do so. You might even want to go out and buy yourself a little treat!
2. Start planning your next big trip; your next big project, etc. This type of distraction can bring us happiness during sorrowful times. (Last night I was trying to get to sleep thinking happy thoughts of the PAST and suddenly I thought, "Why am I doing THAT?" I want to think of happy plans in the FUTURE!) Little kids do that all the time, and I think that's how they keep themselves so happy and excited. So in the middle of the night I wore myself out with happiness by planning my upcoming birthday party. (I decided to rent a karaoke machine. See what I mean?)
3. Be sure to keep your standards high in your search of a new "best friend' or partner and find someone with even MORE wonderfully compatible qualities. Don't "settle" out of fear or lonliness. While no one is "better" than another, it's important to find someone who matches you as well and perhaps even BETTER than the person you lost. Find that exceptional person and remember that person is also searching for YOU!
4. Be assured that one day, you will be able to look back at all the wonderful memories and realize they are YOURS. They are no other person's. The interactions you have or had with another cannot be duplicated. No one else has had those, not even the new spouse. Those memories belong to you and YOU own them. They are yours to keep and to cherish.
I have to add that all of this may or may not be based on psychologically heathy coping mechanisms. Therefore, it should be "taken under advisement," "with a grain of salt," and with one's own "tweeking" of the concepts.
Cheers from Billie
No point crying over spilt milk...If he has found someone to share his life with,his ex lover will only create friction in his new life with the other woman.....best is that she should get over him and move on.
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