We can "unlike" someone on Facebook, but how do we "un-love" someone in real lif

Jump to Last Post 1-5 of 5 discussions (11 posts)
  1. Billie Kelpin profile image86
    Billie Kelpinposted 3 years ago

    We can "unlike" someone on Facebook, but how do we "un-love" someone in real life?

    Assuming it is important to "un-love" a person - someone who has left you or has done something to endanger another, etc., what is the mental process of un-loving someone who may at one time been very dear to you?  From watching programs like 20/20, etc, one would imagine there are many people who need this information.  Perhaps it is unneccesary to "un-love" a person if you are able to compartmentalize your past life and your present life?  This would be a good hub for someone to write, I think, if we, as a group, could come up with specific strategies that demonstrate this process.

  2. dashingscorpio profile image88
    dashingscorpioposted 3 years ago

    It's not as hard as one might imagine.
    People breakup and divorce from one another all of the time. They meet new people and remarry. Life goes on.
    If this person is a family member or a neighbor we still have the ability to choose whom we spend our time with.
    It's really not so much about "unloving someone" as it is learning to love oneself. Everyone is entitled to have "deal breakers" and boundaries. They help us to (be true to ourselves) and maintain our self-esteem.
    Whenever someone allows another person to use them as a doormat it's an indication that they do not love them self. It's not abut the other person. To love yourself is to look out for yourself.
    The world may not owe you anything but you owe yourself the world!
    Each of us gets to choose our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
    If we're unhappy with our choices we can learn to make wiser ones in the future. No one is "stuck" with anyone. Live, love, learn, move on.
    "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
    - Oscar Wilde

    1. Billie Kelpin profile image86
      Billie Kelpinposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Dashing, Thanks for your response. The connection to loving yourself is a cognitive leap in my mind. You must never allow a person to treat you like a doormat, of course, but disassociating doesn't mean that you don't love the person who once was

    2. dashingscorpio profile image88
      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Billie, Disassociating is the first step. Just as it took time to love someone it will take time not to be emotionally invested them as well. Nothing happens overnight. The more focus on other aspects of your life and people gradually it works.

    3. JayeWisdom profile image92
      JayeWisdomposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      We may choose our own friends, lovers, and spouse, but no one chooses family members, and, while one may establish boundaries and "deal-breakers" with any of them, even choose not to spend time with them, it's just different.

    4. dashingscorpio profile image88
      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Jaye D., " You, correct that we don't get to choose our family. However do have a say as to whether or not we associate with them or not. If you have "toxic family members" you're not stuck dealing with them.
      "Friends are the family we choose."

  3. profile image53
    Amunigun Halimahposted 3 years ago

    It is really hard to unlove a person. Speaking from my own experience, i've really loved a particular person & had never thought there'd b a time we'd be apart.
    But as time goes on, he hurt me in a way i cld never imagine, gosh! It was devastating, but along the line, i made up my mind never to be in touch with him ever again, & i did, with the strength of my determination, i loathed him. I never spoke to him, & up until this moment, we're totally through, cos i don't love him anymore...
    So, i think it depends on wat happened in the relationship & it takes determination to un-love.,.

  4. JayeWisdom profile image92
    JayeWisdomposted 3 years ago

    Billie - When the person who has hurt you and/or others is a family member, it isn't always easy (or possible) to "un-love" that person. No matter what the provocation, that bond is often not able to be completely severed. You may continue to love and be concerned about that person, even if you no longer are in contact. This scenario is very sad because it makes healing difficult to impossible.  Moving on is not easy with this type of baggage

    When it is a friend, acquaintance, even a former lover or spouse, his or her actions may "kill" the love you once had and make it a "done deal", with no direct action on your part to stop loving. It just naturally happens, although it may take some time to occur. This second scenario is at least liberating and allows you to heal.

    These different scenarios (from my perspective) seem to prove the old adage, "Blood is thicker than water."

    1. fpherj48 profile image79
      fpherj48posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Jaye-girl!  Why could we not have been so wise many years ago  BEFORE all the heartache came?  I suspect this is the way it must be....."Happy Mother's Day!!"    Peace, Paula

    2. JayeWisdom profile image92
      JayeWisdomposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      We earned our wisdom the hard way, Paula! Now, if we could only convince the younger generation to learn from US, they could save themselves some heartaches. Unfortunately, most of them believe they have all the answers now.  Take care. Jaye

  5. fpherj48 profile image79
    fpherj48posted 3 years ago

    Billie....If in fact, "We" as a group could come up with specific strategies that demonstrate a process to "Un-love" someone, "we" will have performed a miracle and all be able to retire to a mansion in Hawaii.

    Sounds rather hopeless, doesn't it?  IMHO, it is a futile effort. When we open our hearts to let someone in, it locks instinctively....human beings are possessive, protective & steadfast when it comes to those we feel a complete connection to....The more we love them, the stronger that lock becomes.

    Even couples who have split & moved on to live their lives with someone else, merely mouth the words, "I Hate him/her," just to  lighten the burden. Whenever love has once thrived, it never dies.....not completely.

    We will always feel a void....and in private moments, perhaps even shed a tear, while all around us appears idyllic.  Through all the happiness we experience, that twinge of sadness that just nags like an annoying fly buzzing around. 

    Please take it from me....it is NOT important to UN-love anyone, so give yourself a break and stop trying. By trying you are continually reminding yourself of that person.  IF (big IF) it is ever meant to fade away, allow it to do so by natural causes.....the same natural causes that made you LOVE in the first place.   .....Sound like a good idea?  Bless you.  Paula

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)