When do you think cohabitation becomes immoral?

1. 51

   Evaneposted 8 years ago

   When do you think cohabitation becomes immoral?

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2. 73

   word55posted 8 years ago

   Cohabitation becomes immoral when a couple gets sexually intimate or begin living together without being married. Today, getting to know someone is backwards. Two people should get to know each other through a platonic courtship to discover things that they may have in common and admire.

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   1. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Morals tends to change as it's society changes.  Even the majority of Christians have had pre-marital sex before marriage. People "cherry pick" which morals they will observe in their faith or beliefs.

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   2. 51

      Evaneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      @The Word Christian courtship it is.

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3. 72

   Aime Fposted 8 years ago

   Why would cohabitation ever be immoral?
   
   I lived with my husband for six years before we got married and I can't imagine ever agreeing to spend the rest of my life with someone when I didn't know what it was actually like to spend all day every day with them for an extended period of time.  Our relationship changed a lot after we moved in together and we learned way more about each other than we would have if we hadn't.  I'd rather go into a marriage knowing what my life is going to look like from day to day rather than going through that sometimes painful learning curve after I've already committed my life to someone.

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   1. 73

      word55posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Would you advise that everyone live with their mate before getting married? Your situation just happened to work out on the plus side.

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   2. 72

      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I would.  What's the negative side?  If you can't live with someone then why would you marry them?  Better to figure that out before you sign papers.

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   3. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      The Word: According to statistics most marriages in the U.S. take place in today's era involve couples who lived together. 
      Today 70 percent of women aged 30 to 34 have cohabited with a male. Per article by  Dr. Arielle Kuperberg, Ph.D (Sociology)

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   4. 51

      Evaneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      In your 6 years of cohabitation, did you ever engage in s e x?

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   5. 74

      manatita44posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Me again, my sweet Evane. I see much beauty in what you say. Forward, Yes! To look at others is a retrogressive step. Watch your own practice...pray...Listen...let Him do the rest.

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   6. 72

      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, and I know where you're going with this. I'm an atheist so I don't believe there's anything immoral about sex before marriage. I believe it's wise to know someone as well as possible before making a lifelong commitment to them.

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      Misfit Chickposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Know what's really fun? Your future mother-in-law bringing you religious tracks about 'What's wrong with living together' after the first few months, ha! Religions are man-made constructs with rituals that don't care about real life or real people.

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4. 73

   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   Life is a (personal) journey.
   Only you know what is "right" for (you).
   Cohabitation is only immoral if (you believe) it is.
   In the U.S. over 52% of weddings that take place today do so after cohabitation.
   Nevertheless if (you) don't want to live with someone you shouldn't.
   Oftentimes people move in together with the belief doing so means they're on a trajectory towards getting married.
   More often than not couples move in together because one person is always spending the night at the other's place! One of them says:
   "Why should we keep paying two rents, two sets of utilities, and pack bags to travel across town...etc" or
   "We're basically already living together!"
   The reality is most couples initially moved in together for "convenience"! (There was no engagement or wedding date set.)
   Some of them end up getting married but most end up breaking up {like the majority of relationships one has prior to marriage}.
   If marriage is your "goal" the don't move in together until after you have become engaged and mailed out your "save the date" notices.
   Sometimes living together to save up money for the wedding and honeymoon can be a practical decision.
   However moving in with a "hidden agenda" or "hope" that someday it will lead to marriage is like throwing dice in a casino.

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   1. 51

      Evaneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I beg to disagree. Anything becomes immoral first and foremost if it contradicts what is written in the Bible.

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      manatita44posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Everything becomes burdensome in one form or another, if they do not take you to God; to Love; to Light or inner Happiness. Spirituality is the Highest Law. Again, it is in the thorns that we grow. They are as necessary as the roses. Much Love, Evane

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   3. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      The bible was written by men.  The bible isn't written in stone.  Don't know why people STILL go by the bible as it is an outdated, ancient book?

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   4. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Grace is correct! The bible was written by men.
      Secondly not everyone on the planet is a Christian and therefore each individual has his/her own moral code.
      To judge a couple as being "immoral" for living together is (your religious) belief.

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5. 82

   gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

   
   
   When there is no longer love nor respect in the relationship.  Also, cohabitation becomes immoral when there is emotional, physical, &/or verbal abuse in the relationship.  Anytime the relationship devolves is when cohabitation becomes immoral.  Lastly, when one stays in the relationship for appearance sake & out of fear. That further defines immorality in the relationship.

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   1. 51

      Evaneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I got your point. But would you say that they, having been in one roof, or living under one roof without marriage is moral?

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   2. 74

      manatita44posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You show sensitivity both in your Q's and responses, Evane. No bad thing. I like you, but you're asking man. Throw Light on the Heart, strengthen your conscience and Listen ...

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   3. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Nothing is wrong w/living together.  LOVE is love regardless. Marriage is merely societal formality, no more no less.

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6. 74

   manatita44posted 8 years ago

   The strongest instinct is that of Survival. We look left and right almost subconsciously when we cross the road. We need shelter, warmth, food, air, water...
   
   Lust /desire/passion is next. God has made it so and it has become quite brutal for many and used in a myriad of ways.
   
   When does it becomes immoral? I'm only answering from the standpoint of sex. It seems a part of the process. We have moved from the animal life, but have carried its shadows into the human life, and indeed it is necessary for many. Things can and will only change at the call of God. Finally, Spirituality is far above the moral law.
   
   Right and wrong are really big issues, and would differ from culture to culture. Cohabitation is really living together as man and wife and I hear the cohabitors speaking about this sometimes the most. They are wary of society, ethics, gossip and so forth. They feel insecure knowingly or unknowingly.
   
   Again, as people differ, so do environments, countries, culture, etc. Let the Divine work this one out. He always does. Just listen, then act accordingly and listen again ...

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   1. 83

      Venkatachari Mposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I like your reply. Just listen (to the intuition which always guides), then act and listen again. A great reply and message.

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   2. 51

      Evaneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      @manatita44 so are you saying that sex is the determinant whether cohabitation becomes immoral or not?

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      manatita44posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      You always understand my work, brother Venkatachari M.
      
      Evane, I say God, The Inner Pilot Supreme, is the final determinant, but I also say that desire and insecurity are the problems, irrespective of differing names.

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7. 85

   Edward J. Palumboposted 8 years ago

   This is a good question and a complicated issue. Cohabitation without commitment is a questionable waste of potential in a relationship. If a couple lives together simply because they have a good physical dynamic, it's a shallow relationship doomed to fail. In a society in which most (>50%) marriages end in divorce, we are given good reason to question how we define marriage and how we can forge successful marriage relationships. For a goal so important, it's sad that so little emphasis is placed on exploring shared priorities and mutual goals before many share a bedroom.  If we cohabitate with the genuine intent of building toward or preparing for marriage, I will agree that we learn a great deal about each other that we otherwise would not have known. If it's simply a matter of "treading water" with a good sexual partner until someone better comes along or until we become bored, there's an inevitable negative consequence to that. If the moral standard of conduct and commitment in our community or social environment frowns on cohabitation without benefit of marriage, we can expect a measure of backlash or judgmental consequence for our choices. In the previous generation, marriage may have been a greater commitment but not necessarily a happy, mutually fulfilling commitment, and the following generation (provided with such a lackluster example of their parents' concept of marriage) may view a marriage relationship as something requiring considerable testing and exploration before taking that step. To cohabitate without benefit of marriage often places the woman at something of a legal disadvantage should the relationship dissolve. Unless both are very careful, one could be taken advantage of should the relationship end and assets be divided. If life together brings the couple no closer to a marriage commitment, it is a hollow exercise since cohabitation is not a deep commitment in itself but merely an "agreement", so the couple must define the relationship to their mutual and lasting accord. Contrary to growing tendency of presupposition, marriage is not "just a piece of paper"; it's a mutually acknowledged expression of commitment to each other, and that requires considerable forethought and maturity. As a society, we seem to place little emphasis on how we make that decision. Is it a moral decision to cohabitate? That depends entirely on the shared belief system of the couple.

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   1. 72

      Aime Fposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      The divorce rate is not over 50%, that stat hasn't been true since the 70s. It's been declining ever since and is now closer to 25%.

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   2. 85

      Edward J. Palumboposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Aime, According to the American Psychological Association, the "divorce rate is currently between 40 - 50%". My wife and I have been married for 33 years, and we observe that fewer young couples in our community and social circle are getting married.

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   3. 51

      Evaneposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      @Edward J. Palumbo: Very insightful! Thank you. People nowadays are just opting to cohabit rather than getting married and having their own family.

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8. 81

   tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

   When you have children outside of marriage.
   In the United States, 75% of marriages with children stay together until the children are adults. 75% of co-habitating couples with children break up before the children are even 10 years old.
   Children from a broken home regardless of race or income are two to three times more likely to become addicts, mentally ill, homeless, held back in school a grade, drop out of school, have children out of wedlock. The best way to raise children is with a married two parent family who are together for the child's life.

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