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How do l live as a man in a marriage without sex

  1. profile image59
    manofdirtposted 21 months ago

    How do l live as a man in a marriage without sex

    How does a man just sleep beside his wife of 4 years go without holding his loved one (no kids) each day when she sleeps beside me she does not want affection when I try to hold her she pushes me away she won't talk about it gives a different reason each time .I am not even allowed to kiss her my Hart is braking each day .How can I fix this ,I can't go on its like living with a flatmate I want a hug

  2. Kathleen Cochran profile image82
    Kathleen Cochranposted 21 months ago

    It might help to see a counselor.  Sounds like there is something deep-seeded in your wife that she needs help resolving.  I'd recommend starting with your doctor for advice as opposed to someone spiritual.  There may be a physical reason for her responses.  Good luck.

    1. profile image59
      manofdirtposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you that's good advice I will do it this week can't hurt

  3. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 21 months ago


    Unfortunately it takes (two people) to keep romance, passion, and intimacy alive. You stated (she) does not want affection and she won't talk. I'm fairly certain when you exchanged vows and promise to "forsake all others" it was with the understanding that you already had someone who was committed to addressing those needs.
    According to a report in Psychology Today (2012) approximately 25% of all marriages in the U.S. are sexless. That's 1 in 4!
    A sexless marriage is defined as having sex less than 15 times a year. Most people want to {feel desired} by their spouse.
    This may not be what you want to hear but life is short.
    You are responsible for your own happiness. If being in this marriage is breaking your heart (each day) as you say then you owe it to yourself to move on. You are always where (you choose) to be.
    There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.  Accept them (as is) or move on.
    "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
    - Oscar Wilde
    Anyone who in a relationship/marriage with you and doesn't want to be intimate with you and (refuses to talk) about it does not think you're all that "special".
    The only person you can control is yourself.
    People change when (they) want to change.
    Most folks in your situation see themselves with 3 options.
    1. Accept the fact their sex life is over. (Live as roommates)
    2. Run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, move out of their home into an apartment, become a weekend dad, pay child support and possibly alimony (count your blessings you have no children), divide up assets as well as family and friends who choose sides.
    3. Find someone who is attracted to them and wants to have sex.
    In the world we live in many go with option #3.
    It takes courage to walk away from a "known present" to embrace an "unknown future". However morally it's better than cheating.

    1. profile image59
      manofdirtposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      I think I go to the doctor with her and see if council is an option I have invested a lot in our future .I see the options are limited your reply is very valid and I may have to consider my happiness over a no sex life thank you

    2. Omar Eldamsheety profile image68
      Omar Eldamsheetyposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      "According to a report in Psychology Today (2012) approximately 25% of all marriages in the U.S. are sexless. That's 1 in 4!"

      I can't believe that ... why ?

  4. ChristinS profile image95
    ChristinSposted 21 months ago

    Sadly, as a woman I can tell you that when we stop wanting sex, or any affection at all, it is a red flag that something is very wrong in the relationship and that perhaps she is not wanting to be in the marriage anymore. 

    I know that's hard to hear, but most women when they feel they are not appreciated, or that their partner is not living up to their expectations will shut down.  I lived this way in my first marriage.  My spouse lied to me on several occasions and he also stopped growing as a person.  I had more self-determination and desire to do things, succeed, be more and he stagnated.

    The result was I felt he was disrespectful to me and when I talked to him he always had an excuse why he didn't have to do anything or make any effort.  I got tired of being the only one who did.  Eventually the sight of him just made me shut down.  I stayed for awhile because I felt I had to (we had a son) but eventually, I had enough and had to leave.  It was just one lie and one excuse too many. 

    Now I'm not saying you are doing something wrong - I don't and can't know; I don't live with you, but what I can tell you is that if a woman stops wanting any affection all together, she's likely resenting you for some reason. 

    A lack of desire for sex could be hormonal or perhaps she doesn't feel sexy due to a weight or self-esteem issue etc. that is very normal, but for a woman to lose interest in any affection at all?  Something is definitely not right there. 

    Hopefully you can get some counseling and figure it out.  If not, it may be time to consider your options before children are ever involved.

    1. profile image59
      manofdirtposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      I really appreciate your in put Can or may I ask if it's ok how do I start that conversation .I am at a loss of life it would seem ,I care very much for her I feel she would take it bad ,am I being silly to feel that, please say it straight upineedit

    2. ChristinS profile image95
      ChristinSposted 21 months agoin reply to this

      I would be direct say "I notice you do not feel affection for me? Can you please tell me honestly why so we can work on it?" then listen to her don't get defensive, listen - then maybe ask her to attend counseling with you if it's a possible fix.

  5. profile image59
    manofdirtposted 21 months ago

    Well went to the doctor and as well as changing medication my wife may be going through peri menopause early she is trying hrt (hormone replacement therap) doctor also sending her to a gynecologist thanks for your answers this is the start I'll keep you posted thanks