I need help just got married living with inlaws

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  1. profile image0
    babiiwovposted 13 years ago

    I just got married he promised we would have our own home, But ended up living with his parents because for some odd who knows what reason his dad cant find a job. Anyway we have problems almost everyday because he always wants to be with his parents always just pleasing them everything is always them it just brothers me so much like I cant be happy cuz he always has to do everything how his parents want it and then now every time I tell him anything that bothers me he ignores me or just tells me to let it go and gives me a kiss like his tire of it. what should I do?

    1. Hokey profile image60
      Hokeyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Wow! All that in two sentences.

      1. profile image0
        babiiwovposted 13 years agoin reply to this


    2. Disturbia profile image59
      Disturbiaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yep, you sure do need help!

    3. Ask Jan profile image61
      Ask Janposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It sounds like your problems are overwhelming and that you and your husband need some counseling. As a therapist--I would encourage strongly encourage this. If you do not have insurance that covers counseling go on line and type in counseling in you county and state.  I just got started on this site 2 days ago, I will write an article on Healthy Relationship next and hope that will shed some light on your problem.

    4. the pink umbrella profile image75
      the pink umbrellaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      okay i was in the same boat, but pregnant, not married. I was treated like a child, and my boyfriend was as well. His parents would talk about us behind each other's backs, and family dinner was almost mandatory. And yes, my boyfriend also was tired of "being in the middle" as he like to call it. My complaints would be swept under the rug and i literally ended up hiding away in our room. There were more than a few fights, and im not a confrontational person. i ended up taking my clothes to the laundry mat just to get away and because i didnt like being told how to do our laundry. What i ate, wore, watched on tv, everything was scrutinized. When we had the opportunity, i pushed him to get an apartment instead of waiting for a house. They were so upset with our decision, his mother literally scowled for days, and came to each of us individually to tell us how the other one was making a huge mistake. Ive been there. Nothing will get easier as long as you are in that house. My boyfriend still changes his mind about certain decisions weve made after spending time at his parents, but then he comes home, and we regroup, and were ok. It is horrible when you are not treated like a tennant, but a child. I know that sounds bad, but Id rather be ignored than pressured. Hang in there. You need to go for a drive and force him to listen to you. I had to go as far as starting a fight with Spencer to get him to actually get revved up enough to tell me how he really felt. Turns out, it made him see that we needed to leave.

    5. IzzyM profile image87
      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Just saw this thread and if you are still active here you might want to read this reply.
      Girl you married the guy, yet you expect him to find you both a place to live? Where is your self-respect? This is the 21st century - if you're not happy where you are...you find a place you can both afford.
      You are living in his parents house. Those being the operative words - their house! Their rules. And while your husband doesn't sound as if he has grown up yet, neither do you.
      There is a lot of give expected from you, because you are taking - you and your husband. You have a place to live, no doubt meals on the table, you've chosen to use a laundrymat instead of the house laundry because not only do you not know how to launder things properly, you won't listen to advice (from your mum-in-law).
      It sounds like you have objected to being forced to live there and it is showing in your attitude towards his parents.
      Change your mindset. YOU are the guest, but a working guest because as a young married you have a lot to learn.
      Take advantage of your situation and get your head out of the clouds.
      Did you really think marriage was a bed of roses?

  2. Dale Mazurek profile image62
    Dale Mazurekposted 13 years ago

    Did you really go through signing up to Hubpages just to post that?

    1. profile image0
      babiiwovposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      did u really go trough reading my posting to post a dumb ass question? jerk

      1. profile image0
        LegendaryHeroposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        I think that he was pointing out how you went through the trouble to sign up just to make some huge ramble that was hard to read and understand.

      2. Hokey profile image60
        Hokeyposted 13 years agoin reply to this


      3. tantrum profile image60
        tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        lol lol lol

    2. the pink umbrella profile image75
      the pink umbrellaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      wow you are seriously in need of help. the girl is screaming out for help, and the person who promised to love her forever dosnt care that her spitrit is dying. All you can say is something useless and indicative of your serious amount of spare time. Your either single, divorced, or with a very unhappy woman. i pitty you.

  3. Daniel Carter profile image64
    Daniel Carterposted 13 years ago

    If your hubby is reasonable and will listen, see if he'll listen to how you feel, and don't let him "brush if off." You might tell him you need him to take you very seriously and see if you can reset together some boundaries so you can preserve your marriage.

    If he insists on brushing off your feelings, then he is effectively choosing his family over you. It takes a lot of maturity to hear that and accept it.

    And, although I completely understand where you're coming from, try not to make yourself the reason the family is divided. Try to be accepting of them, but that doesn't mean you need to be a push over. It just means that you love them and have healthy boundaries with them.

    Don't know if this helps. Hoping all the best for you.

    Welcome to hubpages. Write some hubs. Maybe about relationships or something.

    1. profile image0
      babiiwovposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanx I will try that

  4. efeguy profile image41
    efeguyposted 13 years ago

    free ur mind,give some time.maybe tins we work out.

    on a second thougt if tins get worst,take a walk

  5. Haunty profile image73
    Hauntyposted 13 years ago

    It wasn't very nice to chase this person away.

    1. profile image0
      wordscribe41posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, Haunty.  sad

  6. Mamelody profile image60
    Mamelodyposted 13 years ago

    why the fcuk would you marry someone who lives with his parents?? girl you've just signed your death warrant right there...

  7. Rafini profile image69
    Rafiniposted 13 years ago

    for some unknown reason his dad cant find a job?  The unemployment rate is 9.7 - millions are unemployed, me being one.  I wonder why I cant find a job?

    seriously, how well did you know him and his parents before getting married?

  8. profile image0
    Denno66posted 13 years ago

    They could start brewing up some Crystal Meth or some such. Tell hubby to cut the Umbilical Cord and grow a set. What? No Cheetos here? Harrumph!

  9. profile image0
    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 13 years ago

    Not to be over-bearing, but as soon as you were married and had to live with your in-lws...you have to see a life of major issues...

    if a guy can not give up his parents, I had a roomate, one who was like this and he got the boot fast, he lived in a shared home but never paid part of his bills , because the excuse was his mother who received welfare illegally and unemployment and had 2 of her other kids living with her, needed 50 to 60 percent of the paycheck, the other went to weed and superman toys, and we are talking a 30 something year old...you need to have a serious talk with this new husband, if you do not...and even if you do and it does not help, I hate to say move on..or this will be your life , as you see it now, for the rest of your life...

    I always hate to be the bearer of bad news when I see it coming from past experiences...


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