How do you keep yourself busy during no contact period?

1. 31

   katarinaphangposted 15 years ago

   This is a very difficult period.  We are never too busy to think of our ex.  Those rare moments in which you are so absorbed doing things OTHER than thinking of your ex is so precious.  What do you do to keep your mind occupied and distracted from your pain and obsessive thoughts of your ex?

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      Anathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Replace him ASAP for someone better, preferebly younger and with more testosterone

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         katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         That's a very good approach to life, Anath!  Did you do that?  LOL...

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            Anathposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            Yes, I always do that, and I swear that I am always amazed at how much better I can find after

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               Cagsilposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               I do not find that amazing, nor even surprising Anath.

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               SpiritLeoposted 15 years agoin reply to this

               Agree, everything happens is for better in all aspects!!!

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         kmackey32posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Yep, thats what I did... lmao

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      stevewongposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I personally would always go to the book store.  The key is though, finding stuff you generally are interested in reading.  This lets you at least focus away.  Personally, I found that night time and Friday nights were the hardest for me.

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      leebertteaposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I always take comfort in the fact that the things that are out of my control aren't worth thinking about. You can't control the feelings of others. Obviously your Ex is your Ex for a reason, probably not because it was something you wanted but something he (or she)wanted. That is the reality that you simply must accept. Over time you will come to accept it and you will begin to meet others that you have a desire for and soon, you ex will be a distant faded memory that you will be able to have learned something from.

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         BereniceTeethposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         That's so true, even though when you're in the middle of the process is so hard to see!

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      Marisa Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I wrote a Hub about this.
      
      Sit down and have a mini-brainstorm.  Think back to before you met your ex, and write down everything you did that made you smile.  It might be admiring a sunset, going dancing, reading a book - whatever, no matter how silly.
      
      Make a neat list and pin it up somewhere.  Now make sure you do one of those things every day from now on. 
      
      Keep busy.  Join an evening class, join a gym, over-commit yourself.

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      kei_fuposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i used to get a new bf every time but now i go on a cleaning spree of the bathrooms

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         katarinaphangposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Yes cleaning is very calming.

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      rolandhallposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think you're hiding or substituting.  Trying to masque your feelings is not good.  Let it out.  Feel bad for awhile.  You need to cleanse.  Losing a relationship, is like when someone dies because they're gone forever.  You need time to mourn, to cleanse yourself of the pain, then time alone with yourself for perhaps some introspection and then maybe you'll be ready for some activities.  If you just substitute other activities, you're going to have a hard fall, maybe more than one.  Deal with the issue, don't run away from it.  Nobody likes to make the same mistake twice and if you made mistakes that ruined this relationship, running away, hoping to escape the pain, is not the way to learn from your mistakes.  Pain is a sign of healing.  You need to heal properly so you can be yourself again, so you can love yourself again and so someone else can see the good in you and love you like you want to be loved.  People can read when there's something wrong with you.  You're not a good candidate to be with someone else right now.  You need to fully end one relationship before the next and if you're escaping from it, it's not over, regardless if you're still seeing them or not.  Nobody wants to be the transition.  If you fully heal yourself, they won't be.

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         katarinaphangposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I think you misunderstand me.  No one can skip the grieving period but there is a point in which you have to do other things too. 
         
         And it's not a question for me personally.  I'm a reuniting coach.  I'm just picking people's brains.
         
         You have to do everything and different things to deal with this heartache at different times.  Some days you just have to accept, some other days keeping yourself busy really helps.  So you can't just say one and only one method will work.  Mind you, you'll have all the time in the world by yourself to do ALL of those things, inc;. the things you said which are inescapable anyway.
         
         Thanks, though.

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2. 82

   habeeposted 15 years ago

   Read, go to the cinema, hang out with friends, write, help others.

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      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I went to the movies so much during this period.  It did console you a bit.

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   shazwellynposted 15 years ago

   Have fun!

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      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah that's the whole point.  What kind of fun did you have?

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4. 68

   alternate poetposted 15 years ago

   Start the game that goes with looking for the next one, nothing puts a personal pain out of mind faster than a new relationship.

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      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, but a lot of time we are really not ready for a new relationship.  I agree we should date and get yourself available and open to new possibilities.

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   Fluffymetalposted 15 years ago

   i play on the forums and oh yeah and farmville

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   Cagsilposted 15 years ago

   What pain?

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   pinkyleeposted 15 years ago

   I think the time frame is different for each person based on the seriousness of the relationship, the lack of trust that has since developed, the loss of faith and so on. I was with my ex for 8 years off and on and engaged to marry him. Thankfully that didnt work out and we were able to part ways without divorce or more importantly children being involved. My ex was an abuser, not physical but mentally. It took me 3 years to develop some kind of trust to even truly date again and at the same time when I let part of that wall down I found a man that is so much better for me and takes care of me in every way possible. You never stop thinking about your ex because of the pain they caused but over time it gets easier and with the love and support of friends and family it becomes that much more easier to deal with. It is their loss that you you are no longer together and someone else's gain.
   
   Take time to recover. Don't rush it. Talk about it.
   
   Good Luck

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      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      It's good when you decide breaking up is what you need to do.  A lot of other people need to go through no contact as a first step of easing to the path of reconciliation and I know first hand how hard it is.
      
      It's always good to know ideas from those who have experienced it how they get through this.
      
      Thanks!

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   Greek Oneposted 15 years ago

   i talk with my wife... when ever I talk about sex with my ex, she usually hits me hard enough that i change the topic

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      pinkyleeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      

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      Cagsilposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      As she should.

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      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      that's too funny...!

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   Mishaposted 15 years ago

   masturbation

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      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Haha...did that A LOT too!

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      katarinaphangposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Ha!  I do that all the time.

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    jademichaelsposted 15 years ago

    Definitely start dating other people.
    Get onto a dating site. There are so many good ones around. Even if you dont go on a date, the emailing and texting process will keep you entertained and your mind off your ex. It also boosts your confidence

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       blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I know they say we shouldn't but yes finding a newer model does wonders, allowing love into your heart again.
       I also find making beaded jewellery very theraputic.
       I have a habit of dropping them on the floor and spending hours on my hands and knees searching for them. Honest to God it is a great distraction.
       Beads and Men and surrounding yourself with positive people.

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          katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          LOL...great idea!  Getting aggravated by things other than your ex is wonderful during this time, ain't it?

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             blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Omg you look like Ricky Lee from Australia do you know her??

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                katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Who?  Really?  Is that a good thing?

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                   blondepoetposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   Omg yes she is a rock star very pretty.

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                      katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      Oh thanks!

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11. 60

    Kerkedijkposted 15 years ago

    I found Hubpages thankfully and I downloaded Skype which gave me a better sense of contact with my loved one than the telephone. At least I saw him and we could interact better via skype. It is not easy living apart together but this is my life for now until we find a solution. I studied a new language also so that got me out daily and among people. It is important to remain in contact with others as loneliness is not a good friend. Hope this helps. I am happy to email with you further on this and to be your friend during this difficult time. xxx

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    1. 31

       katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Your case is probably long distance relationship not a breakup, am I right?  I'm talking about no contact one needs to impose when one breaks up with one's partner to give them space to process things out.

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12. 60

    Kerkedijkposted 15 years ago

    OMG I just realised you broke up with your loved one - I am so sorry. You just write your experience then - put it into some action here. Do get out and start something new in your life. Join a class and do something you have always wanted to do........learn a new language, create a garden, paint, climb a mountain, find a whole new life and make it the focus of your attention and in no time, you will be over him.

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       katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       That was last year, right now we're seeing each other again and having a lot of fun when we're together.  I'm just collecting ideas and curious about people's experience during no contact period.  I'm now coaching people and giving the same advice you did.   Thanks.
       
       BTW, you can read my story on http://gettheloveyoudeserve.info/forum.  I'm helping people there to reunite with their loved ones.

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13. 72

    torimariposted 15 years ago

    Friends definitely!

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    Greek Oneposted 15 years ago

    the problem is that people shouldn't have premarital sex in the first place

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       katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Mmmmm...how does this answer the question?

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    optimus grimlockposted 15 years ago

    Make a goal for yourself and focus on it. Getting in shape is always a good one or building something works as well!

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       katarinaphangposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Yeah, I was a work-out rat during that period (still am!).

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16. 66

    Joy56posted 15 years ago

    buy a set of paints, a few good brushes of different sizes, and just play around with colour.  Date your works of art and keep them.  Look at the progress you have made down the line.  Write about the anger you feel, then when ever you like wrip up the page you have written, if it is on here, there is always the unpublish button,.
    Hugs.

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       BereniceTeethposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       That's a great idea!

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    kre8iv4uposted 15 years ago

    I have to disagree with 'replacing the old with a new' approach.  When newly single, we should all reflect on how to get ourselves back...meaning, we all lose some of ourselves when in a relationship.  It just happens.
    
    I do agree with going to the bookstore, movies, as well as finding others with similar interests, via internet, chamber of commerce (?)...
    
    I found a group (internet) who got together every 2nd Saturday & we would all do stand-up paddle board, volleyball (if you're physically active) or many other outings. 
    
    I also found within this group, other people that had similar interests as myself.  This proved to be a great way to forge new friendships, have some fun and mostly, not think about the ex!!  (Wine also helps)
    
    Good luck & Blessed Be

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    myownworldposted 15 years ago

    Personally, I find it the hardest thing in the world to get over a break up, esp. if you still have strong feelings for the person. Movies, songs, even books - all backfired in my case, only evoking more memories. I think the only thing that really worked for me was social work - just spending time with those truly suffering (I work with disabled patients)... sort of makes your own pain seem insignificant.
    Most of all, it's accepting that it's OK to feel low sometimes, instead of being in denial and running after constant 'escapes'....and let time take it's course. All scars fade eventually, at least, the pain does.
    
    I think we all need to find our own answers...  Best of luck...

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       katarinaphangposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Yeah we should do different things at different time.  Whatever works for you! They can all work depending where we are emotionally at that particular moment.

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    stevewongposted 14 years ago

    @myownworld for me personally it is definetly songs!!!  although sometimes i do it to myself.  heh heh... a couple times my own fault though, when i played the same song over and over (i.e. putting my iPod on repeat) for hours straight at a time.

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    DeanKeaton259posted 14 years ago

    I'm dealing with the break up of a 5 year relationship, so I know how tough it can be sometimes. For me it's been about 5 months now. I think it's best to just go out as much as you can. Don't stay home alone if you can avoid it. I go to the gym a lot and that helps as well. Anything that occupies your time is better than thinking about the past.
    
    You could also try and find someone new. I think it's easier for girls than for guys. Just go out a lot, look pretty, and wait for guys to approach you. Sometimes the attention alone is enough of an ego boost to make you feel a little better.
    
    For guys it's a bit tougher. If you want to find someone new you really have to be willing to put yourself out there again and approach people. After a breakup, it's a lot more difficult to do the approaching as opposed to being approached.

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    eternaltreasuresposted 14 years ago

    spend time with your relatives, old friends, to know more about yourself and the Divine Being

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    tah658posted 14 years ago

    remember there are billions of people in the world. you just spent a short time with one of them. so now go meet a couple more.

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    donotfearposted 14 years ago

    The important thing is to surround yourself with positive people and do fun things. Plan a really cool outing you've been wanting to do for a long time. Stay as busy as possible....
    
    I respect your effort to have a 'no contact' period. Don't look at his FB page or any other thing that can connect you to him. It could cause a relapse into the 'longing/missing/wanting phase'.  I mean it makes sense, if one needs a clean break, separate yourself from any reminder of the significant other.
    
    Everybody handles it in different ways. I'm sorry you're hurting & missing right now. I promise you it won't last forever.

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    jennshealthstoreposted 14 years ago

    I think that at first you need to get it all out and cry, be depressed, get angry. If you breakup and then jump into something or someone else really quickly then you are holding those feelings in, trying to mask them. Not solve them. One day you might just explode. So I say think about your ex for a while, write down all of your feelings, get your mind straight. And then when you are ready to face the big scary world again, find a hobby, ready books, start something you always wanted to do, get support from family and friends. It is a really hard thing to do, but giving each other the space that you need at this point will give you both a chance to realize if this relationship is over for good or not. You will both learn a lot about yourselves during this time.

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    formerbronxboyposted 14 years ago

    Kat,
    
    1- Buy new batteries.
    2- Enjoy!
    3- Go about your life normally.
    4- When you don't look for someone, they show up.

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       katarinaphangposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       OH, trust me I need ongoing supply of new batteries to keep me "buzzed".

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    Sunny_Sposted 14 years ago

    Move onto the next one. I actually tend to keep myself so busy that my brain hasnt got time to think about other things.

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    Jennifer Lynchposted 14 years ago

    Get some nice bubble bath so that or sea salt so you can chill out in the path.  Play music that inspires you and fill your fridge with yummy food!

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       Sunny_Sposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Maybe chocolate..

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