Should i go for coffee with my old high school boyfriend?

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   the pink umbrellaposted 14 years ago

   Okay, im facebook friends with my high school boyfriend, and he asked me if id like to go for coffee and catch up. he's married, and i have a boyfriend, well kinda. I am not out to be a cheaty cheater, im just not sure if he is. Should i go? its just coffee.

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      Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i don't see why not.  especially since you guys are just having a cup of coffee as two friends catching up and nothing more.  then I see no problem with it.  unless the guy tries to make a pass at you, then i'd probably be concerned.  however, if all he wants is to have coffee and catch up with you about life, then i see no problems with that.

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      Ben Evansposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      No, you shouldn't
      
      This is obviously deceptive on his part. First this is not just some friend.  This is a former boyfriend. 
      
      The questions you should ask are:
      
      Why are you getting together?  For what reason?  If it is just for friendship and his wife doesn't know, it is just plain wrong.  If you want it to be up and up ask his wife to come with him.
      
      This is not fair to his wife and I have a sneaking suspicion that he wants more than just coffee.  If you go, in opinion it will be wrong on both peoples parts.

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      tom hellertposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hmm lets see i think you SHOuld go to cofee and show ol Charlie Mcintosh ( guessing on the name) what he missed out on you new 110 lb figure and low cut dress from your profile picture will make him drool all in his coffee that will make him sorry he dumped you for that slutty cheerleader Lisa Phillips...Although the names have been changed to protect the innocent the song remains the same- i don't see there being an issue with you going what do you think Spence will say

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         the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Tom- spence has little to say about it, as im not letting him bring me down anymore, he's leaving, and i get the apartment! haha...But i did tell him that i was going for coffee to catch up with an old highschool boyfriend, and he said i never go out, because things like this come up, and i pass them over. Which is true, im a total house cat.

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      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      In my day, "Just coffee" was a synonym for heavy petting

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      fierycjposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dont do it..........lol

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      Onusonusposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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      rusticyetiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It depends on your relationship. If you guys were friends before you dated and have a good vibe with each other, I'd say no problem. However, if there was a lot of sexual chemistry when you dated, especially if the guy was dating other girls (or picking up tail on the side) I would say to forget it. If I were that guy, and I dated a lot of women in high school, and now I am married, I may as well try to get some on the side if I felt that I was trapped with one woman and I need to get an outside perspective for a change.

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         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         And, we can see that you didn't bother to read the thread. If you had, then you would have known that the event was already over with...simply because of the link and talk, shortly before your post.
         
         I realize you're new, but common-sense should prevail.

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            mega1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            COMMON SENSE!  (sorry I yelled)  but why now?  why here?  we never have bothered with it much before!  WTF is common sense, anyhow?

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      luckyboy3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      depends on how he is if his  character is good then u  can go nothing wrong in that

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   double_frickposted 14 years ago

   would your or his S.O. mind, if they knew?
   if not, why not?
   unless it bothers you, whats the problem?

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      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well, its just that i asked him if his wife cared, and he didnt say know, he just said i was being silly. I dont know, he downed her twice durring the last few conversations, and i kind of ignored it, something about it seems weird, although i would like to catch up, we were really close for about a year, and id like to have coffee as friends.

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         earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Easy to see after your last statement. Don't go!
         
         No man should talk about his wife like that, not even to an old friend, so I know what he means by don't be silly. He means don't be moral!

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            lorlie6posted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Earnest's right-believe me, you don't want to go there!

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   Info Bucketposted 14 years ago

   Why not? I will go with him if i were in your position.

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      earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Why do you think he spoke badly of his wife IB?
      I have my theory.

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      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yea, im like curious, but your right, i think by dont be silly, he means dont worry about it. now, my bf and i pretty much decided were not staying together, so since im not in a solid relationship, i dont feel comfortable going, because i dont want him to think that im single and he can hit on me. But for all i know, he just wants to shoot the breeze.

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   TamCorposted 14 years ago

   I agree with Earnest and Lorlie...don't go!
   
   This man is patronizing you by calling you silly, then being totally disrespectful to his wife--is this how you'd want your boyfriend talking about YOU to an old girlfriend?
   
   I've met a lot of "smooth operators" in my life(even used to be married to one), and that's exactly how he seems to me...sorry.
   
   
   Tammy

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      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      no, dont be sorry, i wanted the advice. when we dated in high school though, i broke up with him because he was for lack of a better word "simple" there were no calculated moves, because he just wasnt smart enough to make them, so i cant imagin hes being anything but straight forward, ugh im so conflicted!!!!

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         DoorMattnomoreposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         if it seems wierd, don't go. If you have to ask then you probably already know deep down what to do. Im not saying going to coffee with an old friend is wrong, but you seem to already feel that this particular situation isnt quite right.
         Honestly, no matter what the status of his marriage is, he is married. How do you really think his wife would feel to know her husband is going out for coffee with this ex-girlfriend, and is talking badly about her behind her back? He may not be calculating, but I dont think hes being 100 percent honest either.

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   TamCorposted 14 years ago

   Oops, sorry--looks like we posted at the same time...

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   Disturbiaposted 14 years ago

   Oh please, let's be honest, don't even pretend you don't know there is something more brewing here than "just a cup of coffee" with the old boyfriend.

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      Shadesbreathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yep. 
      
      Your conscience is going off like fire department bells and you're looking for justification to ignore it.
      
      I'm not telling you what to do.  I'm just saying you already know what the answer is and you just don't like it.

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         the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         actually, thats not the reason i posted this question at all. I have no idea what his motives are, i havnt seen the guy in 10 years. jesus, change your tampon

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            Shadesbreathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            It's not his motives that made you post this question.  His motives are the excuse you can make for questioning your own.  Your defensive reaction and tampon comment give the lie to your seeming indifference and what is perhaps a ruse of curiosity regarding resurrecting friendship with this dull fellow.
            
            I don't give a crap what you do.  My point was one of human nature.  If there was nothing to it, you would never have posted this.

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      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      hey disturbia- leave your negative comments at the door. I was asking for advice, not bragging about being a whore. I just wasnt sure about the line between catching up, and him sneaking off. I spoke to him on the phone today, and all he talked about was how his wife wanted to meet me, because she dosnt have any friends with kids. So back off.

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         Disturbiaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         LOL,  did you leave your sense of humor at the door?  Has my little play on words about brewing and coffee struck some nerve to prompt such a defensive and hostile response?
         
         You say in your opening question that you don't want to be a "cheaty cheater" so you can't say it hasn't crossed your mind this old boyfriend might be interested in something more than just coffee.  Shall we now pretend otherwise? I'm sure his wife wants to meet his ex-girlfriend just about as much as I want to meet my husband's ex-wife.
         
         Incidentally, I'm not the one who said you were "bragging about being a whore."   Those are your words, not mine.  I don't waste my time being judgmental and I have far too much dark history to be casting stones.  So, please refrain from putting your words into my mouth and then telling me to back off for something I never said. 
         
         Since, I could care less if you have coffee with this guy or not, I say go ahead and take the plunge, then come back and tell us all about it.  I'm sure everyone will want to know what happened.  Ultimately, you will do what you want anyway, no matter what anybody else has to say about it.

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   NILUFARposted 14 years ago

   yes you can

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   ralwusposted 14 years ago

   curiosity got the pussy in all kinds of deep shiit before she got killed.

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      mega1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      she should have known better than to ask us!  We'll have her head spinning with conflicting advice . . .all sounding plausible and good!
      
      
      mwwwahhhhaaaaahaahaha!

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      Shadesbreathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      lawl

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   mega1posted 14 years ago

   Hey, listen - go - and then come back and tell us all about it!!  No, really, it's all material for your book, right?  It could be very interesting or dull, in an interesting sort of way, know what I mean?  If he was simple in high school, aren't you a little curious to see if he is still, or if he grew up?  And if he's going to be a bum - make sure you're only with him in a very public place and that he doesn't follow you home and start stalking you!  I'm serious.   Also make sure that a friend knows you've gone to meet him and where and when you'll be back - just in case.  Oooooh - now this is giving me the creeps.  My imagination, probably.  Better safe than sorry.  Maybe he's been harboring feelings for you all these years!  Anyway, good luck, and let us know what you decide and how it goes, ok?

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    Chaotic Chicaposted 14 years ago

    In my experience, the guy that downs his wife, no matter how good she is, is rarely doing it because he is genuinely unhappy with her.  He is either trying to see if he still 'has it' by leaving the door open for you to flirt (even if he has no intention of following through) or he's an honest sleazball who is looking for s piece of afternoon delight.
    
    For example, after I got remarried, I ran into an old flame, he related to us his engagement and then acted as though she wasn't exactly his dream girl and was only going along with the marriage to make her happy.  My husband, after seeing my confusion, laughed and said that he was just 'fluffing his feathers'.  That alot of guys will fake being unhappy in their marriage to see what, if anything, they can get out of it from another girl, especially an old flame.
    
    I would go, if only out of sheer morbid curiosity.  I would find it amusing to see him tripping all over himself if his intentions are indeed dishonest.  If they are pure, this might be a good time to clear the air and settle some unfinished business, he may need this to move on, to know that he didn't make the wrong decision....you might, too.

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       mega1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       right on - I met up with my old high school flame and discovered just that - that I did the right thing breaking up with him.  We actually went out to dinner and he was so solidly conservative and selfish and vain and talked non-stop about himself!  I was sooooo glad I broke it off right before we were "scheduled" to become engaged.

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       thanks guys, i think i will go, scheduled for 4:30 tommorow, ill let you know how it went. Im brining my own herbal te in a travel mug, and im going to sit there and talk, thats all.

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    Richieb799posted 14 years ago

    What was he like back in the day? more than likely he's still the same type of person if he was a cheat back then

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Nope, he was kinda goofy.

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    ExpandYourMindposted 14 years ago

    I'd tread lightly here.  Disrespecting his wife is good clue.  The grass is always greener on the other side.

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    Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

    Why would you be a cheater by having coffee?  It is just coffee right and you're not interested in him at all right? The guy was letting off steam about his wife.  If during the coffee he does something weird that's when you say good-bye.

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       right, im doing it, im going. I feel stupid making a big deal out of it.

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          Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Yeah, give us an update, now we're all invested

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          Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          just bring protection.. you might need it

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             mega1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

             what kind of protection?

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                Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                latex based condoms, silly

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                   mega1posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   oh.  I was thinking of my 240 lb football player cousin and also maybe Juanita who carries a jackknife in her boot and maybe a couple other guy who would lurk in the background, just in case.  I doubt if The Pink Umbrella is gonna need condoms!  of course, I could be wrong.  I have been wrong before - that's how I got my kids!

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                      Greek Oneposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      wow.. those are some weird ingredients for an orgy, Mega

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             the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             haha mega1- your too funny! No, i wouldnt need condoms, because im not out to sleep with a man who has 3 kids...in the middle of a starbucks no less! I just dont want to be put in the awkward situation to say no, thats all. My god, some of these commentors are crazy... like they think i have all kinds of bad intent and im justifying whatever it is to myself...cut someone you dont know a break, would you?

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    Veianetposted 14 years ago

    Yes, go but tell him to take along his wife so you will meet her  and your boyfriend. That would be fun to make more friends as well as catch up with your former. Clean fun...

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    EmpressFelicityposted 14 years ago

    I've had the "would you like to meet up?" question from two exes.  On both occasions, it was shortly after their girlfriend/wife had given birth. 
    
    I turned down both requests, because I had a strong suspicion that there was an ulterior motive.  (As in "I'm not going to get a shag from the wife for a while... why don't I go through my old address book and see if I have any luck there, before I cast the net a bit wider?")

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       his wife is pregnant......

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          EmpressFelicityposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          
          
          Bingo! 
          
          After 45 years on this planet, I have realised that if my bullshit radar starts pinging, I should listen to it because it's usually right. 
          
          By all means have coffee with the guy, if only out of curiosity.  But I wouldn't meet up with him again after that if I were you.

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    sean004posted 14 years ago

    Jeez, i never realised coffee meant so much! i'll never ask anyone for caffeine again.
    
    Pink Umbrella: if you want to shoot the breeze then go and meet him, I'm sure you'll be able to control yourself.
    
    if he starts hitting on you then you can either burn him off, in which case he's embarrassed, or you can decide to cheat.... or of course you could hit on him if the mood takes you
    
    but agreeing to a cup of coffee will not give him assumptions of your willingness to reignite the high school flame.
    Nor should you have assumptions that he will have motives other than simply wanting to meet an old friend.

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       thats what im thinking, i just wanted to make sure my weirdo thoughts were just that, weird. Anyway, lol about the caffiene!

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    Pearldiverposted 14 years ago

    Interesting that it takes nearly a day to make a decision
    
    You could have had a 5 course dinner and nice breakfast by now

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    ceciliabeltranposted 14 years ago

    don't go. had the same problem. I saw him, then asked about his wife's number because I knew them both, he didn't want to but kept on calling me. I said, if you don't want me to talk to your wife, don't talk to me! 10 years later, I tell his wife his strange behavior. She was sooo angry...at me for implying that her husband wanted to cheat on her with me. I was like? "Huh? What are you mad at me for?" One month later, she finds out that her husband had a baby with someone else. But she's still mad at me. My friends say she's just probably very very embarrassed about the whole thing.
    
    men asking old girlfriends out are most likely womanizers.

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       God, i hope not, because im going! I have thought to much into this, and i have to go. im going to stay for an hour at the most, and leave, i already have my brother calling me at 5:15 tommorow to tell me somethings up with my son, so i have an excuse to leave. im bringing my own tea, and wearing conservative clothing. it might be nice to catch up, and talk about the past. Plus, i never get out. So im going. Ill let you know how everything went, and if i dont post tommorow night by 6pm, for gods sake, send help! lol

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          logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          As long as it's at Starbucks, there should be no problem!  They have a strict policy against sex on the tables!  I'm speaking from experience!

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             the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Yeah, a friend of mine today told me that anything can happen in a starbucks. sheesh...logic, help me out here, ive thrown myself to the wolves!

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                logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                No, you're cool!  You have a good head on your shoulders and I have no doubt you'll  be under control and do the right thing!  Whatever that is!
                We'll still respect you in the morning!  Whoops, it is morning!  Que Sera Sera!

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                   the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   haha nighty night all...even the mean commentors! love to everyone! peace man!

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                      logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      Good nite!  Have fun and be good.  Be very very good!

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                         the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         Today's the day, ladies and gents! ill make you all proud! ive got my iron underware on! Naysayers, beware, my profile pic does not indicate my morals! (it was a happy accident that it turned out that way...i kind of feel chilly when i look at it...lol). So 6 tonight, im posting the results...be there or be square!

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                            ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                            You face shows you are actually quite reserved...oh and easily hurt.
                            
                            Don't mind me I'm the community know it all! goodluck.

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          ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Well, you gotta do what you gotta do. I won't judge you but to tell you the truth it was interesting to see how he turned out.

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             the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             Im late to comment...dont panic forum!!!! Okay, so i was late getting there, and he was standing by the counter waiting for his coffee chino mocha whatever. We sat down, no hug hello, both very reserved. And....we just started talking like old times. it was nice to see him. he showed me pictures of his kids, and i showed him pictures of my beautiful baby boy. he got a call from his girlfriedn (yea, aparently he dosnt have enough dough right now to get married, but loves her so much, he tells everyone shes his wife...i think thats sweet.) so he gets the call, and we had been there for about a half an hour. He says hes taking her out to dinner just the two of them, and that it was nice talking to me. We got up, a feather light hug, and i was on my way!
             Now, i dont know where this came from, but when i got back, spencer just looked amazingly attractive to me (i guess by comparisson of mike) and i shagged him rotten! Not like me, as ive been pretty not into that lately, but it put a smile on his face, and right now im glowing!
             So that was it guys, just coffee (well, i had a gingerale) but just coffee and nice conversation. it was comfortable, and felt like a one time deal. Who knows, maybe well meet up again in another 10 years, all i know is, spencer never looked so good to me!

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                Flightkeeperposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                That's nice that it worked out well.  And you found out how good you had it. Awesome.

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                ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                I guess that would be the relief more than anything!

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                   Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   Hey Cecilia,
                   
                   Did you read the hub she wrote?
                   http://hubpages.com/hub/My-coffee-date- … -boyfriend

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                      ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      Na I guess I better.

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                         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         It's not necessary, I just thought I would ask.

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                      ceciliabeltranposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      cagsil, YOU think she's hot!

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                         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         I like the picture she has used on her profile. If it is actually her, then I would have to say that I would find her attractive.

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                      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      cagsil- thanx for the traffic! lol

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                         Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         You're welcome, providing it works well for you hub.

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    floating mindposted 14 years ago

    Just wanted to point out that I have lunch with my old high school girl-friend about once a month.  She is happily married, and I am not interested in trying to form anything other than just a friendship.  Now, we are good friends and enjoy our lunch-time meals together.  It's fun to catch-up and keep up-to-date with each other.  Old boy/girl-friends can make good friends as you continue through life.  But, it's also a chance to catch up on a missed step.  Have fun!

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    mega1posted 14 years ago

    Big relief! very good to know you got through it with the extra positive of your bf looking good to you!  I am very pleased, no strangeness, that's really, really good - and I bet his gf looked real good to him too!

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       i hope so! maybe he went home and chicka chicka bou bou!!! haha. Thing is, i was so worried about going because i brok up with him in highschool, and he would always tell me how i broke his heart. So, i wasnt sure if there were still any feelings there. Haha, maybe he looked at me and thought ewwe! lol. But no, the way he was talking, he just seem so in love with his lady
       but, i went to walmart w spencer tonight...and it was just as much fun, but more because i was with him. I kept thinking that maybe there was another guy out there for me, but having coffee with mike helped me picture myself with any other guy. And i dont like that. No one will ever be spencer..

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    Shadesbreathposted 14 years ago

    See, all that sexual tension got to release itself in a positive direction.  That's a happy ending.

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       your missing the point-there was no sexual tension, but when i got home, i saw spencer and got excited!

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          Shadesbreathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Why didn't you get excited when you saw Spencer last Tuesday?  Or the Sunday before? 
          
          I know, you did.  It just wasn't remarkable enough to write a forum post about like this coffee date was.  Even though this was just an old friend, etc.  I hear ya. 

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             the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             because if you have ever read anything of mine, you would understand why spencer dosnt usually look all that great to me. But being able to just get out and do something without him, i dont know. made him look better to me, thats all.

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    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    happy trails then.

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    Disturbiaposted 14 years ago

    

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    PegCole17posted 14 years ago

    This was better than a detergent drama! I was all ready to jump in with both feet (of which one usually ends up in my mouth) but reading through the thread made me zip my lips.
    
    I'm glad things turned out so nicely. I can tell you from past errors in judgement, it's not always so.

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       the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Peg- haha, no ones more relived than i am! I was picturing a lingering hug, and a wink and a nod towards his car, lol. Anyway, i wrote a hub about it if ya really wanna get more info, but i think i covered my bases right here, so gotta go! i have to bomb my apartment for fleas!

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          Jaggedfrostposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I am glad that everything worked out for you. It is amazing how words that usually have one context can cause us to take a logical flight of fancy into a realm were people aren't as honorable as we would ordinarily wish them to be.  It is nice to see that talking with an old flame ignited something again with your current boyfriend.

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