Unconditional love is impractical; the very theory of it is a trap designed to snare newly weds in the abyss that is marriage and inevitable divorce?
We create sociologigal expectations of each other that are both extremely demanding and impractical. The expectations do not reflect our knowledge of the person, and we react with disappoinment when they are not met.
We often try to project our past disappoinments on new partners, and end up in a cycle of judgments and failed relationships. We will be served well to appreciate each other for who we really are, and what we uniquely bring to the relationship.
Happiness, caring and the enjoyment of shared interest should be the true barometer; that defines love, not an ancient script.
Unconditional love is not simply a theory. Case in point: I had a very good friend--we're talking maybe 15 yrs of close friendship here--who did not show at my wedding. I was confused and angry about this for more than a few years. However, I still love him. He's married, and I wish him the best.
There is a deepness that love can reach--I think hate can reach there too--that is beyond behavior. Whatever offense committed by the beloved simply cannot blot out the emotion felt for that person; the offense typically doesn't go that deep. That's unconditional love to me.
Love is of God not of humanity, thats why it is called unconditional love. Living in the will of God and growing in the knowldge of the word of God will solve your problem of understanding the practicality of unconditional love. Its not a human institution it has no conditions nor does it have boundaries. You can not find love out there, live in the will of God and love will become a part of your nature. in the world you will find lust, not love. lust is conditional it seeks its own, and goes from this to the other person to fulfill lustful desire. Love is stable and rooted and grounded in God therefore it is possible to love with condtions because the other persons well being will be more important then your own.
Unconditional love is very practical, in fact unconditional love = true love
Accepting one for who they are is part of unconditional love. Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, if we tell them we wont love them if they do or act in certain ways, puts conditions on them. It's not to say you have to approve of everything but you should learn to accept people for themselves, flaws and all.
unconditional love is not impractical just hard to find. It's the love you find in a true family or the love one should have with ones spouse. If you need examples:
My husband and I have seen each other in every possible light and still love each other. I love my parents still, even after everything and still try to help them. My brother will always have me no matter what and he has stood by me still.
I am convinced that unconditional love exists. There must be a high level of awareness and maturity, but exists. When we love unconditionally we accept the other, completely. When we love in this way we do not forget ourselves and our happiness, but we are happy just becouse we are in love, and not because we want something in return. The love is our wealth. And it is a love free from fear, constraints, needs, demands, envy and jealousy. Is unconditional.
I agree with those who've said it exists. It's something we don't even think about, or find a challenge, when we have it toward someone.
The term is often used when referring to how parents should feel about their children. The one bone I've always had to pick about how some people interpret the term is that some people think a person we love should be able to do anything whatsoever in this world, or in the relationship, and we'll still love them anyway. I'm not sure I'm as generous when it comes to not setting some line where, if a person does too much, or something too bad, they cross that line and kill (or at least begin to erode away at)even the strongest love we may have (or had had once) for them.
I mean - I'm sorry. If I found out my husband was a child molester, or one of my kids was a murderer (or whatever), that's going to kill a lot of the love I have for whoever it is. I once read that one definition of real love (but particularly romantic love) is that it must include respect and admiration for the other person. Maybe including those two things in the definition of "real" love means the condition is that the respect and admiration have to be there, or else it isn't "real" love at all.
Then again, we often care very much about/love someone we don't particularly admire much or respect beyond just in ways we respect another human being as a human being.
I guess I think that "unconditional" isn't necessarily un-ending or un-damaged or "un-damagable". There are people we love that way (if we don't have our own emotional problems with loving people), and often we love them unconditionally forever, because nothing happens to damage that love. Sometimes, we may love someone that way until they do something bad enough, and/or bad enough and often enough, to damage it. Some people might say that's "conditional". I guess my definition (correct or not) is that it's unconditional provided it's within the bounds of what's "normal" (what's within the bounds of what makes a person loving, lovable, and worthy of love when it comes to his own actions).
Hmmm. This was a lot of pondering for 8 in the morning. Think I need a second cup of coffee.
Perhaps a few thoughts might be worth considering...
Unconditional love isn't received until it is given...
unless from good people who have the choice to give..
holding on the the past isn't love at all...
you find what you are not what you want...
Part of love is justice...
without it love isn't love it is dross...
sometimes when you love you have to walk away...
but you care all the same hurting for loss...
when they come around isn't important...
it requires that you feel that way all the time...
Unconditional love you give to yourself...
unconditional love is a goal not a crime...
The "ONLY" unconditional love that exists is the love for ones child. If you didn't feel that profound, inexplicable love the moment you saw that precious little human life for the first time, you are "dead!"
The birth of my son, my only child, was the first time I ever experienced "love" of any kind in my life!
He and my grandchildren (my blood) are the only unconditional loves in my life!
I beg to differ. The fact that you have never developed that kind of relationship for a woman doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It gives no way out and only contemplation of ways through.
Unconditional love, to me, means a love so deep and profound that I'd gladly die for the object of that love.
There is no person on this planet but my son or grandkids, not one, that I would give up my life for.
A relationship with a woman? Too many fish-in-the-sea.
Of course thats just MY opinion. None of us has anything greater to offer than an opinion.
I would agree with you. I would give up my life for my wife.
I think that the "give up your life part" is a bit extreme, too.
I have a nephew who is now well into his forties and has constantly battled alcohol and drugs. In and out of jail, he and his family have had many hard decades.
I love my nephew. I can't help it. No matter how many times he lets us down, no matter how low he may sink, I will always love him and always want to help him if I can. Of course most of that help goes to his family, because it can be unwise to give him much directly. But it is unconditional in the sense that it doesn't matter what he does. Even if he stole from me, I would still love him. I'd be sad and upset, but I would still love him.
To me, that's what unconditional love means. Of course I feel all that and more for my own children, too.
In my opinion, it's possible to despise a person’s actions and behaviors to a point that you will no longer interact with them, yet you can still have unconditional love for them. I believe that pcunix view is pretty accurate.
Incredibly well said, Pcunix. I could attempt to add something to this with my own post, but I think you've said it better than anyone else could have hoped to.
I would only say that love is not a feeling, it is an action. We can experience anger over a person's behavior, sadness at their betrayal, and frustration over their poor choices. None of these things stops us from loving them - it may interrupt the "feelings" of love, but never the action.
Nothing my husband would do could ever change the way I feel about him...and I know that he feels the same way about me...
He always says "Blood is thicker than water, but LOVE is thicker than blood".
There's no such thing as 'unconditional' anything. Everything has conditions attached to it. Limitless, patient, enduring love would be more accurate but too much of a mouthful. Today's unconditional love is more like...
I love you
I love you
I love you
My god, what'd you do to my car?
Maybe the problem is that I do have a relationship with my wife that I would die to preserve. Call me old fashioned but then you would have to question yourselves as I am younger, in all probability then yourselves, I would do and have done things for my wife that I would never do for my children. I do love my boys and any other children she might have but it isn't the same. I also married her for time and all eternity and meant it. That changes things. My sealing to her is one that my kids can't duplicate. I would go to Hell to retrieve her if that were necessary as she has already done so for me. I understand if you Pcunix and Quark, even Tobey cant comprehend that but its true.
I think people dwell too much on receiving unconditional love--that is where the disappointment comes. But, how many of us focus on GIVING unconditional love to our mate or children? That is a process of learning to love even though we disagree with a decision or behavior. Love transcends our humanity and failures. If we loved someone only because they loved us, then we'd never be secure in a loving relationship, ever. We need to get to a place where we can continue loving even though we don't FEEL like it. Love is...a choice.
I enjoy when someone restates my course words so prettily. Thank you FloBe, I quite agree.
Are humans capable of unconditional love? I think when it comes to immediate family and children in many cases it is unconditional and there is simply nothing we can do about it. For some reason there seems to be a lot of disconnect when it comes to forging new relationships and friendships as we go on. Why does it appear we are less forgiving of friends and spouses then children and parents who may hurt us? People get divorced, friendships ends, but loving our children never ends. This is a great topic for a question and would make an excellent hub! There are so many answers. Could it be that unconditional love can only take place when we know confidently that we are loved in return? Does it occur when we expect nothing from a person? Do we place too many expectations on the relationships we forge with lovers and friends to please us? I have some thinking to do. Sorry I can't answer just yet!
Unconditional love starts from oneself, as an example, and radiates out. x
love doesn't entail connection or what you have to suffer for their sake. It has more to do with what you are willing to do to make sure they get help or a wake up call some times. If that means that they get carted away by police or whatever then so be it. When you can't really help them and they won't change then you end up having to put them in the hands of their maker from time to time. Love has more to do with you then them anyhow.
Expectations, demands, judgments, all have nothing to do with love. They are exactly what they are, each in its own definition. The fact that traditionally marriage confuses these things with love does not reduce the value or importance of love itself. It just means that there is huge misconception about what love actually is, as defined by a church or institution, such as marriage.
The only way to love is to strip away all the superstition, ignorance and socially accepted definitions and understand love is beyond expectation, demand and judgment.
Love IS. That's all. When love stops and other feelings take over, it's no longer love, it's one of many other things, but not love. Hence, as a society, we really don't have a good definition or understanding of love. Unconditional love means that love does not stop in its flow. It's continuous. However, few, if any, are capable of really getting to what unconditional love really is.
lol So Daniel, since you are so wise and beneficent as to bestow no formal definition to the word other then to say it has no mechanics much like describing salt, I am curious how you came to the conclusion that I was talking about any of those three topics in mortal terms? I was using scripture and using a more permanent baseline for the subject then the pithy Nicaeanesk concept you purport. Most people don't have the foundation, let alone the wisdom, to use justice, demands, or judgement to show love. Heaven knows I don't as a mortal. I was only pointing out that by understanding and drawing together the motives as to how God came to love his children(including the use of all of those three concepts, which he did lovingly as I suppose), that one might understand how one can love another without making themselves a victim for the sake of the concept of love. If we must love and forgive all men then surely there must be a way other then presenting ourselves to the mule skinners.
Unconditional Love does exist! But Unconditional doesn't mean no effort required. Communication, understanding, patience and faoth are the legs it stands on. Love doesn't fade, it gets sabotaged by not remembering those 4 principals.
Love and relationship are not the same. True love is always unconditional by its nature. Just not everybody can possess that jem.
I understand by that, an affective state where one would give his own life to preserve the object of his love
which is most contradictory, because if you're dead, you lack the ability to love whatsoever...
our friends methaphysicians would have something to say about that, but that's another thred.
but on the other hand it is not less unselfish, and this confirms a certain absoluteness of the feeling, which
A trap it is. And a trap of "Mother Nature" to which we're all subjected. I dont mean that everyone has known unconditional love
but it makes part of the conditions surrounding a perfect mating.
And it can last very long. At least while the children need a protecting environment.
We can observe a kind of unconditional "something" on most of the leaving species of this planet.
Among humans, there are a lot of more or less confused moral notions that tend to keep couples together even if they
come to hate each other deperately. With all the dramatic consequencies to the little ones.
I'd consider that love or whatever, does not escape some universal rules that govern us, like global changes.
And like everything under the sun, emotions evolve continuousely.
I know young couples who divorce just after the first child, leaving a female with a breastfeeding little creature alone. Female who often embodies that notion of unconditional love.
I've known old couples where one does not survive the death of the other.
That kind of passion or unconditional thing, is necessary for some time at the beginning. And it is strongly related to
sex and flowing hormones.
After I have said this, I certainly agree with your last paragraph. (unconditionaly)
Forgiveness is the foundation of unconditional love. It is the base upon which the walls of love are built. Without forgiveness...the walls collapse every time, like a house built on sand. Forgiveness is the key.
Unconditional love is when you give and you do not expect something in return.
Unconditional love impractical?...hmmmm, maybe sometimes you could call it that.
I for one can testify that humans can in fact have unconditional love for someone who is not your child. I do have three children that I also love unconditionally and it is very similar in many ways to the love I feel for my partner.
Unconditional love is a love so pure that it has no boundaries or borders. It seeps into every part and sticks like the hardest barnacle to a rock.
I didn't choose one day to love this way it just happened. I know it's unconditional because my partner has made many mistakes along our journey together that would have been grounds to separate by most other womens opinions including me had I not felt this kind of love for him.
I don't believe that as human beings that it is possible for us to not feel dissapointment or feelings of saddness or betrayal, even anger or jealousy if a partner you truly love is acting in a way that hurts you. Those feelings are human and is normal, it doesn't have to take away the fact that we can forgive them and still love them throughout these things.
I know it says in the bible that Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I interpret that passage of the scriptures to be a guide for us and not an unmovable law on how we are to love one another. I believe it means that when you love someone you don't want to do the things to them that will cause them to feel painful and harmful, negative, emotions. When you truly love someone why would you want to cause them any unnessesary distress by your actions?
The bible is just pointing out some of the emotions that loving should and and should not be about but people ALWAYS have to take it to EXTREME and read every word to its literal meaning.
You can't tell me that you don't feel true unconditional love if you've ever feel the emotion jealousy!For example if your man kisses another woman and you feel sick to your stomach and want to puke and then it makes you upset and you cry and feel angry... that means that you didn't have real love for them now suddenly because you felt jealous? I don't think God meant it to mean that!
It's always easier when the love is resiprical because then things can be usually be pretty smooth sailing with little to cause these upsets and bad feelings.
Even in the face of trials if you are mature enough you can still feel love and see through the moment for it really is all material anyways even our bodies and we can't take any of it with us when we die.
Emotions happen as a result of actions usually. We can feel a certain way after something happens but I think unconditional love is when for some reason unknown we can still feel love in our hearts no matter what the emotions or actions that occur. That love is still firmly planted and holding strong underneath it all.
It's not stupidity, nor is it a lack of self love. Like I said, it's just there. I continue with this feeling even though my partner and I have now had to take our relationship to the hardest level possible and still my love never fades.
We haven't been able to see each other except for two visits in two and a half years! We used to live together but he needed to go accross the country to help his family and I couldn't go with him right away. I plan to go and be with him in a couple long antisipated months from now.
I feel the same now about him as I did the day he left. Pure complete love for him.
My point is that it can happen. Although I think it is also rare and precious to find. Especially, if the person is good and respects that love.
Unfortunately, my partner hasn't always had that good sense to respect me although he has improved a great deal over the years. Plus, he's far from what I'd idealized in the past to be 'the one' for me.
There is no doubt in my mind though. Not even a slight doubt that no matter what he ever does I will love him anyways. Even if he stopped loving me. It wouldn't matter. I may not like some of the things he does and that makes it kind of impracticle at times. It doen't change the way I love him though.
The thing with unconditional love is that it can be taken for granted so easily by another to do as they please. That becomes impracticle in a hurry. It just happens though I can't explain it and I am his barnacle on the rock and he finally sees the value in me and shows it by loving me the same back.
It wouldn't change my love if he never did see the light...but it suuuure is a blessing that he did.
thanks for reading my thoughts on Unconditional love and if it is an impractical human condition or not.
I feel how it is and it exist: unconditional love
I have given all my love inspite of all the circumstances without expectations and demands. What it matters is the feeling and my intuition that he feels the same way too. I am giving all my love and whatever comes in the future i ignore just to be with my founded love and i know this from the moment when our eyes first met. I never ask for promises, never discuss for tomorrow, come what may and let it go.
I think i had offered enough just to fulfill my unconditional love. I am glad that this exist to some couples...it is one of a kind love that brings joy to our whole heart, body and soul.
But what if this unconditonal love for someone is just only keep in the deepest of our hearts instead of giving and let someone feels about this divine pure love? is it because you cannot have this love, and have to give it up? let it go and let it free...
Why does a human being feels this pure true love when one have not a chance of giving it or should someone have to take all the opportunities whatever the cost to fullfill this unconditional love or better keep it in ones heart all our life until the end.
Unconditional love.....Love is Love, pure and simple. Love can at times feel euphoric and other times heart wrenching, but it is still love. Disappointment, hurt and anger are all human emotions and just because one may experience them does not mean that the love is gone. The upside to those emotions is that when they are worked through they can lead to understanding and acceptance which in turns develops greater love. If one refuses to acknowledge that any emotion other than joy is part of love this will lead to nothing but frustration because human perfection is unattainable. Loving can involve great risk, but without risk there is no reward....and giving love...and, more importantly, allowing yourself to accept love...is the greatest reward of all.
Showing unconditional love is a choice. Unconditional love is is true love.
Unconditional love is the greatest power of the universe - if you have this quality - you are literally sitting on the universal powerhouse !!!
No success is far from you - if you can love yourself, your surroundings, your circumstances, your situations, your relations, your pets, your challenges, your work - and every concievable thing unconditionally !!!
Well due to my belief! I believe most people marry for all the wrong reasons. 90% of the time there is no true connection and how can something like "marriage" ever work. Having a true connection regardless of your past is what I consider marriage. because only then will you think before acting, express yourself fully, leave the past exactly where it lay, In the past and focus on your new found partner and the life you need to live. I never understood why one decides to get married then has cold feet! What is that about? If you know you have found true love, as well as desire to spend your life with this special someone. Where does cold feet come in. People are so convinced and in the know when it comes to a career a degree, a house, car, etc. But are clueless when it comes to knowing someone, appreciating someone and continuously respecting them. It can only be because the are NoT coNNected! #Thinkaboutyourconnectionthenexttimeyouplanoninvestingself
Vonda G. Nelson
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