When is it time to say goodbye?

1. 72

   Iontachposted 14 years ago

   You and your partner are just not getting along, you are both two completely different people and are both stubborn and will never change.
   You make each other angry all of the time because of differences, clashing and disagreements...
   One of you want things that they deserve but the other partner will never provide.
   
   One obstacle is love, there is a lot of love. Your heart wants to continue but you brain says the complete opposite.
   
   What should you do??? Follow your heart and be miserable forever? Or follow your brain and be miserable for a while?

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   1. 60

      couturepopcafeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Just because you love someone doesn't mean you need to stay with them.  You can still love them.  I was in a relationship just like the one you described.  When we finally had 'the talk', I told him he'll never change.  He said to me 'neither will you.'  That's when I realized he was feeling the same things I was.  We ended it there and then but the pain of the loss of the relationship lingered for a long time.  Looking back, I can see that he was not right for me.

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      1. 72

         Iontachposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I can't believe I just blurted out all my emotions there...embarrassing...
         
         Sorry to hear that couturepopcafe! Break ups sincerely suck.
         Can I ask how long roughly did it take for you to recover? and how long did the relationship ask?
         
         We both had the convo and we both said to each other that we are not willing to change...

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         1. 60

            couturepopcafeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            It's probably only embarrassing because you're a guy.  It's all good.  This was back in 1991 so it's long over.  The relationship lasted only about a year but it took me about a year to let it go.  He actually called me every day for a year.  Finally I said, "do you realize you've called me every day for a year?"  It wasn't so much that I was so in love with him, it's was just that I wanted to be in love, I wanted that special relationship of fairy tales and story books, that person who would stand by me no matter what in the face of anything.  It's a lot to ask for.  I've since learned to stand by myself and I have my own set of standards come hell or high water.  It should be easier for you because you're a guy.  Men do hurt in their own way but I think they are not as governed by their emotions as women can be.  Men statistically externalize things where women internalize them. 
            
            You can still love someone and yet move on.  You don't need to stay attached in a way that is non-productive.  Namaste.

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   2. 0

      kimberlyslyricsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Rule of thumb for me is when it stops being fun.  Your heart knows instantly, I believe, however we fight to change energy that cannot be changed
      
      Welcome btw, glad your here

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      1. 72

         Iontachposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         awww cheers kimberlyslyrics! I'm glad I blurted out my thoughts, I think?! lol
         Such a difficult situation...

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   3. 61

      pink flavourposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Let's say you separate.And what will you do next?You will try to find her in every woman you'll be with .You will not be satisfied of what you find , you'll leave at the smallest mistake they make (even if now you can accept it and a lot more)and in the best situation you will find somebody that you think is alright for you and helps you move on , but not nearly as good as Her.The highs are perfect and the lows are deadly , I believe this is what your present relantionship is about . And you want to find ..what? something that will keep you on a linear existence? think about this and if the answer is no , don't take a decision right away . And of course none of you will change and I don't think you want her to  change because this is why you fell for her in the first place , right? I don't think it's about changing someone , it's about making little compromises that will help both of you accept one another.I know a few persons who went through the same situation as yours(including me:))but even after a few years they didn't really move on . There are still vivid memories and still feelings when you accidentally(or not) meet the person .

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   4. 71

      TimeHealsAllposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If you feel there is no real hope for genuine happiness and it is beyond repair, then I say move on.

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2. 84

   GmaGoldieposted 14 years ago

   Life is a matter of a number of journeys and roads we must travel.  My Mother always said "ships that pass in the night".  Look not at the door that is closing - look for the next door to walk through. 
   
   My grandmother's advise was never run away - always run to - know what you want - make a list - check it twice - pray on your request and God will bring you abundance and joy.  Trust in the future.  Know yourself, know what a great relationship is and be strong.

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3. 51

   eyartiposted 13 years ago

   This is i guess the closest i can get in connection to my situation.
   
   i really sincerely feel that we are so different and it make us clash and hurt each other more...
   
   but- we truly love each other. (so much)
   
   how to let go...
   its so easier than done.
   
   by: Iontach  - "One obstacle is love, there is a lot of love. Your heart wants to continue but you brain says the complete opposite."
   
   
   this is perfectly define my emotions and sentiments....
   
   thank you for this forum thread. somehow it helps me also...

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4. 73

   realtalk247posted 13 years ago

   I believe when you are in true, mature, and healthy love - your head has to match your heart.  Opposites attract but there should be similarities: core values, morals, outlook in life, and healthy loving. 
   I had a long term relationship in my twenties where I realized no matter how much I loved him we were not going to work.  He had done too much to hurt, I felt my personality changing (frustrated and angry due to hurt) which wasn't me. It took a friend to say that I wasn't even acting like my normal self. After a series of events I came to realize I had to let him go.  I literally sat down on the floor of my apartment crying like a little kid, and I told him the future: "I'm going to leave you. I can't do this anymore."
   Did I love him? Yes. He was my first love and my heart but our interaction wasn't right.  Perhaps I was not what he was looking for and he was not the type of man that I needed him to be (integrity, morals, priorities, respect, career), at least while I was with him. 
   Through him, I discovered some people with unresolved childhood issues can sometimes be addicted to dysfunctional relationships.  While I wanted a healthy and solid love; he went out of his way to create drama and problems in what started out as a good friendship turned into a relationship.  I discovered he associated chaos with love and I didn't.
   Arguing, operating on different levels with lack of common insights/values/goals/thoughts will not work.  Sit down and write down what your heart feels and then what your head knows. Don't sit in limbo wasting years. 
   If you don’t want to let things go (and your considering a long term commitment with this person), I would suggest therapy because I’m sure neither one of you are really happy at this point. 
   I’m starting to think of this song that has a chorus that applies to this situation: “Waste of Time.  Waste of Time.  Waste of Time. Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mind. I’m all right. I’m all right. I’ll be all right.  Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mine.”

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