Have you ever found yourself wanting to leave your partner of 20 yrs?
Oh boy...that's all I can say at the moment-have you ever felt the same sort of thing?
I don't think many people here have had the same partner for 20 years. I'm sorry lorlie! It will pass...
Oh my...
[33 years here...]
This reminds me of one of those humorous chain e-mails that went around a few years ago - it said something about how "all of us" (women of a certain age) were "tired of our husbands"! It was implying "All of us have been through this...."
It was meant as humor, but humor does often have an underlying ring of truth.
I think it would really be hard not to occasionally be tired of or fed up with someone we've been with for a long time. Even when we are committed to them, and even when we do love them.
I think the real question is why exactly someone wants to leave. Some reasons have more weight than others. Some are just passing problems that can be overcome. But I think all of the reasons are worth evaluating and analyzing.Well I honestly don't know how that must feel like, as I think the longest romantic relationship that I've had only lasted like maybe two months if that; unless you want to count online relationships. And even those only lasted for like barely over a year on average. Therefore, I can't say that I know what you're going through.
However, i do apologize that you feel this way. Have you tried talking to him about this to see how he feels? I know a lot of times whenever relationships don't work out, it's often because there's a lack of communication between both parties. Therefore, if you really think that you want to leave your lover after 20 years, then I think it's probably best if you try to talk things out with him first. After all, not every relationship is going to be perfect, as I'm sure a lot of folks can attest to having their relationships become strained from time to time. However, some will often work through it. The point is, I think it's probably best if you talk to your husband/boyfriend about this before jumping to any conclusions, as we all tend to allow our emotions to get the best of us sometimes; even a certain mr. logical person that posts on here all the time can become a victim of that too.
Anyways, I hope that helps, and I hope for your sake that things work out for you.
Here's hoping!
Really good points to consider! In some situations it could be out of the frying pan and into the fire. It depends.
Thanks!
That was from klarawieck.
Agree with that, for sure!
I think it may harder for people who ARE that rock for someone else, and that someone else keeps chipping away and chipping away at that rock.
When the "rock" is married to someone who isn't out to chip away not stop, year after year - all is fine. It's when a "rock" is married to a "chipper" that sometimes the "rock" know that s/he doesn't get away there'll be nothing left of him/her.
(I'm not AT ALL suggesting you're a "chipper"
.) Just saying that there are people who are. A person would have to live with a "chipper-awayer" to have a shred of an idea of how bad it can be for the one who's always been the "rock". If a person is married to a "chipper" there's also the good chance that he'll chip harder and harder, and eventually get out the sledge hammers and the jack hammers. Rocks in that situation need to get out before there's nothing left of them.
Most sobering (that I've discovered myself) is that sometimes someone is not a "chipper" unless/until serious problems hit the marriage from outside, or from "larger life" - and all of a sudden everyone's fundamental nature kicks in (when it otherwise would have remained hidden). Some people discover they're rocks after all. Some fall apart. Some (the chippers) don't know how to survive without reducing the nearest rock to rubble.
(lorlie, hope it was just a bad day a couple of days ago and has since passed. From what I've heard, lots of people have those times.)So are we...thanks for thinking of that apt description...
I 'did the right thing' and suffered until my kids left home - then escaped from over 30 years of misery. I hope this time around goes 20 years as I will be over 80 by then
But for Lorlie, the devastation of normal life is not worth it 'after a certain age' - try sticking it to him instead ?!My husband and I have been married for almost 23 years, and not once have we ever considered something like that...we've been very happy together, and feel very blessed.
But...my mom left my dad after 27 years of marriage, two kids and three grand kids. She thought it was the right thing to do, even though my dad was nothing but good to her--she said she just didn't love him anymore.
Well, it didn't take her long to realize that she'd made a bad decision, and, 26 years later, she still regrets it. It's way too late now...my dad's been remarried for over 20 years now, and she's been married again(not happily) and is now widowed, but realizes that the "one good guy" for her was my dad.
That's my convoluted way of saying please think very long and hard before doing something like leaving. For some it's the best thing to ever happen, I know. But for others, like my mom, it lead to a lifetime of regrets...
joyfuldesigns--I don't know if that last statement was for me or the OP, but if it was directed at me, then I wanted to say that it's not me, it's my mom whose had the major regrets...but thank you for what you said.
And good luck to you--I watched my father struggle through adjusting to divorce, and it was awful. I hope that everything works out well for you.
I have to respectfully disagree about your statement that relationships have a shelf-life. Some, yes, but not all. Mine is stronger than it's ever been, after more than 20 years--probably because our life is constantly changing. When we get bogged down by circumstances, we change them--even if it's in a small way.
We talk about everything--nothing is off-limits when you love each other. If we ever had a problem, the last thing either one of us would want to do is throw away the past 23 years. We would work the problem out, no matter how long it took.
lorlie--Obviously, it takes both of you to be willing to do it--it can't be one-sided. But do some serious soul-searching before you make your decision, please.
I think you owe it to yourself and your husband to at least give it some time before you make such a drastic choice.
Like I said in my first post earlier...my mom made a hasty decision, and has spent many many years regretting it...
All of you are amazing! I'm unfortunately in a cafe renting a computer-mine's on the fritz and in the shop-so I can't take the time to respond until my machine gets out of the hospital.
See you (hopefully) soon!I never got to 20 years either - the first one, the "let no man put asunder" one, lasted for 9 years (I finally ran for my life). At about the 8 year mark, I was seriously evaluating my options, but not because there was greener grass - just checking escape routes
Made it to 11 years the second time - thought that one was forever, too, but 'twas not to be. Partner found someone else they wanted more than they wanted me.
Ah, well
No one to worry about right nowSince I've no idea how to respond to each and every one of you glorious folks, I'll take on saddlerider 1-now, sir, was that some sort of come on to get a third wife? Hehe. *Wink* right back at ya, too! And by the way, if you're wondering where I've been, you haven't been lookin' very hard. Teehee-flirt-flirt. You'd be one gorgeous, talented catch, that's for sure.
Now back to our local t.v. station:
Well, it seems my hubby and I've figured out it's our 23 year old son whose causing much of the mayhem around here, and we're taking it out on each other. At least that's how it seems. We had one of those horrid 'family talks' and though it got ugly, it was productive.
More later...Aficionada and everybody-he and his 'fiance' don't live in this home, but they do live less than a mile from here and visit every day. To do laundry, etc. We are so sick of this, fighting with each other seems inevitable.
Oh, and I forgot-I think-to mention that I babysit their 11 month old son daily-gratis-since they-mostly my son-needs his 'relaxation time' on his days off. Do I sound somewhat bitter?? I mean I'm going to be 55 in 2 months! I get tired sometimes, too.
I love that baby so much I feel my heart will break, but am concerned at his attachment to me and his Grandpa.- ahorsebackposted 11 years ago
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Man... 
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