Would you go ahead with the wedding because of love?

1. 39

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   You have been facing so many trauma and problems in your life because your parents were killed while you were 14yrs and this has been affecting you physically and mentally to the extent that at 30yrs of your age you have being in 15 different relationships and the cause of breaking up is you because of the sudden death of your parents which comes into your mentality everytime and you cry and vow that you would kill who ever has the hands in the death of your parents but at last you find that special person that is trully derserving,that special person you have been dreaming of to spend the rest of your life with but unfortunately this person is the same person you have vowed to kill if you ever get to know them. Would you fullfil your vow to kill them or fullfil your wedding?

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   1. 79

      AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      This would be a very difficult situation.  In a situation like this, I would just stop everything and decide what are my consequences if I stay with that person hiding my feelings or kill him.  Due to the fact that those two choices would bring huge negative consequences, I would walk away...just walk away.

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      Barbara Kayposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I wouldn't marry this person with how you feel. You need to find forgiveness in your heart or you will never be happy. It will probably take professional counselling.

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         AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I agree.

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   3. 74

      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Pharuk,
      
      If this is about you, I would seek serious counseling. A person should never vow to harm or kill anyone. When a person marries it is out of love. I don't know how your parents were killed, but I would recommend working on finding out in a constructive and positive way. Anger is not going to get you anywhere but behind bars. Work on yourself before you make any commitments. Let the person you are with go, do not make her a victim for your anger.

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2. 60

   SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years ago

   wow...that's a serious question...first i'd probably have to end the wedding and second get some help

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3. 39

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   Thank you for the contribution Annacia, I appreciate your decision.

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      AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Pharuk, I would like to know what would be your answer.

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4. 39

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   AnnaCia, in this situation,its like a piece of shit at the top side of the plate of stew while you are eating if you clean it and get your face off it you can never get your mind off it,I will definitely stop the wedding because the person is never the right person for me,the right person will never come in such a terrible way, so I will hope for another chance as I don't believe in last chance,I would hope the right person would come my way.

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5. 39

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   Thanks for your contribution barbara, But would you go ahead with the wedding if professional counselling say so?

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6. 39

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   Somewayouttahere, I appreciate your contribution,does that mean you would go ahead or quit?

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7. 70

   Diane Insideposted 12 years ago

   How did this person contribute to their death? Did they execute them as a killer might have.
   
   Or was he and unfortunate victim of a car accident who may have been at fault but no intentionally.
   
   There are more variables you have to consider.

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      AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Those are aspects very important to consider.

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8. 39

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   Diane, thanks for the question and I so much appreciate your contribution,they were killed intentionally as the person is a serial killer.

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      AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The first thing is to run away and call 911.

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9. 64

   Greek Oneposted 12 years ago

   I'd marry them.....
   
   chances are I would make their life a living hell by being a terrible husband and they would want to kill themselves anyway

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      Cardisaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Greek, you are so bad....

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10. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Greek one, don't you think that would be dangerous ? You aren't even sure of the reason why they wanted to marry you in the first place.. May be its the same reason why they killed your parents???may be you are the next target...

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11. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Annacia, so you would cut down the wedding?

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    1. 79

       AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       There is no question about it.  Nobody in his/her right mind would marry a serial killer.

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12. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    AnnaCia don't be too sure, you would have said you won't marry a serial killer, the question came up because I found someone in the situation who go ahead with the wedding in the name of LOVE, she said she is already in love that she has forgiven him... How about that?

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13. 60

    Disturbiaposted 12 years ago

    OK, maybe I missed something but if this person is a serial killer who killed your parents and you know this, why isn't this person in prison?  This is just way too weird for me, thank you very much, even if it's just an abstract exercise. I can only speak for myself, but first thing I would need to do is make sure that the person responsible for the "killing" of my parents was properly brought to justice.  Second, I'm sorry, call me crazy, but there is no way on earth, or in heaven and hell, I could ever fall in love with such a person, never mind marry them, and believe me, if you look at the group of ex-husbands in my past, it's a pretty motley crew of perverts, gamblers, substance abusers, child molesters, and sex addicts, but even I draw the line at serial killers.

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14. 70

    Diane Insideposted 12 years ago

    Oh I would tell the police of course, but if nothing can be done, because of failing legal system. Which happens all too often.
    
    Marry them I would not and what ever love I had would deminish once I learned what they had done.
    
    Furthermore they would pay, with their life, I may end up in prison myself, but that person would never be able to kill anyone ever again.

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15. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Thank you disturbia, but I threw this up because someone actually continue the wedding in the name of LOVE,she said she is in love and the she can't deny her feelings plus the killer has stopped killing but it is well known to her that he had hands in the killing of her parents...what do you say to her?

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       Cardisaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       How can she be sure the killer has stopped killing? Has he been rehabilitated? Has he gone through therapy?
       
       She is so brave. She needs therapy.

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       Diane Insideposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       well i know what I would say to her.
       
       "You are mentally ill, this person killed you parents, you may be having some sort of denial, or unhealthy addiction to this individual because you know they were the reason for your parents death."
       
       Actually if I had a friend who I knew was going through this i would notify the police myself and see about a phychological assessment of my friend.

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    3. 60

       Disturbiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       What would I say to her?  Well, I would probably say exactly what Diane Inside has said. I would tell her to seek professional help. 
       
       I can full well understand the attraction one can have to a "bad-boy" type.  They can be exciting and maybe even dangerous, which only adds to their appeal.  But to be in love with a serial killer, well these people don't just stop killing.  They are serial killers for a reason.  They may stop for a period of time, but eventually the desire to take a life will overwhelm them and they will kill again.

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16. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Thank you for reasoning along with me, I supposed so many people can't really say per say what they are feeling towards someone, they feel that its love and most time it is not love but 'cost' because because such feelings they are mistaking for love would definitely cost they a lot like pains,trauma and a lot more.

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    1. 79

       AnnaCiaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Pharuk.  Let me be clear about something.  Love is not only a feeling toward another person, in my opinion, it is also a conscious decision.  A healthy way of loving commits you to care for yourself and others.  What you are presenting is a person who has a problem with co-dependency.  That is not love.  I think you are mistaking the co-dependency with what loving is.
       
       Another thing, I am curious.  I guess the serial killer began very young in his/her career.  I mean, your friend was 14 when her parents were killed, the killer was an adolescent or he is really a lot older than your friend.  Thanks for the exercise, it was very interesting.

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17. 60

    HattieMattieMaeposted 12 years ago

    I'd seperate myself from the situation and go to counseling to work through the issues. After taking a year or two and dealing with my own issues than I could determine whether it was a healthy relationship, and whether I have healed and forgave them. I probably would move on with my life and leave it behind. It is part of a traumatic past, and although someone may have been and offender, it is dangerous falling into becoming one yourself. Harmful to self and others is never a good thing. Any healthy counselor would advise this.

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18. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    AEvans, thank you again.I would want you to know that it didn't happen to me but to someone I know which I have given the best advice but she still want to go ahead with the wedding because she claim she is so much in love with the person and she is deeply confuse on what to do... If it happened to me, no matter what I would have to stop the wedding at the moment to take a strong decision by allowing the law enforcement agency to take over the crime part of the story.

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19. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    AnnaCia,I have been appreciating your comments, I want you to realise that we are both explaining the samething but in different ways,I have said perhaps she doesn't know what she is feeling may be its not love and you said love is a conscious decision, a conscious decision is the decision that you have to take using your sense and mental power to arrest the situation at your hand. So what I'm saying is still what you are saying... She found out he killed her parents through a record he keeps where she found others who he is still going to take their life away, accoriding to her he said he promise to quit killing...I'm not sure and won't want to believe that myself because I see it as a word of tougue...but you know some people are just too difficult to advice...she stands on HE WOULD CHANGE and STOP but I disagree with her...AnnaCia this is not an excercise though . But thanks for your effort.

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20. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    AnnaCia,I have been appreciating your comments, I want you to realise that we are both explaining the samething but in different ways,I have said perhaps she doesn't know what she is feeling may be its not love and you said love is a conscious decision, a conscious decision is the decision that you have to take using your sense and mental power to arrest the situation at your hand. So what I'm saying is still what you are saying... She found out he killed her parents through a record he keeps where she found others who he is still going to take their life away, accoriding to her he said he promise to quit killing...I'm not sure and won't want to believe that myself because I see it as a word of tougue...but you know some people are just too difficult to advice...she stands on HE WOULD CHANGE and STOP but I disagree with her...AnnaCia this is not an excercise though . But thanks for your effort.

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21. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Cardisa,Definitely she does need a serious counselling I know,thanks for you opinion, well how she is sure he has stop kiiling is what she was being told but I let her know its a word of mouth. .I told her she should quit or else is either she get killed as well or end up being a criminal herself.

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22. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Hattie,thank you so much for your advice... I appreciate your opinion

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23. 39

    pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

    Thank you disturbia, I really appreciate your contribution...

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