How do you know if youre with the right person?

1. 91

   Kathleen Odenthalposted 10 years ago

   How do you know if youre with the right person?
   
   Today my fiance and I brokeup, and I am left with many mixed emotions. In one month we were supposed to be getting married, and now I am alone, questioning my decisions and actions. I grew up watching my parents stay in an unhealthy marriage because of religion. This resulted in me having a boatload of unhealthy relationships and a lack of trust towards organized religion. If you are in a relationship, even if you aren't, how do you know when you are with the right person?

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2. 86

   Hackslapposted 10 years ago

   Hey Kathleen ..firstly sorry to hear about your break up ..it is never easy coming to terms with it regardless of who called it quits ...the truth is (well at least based on my exepreinces) ..that you can never ever be sure whether you're with the right person ..because people change ..and when they change ..so do their priorities.. however..you did say you grew up watching your parents bicker due to religion? is it possible that due to your experiences during childhood you've subconsciously attracted unhealthy relationships? Anyway .be strong, think positive and take what can learn from this

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      Kathleen Odenthalposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much! Wise words!

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3. 0

   swilliamsposted 10 years ago

   Hi Kathleen I’m so sorry to hear of your break-up. Love goes beyond religious belief, because it is a powerful statement within itself. Always remember that love is kind and patient and it endures all! If it is meant to be, you two will be together. In the meantime, surround yourself with positive friends.

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      Kathleen Odenthalposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      All very true points swilliams, thanks for posting

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4. 60

   C.V.Rajanposted 10 years ago

   Only by having and following some disciplines, principles and values in life, one acquires the maturity to grasp who is the right person.

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5. 59

   fpherj48posted 10 years ago

   Kathleen......My heart is with you.  Break-ups are emotional in so many ways.  You don't mention the reason(s), but I believe I can offer a helpful answer, nonetheless.
   I'm sure you came to the obvious realization that it was both unnecessary and bizarre for your parents to remain in an unhealthy marriage based on "religion"...or any other reason for that matter.  The fact is, many people do.
   That is "those people" and your parents.  They apparently knew nothing BETTER.  YOU, on the other hand, DO know better.  I love Maya Angelieu's quote:  "When we KNOW better....we DO better."
   Your mind's picture of both marriage & Religion, based on history of experiences, are completely understandable.   However, I can only hope you are able to separate this from YOU, your life and the PRESENT.
   I am not in a relationship, but at 66....I have had a lifetime's worth of them, from nearly perfect to disastrous and everything in-between.
   I'm fairly sure I don't need to say that the "nearly perfect" relationship was with "the right person."  the ONLY person who owns my heart, always did, always will. (He's deceased)
   How do/will you know when he's the right one?   From the depths of my soul, Kathleen......WHEN YOU FEEL NO NEED WHATSOEVER TO ASK THAT QUESTION....because every fiber of your being screams to you..."He's the ONE."    Stay strong.  What will be, will be.  The Universe makes no mistakes.

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   1. 91

      Kathleen Odenthalposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Fantastic answer! Thank you

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6. 46

   DDEposted 10 years ago

   Sorry to hear all went down for you. Whoever called off the relationship does not want to commit.If you love each other enough to come this far  surely you can work out your differences.

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   Seedaposted 10 years ago

   You know it's the right person when you have developed a genuine friendship with them.  Never settle for anyone that doesn't treat you the same or better than your best friends. If you wouldn't accept it from your closest friends, then don't accept it from your mate. You trust them, even if you have moments or doubt and worry, you can remind yourself of all of the reasons they are trustworthy. You're able to work through differences, you're kind to each other, you understand each other better each day and you support each other. You know it's the one when you are a better person than you were before they came into your life, and you like the person you're becoming.

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8. 85

   bravewarriorposted 10 years ago

   I've been divorced twice and both times I was the one who filed. I had plenty of boyfriends before I married for the first time at age 34. I try everything before giving up, but if my partner is not willing to try or to make concessions, it's time to move on. I now have a mantra I go by: If it feels good do it. If it doesn't don't and when it stops quit!

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      Kathleen Odenthalposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great points bravewarrior!

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9. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   There is no amount of work or communication that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
   The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual love and desire for one another.
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   Each of us is entitled to have our own "deal breakers". Most breakups by mature individuals come after some (serious introspective thinking). It's natural to "second guess" yourself if the breakup was NOT the result of a "major issue" such as cheating or abuse of some kind. For some people those are the only instances when they will leave an "unhappy relationship".
   Some people may say you were just experiencing "cold feet". More often than not "cold feet" is a sign of "red flags". If something does not feel right to you it's probably not right for you.
   Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
   The mistake a lot of people make is marrying someone with the hope that they will "change". Very few people are looking for someone to "change them"! Most people are looking for someone to love and appreciate them for who (they) are. If you or your mate has to change their core being to make a relationship work it means you are with the wrong person. You're better off investing time to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with. Life is too short to be trying change water into wine.
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Sometimes you have to move on.Best wishes!

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10. 60

    Dave de la Cruzposted 10 years ago

    Sometimes you have to examine yourself. Question yourself? Discover the relationship status, that you have developed with yourself. It is always good to know and understand how complex you are as an individual person.
    
    Now that you have taken that step. It is without doubt, that anybody  you come into contact with. No matter, your level of attraction you have for them. Each one of us is very complex, in nature. And if you don't believe me. Just try getting another person to understand that fact about themselves. And Why?
    
    Because the majority of people in the planet don't even know themselves.
    
    The solution to your problem, is to study communication microscopically,
    Learn that people struggle with life, just as hard as you do; and always remember that knowing yourself is the best friend you can have in the end.

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