“They asked me how I knew my true love was true…” We believers know God through the Spirit and the living Word. Through the life-giving sacrifice of God’s Son Jesus Christ (who is the Word and who is God come to us in the flesh), we from all nations have had the way of truth and light revealed and opened up to us. It is the Holy Spirit himself who guides us into all truth. No amount of debate will convince a true believer that God is not real because they belong to God and are sealed in faith by the Holy Spirit. To those who already know God, there is no such thing as “good evidence” intended to reveal that God does not exist, any more than there would be “good evidence” to convince you that your mother (insert another loved one if need be) was guilty of a premeditated murder. Even if few others knew with certainty, because you intimately know your mother, YOU would know there was some other explanation for any so-called evidences, and your mother in truth was innocent. A “believer” who has only been TAUGHT ABOUT GOD may indeed be swayed by an atheist’s arguments and as a result led away from the truth. But true (or perhaps mature) believers, through the Spirit and the Word, already personally KNOW God. As an important note, a person may KNOW and experience a demon “god” they believe is the true God.
While those known as “believers” may fall away from the faith (there is debate over whether or not a person can lose salvation, which relates to whether they were in truth believers or not), it seems that true believers may “fall away” or walk apart from God for a time, but that if they were in truth believers and belonged to the Father, God will bring them back to himself. Partnering with the Spirit, believers share the truth and the good news about Jesus, but it is the Holy Spirit that reveals God and makes an unbeliever a believer. This is my testimony of my personal experiences with God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) and my experiences within the supernatural realm:
My earliest memories as a very young child are primarily running around in nature with my sisters and friends, and WITH GOD IN THE SPIRIT – I remember his presence all around, his love and protection, and even some experiences where it was like I was “cycling” to another state of being. From earliest childhood I understood the concept of the Trinity and that Jesus was my Savior, and I was in love with God and his Word. Now demons are also real and the demons do show particular interest in the children of God. At around age five, living in a very old building, I recall at nights seeing an “old” woman come out of a circle in the wall above my bed and she would say she had something to “show” me. Then each night I would have peculiar dreams, generally of war times. My mother said I suffered from “night terrors” as a young child and would scream for her with my eyes open but unable to see her right before me. When we moved into a new house in a new state at around age six, each night I waited for the old woman to come out of the wall, but she didn’t come. Finally, I asked my mother where the old woman was and why she never came anymore. She never did come in the new house.
But demons still lingered and had a great impact in my life. The “dark side” had a particular draw for me. While on the one hand, I loved God and loved his Word, on the other hand, darkness and perversity strongly appealed to me. Now in the physical world, I lived a very sheltered life – I was never physically or sexually abused; I never had babysitters or outside childcare, I had little contact with strangers, I didn’t even watch television. Yet as a young child, barely aware of my own physical body, I was peculiarly aware of perverse things, such as the raping of boys by men. In the spiritual realm, I was under attack by demons and found myself increasingly drawn toward evil and darkness. My family was only sporadically going to church, my father was no longer in the home, and my mother went into a depression and became inattentive. At age ten, reading the Word I loved, I suddenly began to experience excruciating headaches every time I read the Word (I did not need glasses, I did not have a medical condition, and I did not experience the headaches at any other time, including when reading other material). I stopped reading the Word. From that point, I went down a darker and darker road – I developed an addiction to shoplifting, I was interested in the sexually perverse, I was extremely defiant to my mother, and I loved rebellion and wickedness of various kinds. I did deep down maintain a certain respect for God, so that even while no other form of profanity or perversion offended me, even at this low point in my life I still could not stomach anything spoken against God. During the years I lived apart from God, I experienced nothing of a supernatural nature and no manifestation of the power of God.
Because God had already sealed me as his, he began to woe me back to himself. It first came as a sudden remembrance during a simple routine walk that God was right there within me through his Spirit. It came during my early twenties as a nudge and a pull toward him. At night in the car, suddenly all the church steeples were glowing brighter and brighter, and I would just stare at them. I wanted to return to God and he (with no condemnation for either my abandonment of him or for any of the evil I’d been involved in while away) welcomed me lovingly back to him. From that point, things changed radically in my life. I was beginning graduate school and for the first time since childhood began attending church regularly and became involved in Christian groups. It was here in a college ministry group that I first felt his supernatural presence in a more distinct way (with the exception of very early childhood, for which I had vague memories). I had already experienced his presence, and I had the Spirit within me, but perhaps this was a time of being “baptized in his Spirit” or having his Spirit poured onto me. The first incident occurred when I and a group of young women were praying together and holding hands in a circle. With sensations of intense warmth around me, suddenly I began to feel strange “waves” and I felt myself tugged supernaturally in toward them, despite my efforts to stand still – the sensation was much like the sensation when standing in the sand and a wave comes, causing your feet to sink into the sand without you moving. The sensation startled me and I kept opening my eyes during the prayer - each time the young women’s faces in the circle were closer and closer. Overwhelmed by the experience, I said something of this effect to God, “God, you know I’ve never had this, you know I wasn’t raised in one of THOSE churches; this is TOO MUCH for me!” And immediately it stopped. And I was saddened. And I felt foolish for pushing something so awesome away from me. I didn’t understand why I would’ve done that.
Despite my initial resistance, from that point on, I began to feel God’s supernatural power regularly, though to somewhat varying degrees depending on the season of life. It came in waves, it came in warmth, it came in jolts, it came in “cycling” sensations within my brain, it came with strange pressure behind my eyes and even physical discomfort in my head, it came with dizziness and lightheadedness, it came (during times my eyes were closed) with a “vision” of nostrils growing larger as if breathing into me, it came with force and if I had let it, it could have knocked me to the ground. I have never experimented with drugs or taken any psychotropic medications, but some of the sensations I experienced when “high” on the Holy Spirit were similar to my experiences of being “high” on laughing gas at the dentist. On laughing gas, I sensed I was away from my body, up far above it. My desire was to continue “on up” and go see God face to face. To even hear the dentist speak to me, I had to concentrate very hard, and my “return to earth” came with intense “wave-like” cycles as I slowly came down (I preferred the dentist not even talk to me, so that I would not have to go through the somewhat uncomfortable and distracting process of mentally returning). Drugs alter our state of consciousness and it seems open doors to the spiritual realm, but a word of caution to anyone abusing substances (including alcohol in excess): you may indeed meet a spirit while your consciousness is so altered, but this is the realm of the demonic spirits (look into pharmaceuticals and witchcraft). It is written: Do not be drunk on wine, but be filled with the Holy Spirit. At times my experience of supernatural manifestations came as a shared experience with someone else, as when I was talking with a young man in a detention center about God and suddenly we simultaneously felt the jolt and warmth, and clutching his chair, the boy looked at me in amazement and said, “Did you just feel that?”
I have personally experienced supernatural healings since the time God’s Spirit was poured out onto me. From the age of twelve when I began menstruating (I apologize for this one), each month I would experience intense pain in my abdomen (perhaps from a cyst; I was too afraid of doctors to go find out), so that I would almost black out and at times I would have to lay down wherever I was, even if on the floor in public. For thirteen years this went on. Then at the age of twenty-five I was at my sister’s house lying in my nephew’s bed, and I was praying that God would either take the pain away or take me to him because I could bear it no more. From somewhere above me, I heard a soft voice say, “Focus on me, not the pain.” I heard it again and again, until my spirit was drawn up and met his Spirit up above my body lying on the bed. I was away from the pain. Now I understand that dissociative experiences often occur as a result of pain or trauma, and leaving behind the pain at this particular point could, psychologically speaking, indicate a learned technique for managing pain. But God did not just take me from the pain at the particular time he called my spirit up to his Spirit, he HEALED me during that time. Since that exact time, from the age of twenty-five to my current age of thirty-nine (that is for the last fourteen years), I have never needed to engage in any dissociative behaviors, as I have NEVER had the pain again!
Another very noteworthy healing also occurred at my sister’s house, also lying in my nephew’s bed (why I’m not sure; perhaps my nephew will have the gift of healing, or perhaps it was simply a place where God’s Spirit was welcome and strong). Weeks earlier, I had been running down a mountain while hiking when my foot went into a hole, resulting in a third degree sprain in my ankle. Having been healed of my lifelong phobia of doctors during these days of God’s manifest presence, I went to the doctor regarding my ankle and was told I would experience continued difficulties based on the severity of the sprain (it was so bad that if I were to ever sprain my ankle a second time, it would require surgery I was told). My ankle was not healing well, so that I was not seeing the improvement I should have been. Now lying in the bed, praying about my ankle, I began to sing to God an old Christian hymn, “Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee”. Instantly intense jolts of pain began shooting all through my ankle, pain like there hadn’t been except at the initial point of the sprain weeks earlier. Startled, I remember remarking something like “I asked you to HEAL it, what’s happening?” Following the intense jolts of pain, the ankle quickly healed so thoroughly I didn’t experience the continued difficulties I’d been told by the doctor I would (never even had the discomfort during rainy weather, for example, that those who had experienced lesser sprains warned about).
I began to engage in more and more spiritual warfare – praying, using the Word, witnessing, and even claiming souls for Christ. The first time I “claimed” a soul for Christ proved a very intense and even frightening experience. There was a middle-aged man at the detention center where I worked as the suicide and crisis LPC, who would often make comments such as, “The bible is just a book of made-up stories.” At home one day, I said to God, “It’s written that you will give us whatever we ask according to your will, and it is also written that it is not your will that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance and a saving knowledge of you; so then according to your will, I ask that (Barry) be saved. Yes, I confidently claim his soul for Christ.” I had never claimed a soul for Christ, it had never really occurred to me to do so. Hours later, no longer thinking of my prayer, I went to bed in the house where I lived alone (this was before I was married and had children). I was around age thirty at this time, and I had not experienced nightmares since my youth. I had not experienced the same dream repeatedly in the night. Since the outpouring of God’s Spirit onto me, my supernatural experiences had been with the Holy Spirit, not the dark world. But that night in the middle of the night, I woke in an upright position in my bed, staring at the ceiling, seeing hundreds of demons hovering over me in the dark. A single thought was in my head, “The demons are here and they’re pissed off and it’s because of Barry!” I called on God, closed my eyes and lay back down, and before long was asleep again. A second time in the night, I jumped into an upright position on my bed, staring at the ceiling, seeing a mass of demons hovering over me in the darkness. My singular thought was the same, “The demons are here, they’re pissed off, and it’s because of Barry.” Again I lay down, closing my eyes and calling on God. Again I fell asleep. A third and final time that night, I woke upright, already staring up at the ceiling, the mass of demons above me, and again with the similar thought, “The demons are here, all angry about Barry.” I said to God, “If I ever needed you near, protecting me, it’s now.” Feeling his comforting presence grow strong about me, I fell asleep and slept through the rest of the night. I don’t have full understanding of spiritual warfare, or exactly why the demons were so angry about Barry, but perhaps it was because Barry belonged to the devil and I was, spiritually speaking, taking him from the demonic forces to which he had belonged. I had little contact with Barry thereafter, but years later I heard him speaking for, no longer against, God our Father.
My personal experiences with God go on and on, and cannot all be recounted here. God has frequently given me a word (from within his living Word, from a person, through his Spirit, etc.), and it has always been fulfilled. If, for example, he promised me victory against the odds, then I would see victory no matter the difficulties. My goal is to draw closer and closer to the God I love, and to fulfill his purpose for me during the brief days of life here on earth. I continue to experience his presence and continue to witness the supernatural. My hope and prayer is that someone who is seeking, or perhaps someone who has wandered, will hear the truth in the message and will find, or be found, by the One True God.
“Many nations will come and say, ‘Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths.’ The law will go out from Zion, the word of the LORD from Jerusalem… All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the LORD our God for ever and ever.” (Micah 4:2,5)
Beautiful, CJ. I am reminded of Christ's story of the seed being spread on the fertile ground, the rocks, and elsewhere. It seems the seed has indeed found fertile ground with you. Blessings.
Yes, a person can lose salvation. Just as King Asa had God's favor against the Egyptians, but lost it when he sought help from the Syrians several years later. We still have free will. We can change our minds and that terrifies me -- a righteous fear of God that strengthens my hunger for His blessings.
One Christian was so happy to be saved, because his minister told him that he would never lose that salvation no matter what he did. Incredible. So, that Christian could follow the Devil and still be saved? Never! Some ministers have a twisted understanding of God's Truth.
But we all do not know all of God's Truth! That is why we each need to remain humble and hungry at all times. As Christ said, don't be caught napping (arrogant and boastful), because we do not know when the hour will come.
If we are humble and hungry, more answers can come to us. Your story seems to reveal this.
Personally, I think you should write a book and get it published. You can reach even more people with it. I see a series of books and I see the glowing, clean spirit of so many who have been touched by your thoughts and love.
It's easy to do. More and more people are reading eBooks, but you can also get it done in trade paperback and hardcover for free! If you need help on this, please contact me. Your story made me weep for joy. I know it will touch millions.
Rod Martin, Jr.
"The Bible's Hidden Wisdom: God's Reason for Noah's Flood"
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