Please help The Spaghetti Monster Understand Your Bible.

Jump to Last Post 1-31 of 31 discussions (104 posts)

59
Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years ago
Dear Religious Hubbers.

I've been reading your bible in an effort to understand why the religious forums here are so full of aggressive, hating, people.
I think I've found the answer, because the bible is a very strange document that sanctions all sorts of violent acts and behaviours.

I've posed some hypothetical questions relating to some specific quoted passages from your bible that will make these matters clear.
Hopefully I can get some intelligent answers to these questions, so that I can come to understand your strange religion a little better.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you religious hubbers have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

And if you want to move away from this violent Christian religion, be assured that you will always be made welcome under the noodly appendages of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

RAmen.
reply report
1. 72
  livewithrichardposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Really? If you can't tell then you haven't been with her long enough to be having contact with her.
  reply report
2. 61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  What is your motive for wanting to understand?
  
  If you gained understanding to all the matters listed, what would you do with said understanding?
  reply report
  0
  Leta Sposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  What he usually does. Laugh. And call out the crazies... You must be new around here.
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Oh, I thought he wanted an answer for a reason that would draw him to a conclusion because he said he wanted to "understand" and I thought he might be sincere in his asking.
  Perhaps his motive is not to "understand" at all. But, it just seemed to be somewhat of a well thought out group of questions.
  
  Perhaps he really is in need of "understanding", so I will look for his answer rather than assume you speak for him.
  reply report
  60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Well Idon't understand you living in Psalm 91 ,as it says in your profile ?
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  And did you have a question regarding this living?
  What is it that you do NOT understand?
  What perplexes your mind about it?
  reply report
  60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  I'm not perplexed at all! You're not that interesting. What I'm saying is : if you live in Psalm 91, how come you didn't realize you're in the wrong thread Or maybe you're trying 2 convert us ?
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Oh, well you said "Well I don't understand you living in Psalm 91"
  
  To NOT understand is to be confused grasshopper.
  
  You said "You're not that interesting."
  
  What is interesting is that how someone who is NOT interesting can understand greater things than the one who is.
  
  Which is why YOU remain confused. Lack of understanding.
  I am right where I need to be...it says in the title of the forum "Please Help"
  reply report
  59
  XTASISposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  you're really mad , aren't you ? Poor thing !
  reply report
  59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  It's not really any business of yours, but I will deign to answer you this time.
  
  I am a very with it deity, and know the benefits of market research and increasing my market share.
  I will of course be using the information gained to woo Christians over to the Pastafarian faith.
  
  Too bad that everyone is treating this as a joke, and not answering my questions.
  
  RAmen.
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  From our previous chat you said this.
  "I would be like me. Indeed, I AM like me. I am that I am."
  
  I said this.
  "So if I understand you right.
  You never change?"
  
  You said.
  "You don't understand me at all. I change whenever I want to."
  
  I said.
  "This term "I AM like me. I am that I am"
  means Never Changing."
  
  I seem to have caught you in a contradiction and you have dropped your noodles all over the floor. Sad when someone beats you in 3 moves on the chessboard of understanding.
  
  You said.
  "christians who harangue others with verses from 8 different versions of the same book never change."
  
  I said.
  "Yes, using 8 different versions can cause confusion.
  That is why I read the original documents."
  
  Interesting what a mind filled with wet noodles can DISPLAY.
  Last time I read the package, spaghetti has an IQ of 666
  reply report
3. 67
  Make Moneyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  What you are describing is Judaism, not the Christian religion. But obviously Jews can not even hold to the Mosaic Laws that you have described above any more. Muslims also believe that these laws still exist.
  
  But try moving on to the New Testament in the Bible, it starts with the Gospel of Matthew. That's where you will find the Christian faith. We have a New Covenant that replaces the Mosaic Laws. It's really cool man.
  
  I heard that you have to sacrifice animals in the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion for meatballs. That sounds pretty violent but tasty.
  
  Is it true that the Flying Spaghetti Monster religion demands that you guys have to heat your meatballs up to 666 degrees fahrenheit in your cauldrons?
  
  I'm getting hungry. Coincidentally I'm having spaghetti tonight.
  
  Maybe we can have a "theological" discussion another time.
  
  Ra.. um Amen
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  You said:
  "But try moving on to the New Testament in the Bible, it starts with the Gospel of Matthew. That's where you will find the Christian faith. We have a New Covenant that replaces the Mosaic Laws. It's really cool man."
  
  You need to be corrected here sir, your statement contradicts Messiah.
  Messiah was and is a Jew and The King of The Jews as a matter of fact and here is what He said in that Gospel of Matthew you referenced sir.
  
  Mat 5:17 "Don't misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to fulfill them.
  Mat 5:18 I assure you, until heaven and earth disappear, even the smallest detail of God's law will remain until its purpose is achieved.
  Mat 5:19 So if you break the smallest commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God's laws and teaches them will be great in the Kingdom of Heaven.
  Mat 5:20 "But I warn you-unless you obey God better than the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees do, you can't enter the Kingdom of Heaven at all !"
  
  And this from Paul The Apostle and former Pharisee:
  Romans 3:31
  "But by shifting our focus from what we do to what God does, don't we cancel out all our careful keeping of the rules, laws and ways God commanded? Not at all. What happens, in fact, is that by putting that entire way of life in its proper place, we confirm, establish it."
  
  You also said:
  "What you are describing is Judaism, not the Christian religion.'
  
  Messiah DID NOT come to "start a new religion", rather He came to live and do the perfect law of God, after all, it was Him who wrote it.
  
  The Words that proceed from The Mind of Messiah are a sharp two edged sword that must be wielded with great understanding, not after crafty wisdom that men create out of darkness.
  
  #1."Fighting against the Truth and embracing the Truth, both are painful, only one is also peaceful."
  reply report
  67
  Make Moneyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  We are to still follow the 10 commandments given to Moses, in fact if you continue on passed verse 20 in Mat. 5 you'll see that Jesus starts talking about them as well as the New Covenant. What Jesus fulfilled as mentioned in Mat 5:17 is the part of the Mosaic Law that Spaghetti Monster quoted from Leviticus above and an eye for an eye, stoning adulterers, killing someone if they strike their parents and all the dietary and arbitrary laws. Surely you are not following those old laws? If you are you should be jailed.
  reply report
4. 57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  So, you have read the WHOLE Bible??
  Or did you just pick through Old Testament Scripture??
  
  Yes, in those days of old, the traditions and laws were varied from those in our time and even in those days that followed AFTER the Messiah came.
  
  You call our "religion", violent? Jesus taught in every scripture in the NEW TESTAMENT that we are to LOVE one another. That if "a man strikes you on the cheek, you are to give him the other". How is that violent?
  
  The Old Testament is written to those, for those who choose the LAW over the NEW COVENANT.
  "Those who live by the sword shall die..."
  But we, as Christians under the new covenant are not bound by the laws of old. We were given to a new mind and heart. Through Jesus christ.
  
  True it may be that blood sacrifices were done, Jesus took all of that on the cross with Him. He was the ultimate sacrifice for sin.
  After He sacrificed Himself, there was no need for blood sacrifices of animals and such.
  God RECONCILED Himself with man, through Christ.
  reply report
  59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Of course We read the entire thing - We are omnipotent. But your miserable interpretation and condescending statement aside, Jesus himself tells you to follow the laws of the OT:
  
  “For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass the law until all is accomplished. Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:18-19 RSV)
  
  "It is easier for Heaven and Earth to pass away than for the smallest part of the letter of the law to become invalid." (Luke 16:17 NAB)
  
  No wonder you are all so confused and unable to cook a decent bolognese.
  RAmen
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  But there you are speaking of the Commandments and not of the previous tid bits of scripture you took apart earlier.
  
  Yes, Jesus Himself commanded we live by and follow the Commandments handed down to Moses.
  
  Can you show me even one of them that tells us to sacrifice a lamb? Or, our enslave our children???
  
  "The laws" I had mentioned were traditions and sacrifices people made in those days to serve and honor God. It in no way was meant as a retraction of the Commandments!
  
  Jesus also said, that "there is but one way to the father, and that is through the Son". Before He came, people made blood sacrifices and lived in a world bound by the laws of blood sacrifices in order to receive forgiveness from God.
  
  Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice for forgiveness. Again, we under a NEW COVENANT with God. The Old ways are passed away and BEHOLD! everything is NEW.
  
  Now let me pose this to you:
  I am white
  prior to abolishment of slavery in the United States, the white man did in fact own black slaves.
  Because I am white then now, does that make me a slave master?
  
  My point being, that just because some white people had the practice of their time to own slaves, does not make every white person there after a "slave master". Just as, just because people in the Old Testament had the practice in THEIR time, to sacrifce animals, does not make The Christians of today, violent animal killers.
  reply report
  59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Can you not read foolish mortal?
  
  “For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass the law until all is accomplished. Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:18-19 RSV)
  
  "It is easier for Heaven and Earth to pass away than for the smallest part of the letter of the law to become invalid." (Luke 16:17 NAB)
  
  The Law
  
  Black men still own black men today. As they did in the days of slavery in your puny little country (except New York, where you can buy real Pastafarian Spaghetti Bolognese) - Where do you think the white men purchased them?
  
  RAmen
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  The LAW Jesus spoke about WERE THE COMMANDMENTS! "Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so,..."
  You need to read it! Although, "professing themselves wise, they became as fools".
  
  The truth is, you posted this topic in an immature attempt to negate the awesomeness of your creator! He wrote the law my friend! Passed it down to us all! His SON followed them and instructed us to do the same.
  What on earth do the 10 Commandments have to do with what you... (who was obviously amusing yourself more than others), were trying to say?
  
  You know what? I feel kind of sad for you now. Sad that you do not know or have chosen after reading His great Word, to not open your eyes and heart to what God was trying to do, when directing you to get into The Bible.
  
  Sad, that you are allowing deception by the enemy to cloud your judgement about the TRUTH in God's word. The truth about how His son gave His life for you. How he shed His precious blood so that people like you may receive Him and find forgiveness.
  
  I will end my post with the following:
  
  The practices of their time (Old Testament) differed from those that Jesus spoke of and taught on in the New. That is why Jesus said, "I come not into the world to bring peace, but a sword." He knew his very exsistance would bring conflict. Conflict from those who practiced the old ways and could not comprehend the new. Just as you misconstrued it's contents, so did the men of old. Questioning their Messiah, their God. They just could not handle the changes God was making.
  
  They could not understand that God was reconciling Himself with them through Christ. And they were blinded by their religiousity. They tried to confine God or what they thought he was in a box. A box of doubt and fear. Why can you not understand that??
  
  And that Jesus, who being of God and Man was that reconciler. He shed His Blood so that men would not have to sacrifice theirs.
  
  Let me clarify what we as christians and our "charge" is.
  And since you love reading scripture, though obviously NOT for same reason(s) as I...
  
  here's one for you:
  "Love does no wrong to one's neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW." Romans 13: 10
  
  The New Covenant:
  
  "I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another."
  John 13: 34
  
  "But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us." Romans 5: 8
  
  Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. Romans 5: 5
  
  "And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God [for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance." Ephesians 5: 2
  
  [Let your] love be sincere (a real thing); hate what is evil [loathe all ungodliness, turn in horror from wickedness], but hold fast to that which is good. Romans 12: 9
  
  Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another.
  Romans 12: 10
  
  Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity). 1 John 3: 18
  ***ohh, what did he say there? I do believe he said "IN PRACTICE".
  
  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is (springs) from God; and he who loves [his fellowmen] is begotten (born) of God and is coming [progressively] to know and understand God [to perceive and recognize and get a better and clearer knowledge of Him]. 1 John 4: 7
  
  He who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. 1 John 4: 8
  
  Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. Romans 5: 5
  
  I CLOSE THIS WITH THIS PRAYER FOR YOU AND OTHERS:
  "[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]"! Ephesians 3: 19
  reply report
  59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  It is no wonder you are confused:
  
  But you will always be welcome in the True Church.
  reply report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  And I hope that you eventually come to your senses.
  reply report
  60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  She can't go anywhere. She's lost. Less come to her senses !
  reply report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Seems like she thinks jesus was a real person and you need to believe this stuff to get what is on offer. Not getting it myself.
  reply report
  60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Jesus was a real person. That's the problem here. That's all there is 2 it No son of god, just a plain human being
  reply report
  0
  sandra rinckposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  But they always come with the Santa Clause, clause.
  reply report
  60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Well as u c Santa claus day is Jesus's birthday. What more can be said ?
  reply report
  0
  sandra rinckposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  ho, ho, ho
  report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  and you know He WASN'T the Son of God because????
  
  Can you answer that?
  
  Can any of you in here who are doubting answer that??
  
  Can any of you in here PROVE your theories that God DOESN'T exsist???
  
  Where do you draw your conclusions from???
  
  You tell me to "come to my senses", so who or what is it that makes you such an authority on the subject?
  
  And before you go on any of your rants or insult me, let us be clear here, this is a religious forum, and you do not have to read my posts nor respond to them.
  Also, before you answer my question with another:
  We do not have to PROVE our beliefs to any of you, since you are the ones arguing/debating with us on the subjects.
  
  So, I challenge you all,
  if there is no God,
  If Jesus was just a man as you say,
  Prove it!
  Show me where you draw your knowledge from...
  
  And if it is that you cannot conclusively refute the exsistance of God, then, I would if I were you, atleast admit to the possibility of his exsistance.
  Once there, maybe we can have more of an open dialog.
  report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  I have to laugh when you say, IM LOST.
  And too let me add, that I KNOW where I am going, very sad that you do not.
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Ohhh, you mean the ones God gave me?
  I just have to say though that I walk by faith and not by sight. That goes without saying of course to the fact that I have SEEN miracles happen and I have HEARD God's voice.
  
  But if you will allow me, let me ask you this...
  If I, being a faithful woman were to die today and YOU being a non believer, were right, and there is no God, No hell, No need for forgiveness, redemption and the like then I would have to conclude that
  I was a blind follower and cease to exsist..the end...BUT
  If I am right, and God is there, and YOU were to die in your disbelief and sin,
  Then what?
  Ever ask yourself that question?
  
  I suppose though, that people like you who are far far more superior in your intellect and knowing all the mysteries in the world and beyond would have figured it all out by now and thus, determined that it was MAN who created this "fictional being" known to millions, as GOD. And I suppose you draw your conclusions from what source(s)?
  Science? Ahh, but then how could science possibly refute the exsistance of God, when science hasn't even been able to PROVE Darwins theory?
  
  You would think after all these years with all of your collective great minds put together in think tanks you could atleast have done that by now! OH but even Darwin himself said that if in so many years the theory had not been proven to disregard it.
  Funny how we teach evolution in schools when that is the case.
  
  Yes, "professing themselves as wise, they became as fools"..
  
  Yep, and I wonder if you will argue your points with God Himself one day. what are going to do? Stand there and tell him to come to His senses??
  reply report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  No - I mean the ones you could have developed if you chose to.
  
  Delusions do not count - sorry. Get Her to speak to me and I will believe you. ;(
  
  All the time. Fortunately - the argument put forward by god's fan club are so irrational, and the behavior of most of the members of said fan club so bad, I figure I will get a pass.
  
  On the other hand - how much of the one life you get have you wasted spreading this stuff? How many scientific advances have ou chosen to pretend do not exist? What could you have done with your life instead of pissing it away on this quest to spread something everyone is prepared to kill each other over?
  
  If I should stand in front of your invisible super being,(very unlikely) I will tell him where he went wrong. I am a clever guy after all. Far more superior in intellect - as I am prepared to admit I do not know rather than make up a story to scare the kids with.
  
  Like the thing about needing proof though - very clever -
  
  God - 100% absence of proof - Believe
  
  Evolution - Millions of pieces of evidence and no question it happened - Not enough proof
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Ohh, ok, you are going to tell Him huh? HAHAHAHA
  ok you do that then. And I will sit by and watch as your knee bends then for sure!
  
  But I pray you see truth before that time comes.
  
  Uh, No question evolution happened???
  So, then, um, if I were to believe it, I would also have to believe that only a select few monkeys turned into the beings presented to me here on this forum right??
  I mean, afterall, there are still several species of ape on the planet.
  
  But we could argue creationism vs. evolution all day long and get nowhere. With you still believing the way you do and I the same.
  
  Truth is, we both believe.
  You believe in a big ol' bang and hairless apes, something man has told you
  and I believe that God created the earth and we as humans something my Bible tells me.
  
  The difference is, you put your trust in man and I in God.
  I think though truly that God, being perfection is much more trust-worthy. But that is my opinion.
  reply report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  No - I accept the proven scientific evidence. You believe. Not the same thing. Oh dear.
  
  Sorry you are too ignorant to understand the evolutionary process. Perhaps if you read a few more books?
  
  I see you still did not address the One True God's points either...
  
  Nor did you answer my questions........
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  PROVEN??? But you just said it was not proven, and we all know for a FACT Darwins theory has never been proven, so how can you then as you say, accept what has not been proven as opposed to believing what you think is correct??
  And yes, call me ignorant when I make a valid point, shows your immaturity.
  
  As far as your questions are concerned, I answered them with the name, "Jesus". Too bad you don't recognize truth.
  reply report
  0
  sandra rinckposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  It would probably had been better if you would have answered not in the name of Jesus. Really, you folks give Jesus a bad rep.
  report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Evolution is a proven scientific fact. No question. The theory as to how exactly the process occurs is open to debate and there are several different theories. None of which attempts to dis-prove the fact of it happening.
  
  Sorry you are so ignorant of the difference.
  
  Heyzus is an internal goal - nothing more. And no answer to my questions.
  report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Um, I hate to have to tell you this but though it is true that things do "evolve". Nothing in any scientific documentation can prove Darwin's theory. Here lies the problem as I see it, Just because things evolve, does not mean that we all did from monkeys or that the earth did from a "bang".
  All science has been able to conclude is that things evolve, that is that they either A)Gradually develop, or B) that the CHARACTERISTICS of things evolve through "evolutionary processes"
  
  All of science can be and ought to be questioned. Just because there are those who profess to have the knowledge, does not in any way mean it is factual.
  
  Einstein, believed in God. Would you call him an idiot or say he was ignorant for his belief in creationism or God? Yet, you being so very determined to undermind my beliefs can throw those adjectives out at me for having the same belief?
  
  I don't get it. Why is it that you are choosing to debate this with me? What is the point? Are you trying to show how very superior you are in knowing all of the mysteries held within our vast universe?
  
  Because, you speak, as if you have all of this knowledge. But I know you couldn't possibly.
  To try and make the point of saying, there is no God, I simply say, prove it. Since you cannot produce one shread of evidence to negate the exsistance of God, you then cannot be really sure of His exsistance.
  
  Make your scientific points all you want to, but the fact remains, having none of the knowledge nor proof it would require to make such an assertion that God does not exsist and or that He did not create the earth, you cannot.
  
  You may BELIEVE in your scientific facts, that becuase some may be proven by man to be true that you then draw a conclusion that they are true, but that in no way, makes it a fact that they are true.
  
  And just so that we are clear about acceptance and belief:
  Just why is it that you, "accept" their findings? Is it because perhaps you "believe" that they (the scientific community) have all the answers concerning this subject and have thus shown you "proof" of their theories? Or could it be, that you are really fearful in finding out that all the millions upon millions of us "nut jobs" are correct and that God does exsist?
  Maybe it is that you search and search for reasons NOT to believe. I mean, really I cannot understand why you would, unless it is that you feel so superior to anything in the universe that you do not want to be held accountable to anything or perhaps anyone?
  
  But if it is true that you simply agree with the scientific community, (by the way, there ARE scientist who believe in creation as well) but, if you are a "by the facts man", Then answer me this, why are we today still having this debate??
  Why is it, that some of the most brilliant minds in history have debated this issue over the years?
  If in fact, they have proven that evolution happened and that there were no "creator" involved, then why is it, that the whole world is not aware of this? Ohhhh, I see, you think all of us millions upon millions of people are all under some sort of delusion right? Mass produced by other humans? You might think that we, (Christians) are ignoring all of the data right?
  You'd be wrong there too my friend.
  What you, (the un-believer) cannot understand is, that our faith is not in things we see with our carnal eyes. Our faith comes as we have "chosen" to believe. We have made a decision in our lives to believe in Our God. "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing, from the Word of God".
  
  Why is it that you assert so diligently your "beliefs" to the contrary of my own? Are you that "close minded" that you only trust in that which you see, or feel, or touch? Oh, so I take it, you have seen a monkey turn into a man then? Or that you or anyone in human history has ever been a witness to some amoeba rising out of primordial soup and becoming something other than what it is? No. The answer is no. And while on the subject of science, can you answer me this,
  WHY IS IT THAT SCIENCE CANNOT "CREATE" OR GENERATE A LIVING CELL? NO MATTER WHAT THE CONDITIONS THIS HAS NEVER BEEN ACCOMPLISHED. SCIENCE IN FACT HAS PROVEN THAT A LIVING CELL DOES NOT NOR CAN IT JUST , HAPPEN. SO, THEN, WHERE DID THE FIRST ONE COME FROM? All cells come from preexisting cells, so again, I ask you, where did the first one come from? The bang came from what? And miraculously, the first living cell was there? What gave it life? what made it a "living cell"? Science cannot answer these questions and neither can you, sorry, only God has the answer to those questions. Man will never know.
  
  You cannot take one or two snips from science and then decipher all the mysteries held within CREATION from it. To do so, would be irresponsible. You can draw conclusions, but not facts from it. You can say well, they found this rock and studied it and came to believe that it is, 10 million years old. But if that rock is really only 5 years old, it is ONLY 5 YEARS OLD, and no matter how much you study it or what tools you study it with, if the rock came to be 5 years ago, thats how old it is.
  
  I think we both agree that science writes their journals and the men and women of the Bible wrote theirs.
  So, who was/is telling the truth?
  Do you have the answer to that?
  Now remember believing and actually knowing are two different things.
  I have a belief in the writings of the various men and women in my Bible.
  But I do leave open the possibility that God not bound by mans restraints, could have used some form of evolution when creating the earth.
  I close with,
  Just because I cannot see Him, doesn't make Him "unreal". And just because YOU do not believe in Him doesn't either.
  report
58
Mrvoodooposted 15 years ago
Why does the flying spaghetti monster look a little like a ladies special place?

reply report
1. 59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  I fail to see any resemblance.
  Your diagram looks more like a representation of the average Ram of God.
  
  The cover says "Holy Bible".
  reply report
  68
  lrohnerposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  There are no less than 8 versions of that "holy bible" that you put forth. So let me ask my question again, dumbed down: What VERSION of the bible are you speaking about?
  reply report
  59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Are you saying that there are different words in different versions of the bible?
  
  My Goodness. No wonder the christians are so confused - with 8 versions of a rule book telling them what to do.
  
  I do not know what version of the bible I was reading. some of the pages were ripped out.
  But it was black, had very thin pages, and the edges were covered in gold if that's any help.
  
  RAmen.
  reply report
  0
  dennisemattposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Mine starts with THE.
  not trying to cause a big thing, as I gave up on understanding religion a long time ago, but what I have learned is, all the previous qouted scriptures are from the old testament, no longer law. All old laws still needing to be followed are reiterated in the New Testament.Why some people choose to ignore that fact is beyond me. And now I am strangely hungry for spaghetti, so I cant think about this anymore.
  Oh yeah, also...how to tell if its "that time"
  somewhere in there it says women are supposed to stay out of society untill its over.
  reply report
68
lrohnerposted 15 years ago
Um, being a recovering religious person,I have to ask..what Bible are you quoting from?
reply report
61
Chris1|Chris2posted 15 years ago
Haha, you are hilarious, SM. I too am baffled by much of what is in the bible, and wish to be illuminated as to those passages you listed.
By the way, why does everyone here say "Ramen?" I do enjoy its noodley goodness, but have never heard it used in this context...
reply report
1. 59
  Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  It's spelled RAmen, and signifies one of the holy noodle varieties. I use it as my official conclusion to a prayer.
  
  Other religions have stolen this word, and shortened it to "Amen" to also end their prayers.
  
  For more information about the history and practices of Pastafarianism, please visit
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster
  reply report
  61
  Chris1|Chris2posted 15 years agoin reply to this
  It all makes sense now!
  reply report
2. 0
  wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this
  It's our CFSM (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) "Amen". Of course we add the "R" to honor our Spaghetti Monster. RAmen.
  reply report
  72
  livewithrichardposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Are you sure? Maybe when Mark shows up he can clarify. He is the leading expert here on the CFSM.
  reply report
60
tantrumposted 15 years ago
All that is true as it is in the Bible, But Spaghetti mMonsters are allowed to do whatever they please ,according to the lesson of the great Pesto Salsa
reply report
0
Leta Sposted 15 years ago
"Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? "

lolololol. Well, of course you know this is because certain hues of peoples are more pleasing to the Christianist God that those of other hues. In fact, the darker the coloring, the more ungodly, earthly and sinful those peoples are, and indeed could and should very well be slaves, as it is this God's ultimate plan and will. Therefore, on a whole, Canadians are just too pale to make good slaves. But Mexicans. Well, you know about Mexicans, your Goodness.
reply report
61
Jane@CMposted 15 years ago
Hmmm, me thinks this has the same tone of our infamous Panda God.
reply report
1. 73
  Eaglekiwiposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Maybe some game sites might be in order for the kiddies,sigh
  reply report
  61
  Jane@CMposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Thats it, we need a games forum.
  reply report
61
Eric Graudinsposted 15 years ago
Yeah, well at least the spaghetti Monster appears to have a sense of humour, and makes intelligent comments. And no way it's the same person as pandagod.

By the way - Looks like there's a new kid on the religious block.
underyourwings. Same MO as quietnessandrust. asks lots of rambling questions. Same person, methinks.
reply report
61
Jane@CMposted 15 years ago
Okay, so he isn't Panda God, your right, he does have a sense of humor.
reply report
1. 0
  Leta Sposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Either Mark K. or Eric hisself, methinks.
  reply report
  73
  AEvansposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  me thinks I know , well I definitely know and will never tell this should be a fun thread.
  reply report
73
AEvansposted 15 years ago
Alright Spaghetti Monster you are quoting from the old testament of the Holy Bible and I see you have not added the meatballs!!! lololo
reply report
0
sbeakrposted 15 years ago
Spaghetti Monster wins funniest thread EVER...at least for as long as I've been here...

reply report
60
Randy Godwinposted 15 years ago
Under hi swings, I get it!
reply report
59
Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years ago
Being ineffable, I have no gender.

And while in some aspects I may indeed resemble womanly parts, those who have been Touched by My Noodly Appendages have a more masculine impression of My Serene Self.

I embody and ineff all, male, female, transgendered, intersexed, unsexed, ingendered and ingenuous.

All are created from, and all return to, The Sauce.
reply report
1. 61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  OH, I see now, this is just for fun.
  OK, thanks for clarifying your lack of understanding and wisdom.
  reply report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  How dare you accuse my God of having fun. Is that a sin?
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Interesting what a mind filled with wet noodles can DISPLAY.
  Last time I read the package, spaghetti has an IQ of 666
  reply report
65
Mishaposted 15 years ago
What's the deal with 666 IQ? You keep plugging it in every post?
reply report
1. 59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  I was wondering that. Spaghetti is not sentient - only the FSM is. But this one has the original bible documents as well, so you can take everything he says with a pinch of salt and fresh ground pepper.
  reply report
  65
  Mishaposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Cayenne pepper please
  reply report
61
underhiswingsposted 15 years ago
From Mark Knowles:

To me 08/10/09

"How dare you accuse my God of having fun. Is that a sin?"

Mark does NOT believe in sin, nor does "the god" he adores and worships, so why would Mark ask this illogical question based on his reasoning and wisdom that he gathers from the wet noodle with an IQ of 666, that sin does not exist.

The question should not be uttered from such believers.

That makes Contradiction #2.
That is 1 for the wet noodle god and 1 for his worshiper.

And we have Checkmate.
reply report
1. 59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  LOLOLO
  
  Checkmate? Please........
  
  You believe in sin therefore I was asking you - as you are the expert with the original bible documents.
  reply report
  61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  What happened...STANDS.
  File you complaint with a wet noodle.
  His IQ will surly understand your pain.
  reply report
59
Spaghetti Monsterposted 15 years ago
I found the original bible.

http://godspuzzlesolved.com/

All 48 pages of it - just click on it in the bookshelf.
Is this is one of the 8 versions of the bible?
reply report
1. 61
  underhiswingsposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  I said.
  "Yes, using 8 different versions can cause confusion.
  That is why I read the original documents."
  
  One can see them like one can see
  The Untied States Constitution or The Bill of Rights.
  
  Interesting what a mind filled with wet noodles can DISPLAY.
  Last time I read the package, spaghetti has an IQ of 666
  reply report
  82
  kerrygposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Where?
  
  My understanding was that the oldest complete Bibles were the Codex Sinaiticus and Codex Vaticanus, which are only complete when combined (Sinaiticus was discovered in the trash and both are missing pages) and those two still only date from about the 4th century AD.
  reply report
94
Susana Sposted 15 years ago
Great FSM, as a believer in your eloquent and unrighteous word, I wonder if I, as your humble servant, would be permitted to share the wonderous word of your noodly self? In particular, I feel I have been called to a quest to find the answers to your questions about this strange religion and would like to share with my countrymen & women the questions you ask, in hope of finding suitable answers.

RAmen
reply report
54
Buck Wheatposted 15 years ago
FORGIVE THEM FSM. THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY TYPE.
reply report
61
underhiswingsposted 15 years ago
#23."If you have only a thimbleful of experience, then please do not share with me from your barrel-full of opinions.
Thank you.

If you want to fill a larger container with understanding, wisdom and knowledge, then realize why you have 2 ears and only 1 mouth."
reply report
61
underhiswingsposted 15 years ago
#25."If I do not agree with your opinion at first or at all, it is because I ran it through The Refiners Fire and found it wanting. Please remove all the dross and then re-present it to me for further consideration."
reply report
1. 59
  XTASISposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  
  reply report
61
underhiswingsposted 15 years ago
#58."We are but a moment in time, spend your moment with ________"
reply report
57
atomswifeyposted 15 years ago
I think it rather "odd" that there are those who use the term "CHRISTIAN", and not know what that word really means. Case in point, this topic and post.

He said, that the "CHRISTIAN RELIGION" is/was violent. Yet all the scriptures he was quoting were from the OLD Testament, long before Jesus came to be. And the term, CHRISTIAN is taken from Christ and means, to be Christ-like or minded.

I wrote previously that, the days of the Old Testament differed from that of the New Testament, as Jesus WAS/IS the ultimate sacrifice.

We are no longer bound by the "laws of old" when concerning our faith to God. We have been given a NEW COVENANT by which we live.
The END.
reply report
60
tantrumposted 15 years ago
I think Jesus was violent enough . What about the issue with the pharisses in the temple ?
reply report
1. 57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  HAHAHAHA
  
  Oh yeah that proves Jesus was violent. And right after, Herod had John the Baptist's head cut off!
  please.
  reply report
  60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  terrible times ! And Jesus was a human being as everybody else. And no, he didn't begin this religion, he didn't founded a church. Other human beings did.
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  HE IS THE CHURCH
  reply report
57
atomswifeyposted 15 years ago
2 Corinthians 3:6 (New International Version)
He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Hebrews 9:15
For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.

Hebrews 12:24
to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.
reply report
0
sandra rinckposted 15 years ago
Why does it always have to be about blood?
reply report
1. 60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  because it's a bloody religious thread
  reply report
2. 59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  
  Good question. Not that blood thirstiness is a christian tradition or anything.
  reply report
60
tantrumposted 15 years ago
atomswifey wrote:

Yep, and I wonder if you will argue your points with God Himself one day. what are going to do? Stand there and tell him to come to His senses??

Not a bad idea
reply report
1. 57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Oh yes, since you seem to know more than HE does anyway
  reply report
61
thevoiceposted 15 years ago
Because GOd Jesus are human life not books of human based writings. God gave human life humanity wrote books tortured killed enslaved in the name of almighty religions. Jesus was healer teacher not any religion . Human holy history by religions has blood soaked god earth in human blood. God cares only about freeing human life from all religious faith unto God of all life. By God Jesus science will meet up with God someday. Religions are post human based faith taht kill torture starve human life. life of God by Jesus was peace teach heal. The books of humanity preach only degradation hate of human life.

There is only one God maybe many names yet God is God of all human life . Religions are money based faiths that judge condemn milk people of money.
reply report
0
Lady_Eposted 15 years ago
From reading your post, its clear that you are someone who used to be a member of HP or is already a member of HP with a duplicate account.

Keep on stirring....

Salaam alei Kun.
reply report
1. 57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  If you are talking about/to me, I just found this site two weeks ago
  reply report
  0
  Lady_Eposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Welcome to HP Atomswifey.
  
  It was directed at the author.
  Normally, if Hubbers are responding to someone, they would included that person's post in the reply. (as I have done now, with yours)
  
  I'm actually on your side, but don't tend to get involved in the discussions as some people are so sarcastic about God and its really not worth getting into it, with them.
  (My opinion anyway)
  
  God give you wisdom.
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you for the welcome!
  I guess much like Peter, I am sometimes. LOL (Lopping off ears)
  But the truth is, if people talk to me in a manner respectfully, than I have no problems in taking with them respectfully.
  Not that I have disrespected anyone. But I have been disrespected on here. Called an idiot, moron and so on. Which I find offensive and rude but I then, just consider the source.
  
  Rudeness and arrogance are not part of my way of life. I like to express my feelings, thoughts and beliefs and feel as though this forum is specifically for that.
  
  The ones that come in here and choose to debate, argue, and otherwise, criticize my beliefs are an enigma to me. I tend to navigate towards this forum as I love to talk about the Lord. I fail to see the point, intentions or advantages those who do not believe have in coming here and debating with us.
  
  Unless it is either A) for the purpose of learning or gaining knowledge about Godly things
  B) To express varied religious views
  or C) which is what I have come to believe,
  That those who do not believe in God, love to try and humiliate or otherwise offend those that do. why they get their "kicks" out of it, is a puzzlement to me. But that is exactly what happens.
  
  So, I choose from to time to time to swap words with them. My hope and prayer is that they learn the way to salvation. If it takes an hour or so of my time to spread that, ok.
  
  But I do get your point.
  It is rather futile sometimes. But thats ok, like Jesus said, You tell them and if they do not accept it, shake the dust from your feet and move on".
  I look at it from the view of, atleast the seeds are planted. Whether they grow or not is between them and God.
  reply report
  59
  Mark Knowlesposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Golly gosh - how incredibly condescending. Who called you an idiot and moron?
  
  I hope that eventually - one day - with a little self education on your part - you may come to your senses. If you would like, I can educate you about evolution as well. Feel free to ask and I will supply.
  reply report
  57
  atomswifeyposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Can you say, A-R-R-O-G-A-N-T??
  I tell you what, I think I will stick to listening to my God, thank you and you can stick to your story until the day comes when you're standing in front of Him.
  reply report
57
atomswifeyposted 15 years ago
I am done for the night here. So let all who respond to my posts hear:
YOUR ARGUMENT WILL FALL ON DEAF EARS

We can agree to disagree and be done with it. But I still think it's funny how some of you come in here and debate with us. I mean, like any of you are experts in any field of expertise yet alone theology! And please do not even pretend to be, like I said, I'm tired now.

We can debate again tomorrow if you'd like. I mean since it obviously gives you so much pleasure to do so.
But I am really concerned over certain individuals "evolving" into some form of creatures with massive heads!, after they inflate to enormous size with arrogance.

To others on here,
Good Night and God Bless
reply report
59
ElElyoneposted 15 years ago
Mercy, mercy, all of this talk about me.

If you believe in me and I exist, then you will have your proper place with me.

If you believe in me and I do not exist, then you will have lived a righteous life and feel great when you die.

If you do not believe in me and I do not exist, then you were right and lived however you wanted and you are just dead and cease to exist because I do not exist.

If you do not believe in me and I exist, then you have made tremendously great error and I will miss you very much.

x ElElyone
reply report
1. 60
  tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Who's talking about you?
  reply report
  71
  earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  Nobody is, it looks like another case of megalomania.
  reply report
61
Eric Graudinsposted 15 years ago
I have no problem with the idea of a God.
It's his fan club that I can't stand.

And for my reasons, just have a read through the last few pages of posts in this thread.
reply report
1. 61
  Ron Montgomeryposted 15 years agoin reply to this
  If they will be the ones populating Heaven, I will burn in Hell for all eterninty with no complaints.
  reply report

Post a Reply

jump to first post

Necessary
HubPages Device ID	This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
Login	This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google Recaptcha	This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
Akismet	This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google Analytics	This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic Pixel	This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web Services	This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
Cloudflare	This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted Libraries	Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)

Features
Google Custom Search	This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google Maps	Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google Charts	This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host API	This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTube	Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Vimeo	Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Paypal	This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook Login	You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Maven	This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)

Marketing
Google AdSense	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClick	Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index Exchange	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Sovrn	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook Ads	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexus	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Openx	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon Project	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLift	This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say Media	We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing Pixels	We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking Pixels	We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.

Statistics
Author Google Analytics	This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
Comscore	ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking Pixel	Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
Clicksco	This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)

Please help The Spaghetti Monster Understand Your Bible.

Arts and Design

Autos

Books, Literature, and Writing

Business and Employment

Education and Science

Entertainment and Media

Family and Parenting

Fashion and Beauty

Food and Cooking

Games, Toys, and Hobbies

Gender and Relationships

Health

Holidays and Celebrations

Home and Garden

HubPages Tutorials and Community

Personal Finance

Pets and Animals

Politics and Social Issues

Religion and Philosophy

Sports and Recreation

Technology

Travel and Places

About Us

This website uses cookies

Please help The Spaghetti Monster Understand Your Bible.

Related Discussions

This website uses cookies