How is the best way to comfort someone that lost a loved one

1. 59

   sir_tallestposted 13 years ago

   How is the best way to comfort someone that lost a loved one

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2. 77

   qlcoachposted 13 years ago

   I have several ideas. Grief is a process that ranges from shock, anger, denial, to sadness, and acceptance. So first, let the person know who is grieving that you are there for them. Ask if that person wants to talk or just needs some space. Next encourage the honest expression of all feelings and emotions. Last but not least, try to support the sharing of pleasant memories about the person who has passed. This is why I write about emotional recovery and miracles. Peace and Light...Gary.

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3. 60

   cobrienposted 13 years ago

   Do something nice to make things easier for him/her. Take food, mow the lawn, take the kids somewhere, give flowers and just listen.

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4. 60

   CraigDesmaraisposted 13 years ago

   One of the best ways to comfort someone in this situation is to listen to what they are feeling.  How often do you hear people say, "I feel better after talking about it"?
   
   Reassuring tem that life will move on helps as well and letting them know not to continue living in greif because that person who passed away would not want their loved one living in such a way. 
   
   I also agree with@cobrien, do something for the person.  Make them a meal, bring them out somewhere, do something helpful and all the while let them know they are not alone.

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5. 68

   MazioCreateposted 13 years ago

   Having lost four members of my immediate family (two car accidents) within a six months timeframe I say - ask if you can do anything to help e.g. cook etc and let them know you are there for them whenever they might need to talk.  Contact them every few days, but don't bombard them with calls or just popping in.  They need reflective time interspersed with social time.
   
   One aspect that always confronts others when these tragedies occur is the humour that comes with the devestation.  Coming from a large family we gather and tell stories about our loved siblings and inevitably end up with raucous laughter issuing from the house.  Laughter / humour is a very important process for coming to terms with the lose and the grieving process.  So, in short, just let them know you are there and don't be afraid to raise the subject or talk about anything else.  Yes it is horrible to lose loved ones, but it is also hard to lose those who are still alive because they don't know what to say or how to be around someone grieving.

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   Attikosposted 13 years ago

   Been there, done that, got the scars. Keep 'em decently fed; grieving people won't eat unless they're encouraged to, but they need fuel. Make sure they know they're not alone, that you and other friends are only a phone call away. Don't make a pest of yourself, but go by as often as you feel you should to check on them. When they want to be alone, slip out gracefully and don't take offense. Mow their grass for them. Sit next to them in church. Don't kid yourself you can make the pain go away, and don't make them suffer through nonsensical platitudes like "I know how you feel," or "Call me if there's anything I can do." Be there for them, and help them get through when they need you. That's all you can do.

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   lavender3957posted 13 years ago

   That depends upon how the person wants to be comforted after losing a loved one. I wanted to be left alone for a few days. I wanted to grieve my way. The person who needs to comforted should be let known you care, and you are here for them when they are ready to be comforted. Sometimes a person comes on to strong and makes things worse. At least in my opinion, of it happening to me.

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8. 71

   stanwshuraposted 13 years ago

   Be there - as in be available.  To talk, to listen.  To hold and cry.
   
   Don't push.
   
   Obviously avoid the trite and just plain dumb cliche's:  "S/he's in a better place", "Time heals all wounds".  "It's a sad part of the whole cycle"...
   
   Blah blah.  You can express those thoughts.  But MEAN them - and say what's in your heart and WHEN your heart tells you it's right (or the grieving person outright asks).  You can surely express some comforting thoughts - just say it from the heart and not from the inside of a fortune cookie or a 50-year old "etiquette" book or some vague recollection of things to say to FILL THE SPACE.
   
   If that is your motive - to ease YOUR discomfort - please try and let the space just BE.  Bettter that than for a grieving person to hear what you both know is an insincere - or at least a cookie-cutter version of - some obligatory expression of condolances.
   
   Be there when s/he wants to grieve.  Be there when s/he wants to (of his/her own initiative) "get out" for awhile and just do something not related to funerals and final arrangements and missing someone and what not.  That stuff is important - but it's not the only thing someone who has suffered a loss needs.
   
   Let them know that you're there to help them remember, to console them, and yes, to help and join them in getting back into living (as slowly as they want!).
   
   Whatever you do - be SINCERE!

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9. 60

   James Halpinposted 13 years ago

   When our son died I remember that the best thing for us was having everyone around and making sure we ate. Hundreds of cards started pouring in and the best thing in all the cards was knowing that we were in people's thoughts and prayers.
   
   stanwshura is right on with what he was saying about not saying that they are ina better place.  Because that's saying being with you isn't good enough.  Another thing,don't say I know what you're going through unless you've actually experienced it otherwise it isn't sincere.
   
   A lot of the times it was just the fact that people were there.  They didn't need to say anything. Just being there was a great help.

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10. 60

    nightwork4posted 13 years ago

    this happened to me last night. a very good friends mom died. my wife and i went over to his house and just talked to him and his wife. we had a couple of beer and remembered her . then we just talked about things, nothing important and when we left, he was smiling.

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11. 79

    jacqui2011posted 13 years ago

    I think just being there for them and knowing that they have you is important. People deal with grief in different ways, some need comfort at the time while others need time alone to come to terms with their loss. It is getting the balance right between giving them personal space and comfort when they need it. If they know that you are there for them they know that they are not alone.

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12. 59

    mandyfposted 13 years ago

    just simply be there and listen when they need to talk encourage them to talk about the loved one they lost

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