Why does losing someone you love to death have to be so painful?

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  1. AEvans profile image71
    AEvansposted 12 years ago

    Why does losing someone you love to death have to be so painful?

    I understand its written in the Bible; but why does it have to hurt so much? How do you cope with the pain? Why does it take longer for some of us to overcome, while others continue to move on like nothing happened?

    The reason I ask is because it has been almost two years since mom passed away and I still cry for her and miss her. There are days when I am fine and times when I can't stop thinking about her and cry. I am still trying to find Peace after mom's passing and our dog's nine days after her. Why am I so emotional and how can I overcome this somehow?

  2. justateacher profile image83
    justateacherposted 12 years ago

    Let me know when you find an answer to this...next month will be two years since I lost my own mom...and a year and a half since her favorite brother and my favorite uncle passed...everyone says it's supposed to get better but I'm still waiting...

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      At least I know I am not alone. My favorite Uncle passed away Mar 9,2011 5 months after mom. I cannot seem to get pass the hump. People often wonder why I disappear and appear. I have good days and bad days and people tell me the same thing. sad

  3. MickeySr profile image76
    MickeySrposted 12 years ago

    If death has truly lost it's sting,
    And takes us to that 'better place',
    Why is it sorrow that loss does bring,
    And tears that trickle down our face?

    It's not the unknown or death we fear,
    We don't need answers or some reason,
    It's that a loved one's soul is so dear,
    And their face so sweet that we miss them
    . . . for a season.

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Finally I am able to comment. What a beautiful poem Mickey. It made me cry, those words are so true.

    2. amyarlene61 profile image56
      amyarlene61posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      This is truly a beautiful poem, Mickey.  I think, however, that, at least for me, I have missed my fiance for more than a season.  I know he is still around and have proof which this little box doesn't give me enough room to disclose.

    3. KPassero profile image59
      KPasseroposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I loved it also.  Thanks for sharing Mickey.

  4. Rochelle Frank profile image90
    Rochelle Frankposted 12 years ago

    It's hard. For me it has been 15 years-- and I have a tear, even now.  I try not to let the sadness come through, and look for the reasons to smile when I remember her, because--most of all-- I know she wanted me to be happy.
    She was only 26 when her dear mother died-- but she had two young daughters, and I think that is one reason she lived her life so well and carried on despite her personal grief.
    We cannot forget those we loved so much, but we have to live for the living, as a way to honor their memory.

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That is beautifully written. We do have to live for the living, as a way to honor their memory. It can just be so hard. sad

  5. MsDora profile image93
    MsDoraposted 12 years ago

    Sorry about your Mom.  You probably need to seek out a grief support group.  I recommend GriefShare (griefshare.com).  They have groups which meet in a church near you.  On the days when your grief overwhelms you, it would great to have a friend who can encourage you to recall the good memories you made with your mom; also help you adjust your thoughts to accept that she wants you to be at peace with her death.  Years from now, you may still be crying occasionally, but interacting with a support group, will help you manage your grief and lessen the pain.

    1. Conservative Lady profile image70
      Conservative Ladyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I too recommend GriefShare - they were so helpful to me after my son passed. I think the pain we feel after losing a loved one is there to keep us focused on what is really important in life - people, relationships, and love. Not stuff......

  6. nancynurse profile image68
    nancynurseposted 12 years ago

    When we lose someone we love we feel a deep emptiness or void. We feel lonely and hurt. Often we may even be angry at the person or God for taking that person from us. The more emotional we are or close to the person the more difficult it is. We have to let ourselves go through the grieving process to  come through the pain whole again. Even after months and even years memories may trigger all our pain again. We have to remember that the person we lost is no longer in pain. As a believer I believe the loved one is much happier and more alive than I am, not that this takes away the pain and emptiness. Reach out to others and don't squelch your emotions. A strong support system is SO important. There are bereavement groups through which you can meet with people that have experienced similar pain. That in itself is comforting. They will help you work through your grief.

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I am going to try grief support in our Church. My emotions are like a train wreck sometimes and out of nowhere comes a flood of tears. We only had Nazoo for 3 years and there will never be one like him; but I continue to love my others just the same

  7. Angela Blair profile image68
    Angela Blairposted 12 years ago

    When we love someone I think we're hard wired emotionally to that person -- a mother, brother, etc. Having lost my son and only child I've found the most comfort in faith --trite as that may sound -- and my belief that I will see him again in heaven comforts me. I've found no comfort here on earth -- he's gone forever, I'll never hear his voice again, his laugh or share his wonderful sense of humor. Each person we dearly love is so individual to us and there's no other like them left on earth when they're gone. My son will be gone two years in February and it seems like only yesterday -- and yet forever. Certain small things will set off tears over which I have no control...truth...for me there's no bottom line answer to your question. We all begin dieing the moment we're born -- and accept that. It's learning to accept that death happens to everyone -- even those we love the most -- while we're still alive. Selfish -- perhaps. Inevitable -- absolutely. Healing -- an individual, personal thing that's different for each and every one of us left on this old earth when a loved one leaves it. I cherish memories of my son and he still lives in my heart until we meet again.

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      That is beautifully put. I remember your story about your son. You lost him right before mom and wrote about it. I have to also remember that mom is in my heart along with Nazoo and my Uncle until we meet again. Thank you.

  8. Seeker7 profile image79
    Seeker7posted 12 years ago

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. I lost my Mum about 15 years ago on New Year's Day and it took a long, long time before my life seemed bearable again - so I do know what you are going through.

    It's almost 2 years you were saying since you lost your Mum? With this amount of time do you feel you would benefit from bereavement counselling? There is no actual 'rule of thumb' on how long bereavement should last, everyone is different. But on the whole the advice in the UK at least is that if after 2 years or so, if you are still having enough difficulties that it is impacting on your life, then counselling would be a good idea. It is possible to get stuck in a bereavement cycle when we have lost someone so dear and close to us. The loss of a Mum and/or Dad has to be one of the deepest and most painful losses we go through.

    The reason it is so painful is not only the loss of the physical presence of someone we love dearly, but when they die it's like a light goes out in our very being that leaves a raw, empty space inside us. This leaves us with an overwhelming distress, pain and emptiness that seems impossble to fill. However, we can find peace and happiness again. We go through bereavement because this is an acutal healing process - even although we might need help with this process.

    Lastly, take heart. Your Mum is not that far away even although you cannot see or hear her. The only true separation you have from her is time. One day you will be reunited. So live your life as you think she would want you to live it. Take one day at at time. Think about all the things your Mum would want you to be doing and achieving and go for it - for her as well as for yourself. Lastly, it is okay still to be crying - I still cry at times as well. But the pain does go eventually.

    Hope this helps a bit.

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Your words do help and now I know I am not nuts when it comes to the process. My mom would like for me to live life at its fullest and not be sorrowful. Our dog I believe is with mom and he to is always with us.

  9. skye2day profile image67
    skye2dayposted 12 years ago

    AEvans  My prayers are with you precious one. I understand pain when loosing one, so loved. Jesus is the comforter. He will take you in His refuge under His wings. His timing is not like ours but in His grace He will continue to pick you up. For me I find comfort in knowing I will see my loved ones in Heaven. We will see them and know them. That gives me great hope and excitement. They do not suffer any longer. Alleluia for them  I miss my mom at times so much maybe because she understood like none other or I would like to hear her wisdom about something.  She passed on in 1986, I miss her still. It gets easier aevans. When in pain that statement is not so inviting but it does get softer.

    I lost my dog in October. I had to put him down. Benji was 16 years old. I know he suffers no longer. There will never be another Benji. I got the joy of Benji for a long time. I miss him. I believe he will be around in heaven as well. Animals are in heaven. God understands and says joy will come in the morning.

    God Bless you girl. Keep going you will. Check out Phil 4:13!!!

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I will read that verse. Odd because someone just pointed the same verse out to me. Thank you so much. (((Hugs)))

  10. Beata Stasak profile image78
    Beata Stasakposted 12 years ago

    When we face the death of our loved ones, we face our own death as well. When I mourn the loss of my father, I also mourn the loss of myself, suddenly I feel frail and vulnerable and I give in to nostalgia and sentimentality. But I also watch myself give in to it with a cold and ruthless disapproval.
    "At least you have memories," people say, as if memories were solace. Memories are not, they are by definition of times past, things gone, memories are what you no longer want to remember. They awaken excruciating longing and regrets.
    I have learnt one lesson, you don't really deal with loved one's death until you accept that it happened.
    We are all in the same boat, my dear fellow hubber but each of us has to find their own way to deal with the loss. Hope you find your way out of darkness and back to the light...soon....

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Beata, I was mom's caregiver and you are right, we do have to accept their death. This also includes my Uncle and our dog. It's hard for me to wrap myself around the truth when it comes to them being gone. I hope to get into the light again soon too.

    2. Beata Stasak profile image78
      Beata Stasakposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't know when and I don't know how, but once my fellow hubber you will, may this to be your light at the end of the tunnel:)

  11. HLKeeley profile image70
    HLKeeleyposted 12 years ago

    I lost my best friend seven years ago. It is most painful on his anniversary of the actual day he died because I was there. It took me so long to accept that he was gone and to realize it was not my fault.

    There is a fine line between love and hate because they both share a similar affect, pain. "I love you so much it hurts." Hating someone to the point where you want to punch them hurts emotionally inside and your hand when you do punch them.

    The pain is a reminder of how much you loved the deceased. It shows that they are still alive in your memory. It is not something to overcome, but to accept. Do not see it as a challenge or obstacle in life because you will never win.

    You will find Peace knowing that she is in Heaven with our Father. You will find Peace because she is at Peace finally. One day you will join her again.

    I hope this helped some. God bless.

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      HLKeeley: You are so right. When day I will see mom again; but for now I am sure she would like for me to smile. I am still trying to work on that.

  12. Virginia Lea profile image70
    Virginia Leaposted 12 years ago

    Your question really broke my heart, I feel empathy because I can relate on more levels than one. Sometimes I want to just get angry and force the tears from coming, as if getting angry and forgetting can really make them not come. This is a very tough subject to press on and some people would rather not go near it but then here we are, all the brokenhearted left alone with obviously no one that wants our pathetic issues to interrupt there life. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel although I can't seem to find an answer. Losing someone will always hurt like crazy unless you are just heartless.

    Your emotional because you lost someone very dear to you, its normal to feel extreme pain, I'm sure your entire chest feels like its on fire and your head starts to hurt after awhile. Don't it people try and condemn you for feeling the way you are, everyone copes differently and it takes longer for some than others. If people start to get tired of your emotions than they are not real true friends and they don't really care. And if there is every anyone that will tel you to suck it up or get over it, well you can just kick them where the sun don't shine. That was how I lost my best friend. But anyways, the only thing I can safely suggest on how to overcome it would be to find a hobby and just try to get your mind off of it. An idle mind is a devils workshop and if your left just laying around with nothing to do, chances are you will dwell on the painful stuff. And dwelling on stuff like that is never good. Pray a lot also. Try not to loose faith in the valley. I can speak from experience when I say that it was easier running my own way than Gods way. but his way is always best. I don't mean to sound preachy, but God is doing this for a reason and he will pull you through. I hope this helped. smile

    1. AEvans profile image71
      AEvansposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I am trying hard with my faith. I have also lost many friends; because they have told me to suck it up and get over it. I keep busy with work and writing; but sometimes a movie or a song will make me cry. I will work on God's way, I promise.smile

  13. sonison profile image60
    sonisonposted 12 years ago

    You share all the dreams, undone jobs, your aim, aspirations with the person you love so much. In return that person helps you in attaining all that you want to achieve. In your pursuit to success you might be a failure and whole world might curse you but that loved one will know how much you have put in to be successful. 

    SO you share your hard times, lighter moment, good times and everything with them. You can fight with that person and can be not in talking terms with that person but YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO LOSSE. Such a loved person becomes an intergral part of your life.  That feeling of oneness with the loved ones makes the death of the LOVED ONE so painful and unbearable

  14. Virtuous1 profile image60
    Virtuous1posted 12 years ago

    It's painful because of the emotional attach we have towards that person...

  15. amyarlene61 profile image56
    amyarlene61posted 12 years ago

    I'm not sure there is a real one answer to this question, because we, as humans, are all individuals.  I don't ascribe to the linear track of grief, but rather see it as a cyclical process.  I lost my fiance almost eight years ago on his thirty-first birthday, July 2004.  I would always say to him, "I can't imagine my life without you." And then I was without him.  The pain would come in stabbing waves.  Just a song, like "I Will Always Love You", by Celine Dion, would come on the radio when I was driving and I would weep so that I could barely see through the windshield -- not too good if you don't want to have a car crash.  And I even tried to commit suicide four months after he passed because I just couldn't take a Thanksgiving without him.  Though, these days go by and I don't cry anymore and I'm even in love again.  I think the real answer, at least for me, is that I went through that so I will some day be able to be there for someone else who is grieving.  I must say, however, that the thought of losing my 89 year old mother is daunting and my eyes well up with just a quick thought.  I will only give myself that -- a quick thought.  It's also fortunate that I believe in reincarnation and that we choose the people we form relationships with to work out unresolved karma.  I hope it was helpful

    1. paul otieno profile image59
      paul otienoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I have since lost both my parents but my mother's death was the most difficult one to overcome having happened when I was only   ten.That of my father occurred 14 years later in 2009 although painful, found me more mature to accept death as real.

  16. connorj profile image68
    connorjposted 12 years ago

    I think I understand why and how you may overcome this... When I lost my father I was in college (undergraduate); and I did indeed suffer excruciating pain (in my arm) for several days. It was significantly difficult for me to deal with his passing. Yet years later, after I survived a comatose state (for 1 month) I was healed of this feeling of pain and significant discomfort with the passing of loved ones. I began to see this in a different light.
    My mother passed in September of 2009 and I can honestly say I was able to handle it much differently and actually see it as a new beginning for her and opportunity for her to be re-united with other loved ones... So it became a somewhat joyful occasion and celebration. Thus, I have concluded, that these feelings may directly be  proportional/related to your understanding/belief in life after death. If you can truly believe that death for us is a passing on and will result in a reunion of sorts then you will still be emotional about it; however, in a most joyful emotive way...

    1. amyarlene61 profile image56
      amyarlene61posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I really believe in a passing on and feel as connorj has written. The hardest part in losing someone you love is missing them, especially if you live together.  It's the every day things, the little sayings you share thats hard.

  17. Mitch Alan profile image79
    Mitch Alanposted 12 years ago

    I believe the answer lies in our ability to love.  If we were unable to feel the pain of loss when a loved one dies, we would be unable to love deeply enough to feel that same pain and loss...it is a double edged sword.  Embrace the pain, in that you are fortunate enough to have loved that deeply and , I am sure, loved deeply.

    1. amyarlene61 profile image56
      amyarlene61posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I just felt my noise get very hot as it does when I'm about to cry after I read this answer from Mitch Alan.  And I believe from the bottom of my heart that it is true.  It really is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all.

  18. WiseRabbit profile image78
    WiseRabbitposted 12 years ago

    Losing anyone is difficult, but when it is your mom it is especially hard, I think. Death is scary. With a mom, I think, it leaves you almost feeling all alone in the world. My mom was killed in a freak car accident. I cried that whole night long. For years afterward, I could be driving down the road in the car by myself and think of her and start crying again. Grieving is a process and everyone experiences it differently but there are stages. At first, you can't believe the person is really gone. Then you just want them back. Then you have anger. Then you get depressed about it. This can last for a long time and sometimes needs to be treated with medication. In the end, you never, as your callous "friends" have said, "suck it up" or "get over it." But there can be acceptance. Mom would have wanted you to go on and to be happy. That was the one thing that kept me going after mine died. I knew she would not want me to be miserable. Go ahead and allow yourself to experience and get in touch with all of the different stages. Get a true friend, or counselor to help you explore your feelings. Feel the disbelief, long for her,  explore your anger, punch a pillow if you need to. Discover tools for coping. Finally, see her in yourself and be thankful that a part of her still lives on in you. Eventually, you will find that place of acceptance. It will be like turning a corner. There will always be a tear, that is quite normal. In the end, you may be able to comfort someone else who is experiencing grief, and that in itself will be a comfort to you. Love and Blessings to you, my friend. (((HUG)))

  19. IDONO profile image60
    IDONOposted 11 years ago

    Please don't take this wrong, because I'm speaking of people in general, not you personally. The closer somebody or something becomes to us, the more selfish we become. Grieving is a very selfish thing. We don't grieve for a persons loss of life. We grieve for our loss of them. That's how love works. We depend on it, and when it's taken away, there is a void that we feel can never be filled again. But when the fond memories of their life overtake the painful memory of their passing, we move on. There will always be a space in our hearts for those we lose, but that space becomes, in time, a space that we will treasure and visiting will no longer be painful, but enjoyable.
         We are all unique. Like anything in life, we all process things in our own time frame. Your time will happen when your heart is ready. Let go; Let God! You'll be OK. Just be patient.

  20. cer1056 profile image42
    cer1056posted 11 years ago


    Deep Love is an intense powerful emotion.
    Emotions are always reactions to thoughts.
    The Loss of something so powerful is at least as intense as the degree of Love.

    The issue is that we form emotional attachments to those we are close to.

    The Pain we feel when we Lose someone so deeply loved, tells us how strongly we were emotionally attached to that person.

    The very act of crying while thinking of the loss of our loved one, is what frees us from the emotional pain of the loss.
    So cry your eyes out as much as you need to, until all the emotion of the Loss is released.   Within a period of time, and a lot of crying - the emotional pain of the loss will be discharged and diminish, but not the feeling of Love.

    1. SidKemp profile image85
      SidKempposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you. Beautiful and true.

  21. Rebecca Kroner profile image59
    Rebecca Kronerposted 11 years ago

    Losing someone you love who has passed on is one of the hardest things to cope. However there are somethings that you can do to help ease the pain a little bit. I lost someone, well a few someones over the past two years. So I'm still finding ways to cope. The reason it hurts is that, that one person you know will not be coming back and the thought of that alone hurts. How I cope with it all is that sometimes if I can handle it emotionally on that day I would go back and look at pictures or letters or anything that we did together and enjoy those memories. Sometimes it takes longer for us to overcome and move on is because we are afraid that if we continue to move we will forget them altogether. It is ok to cry and miss someone you lost. It will take time to get over the loss but maybe if you embrace some of the things that was a tradition and honor to that person like for example; a christmas tradition doesn't have to stop because they are gone, embrace it and continue with that tradition.

  22. billmuldoon profile image61
    billmuldoonposted 11 years ago

    Sorry to tell you this, but it is answered in two simple ways neither of which will be very real to you.  The first is that painful loss is often, for humans, very delicious.  The beautiful sadness of it all, is hard to give up.  It is something to possess.
        The second reason is likely very beyond your reality and its not going to resolve for you anyway.     Just admire your loss and it can soon go away.   Good luck.

    1. Angela Blair profile image68
      Angela Blairposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      billmuldoon -- I can say, with all honesty, the death of my only child was tremendously painful  and in no way delicious nor something I've gloried in and refused to give up. To date I've also found no way to "admire" my loss -- and I'm very strong.

    2. SidKemp profile image85
      SidKempposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Your "second reason" is mysgterious. It's a good thing that, actually, healing from grief is a reality that anyone can reach by coming to the peace that life offers every minute.

  23. Claudia Marie profile image63
    Claudia Marieposted 11 years ago

    Death is not normal, we can never get use to it because it is not natural. When some one we loves dies we feel a deep loss, then we go through a grieving process, which is different for each person. Knowing the truth about why we die, where are our dead loved ones and if we will ever be united with them again does ease the pain some.
    The Bible give us comfort at Daniel 12:2, it says in part, "there will be many of those asleep in the ground of dust who will wake up" and John 5:28, 29 say there is going to be a resurrection of the righteous and unrighteous. Other parts of the Bible show how Jesus brought people back to life again. The Bible gives us hope.
    For more information check out www.jw.org, there is more information on this site that perhaps will help you deal with your loss.

  24. zaree1958 profile image52
    zaree1958posted 11 years ago

    It's all due to attachment to something or someone that brings hurt, pain, anger, jealousy etc.If we could understand the reality, it won't hurt so much

    1. profile image49
      Donnaisabella15posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It is always painful when a loved one dies, but we have to be prepared to let them go.  If you believe in God and heaven, then realise that your loved one has gone to a better place, one where there is no more suffering. Rejoice for them.

  25. Sheri Faye profile image80
    Sheri Fayeposted 11 years ago

    Hi AEvans,
    I am so sorry for your loss.  Don't worry about how others are able to move on...don't compare yourself.  Our society admires toughness, chin up and all that rot,  and so many of us hide our pain.  Don't do that.  Be your own best friend.  Your experience is just that...yours and yours alone.  I lost my beloved Dad five years ago, and I have come to know I will never get over it.  It is the new normal.  That is not to say I am depressed and don't enjoy life, but I know I will always miss him.  Don't try to stop the tears, go ahead and cry...the big ugly cry if that is what you need.  It will relieve some stress.  And I still talk to Dad...about big and little things.  You could also write her letters.  She is there.....she loves you...and you love her.  That is how I know Dad is there somewhere...because I still love him and you can't love a nothing.   Try to quiet your mind and feel her.  And remember the wonderful times....in detail....let yourself feel the joy.  And the pain.
    Sending you healing thoughts.

  26. KPassero profile image59
    KPasseroposted 11 years ago

    I lost my mother nine years ago.  I know what you are going through.  I still miss her so much and need her to just be here.  I know she is as I have been dreaming a lot about her lately.  Losing someone you love is the worse pain.  You want them here to share everything.  The pain shows how much we love them and how important they are to us.  I think you will always miss her.  It won't hurt as much.  The good memories come next.  Thinking about good times and laughing.  God be with you.

  27. profile image50
    adzsarkiposted 11 years ago

    I believe the pain comes from the everyday connection you had with your mom. You spent so much time with your mom, that it becomes your everyday routine- seeing her everyday, talking to her, and other activities you do with her. I think, that is the reason why, the closer we are to that person, the more painful it gets when you lose him/her.

    "How can I overcome this somehow?"
    I experienced the same situation once in my life, what I did: I tried to find things/activities that I enjoy and takes a bit of my time; keep yourself busy; Don't let this affect your decisions in your daily activities, let that moment of grieving pass because you might regret your decision somehow (remember that you are in a state of mind where you are still in question of everything that happened)

    There are many things you can learn from this experience, which I have to say, you have to learn for yourself. Stay strong friend

  28. SidKemp profile image85
    SidKempposted 11 years ago

    For most people it is hard. And it will be hard for anyone, briefly. But how long it lasts is really up to you. If we want to shorten the length of time we feel grief, there are  many things we can do.

    Ramana Maharshi, an enlighted Hindu teacher, cried when his mother died, but only for a few minutes.

    When close friends of the Buddha died, he became sad. But he did not feel weak; he was not overwhelmed.

    We can lessen the impact of the death of a loved on in many simple ways. All are based on one thing: Let us be honest: Every body dies. People may or may no die; we truly do not know what continues (if anything) after bodily death. And if someone claims to know, they can't prove it, and it won't help.

    When a loved one's body dies, that person is no longer available to us, except through memory.

    If we accept that this is going to happen, there are many ways to prepare:
    1) We can leave nothing left unsaid.
    2) We can make the fullest use of the time we have.
    3) We can begin grieving now.

    I have done all of these things for over 30 years. So, when my mother died 9 years ago, I was sad for a few months. But I was not overwhelmed. Now, even on her birthday, I feel joy at the good memories more than the pain of her loss.

    If a loved one has already died, we can still do some things to heal faster. Speaking aloud to them or writing them a letter helps. They may be gone, but at least we express the message, even if we don't know they hear it. We can forgive and ask to be forgiven, if there was any unresolved hurt. And we can remember and appreciate the good things.

    It is particularly good to see qualities in ourselves - good qualities, or quirky ones - that come from a lost loved one. Then we realize that, even though their body died, they live on in us.

  29. techap profile image60
    techapposted 11 years ago

    It is so because you have been addicted to them for long and you have never thought of leading a life without them. And when actually it is the time you are lost in your own world with no future doings.

  30. Howardt61 profile image58
    Howardt61posted 11 years ago

    Dear AEvans.
    No wonder you're having a hard time! You lost your mum, the dogs and your uncle all in a short space. By the way, my condolences. It's never easy and as they say...time heals all wounds. I lost my father to cancer 12/02/06. I became aware my dad had cancer and that it was not going to be cured as soon as he did. We had a conversation over the phone about it since we lived in different cities at the time. Remarkably, he accepted it straight away. He tried chemo for everyone else's sake but deep down he knew it wouldn't work. Anyway he lived for eighteen months and died at peace in hospital. I had that eighteen months to get used to the idea that he was dying, so by the time death came I was okay with him dying. I think as has been said in other answers...death is part of living and it inevitable whether or not we want it to happen. Also as Nurse for many years and dealing with death daily my attitude is that "they are in a much better place" or "at least they are not suffering". That's not to say that you should take that attitude but it works for me. I think that focusing on the positive things within the person who you've lost life is a good start. But you will have to move on and get on. I think about all the people in my life who I have lost all the time as its good to remember but I don't let it get me down. Just accept that there is nothing and everything you can do (whatever helps you) and move on.

  31. Isa28 profile image55
    Isa28posted 11 years ago
  32. padmendra profile image50
    padmendraposted 11 years ago

    Why the love is so painful?. The idea of asking this question is truly linked with 'love' and the pain in heart is there as the person thinks that perhaps his trust may be betrayed or may be lucky, may ditch him and take away his love. This is also due to the fact that when in love, our entire attention is focused towards the person attached to your heart and even a small amount of lack of care may hurt us giving pain to our heart. This fact is known to everyone but love is a great gift of GOD which helps us learn amazing lessons of life..

    Paying respect to your mother's soul  will  only  be complete if you stop crying and complete the task what your  mother had left or asked you to do when she was alive.This will be the real love for her from your side.

  33. ronell55421 profile image58
    ronell55421posted 10 years ago

    Because we were not created to die,  But because of inherited sin we inherited death.

  34. manatita44 profile image69
    manatita44posted 10 years ago

    It may be a part of your Dharma (the inner code of life) or your present karma (accumulation of acts done in this life and past lives and which is now bearing fruit). As you rightly stated, some people continue to move on like nothing happened.

    Suffering is as a result of expectation, craving, desire or attachments. There are a few names for this. Some even say clinging. Why is it that you do not feel the same for my mom? The answer is not because she is your mom, but because of the bag of emotions or 'experiences' which took place between you two, while she was alive. Most importantly, how you reacted to them.

    Life is ultimately a process of growth and learning lessons. It is like a school. Your mom was necessary for you and perhaps so is the pain or suffering. Reflect on what it's teaching you and this will help you to move forward faster than you seem to be doing at present.

    Right-mindfulness, teaches us that all things are impermanent and one day will have to leave: birth, death and old age are only three of them. Sorrow helps us and will eventually cleanse our spirit and enhance our receptivity to the Light. Offer everything to the Lord, your good and bad actions also.

    Finally, you may have had a soul's connection with your mom before. Still, I do not encourage curiosity or sensationalism. If anything, I will ask you to pray to God and ask for strength to bear this grief, and if necessary, the wisdom to know why it's happening. Our Lord in Her mercy, will respond according to Her Will for you in your current life.

  35. Edward J. Palumbo profile image82
    Edward J. Palumboposted 10 years ago

    To lose someone we love is to deal with the vacuum of their absence, the lack of closure, the loss of their response as a sounding board in discussion and (if they're a parent) the loss of a resource in their memories. Those we love become a part of the fabric of our life, and it takes a great while to distance ourselves from the acute pain of loss to a point of acceptance. Be patient with yourself, and understand that this is the cycle of life and you too will depart. Your mother would not want you to experience prolonged pain after her loss. Celebrate her life and all that she taught you. Know that she is beyond any physical pain, and be at peace with the knowledge that she made a difference in your life, leaving you with the responsibility to a make a difference in others.

  36. Keren Acevedo profile image54
    Keren Acevedoposted 9 years ago

    Hello. I lost my father two weeks ago and I've been trying to rationalize why it hurts so much. I've come to think that losing someone so dear is like having an amputation on the soul. It's like if a part of us was taken away without prior notice and without pain control. If only I could, I would try to make the pain stop or try no to think about it, but something that was attached to me is now gone. And it hurts a lot in the heart and soul.

    As it happens with physical wounds, we need to wait for them to slowly heal... but the scars might never go away. I have friends that have been operated and they know when it's going to rain because their scars start to hurt... So even years after, we will feel the pain. I talked yesterday with a friend that lost his mother 5 years ago, and he told me every morning he is reminded of it and he has to decide to think positively or otherwise he goes crazy.

    So now I know what Im going through is normal.. Losing someone hurts a lot, but reading these posts lets me know Im not alone.

  37. Reluctant Revival profile image55
    Reluctant Revivalposted 7 years ago

    Losing someone I love, who accepted Jesus Christ as his or her Lord and Savior, is not so painful because I know I will eventually see the loved one in Heaven when I go there.

  38. AnyaB profile image59
    AnyaBposted 7 years ago

    Put simply, death is not " natural" We were not created to die. This ionly happens as a penalty for disobedience on the part of our first parents. (Romans 5:12  Romans 6:23).
    But please rest assured that our GOD has not left us in the lurch. By means of his son, Jesus Christ, we can have a hope of seeing our dear loved ones again in the flesh. Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life......  The same way he raised Lazarus from the grave after him being dead four days.  He will raise our loved ones. (Acts 24:15)
    Hope this helps. If you would like to have more information you can contact me or visit JW.ORG

  39. LauraTallo profile image60
    LauraTalloposted 6 years ago

    My friend told me when my brother died that the depth of your pain is equal to the love that you had for the person that you lost. Evidently you loved your mother very, very much- and that is why it hurts so badly.

    I lost my brother February 21, 2017. I am going to grief counseling. I also went to my neurologist who increased my anti-anxiety medication.  I use mindfulness apps that lead me in peaceful meditation. I also listen to praise and worship music. Last, but not least, I write articles and post them on my hubpage. My counselor told me to write, to keep writing, and don't stop. There is something cathartic for me in the writing process. It helps me cope with the pain.

    The last bit of advice that I can give you is what my dad told me when my mom died, " Laura, pretend that electricity hasn't been invented yet, and there are no phones. Pretend that your mom is in a far away country. You will get to see her again one day, and you know that, but just not right now."
    Somehow, that helped me.

    Interestingly, I lost my favorite cat a few months before I lost my mom. I lost my little dog a few months after I lost my brother. I thought that it was strange.
    Peace be with you, Julianna.

  40. profile image0
    snapcracklepopposted 6 years ago

    I am truly sorry for your precious loss


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