How do you deal with the Drama Queen in your family?

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   pstraubie48posted 11 years ago

   How do you deal with the Drama Queen in your family?
   
   In many families there is a Drama Queen....someone who is melodramatic, over-the-top, and 'all about me.' We have one in our family. Do you have one? If so how do you manage your relationship with this family member?
   
   

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2. 67

   Anjiliposted 11 years ago

   We have one who is very pompous. Just let her strut along. Her confidence helps in uplifting other siblings who might feel a bit inadequate. This adds to their self esteem. Be quick to comfort her with sweet kind words when she trips or breaks her long nails. Let her feel she is worth something coz they easily get disappointed when sneered upon. Remind her gently not to be too proud lest she out does peacocks at their game.

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      ibbarkingmadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree. Don't sneer. That is negative, but encourage positive behavior by encouraging positive communication. Ignore the drama & offer incentives for communication rather than drama. Life is a lesson & we all can learn a little more.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   We are pretty lucky in that we do not have a drama queen unless you count the smallest grandchild who is 4 and at times acts like she is 4 - so it can be forgiven.  If I had an adult drama queen in the family, I would have to limit time with that person as I could not take it.

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      Anjiliposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hi. Our DQ happens to be my 18 year old daughter. We can't avoid her. lol

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   edhanposted 11 years ago

   Fortunately, not in my family.
   
   As for how to handle such situation, I always believe it is best to ignore. Drama Queens requires attention. So, if you just ignore and do not react, soon enough it will be over.
   
   But if you participate, then there will be never ending drama that will carry on and on ...
   
   I have come across this situation with friends so that is what I told them to do. They are glad that I had given them this info and stop the drama.

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      Anjiliposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You are right. They soon grow out of it as life catches up.

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   Lisa HWposted 11 years ago

   Assuming the "drama queen" isn't an adolescent or young teen, drama queens aren't always what people think they are.
   
   We don't have one, but I know families where one person, who expresses dissatisfaction with the way s/he is/has been made to feel, will be called a "drama queen" or "drama king".   From what I've seen, it's often older siblings who call younger ones "drama queens".  Then, too, though, sometimes it's not the younger siblings in families who aren't taken very seriously.  Sometimes parents (or the family) will expect more from an elder sibling than is fair.  Either way, drama queens are often trying to get someone to listen to their complaints, or at least take their challenges/dissatisfactions seriously; rather than being called "a drama queen".
   
   Look at the remark below about how drama queens sometimes "uplifts" the confidence of other siblings.  In other words, there can be ego/emotional incentive for others in the family to want to continue to believe that the "drama queen" is, in fact, "nothing but a drama queen".  If someone had to pay attention, and face the realilty, that sometimes some "drama queens" actually have legitimate complaints about the way they're made to feel, other may have to re-think their views and come face-to-face with having been wrong about the "drama queen".  How to deal with a "drama queen"?  Try respecting what they have to say (and they may not have to say it so dramatically and so often after that).  Listen to their complaints/issue.  Consider that there's the possibility what they're saying is accurate and really does call for changes in how the DQ is treated.  Even if a person's problem is relatively minor, it is extremely frustrating and infuriating to have others refuse to a) acknowledge that it's a problem, and b) blame the person who has been made to feel frustrated by those around her/him for the frustration they've caused by refusing to take his complaints seriously, and respect that he actually may have a legitimate point-of-view/complaint.

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      Anjiliposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the support.

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      ibbarkingmadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      There are people who do what they do to get attention. Listening is great, but when they have found that a little drama get their way, sometimes the only way to resolve the issue is to let them know that behavior is not acceptable for communication.

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   ibbarkingmadposted 11 years ago

   Ignore them. When you ignore them you don't give them the drama they need to thrive. By ignore I mean ignore the drama. Don't ignore them specifically because that is just another type of drama. Be nice, be sweet, be a good sibling etc. But when they act out just ignore it. When the entire family has agreed to do this it works the best. Don't talk about the bad behavior when the drama queen is gone either. The best part about this strategy is that this is based off of a proven behavioral modification principle called extinction. Special education teacher, psychologists and doctors use this principle to change bad behavior.
   If you want it to be very effect combine the extinction process with positive re-enforcement by rewarding the drama queen when he or she is not being a drama queen. This will make the change go must faster. Figure out what the drama queen's motivation (also know as love language) is and provide a reward that is in the area of that person's interest.

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      Lisa HWposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I would respectfully argue that too many family members imagine themselves to be "superior" to others (and imagine what doctors, teachers, etc would do); when if they respected the other person and listened, they might reduce the frustrated behavior.

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      ibbarkingmadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I do not refer to the important aspect of listening in a relationship. The very question indicates the Drama Queen makes trouble for its own sake. This isn't a matter of superiority but of getting rid of a behavior that is negative.

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      fishcakesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      ibbarkingmad isn't saying this to be superior. This is about fixing a problem behavior. You don't let a child throw tantrums to get what they want. You gently teach them how to ask. This is the same thing but for older "children".

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      ibbarkingmadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly! This is about resolving a behavioral issue. They aren't lab animals. They just learned a bad habit & behavior modification is the means by which to fix that. Not all classifications of "drama llamas" are accurate, but a lot are.

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   CJ Sledgehammerposted 11 years ago

   I have known a few. My solution is simple: limit my exposure to them through creative avoidance. :0)

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   Super Luxposted 11 years ago

   also with drama. haha. that's where and how you can reach them or say penetrate their worlds.  they'll understand you more instead of resisting you.

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   Sue St. Clairposted 11 years ago

   I have found setting boundaries helps. I set the boundaries and when I am consistent with them, the drama is contained. Ignoring them often leads to them becoming more dramatic. When I validate them, yet do not feed into their drama, things go better.
   
   We also do not use the term 'drama queen', but rather 'drama llama'. It takes away the royalty aspect and the humor of a llama helps cut the tensions.

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      ibbarkingmadposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Boundaries is important. Just don't let the boundaries be fuel for drama. Like you said, validate but don't feed the drama.

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    fishcakesposted 11 years ago

    Ignore the stupid behavior. Responding is like throwing gas in a fire. Be supportive of positive communication but don't give negative communication the time of day. Drama can only happen when others invest their drama into it. Let the drama person do a one act play, not a soap opera. Anything more would get you sucked into a back hole of contention.

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    vocalcoachposted 11 years ago

    Oh, help! I have one in my family and it's just awful. She goes on and on for hours sometimes, is now in her 70's and just gets worse. Her drama is through her phone calls.  Sometimes I put the phone down, walk away, come back and she's still going on without realizing I haven't been listening. :-)
    
    Because we've been so close most of our lives, I don't want to simply ignore her, but she drives me bonkers.  I am careful not to give her "amunition" or her calls would last for days.
    
    So I handle this with "selective hearing" and put her on speaker phone, put the phone down and start a new hub!

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    pstraubie48posted 11 years ago

    How funny!!! Bless your heart. Like I said there is one in our family and e v e r y t h i n g is about her...o, my. so when I go to visit, I know that, so just know that I will not need to have much to offer in the way of conversation as she will have that covered. I love her and accept this little quirk about her..

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    ASchwartzposted 11 years ago

    I feel so blessed NOT to have a drama queen in my family. I have had to work with someone that fit the description of drama queen perfectly though, and it's no picnic.
    
    The only advice I can offer is to just ignore them. Don't get sucked into the drama. Rise above it and carry on like a mature adult.

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