Why do people not like me?
This isn't coming from a person who is in a dark place or feels like everyone hates them, its not an invitation for sympathy as much as it is one for an almost philosophical answer. I act like myself and people do not like that. It would be easy to say they are mean but that is not the case. It would take a little more thought to say maybe they have had a rough life. Yet this does not feel like a satisfying answer either. Maybe its because I am not a perfect human being and cannot display perfect kindness all the time but if you ask me I don't think even that would really make everyone like me.
My first response would be, how do you know they don't like you? Have they told you this? Or are you making that assumption? If they say they don't like you, you have nothing to loose by asking them their reasons. Keep the query calm and non-threatening, explain that you would like to understand more.
There will always be some people you just don't click with, it's a fact of life. That doesn't mean you're a bad person. Nobody is perfect,or kind all the time. It may be that you're misjudging the situation. Maybe try and find different people to hang out with, have a fresh start and don't over analyse things.
I think the reason most people will avoid being around someone, is because that person annoys them. Maybe they are a kind and giving person, but they talk too much, or too loud. They tell crude jokes or gossip, they ask intrusive questions, and can't keep a secret. It could be a habit they find annoying, like popping your gum all the time. Maybe the person is hard to talk to, or argues all the time.
There are always going to be people who don't like you. If most people don't, it may be a good idea to try to figure out what's putting them off.
I think you have answered your own question. Only you knows your personality traits and what you do to offend people or make them dislike you. At least you are not in denial about it. You have faced it and came to grips with it. The question now is do you like "YOU?" If not? Some serious soul searching is in need. If you are comfortable being not liked? Then, So be it.
There are several reasons people may not like you.
The first, most simple reason - you really do something to offend or annoy people in general. If so, try to find out what it is.
The second, you are pushing their buttons in some way. You might not be aware of this. For instance, let's say you talk about your job very positively, and unknown to you the person you are talking to just got fired, feels a failure, can't get a job or keep one, etc. The more you enthuse about your own situation, the worse they feel about themselves.
Since you can't always see people's buttons - they're often deep and there since childhood - it isn't always easy to prevent this. People often can't see them themselves and will rationalize their dislike of you. Asking them why they dislike you won't necessarily help. They will come up with a reason but it won't be the real reason. People can twist things you say and do and use this to justify their hostility.
Thirdly, they are resentful or jealous in some way. Maybe they think you have a better job or more money or a better life. This is in them, not in you. They might be better off than you in so many ways, but they will still find a reason to be jealous if it's in them.
Frankly, if your behavior is the cause of people disliking you, it's in your hands to change it. If it's in the other person, it's harder. For instance, if a person has to be "one-up" on you all the time in every way, they will turn against you if you don't stay in your place. Don't succeed at anything whatever you do! In many cases, it is important to recognize that the problem is the other person's and don't diminish yourself to gain their approval. First of all, you must like yourself.
Try thinking positive, stay away from negative people and work on building your self-esteem. I've battled a low self-esteem the biggest share of my life. I can tell you your only problem is you. Not everyone hates you. You have convinced yourself they do. Look on the bright side of things and never let anyone tell you, you are not worthy. Once you like who you are, everyone else will.
I personally believe a lot of that type of interaction stems from a few things.
1. I think that if we believe someone may not like us (Even if we don't know for certain at the moment) we tend to act just so slightly differently. I think that variation in body language and level of receptiveness further create tiny intangible separations.
2. I think many actions of dislike and other such negative things stems from an individuals own unhappiness. I believe that when we are unhappy with some sort of chronic issue that we have trouble resolving, that the frustration lashes out in small ways. Those small moments of acting out put up awkward sentiments and maligned hearts that advance the first issue.
3. We're strange creatures. Part of me also believes that we want endlessly for a state of true complete closeness, but reality being what it is we can never truly see inside the mind of someone else. We can never be truly close as we stare longingly over an impossible chasm of subconciousness, personal thoughts, and the shell of a body dividing us. I think that creates a little seed of permanent angst that never leaves us and sets up the potential for number 2, which sets up potential for number 1.
I have asked this question myself. I have come up with these answers.
I am nondescript--rather ordinary looking.
I am not an yes man, so I am probably going to disagree with you about something very soon.
I have no interest in professional sports.
I do not play, golf, tennis or ride for hours on a bicycle.
I do not fish or hunt.
I am neither a Republican or a Democrat
There are other sets of parameters that would fit different people that would cause others not to like them. Some people attract people and can become friends.
Others repel people. People do not want to talk to them, do not like they way they look, do not see any reason to get to know them and just do not believe they are in the same subset of people as them.
Therefore, a lot of people do not like me.Not in return, but for the reasons listed above, there are a lot of people I do not like.
People that like me and they know I like them become friends--real friends. I rather have a half dozen real friends, than 200 phones in the cell phone of alleged friends.
Living between people also depends on connection. Some have while some don't. We may not be able to command people to like us but what we can do is doing the right thing. Help people who are in need. Give the right advice when people come to you. It is through kindness that you show, people will get to know you. Have a kind heart and help whenever you can. That's my policy and teaching to my children. Even people who are not nice, show kindness and avoid conflict.
It's highly likely that you do not like yourself. When we find fault with ourselves it shows up in everything from our body language to what we actually do say and it influences others' behaviour.
The reason we don't like ourselves is most definitely related to past situations which usually stem from the family and expand to the first society we become involved in (school). What happens there affects how we see ourselves.
Search inside you to the cause and forgive the reason for your feeling this way. Next in a notebook write down 10 things you hate about YOU and 10 things you like. Afterwards, look at the 10 things you hate and see how many of those things are justifiable and can be changed.
Those that can and should be changed should be looked at carefully and ways to do so slowly but surely be sought out. As you can tell I've been through the process. When I saw myself in a different light so did others.
Stop trying to please others. Who gives a sh_ _. It's better to be alone with your self-respect than be among hypocrites. Like Vonda says, give it no more energy. Steer your energy to you and doing things you like and make you happy. All the best to you.
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