How do you grieve?
When a loved one dies, is their anything special or unique that you do to grieve?
I'm not sure whether I'd call it unique- I tend to just want to spend time alone, attempting to gather my thoughts. I lost my dog recently and that's precisely what I did. I've had good days and bad days, but hopefully time will prove to be the best healer.
I began with long walks, reflection, sorting out questions in my mind. You have to take care to avoid the temptation to isolate yourself, for maintaining contact with those who care is critical. You must also keep in mind that no one can do much to help you. You have to work through grief and loss on your own, in your own way and time.
Once you love truly, you never stop whether or not the one you love is still with you. That means the loss leaves a pit inside. At first, you try to fill it in because you are falling into it every day. Eventually experience teaches you you cannot. That pit will always be there. The best you can do is to learn to walk around it so you do not fall in so often. Once you understand that, you have begun to heal.
Give it the time it needs. It is different for everyone, so no one can tell you how long it will be for you. It may help to know that everyone sooner or later has to go through this. It is part of the human condition. Keep going, and one morning you will get up to realize that, at last, you have come to a better place.
After understanding about life and death, I do not grieve as it will hold the dead back instead of moving on. It maybe sad to lose someone but grieve will hold the person back in the spirit world.
We told our children not to grieve when we pass on.
Good question, banks......but rather difficult to answer. Through the years, with all the loss I have experienced, I have probably been all over the chart. In my younger days, when I was less apt to use emotional control.....I grieved deeply and visibly with my entire being feeling literally crushed.....and perhaps with no hope of ever healing.
But, as we mature and must face more loss, at least for me, I have developed a pattern in terms of the grieving process. My initial shock at learning of a loss, leads me usually to a serene withdrawal into sorrow.
When I am aware that others will need support and comfort, I am able to appear as a rock, while I do grieve in private. I don't think that what I do is unique, as there must be many others who have done the same...but I do make time to review my fond memories and muster up personal gratitude for having known and been a part of this loved one's life.....creating my own comfort zone, so to speak.......I do grieve for a very long time. This has proven to be best for me, in reassuring myself I honored the person we have lost, in a deserving manner.
I try to be strong for those around me. So, I grieve while alone. My Brother passed recently. I could not be strong. I was in complete shock and could not control my emotions at all. Now I grieve him alone.
Being depressed, not eating as much, going through every picture I have of them and other family photo's, etc. The most unique thing that I do is write a little biography of their life.
Quietly, alone, unobserved........in the stillness of the early morning, or the quake of night........without intrusion or company.................for, they, simply distrub me in my grief.........................
It is a personal and intimate thing, grief..............while we might come and " wail" together in our collective mourning.............I will, grieve..........alone, in solitude.
I do not grieve. I try to move on with my life and continue with what I am working on.
Something which has brought me comfort is to write a memorial poem in honor of my deceased loved one. It has also been comforting for others grieving with me. I've posted some of them in the form of a hub.
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