Atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

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   Dennis Paceposted 12 years ago

   An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees!
   What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
   Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as
   fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the
   bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe
   at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God...";
   Time stopped.
   The bear froze.
   The forest was silent.
   It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
   The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
   "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
   And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord,bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly
   thankful. Amen."

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      Julie2posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Ouch...

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      Cagsilposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Atheist cried out "Oh my God"-
      
      So what. Who cares? It's absurd, simply because it was a figure of speech. Anyone who has any knowledge of language would understand.

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         Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Cagsil: it is much more than a figure of speech. In a moment of desparation and despair the Atheist calls out to the God he has denied to be spared from the bear.

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            Woman Of Courageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            Dave, Exactly. The title of this thread has a true meaning.

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               Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Woman of Courage: As true as this thread is about the topic it deals with, there are still those who won't get it because they choose not to, they choose to remain in the dark about the truth.

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                  Woman Of Courageposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Exactly.

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            Shadesbreathposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            No, Cagsil is essentially correct. We live in a culture where "Oh my God" is one of the most, if not THE most uttered phrase in moments of fright, both in real life and in movies etc.
            
            The phrase has been passed through generations and generations. Parents saying it imprint it on children in the same words like "Hello" pop out of our mouths when someone says, "Hi," or when we utter certain swear words when we slam our finger in a door.
            
            Had we been brought up in households with parents and televisions that had people shouting, "Cat spit!" when they hurt their fingers and "Oh my harmonica!" when doom was near, then nobody would shout "Oh my God."

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               Julie2posted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Nice....

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               Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               The referral to God in the expression is a freudian slip I know, but the fact that God is expressed means that somewhere in the recesses of the mind God exists, and the man calls out to God for help.

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                  Mark Knowlesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Holy Star Goat!
                  
                  Thus proving that the Star Goat vomited the Universe. Otherwise - how could I possibly have expressed that? LOLOL

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                     Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     You do love spewing your nonsensical comments just to see if you can get a rise out of me and others. God bless you my friend and forgive you for all of your doubts.

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                        Beelzedadposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        You mean, nonsensical comments like this:
                        
                        
                        
                        

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                     Rishy Richposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     The muslims cry out Allah, the Hindus Brahma, Ganesha, Shiva.
                     
                     Some even call out the Goddess of sex for better sexual life!
                     
                     The Greeks used to call out Zeus for help who was nothing more than a pervert!
                     
                     Some of us still call out God for help. So?

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                        china manposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        So   -  you should grow up like the rest of humankind who got over it 1500 and something.

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                  china manposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  No it doesn't it reflects the indoctrination of christianity - and if it stood on its own merits it would not need to indoctrinate its kids now would it.

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                  Shadesbreathposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I would argue that it is hope for god more than evidence of belief in him/her/them.
                  
                  Hope, as the story of Prometheus and Pandora's box tell, is the quintessential human trait. Belief requires the mind and heart to work together. Hope is simply there, an instinct to want a desirable outcome and to hold out for it no matter how dire the situation we are in. That's why they say, "There are no atheists in fox holes." When the missile or the grenade is coming in, even an atheist might default to his human instinct and hope, even pray that he has been wrong the entire time and that the impossible might be true.
                  
                  That is the nature of hope. I believe it really underlies all belief in God. It's just that for some, it's too absurd to consider except in a freak moment of weakness, the belief of desperation and distress (which really isn't belief at all).

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      qwarkposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Exchange the word "atheist" with the word "preacher."
      
      Trite! trite. trite!
      
      Yawnnnn!
      
      Qwark

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         pennyofheavenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         That would be funny too!

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      wbfreeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Amen!
      
      That's a good one! I see you brought out the resident, big-name atheists with that one. God WILL have the last word and the last laugh.
      
      Psalm 59:8
      But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the heathen in derision.

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      Stump Parrishposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I enjoyed it myself, I must suck at being an atheist. Hmmm perhaps I'm not a true atheist

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      pennyofheavenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Too too funny! Thanks for the laugh!!!

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      Titen-Sxullposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi. I'm an atheist. I say "Oh my God" all the time. It's a figure of speech common to the English language, nobody I hear using it says it to mean anything deep or spiritual. I'm a former Christian and am thus fully acquainted with the notion of God and can use that word just as I can use the name of other fictional characters.
      
      As for "denying the existence of God" one doesn't need to deny the existence of something which is already indistinguishable from the imaginary. The only reason I as an atheist bring up God is because he's the only fictional character I know of that causes people to fly planes into buildings or discriminate against homosexuals.

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      Shahid Bukhariposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Humans, are humans First ... Aetheists, Communists, Capitalists, and Jews, later ...
      
      Humans calling God ... Is Human ... though it be an inadvertant slip of the tongue or an unwarranted phonetic expression.

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      paarsurreyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      It is only a story; not a reality.

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   lyndreposted 12 years ago

   

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   melporposted 12 years ago

   Very humorous short story. A lot of people used that expression casually, as an expression of surprise, disbelief or when they are in a scary situation as the man in story. I do not think the majority of people use this expression for what it is saying. I have never used this expression. The late actor Charles Heston used this expression in the movie "Planet of the Apes" when he saw the half buried "Statue of Liberty" sticking out of the sandy shore.

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      Mark Knowlesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Religionists like to think it means atheists are really denying god and will stop doing so when faced with a life threatening situation.
      
      It makes them feel better about their ridiculous beliefs.
      
      Still - no atheist needs to make up stories like this to laugh at believers. Their beliefs are funny enough not to need it.

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         melporposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with you Mark. It is just an expression. Hard core criminals say it all the time in their situations and have the nerve to wear a cross around their neck.

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         Pcunixposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Check and mate

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         Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         When in a "WAR"  There are NO Atheists to be found in Foxholes or Trenches. Live with it. You are only an atheist when it suits you to be so.

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            Beelzedadposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            It's not surprising that this myth is still being perpetuated be religionists, considering that in reality it is actually theists who become atheists after experiencing and witnessing the aftermath of war.
            
            Atheists rational minds are always working with no thoughts of magic whatsoever, and when faced with the conditions of war, it is only the rational that is focused upon, not gods.

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               Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Beelzedad: My God teaches me to love the sinner but hate the sin, therefore I love you brother, but I have that you would deny God and not accept him as God and embrace him. God Loves you still no matter that you deny Him.

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                  Beelzedadposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Yes Dave, I do understand that in light of the myths you perpetuate, you also feel compelled to tell me that your god loves me and that he teaches you to hate me. No one is teaching me to hate you or anyone else, Dave. Big difference, eh Dave? 

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                     Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                     Beelzedad: I perpetrate no lies, no myths. I truly resent that you would openly lie stating that my God teaches me to hate you. You know that is a lie. My God teaches me to love you but to hate your sinfulness and that is what I states. I forgive you for your transgression though, obviously you think you can fool me. "You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool me ever." Your deliberate twisting of the truth is a poor way of trying to escape the truth, that there is a God and that I love you and God loves you too.

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                        Beelzedadposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                        And yet, you perpetuate the myth that there are no atheists in foxholes.
                        
                        
                        
                        You don't love me, Dave, and you know it. There is probably little you don't despise and hate of me because I don't share your beliefs.
                        
                        
                        
                        I neither need nor want your forgiveness, Dave. Clearly, by making that statement, you place yourself in a position of superiority over me. Does it make you feel better to feel superior, Dave, is that why you are a believer? 

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   Beelzedadposted 12 years ago

   If an atheist decided to put up a similar story about a believer, would they be labeled a god hater or some such thing?

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      just_curiousposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you, but I don't think the joke would have worked as well if it was a believer in that predicament. so the story would have to be dissimilar. Just a thought.

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   Flightkeeperposted 12 years ago

     Thank God we have a sense of humor.

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   superwagsposted 12 years ago

   Douglas Adams; "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"
   
   I thought God gave humans dominion over all animals? Why's the bear attacking him in the first place?
   
   Surely this story is even considered dull in your Suday School!?

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   pisean282311posted 12 years ago

   "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
   
   Now none can expect a brutal entity to react in any other way...let us now write a new story ...suppose same man had ridiculed his parents , denied them credit for everything they did for him , even insulted them in public...now if they would have seen him running for life , chances that they would try to save him in very very high...why?...because their love is not conditional one like religious god...

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      Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      pisean: Are you certain the parents would try to help the man after they had been mistreated and shamed throughout their lives, or do you think maybe a display of "Tough Love" was in order from the parents, and they permitted him to fend for himself.
      God places no demands on anybody other that to acknowledge him and return His love. God gives His love even though you do not recognize Him or love Him.

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         pisean282311posted 12 years agoin reply to this

         demand is condition...thats what i m saying...god is not love but conditional love....you do this and i would love you...so love is not for person for what he/she is but for act he/she does...in other words god craves for acknowledgment...religious god punishes too if not acknowledge...i dont blame religious god for that....he can't do anything which writers dont want him to do...

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   Twenty One Daysposted 12 years ago

   now that's funny.

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   Mark Ewbieposted 12 years ago

   Having a slight problem here with a couple of things.
   
   First up - a talking bear.  Now I don't want to cast stones upon the water or whatever - but I don't believe there is such a thing.  A dancing bear maybe, and perhaps 'talking' through the power of mime under fear of punishment.  But it's just cruel.
   
   Second up - God in the forest.  Maybe it was a crane or something felling trees with a bright light on the front.  That would frighten the bear maybe.
   
   What would have been quite good in the story is if when the bear saw the light he topped the mans OMG with his own OMFG.  Thta's if you were going for the more raucous end of the disbeliever of course.
   
   Anyway a good story and I'll vote it up if I can find the button.

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      Mark Knowlesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      If they swallow the talking snake - why not a talking Christian bear that kills unbelievers?

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         Mark Ewbieposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Come to think of it - that talking Christian bear's a winner.  If we were back in the Dark Ages with only a priest to guide us - I'd believe it.
         
         Trouble is nowadays we need to see it on Youtube.
         
         Five loaves? Two fishes?  Yeah right mate.

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            Dave Mathewsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            The anti-everything Atheists strikeout again,with their very limited intelligence and wit to poke fun at others. Bashing is all they know.

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               Beelzedadposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               You mean, bashing like this:
               
               
               
               

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               Brenda Durhamposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Yeah, they can't take a joke unless it's on Christians or conservatives.   Then of course they find a "sense of humor".

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               frogdroppingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               
               
               And that isn't bashing? What's your excuse?

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    TahoeDocposted 12 years ago

    So everyone who says "bless you" when someone sneezes thinks they really have the power to "bless" someone too?
    
    Fine as a joke, but "Oh my God" really is just an expression, like bless you. I mean if we were to take it as literally invoking the God being everytime someone cried out "Oh my God...", well, nevermind...
    
    There IS a story of God sending a bear in the bible. It didn't talk though. It was sent to tear some children apart for making fun of a bald man.

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    Pcunixposted 12 years ago

    Though of course the true story is that it was a Christian who fell to his knees and prayed fervently until the bear killed him. No god appeared and the bear said nothing for obvious reasons.
    
    The man's family insisted that the man was in a better place, though later that week what was left of him was actually in a pile of steaming bear scat.
    
    But the OP 's story is so much more colorful,isn't it? Let's pretend it happened that way.

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    spookyfoxposted 12 years ago

    I heard a similar story:
    
    A christian is walking in the forest and admiring its beauty when a bear appears. The christian, scared for his life, says with all his heart "My God, save me!". The bear kills the Christian. The end.

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       pennyofheavenposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Your story isn't as funny lol.

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    Jeramiposted 12 years ago

    pisean282311 wrote  ..
      demand is condition...thats what i m saying...god is not love but conditional love....you do this and i would love you...
    
    = - = - = - =
    
      ME  ....
    
      In this respect , I'd say that I must have Loved my children with conditional kind of Love .   because ,,
      If they spend their allowance on Heroin or Crack ..  I stop loving them enough to keep giving them their allowance.   
    
      They can see that as conditional love If they want to ..
    
      I'll call it what I want to. 
      That is fair isn't it?

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       getitriteposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Actually, not giving them money to buy crack is not stopping the love toward your children, it is actually showing love, because you don't want your children to destroy themselves.
       
       Bad analogy.
       
       No disrespect.

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          Jeramiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          NO  !  Not at all.
          
            Same OLE  same OLE ...   
            We are destroying ourselves in ways that we are unaware!

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14. 58

    Jeramiposted 12 years ago

    Dave Mathews wrote:
    The anti-everything Atheists strikeout again,with their very limited intelligence and wit to poke fun at others. Bashing is all they know.
    
    - - = = - = -
    
        "IF"   they were as inteligent as they think that they are
    They should ask themselves;  Does a truly wise person make a habit of argueing with a FOOL, ..........
    
    
    
    
    
       ...   such as  THEY  say we are ?
    
     
    
      Kinda like (but not)  ...  when a bartender refuses to serve someone that is believed to be too intoxicated ?   
      The simple fact that the drunk  argues  ?? 
      proves the bartender  CORRECT !

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    jomineposted 12 years ago

    the story i think is true. either he personally witnessed it or his god showed the incident in a vision.
    i wonder if the person is a christian and the god is allah what would have happened??

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    Hannah Ministriesposted 12 years ago

    Thanks friend for posting this. I knew the story but it was still a good laught. Anyone who have eyes sees. Anyone who have ears hears. I love Jesus, But he loved me first and let my life made sence to me and to hundreds of others.
    I dont care what anyone says. God loves us even when a bear is there to try to kill us. And I trust God with my life. But anyone who wants to disagree may do so. Anyone who wants to know more about this faith can contact me or go directly to Jesus.

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       china manposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Does your jesus do english spelling and grammar lessons ?  the ability to fully comprehend texts and textual meanings is central to any understanding of the metaphors and paradigms contained within the words you profess to know and wish to disseminate.

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       Beelzedadposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       LOL! A ministry in which they don't care what anyone says? I'm not sure whether to be surprised or not.

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    Pearldiverposted 12 years ago

    What an incredibly Childish and Immature OP on this thread!
    How Old are You Mate?
    The Moral High Ground huh? - Pathetic - Everyone with a Brain knows that Bears don't give a shit about religion.. Why would you insult them with such a pathetic assumption that they do?

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    Chouji-Von-Lycanposted 12 years ago

    haha, best joke i've heard all day, though i'm unsure as to why people are stripping every sentence and word and moaning about it, it's a joke, laugh and move on, don't argue the fact that bears can't talk, silly people

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    blogdigzposted 12 years ago

    how about OMFG..?
    
    

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       dingdongposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Yes

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    kawagiposted 12 years ago

    Wow, great, as I was thinking recently about this problem.
    Let us start from here. Where a new baby comes from? The womb, someone will say .. yes. How did it get there in the first place?
    well, it is not that obvious. yes, the child is born as a result of quite well known biological and social phenomenon as a result of sexual interaction, but if you look at the problem closer you will find that the life force comes from somewhere else and is non-material. That is the reason behind every single jugdement in courts of law --  the awareness of any perpetrator is a must before we can make such a person accountable. Yet, we cannot hold  matter liable for damage or misconduct let alone force it  to obey human laws and moreover ethics and morality.
    I have a case to believe that people before are born are conscious in some other way, hence they do know God, well, there has to be someone more advanced than average Tom or Mary. It is statistics to say the least. Evolution would require eons for life too get to the point where someone could be powerful that much but it is obvious that this can happen otherwise we would not exist. I try writing from "scientific " point of view. So, writing as if I had no clue about religious dogma or beliefs.
    Ok, person inborn to this world had lost all conscious memory of previous life experiences. nevertheless a situation which is of extreme shock can break part of that protection veil which screens us from hidden knowledge and experience. Why? The reason is to concentrate on this life. That could account for the fact that in some extreme and rather rare circumstances we can perform tasks that normally are impossible, and in reality if we took purely materialistic point of view , they would never ever could have happened.Now.
    Let us look briefly this time why someone would choose to be an atheist. Simply like a child who wants to be an adult , even if it means that has to bear consequences of good and bad decisions, wants to live their own life without somebody "looking over the shoulder".The other reason is that
    Humans tend to use notion of God to control other humans, hence resistance to accept religion.

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    dingdongposted 12 years ago

    Pathetic attempt of an OP

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    BunuBobuposted 12 years ago

    LOL.
    What a strange story.
    I say "OMG" all the time.
    I thought that was "Taking God's name in vain".

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    paarsurreyposted 12 years ago

    It is only a story; not a reality.
    
    But sometimes one speaks what one believes in one's heart and is hidden in one's soul naturally.

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    BunuBobuposted 12 years ago

    Well maybe the bear didn't eat the man because he smelled bad.

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    wormdoposted 12 years ago

    "Wow!" the atheist said. "A talking bear!"
    
    Then he took the bear back to the nearest city and became rich because dude, it's a talking bear.

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       Lady Wordsmithposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       

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       superwagsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       If only Eve had been so impressed with A TALKING SNAKE!!! then women wouldn't have ended up in this mess whereby they have to give birth to kids and I wouldn't have to work in that damned field every day!
       
       This is the problem with taking talking aimals too seriously...

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          wormdoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          A talking snake is pretty impressive though. I mean, a snake's tongue couldn't even form the same sounds as a human! I can see why Eve went, "Wow, this snake is probably legit."

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             superwagsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

             Do you think the snake sounded like Kah in the Disney Jungle Book?
             
             And God punished the snake by saying "you will crawl on your belly for all time". Not much of a punishment for a snake.

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                wormdoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                I think the snake probably had a very soothing British accent, like Patrick Stewart. If Patrick Stewart told me to eat an apple I'd eat that apple no matter what some guy sitting on a cloud had told me.

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                   superwagsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                   Thanks for the compliment on the British accent! Perhaps this is why we get to play the sinister bad guys in Amercian movies!
                   
                   Just because I've just watched it, and I love the way the guy speaks:
                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKdGwfMD8u8
                   
                   (It's very english in terms of speaking and humour)

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    Lady Wordsmithposted 12 years ago

    This initial post is a very lame attempt to twist meanings and interpretations into something that they just are not.  Very lame indeed.  I say 'oh my god' quite a lot, and I KNOW that I do not believe in any kind of god at all.  It's not there in my subconscious, this secret belief that even I'm apparently not aware of, because it doesn't exist!  I merely use 'oh my god' as an expression of shock or disbelief usually (ha ha, get it, disbelief, ha ha!)
    
    My gran is always telling me and my mum that we will come back to God and our faith one day - t'ain't gonna happen, because it was never there in the first place. 
    
    What IS this little bear story supposed to illustrate anyway?  It's obviously completely made up, so I'm just curious - what's it made up for?

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       paarsurreyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I think the OP is not serious; and just makes fun of the non-believers; that is not OK in my opinion; though other could have different opinion.

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          Lady Wordsmithposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I think it's okay for Christians to make fun of non-believers, as long as they can take it when non-believers make fun of them

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    wilmiers77posted 12 years ago

    Shadebreath, so each atheist is brain dead; they don't comprehend the connotations of words? "Oh God" has been subject to an enormous number of peoples's intellect over the past 2 thousand years, and yet it still remains?

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    wilmiers77posted 12 years ago

    Mark Know, Holy Star Goat!? Man, logic, reasoning, and scientific proof is for the foundation of our minds materially conditioning us by His immutable laws to recognize God's Spirit. Life is in the spirit, and logic,reasoning, and scientific proofs are mere supports for you as a beginner.

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