Public Service Anouncement

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   Emile Rposted 11 years ago

   The Lord Almighty stopped by this morning; for a cup of coffee and a chat. I shared my concerns with some of the conversations I've had on Hub Pages forums and he said (this is a direct quote, mind you) 'Oh really?'
   
   Anyway, long story short, He said to tell you guys that whatever I say he'll back up; as well as he is willing to back anything any of us say. He said to tell the religious to go back and read whatever it is they are reading again and to take the time to accept the world for what it is and.....if I remember correctly, to learn to live and let live. That's what he's been doing.  If it's good enough for the Almighty Himself, it had better be good enough for you. I've paraphrased the whole thing a bit, but some figures of speech aren't appropriate to share on a PG-13 site.
   
   Oh,  and although the atheists and agnostics will all say I made this up (being agnostic myself I, too, have my doubts) those of you who believe in God should have no reason to consider me delusional. Failure to follow the Word of the Lord will, of course, incur the usual consequences.

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      pennyofheavenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Makes sense. Nice and light and witty too.

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   recommend1posted 11 years ago

   Wow, he must be taking a break !  he dropped by here this afternoon and all he kept saying through the laughter was "they said I said WHAT !!!! "  He only stopped long enough for an ice cold beer and to tell me to remind you all that the end is nigh.

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      Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You've got schutzpah. We hid the Bloody Marys as soon as we realized it was him at the door. I had no idea he was cool with alcohol.

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      pennyofheavenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      End of what?

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   Randy Godwinposted 11 years ago

   I certainly hope you guys hid any virgins which may have been in residence at the time. 

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      Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Funny you should mention that. Being shocked to have him in the house, I found myself acting all religious. Lying and pretending I was perfect. I actually tried to pass myself off as a virgin. Swore I'd never had sex.
      
      D*mn if (after he coughed out the word b*llsh*t) he didn't immediately manifest a unicorn and challenge me to prove it. Suffice it to say he had a good chuckle at my expense over that one.

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         recommend1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I instantly offered to sacrifice all my spare virgins but he told me in a great booming voice  "don't be bloody stupid !" and settled right back in the hammock !

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         pennyofheavenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         hehe you are too funny!

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   TMMasonposted 11 years ago

   God is not a Liberal and to think he would accept the BS ways man is today and not have a problem with it is just plain idiocy.
   
   Christians do live and let live... but we do not embrace and accept sin and abominable acts as okay to do and live your life for.
   
   That is pretty simple.
   
   Toleration and acceptance are two different things. We tolerate, we do not accept it as a part of our lives, but we tolerate that others may.
   
   Simple.

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      recommend1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yep - that was one of the things he was grumbling about, all those people who blabber on about morals and sin and abomination when he clearly gave all that stuff up between the old and new testament !

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         TMMasonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         No where did he give that up.
         
         Please.
         
         Christ did not "nail the law to the cross" with him. He simply said if they want to do it then tolerate it, as it is only for God to judge the individual, and we should accept them as they are.
         
         Which we do.
         
         But he did not say accept it and practice it as normal moral behaviour. You are told to rise above sin and conquer it, not let it conquer you.
         
         You should re-read your bible.
         
         Christ said a thousand times, "you are fogivin your sins, now go your way and SIN NO MORE.".
         
         Why would he say sin no more if it didn't matter?

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            Randy Godwinposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            We have no proof he actually said anything of the sort other than hearsay evidence from anonymous authors.

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      Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      God's exact words. Good job Mr. Mason. He says he loves you, none the less, but he really wishes you guys would get a life. Stop acting as if you are Him.
      
      
      
      Now, don't take offense. And keep in mind that the Almighty has agreed to let me serve as mouthpiece. The definition for tolerate (and we've been over this before)  is;
      
      The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.
      
      See the bold. The Almighty wants you to live the bold. His words, not mine. Well, ok. My words, but I am the official mouthpiece.

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         TMMasonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Again toleration and acceptance ie; the practice of, and embracing of as a society, are two different things Emile.
         
         Fairly simple.
         
         And you do not speak for God, and your mockery is insulting to those who do believe.
         
         But that is fine... you all can insult all you want, but do not insult any of you for what you are, do or say.
         
         Huh... what a laugh.

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            Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Mockery of God? You doubt his word? Like I said Mr. Mason. The usual punishments apply. Doubt me at your own risk, but the Almighty has spoken. Or not. It's up to you to believe what you will.

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               livelongerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Don't worry. You've only written another midrash. I'll share one of my favorites from the Talmud, one that Christians and Muslims have often considered heretical (which explains why most of them don't understand Judaism, and why there are so many Jewish comedians):
               
               A man had invented an oven and consulted a beit din (rabbinical court) to determine if it was kosher. The rabbis argued and agreed the oven was not kosher. The inventor said, "It is kosher! If I'm right, that stream outside will start moving in the opposite direction." Sure enough, it does! The rabbis didn't change their mind. Then the inventor says, "If I'm right, then that tree there will jump out of the ground." The ground shakes and the tree is magically uprooted! The rabbis shake their head and say, "Doesn't matter. The oven is not kosher." The inventor says, "If I'm right, the walls of this house will move." Suddenly the house shifts, and the walls of the house cave in. The rabbis brush off some dust and say, "We don't care. That oven is not kosher."
               
               Then a voice booms from the sky, G-d himself says, "I'll settle this. The oven is kosher." The rabbis then turn up in anger at the sky and say, "You! Stay out of this! Halakha (Jewish law) is on earth, not in the heavens. We decide these things!" Then G-d is heard chuckling (out of happiness), saying, "My children have overruled me! My children have defeated me!"

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                  Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  Cute. I've always believed if there is a God he has a well developed sense of humor. If not, it wouldn't make us feel so good to laugh.

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                     livelongerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     Me too.

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   ubanichijiokeposted 11 years ago

   God help you all!

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   SirDentposted 11 years ago

   Remember this post Emile R?
   
   http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/81003?p … ost1745923
   
   Then I replied with this one?
   
   http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/81003?p … ost1745953
   
   I imagine we were both wrong.

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      Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Ok. First. I'd really like to know how you did that. I'd love to be able to send people to a specific post.
      
      And second. You guys take yourselves way too seriously. Your interpretation and opinion is simply that. I don't fear that if there is a God that he thinks I'm scoffing at him. I'm sure he would have no doubt exactly where I'm coming from.
      
      You need to patent your belief system and call it something other than God. I have no intention of letting any of you bully me into thinking you have the right to tell me when I am, or am not, being respectful enough.
      
      I'm scoffing at the foolish posts by Christians that they speak for God.

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         SirDentposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Go the the post you want to link to and click on permalink which is next to the reply button.  Then copy the link in the address bar.
         
         The rest of your post does not deserve a response, in my opinion.

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            Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks.
            
            And I didn't expect a response to the rest. There isn't any defense for claiming to speak for God and expecting people to take your claim seriously.

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   MelissaBarrettposted 11 years ago

   Wow, God just left my house.  We drank coffee 1. Out of respect for my no alcohol in the house rule and 2. Because he was already slightly pickled.  Now I know why.
   
   He didn't say too much about all the religious stuff but he did sort of imply that the fundies just really needed a good shagging.  Something about being fruitful and multiplying being polite phrasing for it and misinterpretation.  And something about if shagging wasn't supported by him then why do so many people-including atheists- praise his name during it.
   
   My husband thought it was a wonderful idea... after God revived his little agnostic heart from the shock of the Almighty's visit.  All the glowing, however, had given me a headache so I asked for a raincheck on my Christianly duties for today.

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      livelongerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry. He was probably still a little too boozed up from his visit to our place earlier. Now we know where that bottle of tequila went!

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   Shadesbreathposted 11 years ago

   Nobody is ever going to convince anyone of anything. Only people in need convert. Only people who realize it's all man-made apostatize. The rest is hot air and the occasional bloodbath.

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      livelongerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Are you sure? Sure I can't tempt you to change your mind with 72 virgins on one hand, and a lake of fiery lava on another?

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         shoganposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         How do you balance 72 virgins on one hand?  That's quite a trick.

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            MelissaBarrettposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            It used to be 73, but there was an unfortunate accident caused by slippage.  She's fine, happy even, but she no longer meets certain qualifications for her previous position.

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            Eaglekiwiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Oh my ,where does one find 72 virgins anymore

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               recommend1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

               It is not possible to find that many virgins, even harder to find three wise men !  So that's the reconstruction scene out of the window then !

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                  Eaglekiwiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  Good thing it happened way back then and not now huh

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   Timloveposted 11 years ago

   whenever God speaks to me he always gives me chapter and verse from his word to back it up. Did he do the same for you?

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      recommend1posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely does !!  with that big booming voice it is hard to pick out individual words sometimes - so he leaves me written messages in my own hand ! I am glad the burning bush thingy is old hat though, in modern apartments and all that.  As he finished the last of my Jameson's I showed him all the people who claim to speak for him and he was a little shocked at the wide variety of things they claim are from him, muttered something about 'time for a flood or an apocalypse' and vanished into thin air - with my Jameson's !!!!

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      MelissaBarrettposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Great.  There's not enough people quoting scriptures... Now God has to do it too.(Which is weird since neither God nor Jesus ever mentioned the Bible before)  It seems a bit redundant.  I mean if he's talking to you directly why not just say what he has to say and be done with it?  Why play biblical scavenger hunt?
      
      What happens if you have a question about something that the Bible doesn't address? 
      
      Dear God, how do I get this stain out of the carpet?
      
      Then a voice says in my head "See Good Housekeeping, March Issue, 2009, page 41 paragraph 2.
      
      You know I kinda like that image... On top of all else, God apparently does a pretty good impression of the Dewey decimal system.

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         Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I detect a hint of sarcasm in a portion of your post.  If you don't think the Almighty gives helpful household hints I have two words for you. 
         
         Martha Stewart.
         
         I'm not sure she could possibly come up with all of that stuff without a little divine intervention.

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            Timloveposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            God gave us the perfect system the holy spirit for the inword voice and his written word. The two must always agree. the two together is the perfect system. I agree with you there are a lot of people claiming to hear from  God and they dont even know him. The bible talks about that Jesus himself said in mathew chapter 7 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
            Read the whole chapter and you will see i am not taking it out of context.                                                                                                                           Yes I do think Martha stewarts gift is devine. I think Micheal Jacksons gift was devine we all are Gods creation but the important question is do you Know him. Seek and ye shall find knock and the door will be opened also in Mathew chapter 7. God loves us he wants us to get to know him.

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            Eaglekiwiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Well they both spent time behind bars -in a sense ,so thats what they were perfecting.
            Which placemats go with what dinnerware!!
            
            All is well with my soul.

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               Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Yes, well, as we all know a well set table is Divine.

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                  Eaglekiwiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  cute
                  
                  And the wine will never run out!

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                     Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     Aw gee, EK.  You almost make it sound like heaven.
                     
                     (Well, not really.  I'm a very indifferent drinker. But, it seemed like the perfect response.)

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                        Eaglekiwiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                        No heaven will be no dishes ,no cooking nada zilch
                        
                        (Wine ,I can take it or leave it,mostly leave it cuz Id just fall asleep) but yea just had to type that in)

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    A Troubled Manposted 11 years ago

    Sorry, I don't believe any of you who say you had a conversation with God. He only drinks tea.

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       DoubleScorpionposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Tea?? I thought he only drank mead?

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          Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          He gave up mead shortly after the plague ended. Long story, but it had something to do with a group of monks who made the best mead dying off. The recipe died with them.

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             DoubleScorpionposted 11 years agoin reply to this

             Ahh yes. I heard of this story...It is a shame...One just can't find good mead anymore.

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       Emile Rposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       This is an obvious lie and a blatant attempt by the leftist atheist agenda to undermine my authority.
       
       The Almighty is not English. He drinks coffee and he only takes his tea iced. In the afternoon. Like every red blooded American.

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