How do you practice Wicca religiously if your husband disagrees?

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   kittythedreamerposted 13 years ago

   My husband doesn't particularly like the fact that I've recently told him that I am Wiccan through and through. I've sort of hid it from him for awhile, well, not necessarily hid it from him but never came right out and said "I'm Wiccan". He supports me in that he thinks I should believe whatever I want, but at the same time, he disagrees with it and is more of a Christian thinker (he believes that Jesus is the savior, etc) though he doesn't go to a church or push those beliefs on anyone else. However, I know that he wants me to be a Christian, but I'm not and never will be. I've traveled that road before and it wasn't home for me. How do you all live with someone and practice Wicca with someone in your own home who doesn't agree and might judge if seeing you perform any rituals?

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      Chasukposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You say that your husband doesn't push his Christian beliefs, which could mean that he doesn't proselytize, or it could mean that he omits any overt signs of Christianity in front of you. If it is the latter, then why don't you do the same? Skip your rituals until he is out of the house. There are plenty of solitary Wiccans. Also ask yourself: Is Wicca more important than your relationship?

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         Paul Wingertposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         If your husband is a true Christian (very very few are), than he should be open to your beliefs, plain and simple. If he starts judging, so much for a happy marriage.

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      A Troubled Manposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      If you allow or are even remotely concerned that your beliefs and his beliefs will disrupt your relationship in any way, then you have a lot more problems than you think.

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      DoubleScorpionposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      A private corner of the house, someplace your husband rarely goes, will work for your personal space and altar. More formal rituals can be done outside in state parks, camping areas, pretty much anywhere that is more private type area and is open to the public. There are also pagan groups around in almost every state, in some form or another, and talking with some of them will give you some insights to a few more ideas.
      
      One of the main things, is looking at the relationship. If your husband truly cares for you, he will be supportive, even if he doesn't agree. However since it is a home you share, working together to find a spot for your personal items might be better served, as it will keep your personal things "out of sight" which will make him more comfortable, and less likely to complain.
      
      Wicca religious articles around the house seem to make most Christians uncomfortable.(Mostly due to misunderstandings) There are ways to incorporate things that mean something to you as well, but to the average person, it is nothing more than a "brick a brack" item. A simple shelf on a wall with a candle, picture, and a few other small items, to the average person, is nothing more that decorations, but can be used as a personal altar for you.
      
      If you wish to have a religious symbol, I recommend the "triquetra" as this is both a Christian symbol for the Trinity, as well as a Pagan symbol for the triple Goddess.
      
      One last thing. Sitting down and having a indepth discussion about your beliefs might be helpful. My very good friend is Asatru (Odinist) and his wife is Baptist. They have an agreement on how things are done at their house, and both respect the beliefs of the other.

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      Nerak2Karenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with SheilaKay. I am a sole practitioner and my husbsand supports me to the fullest. However, I never perform any rituals in front of him. I keep all of my things put away.
      
      It is a shame that we have to hide who we are and be persecuted for our beliefs. I will always be true to the craft and no one will ever take that away from me.

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      Jeff Berndtposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, I'm surprised that you and your husband didn't have this discussion before your wedding. But that's water under the bridge; nothing to be done about that now.
      
      So, your husband doesn't have a problem with you being Wiccan, but wants you to become a Christian? How does that work?
      
      More importantly, you have a kid together, right? How are you raising the kid? Are you initiating the kid into the Wiccan faith, or taking the kid to Sunday school, or both, or neither? How do you and your husband feel about your child's religious upbringing?
      
      If you love each other and can be frank with each other about your expectations of each other and your own religious needs, then you'll probably be fine. If not, you guys might be in trouble.
      
      I hope you're able to work something out, Kitty.

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      catspiritposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It is not much different than being married to someone from a differing political party. Both are emotional hot buttons and can lead to either a unique blend of understanding and respect - or can cause a torrent of rage and mis-understanding. Knowing before hand, does not always solve the problem. Co-existing with anyone takes hard work and respect. You don't have to agree with the values, but allow room for your mate to grow and develop. Good luck to you.

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   Emile Rposted 13 years ago

   I don't know anything about Wiccan rituals, but you have to be true to yourself. I'd be as courteous and considerate as possible, but I wouldn't deny myself either. If your husband is also considerate you should be able to find a compromise you can both live with.

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   FitnezzJimposted 13 years ago

   Why did your husband not know you were Wiccan before you got married?

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   SheliaKayposted 13 years ago

   I can relate to your situation very well. I have just recently decided to start practicing again myself. When I was married to my 2nd husband 20 years ago I first discovered Wicca. He actually introduced me to it, he was also very anti-Christan. I loved everything Wiccan, I had tarot cards, books everywhere and I studied all about this beautiful earth religion until we got divorced. He tried to use it against me in a custody battle. His lawyer went after me with a vengeance telling the courts I practiced "witchcraft" in front of my then 4 year old son ( he never even seen my tarot cards) well needless to say I gave it  up on the advice of my lawyer and I "disposed" of everything resembling Wicca. I did win custody of my son and he is now a wonderful young man in college. I am now remarried to a wonderful man who accepts my belief's so I have decided to start practicing Wicca again. He is a non practicing Christian as well and has no desire to practice or learn with me so out of respect to him I will do my rituals when he is away from home and I keep all my books, tarot cards, candles, oils (all things Wiccan)etc. in a storage box in our bedroom. It is a shame to feel we have to keep it a deep dark secret but in reality society still believes there is something evil and twisted about this belief. Good luck and be true to yourself. They can never take away what is truly in your heart.

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   Chaotic Chicaposted 13 years ago

   This same question applies to many people of different religions.  The advice many spouses are given when living with a disapproving spouse is to be true to your beliefs but treat it like you would a hobby or job; something seperate from your marriage.  If he is understanding then the two of you should be able to figure out a way to allow a place for each of you to go to practice your personal beliefs.  The only reason this should come between you and your marriage is if it comes to the point where either of you feel that you need your beliefs to consume you, all of you and every aspect of your life and your spouse is still unwilling to accept.

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   4elementsposted 13 years ago

   Like Scorpion said, pick an area of the house that you can use and make it yours. Do your things when he's not there, and maybe use a portable alter that way you can set it up when ever you need to and break it down and put it away when you are done. Like for me, I have a witch's box, I keep everything in there that I would use and then when done it goes back in and i lock it up and it sits in a 3 foot corner section of my bedroom. Remember where there is a witch there is always away, just a little wiccan humor. Blessings peace, love, and light.

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   Seafarer Mamaposted 13 years ago

   I have enjoyed reading this thread.
   
   Part of me has always loved nature deeply,and I have participated in pagan rituals. There is a wooded labyrinth for my community to walk...and one of our "resident pagans" (we have a community who practices and respects a wide gamut of spiritual traditions) has worked hard to make it a sacred space...so sacred that I actually feel compelled to walk the labyrinth barefoot..as Moses did before the burning bush. :0)
   
   So...the hope I have of reconciling Christianity with Wicca came when I met a gentleman Tarot card reader who said that there is a group in Pagan circles who consider themselves "Christopagans" -  meaning those who believe in Jesus and his this teachings, as well as the more feminine deities of the Wiccan world (and yes, I know that there are male gods there, too).
   
   I was raised Catholic..and want to give my daughter a chance to know the sacraments...and there is some very lovely music we sing at Mass (belonged to a progressive Catholic community in Boston before moving to central Massachusetts)...but I also have a deep reverence for Earth-Centered spirituality...and have cast spells and created charms that work. Each time I receive a paycheck, I dedicate it to my dreams, and the best of my efforts to do good in the world...and so I have done more Pagan things.  Now that we belong to a Unitarian Church...there is a group of Pagans who meet for rituals....which I plan to bring my daughter to...for I look forward to deepening my fellowship with our Pagan church members. :0)
   
   My husband has taken part in some of the Solstice celebrations that have been held at our community's common house, so he is open-minded, though still a professed Christian. I am lucky because he doesn't judge. And I'll have to check, but he is pretty open to my bringing her to rituals as long as I raise her friendly to both Wicca and Christianity.

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   Randy Godwinposted 13 years ago

   Simple solution.  Just turn him into a serpent like my wife did to me. 

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      kittythedreamerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      In response to everyone's posts, here's the answer to the main question that's being asked "why didn't he know before we got married?"
      
      The answer to that is, he did. He knew the moment he met me, I wore a pentacle on my neck and I was very open about my spiritual beliefs and practices. He seemed to be accepting of them, but since has found God in his own right and I have found it in mine. We have a wonderful marriage, and are very supportive of one another, but I think his fear is that anything other than Christianity can be dangerous. I can understand the fear, but I just want him to understand the reality and the truth of Wicca. Thanks everyone for your opinions and suggestions. Most were very helpful. I won't be divorcing my husband any time soon, or ever, just because we have different beliefs...I just wanted examples as to how to practice without offending him.

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         Randy Godwinposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry, I tried giving advice to a female in a well-known garden one time and now I have trouble walking upright.  Fool me once.....

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            kittythedreamerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I wrote a hub about you, Randy Godwin. It's called "Internet Trolls". I'm assuming you get some sort of sick pleasure out of posting things that have no relativity to the forum thread at hand. And this will be my last response to you.

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               Randy Godwinposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I am indeed flattered to be addressed by a member of the "Elite" here on HP.  Not to mention being featured in a hub authored by your illustrious self. 
               
               I am deeply hurt you will not be responding to me in the future.  I hope I survive your wrath. 
               
                    Something Wiccan This Way Comes

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            wildernessposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              That'll teach you to talk to strange women!  Now get back on your belly and slither!

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               Randy Godwinposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               Aren't all women strange, Wilderness? 

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         A Troubled Manposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         There's your problem, you'll unlikely convince a Christian that anything other than Christianity is reality and truth.
         
         At this point, if you're going to continue pursuing this avenue, could I recommend some good divorce lawyers?

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   Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years ago

   How do you practice Wicca religiously if your husband disagrees?
   
   
   Turn him into a newt.

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      Randy Godwinposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Easy! One woman's burnt chicken sacrifice is another christian man's dinner, Ron.

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    thisisoliposted 13 years ago

    If my wife turned out to be Wiccan I wouldn't be happy either, a religion created in the 1900's just so some guy could get his end away = not what I want my wife to follow

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       kittythedreamerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       What about one that was made up by men a couple thousand years ago? As opposed to one that had a revival and is based on beliefs and systems practice up to 35,000 years ago?

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          Chasukposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Good point., Kittythedreamer.
          
          I don't have any issues with Wicca that I don't have with any ideology that asks me to accept things on faith that are probably not true. Still, I prefer Wicca to the barbarism that is Christianity. I like the bit about, "An it harm none, do what ye will." Christians have a similar belief, but few follow it. Most Wiccans do, so hats off to them.

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    Tlherald85posted 13 years ago

    Wicca was not CREATED in the 1900's. It was reborn. It was one of the first religions on earth. Wicca was here BEFORE Christianity. It had to go into hiding BECAUSE of Christianity.

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    Tlherald85posted 13 years ago

    Now as to the actual question at hand.....
    My husband was raised in a Christian household. He doesn't believe in it anymore due to ALL the facts out there proving to many things about it incorrect. However, he is not Wiccan either. He doesn't actually CLAIM any religion at this time. He does have his beliefs and they aren't any different than mine. He accepts me for who I am and what I am. He has watched me perform a couple rituals and has been interested but still does not want to join in. Which I told him, of course, is his choice. For I believe that religion or Faith or what have you is a PERSONAL choice to be made ONLY by YOURSELF. So therefore, I practice in another room or elsewhere. As for the one asking about seperate religions and having children.....
    Well, we have 3 together and he had one before we got together and there is NO problems with religion. We BOTH believe that religion, faith, etc is YOUR OWN PERSONAL choice. Neither of us will be PUSHING OUR religion or beliefs on ANY of our children. They will be raised to know right and wrong and will eventually make their OWN choice on religion. Just like my mother did for me. I attended multiple different churches learning about multiple religions. When I couldn't find a church I got books and studied until I found the RIGHT one for me. That is hpow my children will be raised. They will be raised to look around, study, attend services and choose what is BEST for THEM. It is NOT my choice to TELL them what or how to believe spiritually..... That is a PERSONAL choice and NO ONE should or has the RIGHT to judge ANYONES own PERSONAL beliefs. In my opinion. Which just like my beliefs I have a right to MY opinion also.

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    WD Curry 111posted 13 years ago

    I was looking for something else, saw this, and checked it out. That is a tough one! I am a born again Christian. You can make a strong argument that I need to be born again, again . . . but that is beside the point . . . I comprehend the depths of your dilemma.
    
    I worked side by side with a nice Wiccan lady at a mental health facility for adolescents for 10 years. She never lost her cool and always met each individual exactly on their level. After years of friendship, I found out about her beliefs. I was inquisitive, so she gave me a book and explained that they didn't worship the devil or whatnot. It is an attempt to revive Celtic religion. Being part Irish, I get the drift. I asked her about the killing the king thing and she laughed, "We haven't taken it that far yet!"
    
    Other than telling the story, I don't know what to tell you.

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