- Sports and Recreation»
- Individual Sports
August 15, 2010 Sunday DG Bicycle Ride- North Carolina Tarwheels
This is a Sunday ride that has left Dave's home for years. We usually head north, northeast, and northwest. I'll make the ride about 60 miles today from my place. I can add about 7 miles, each way, riding out to Dave's.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
08-15-10 DG's Sunday Ride, Kent
Kent's rolling out St. Marys Road.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
If you spread out all the sand in North Africa,
it would cover the Sahara Desert.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
I wouldn't touch the metric system with a 3.048 meter pole!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them!
I had amnesia once...maybe twice.
Where does the fire go when it goes out?
A procrastinator's work is never done.
Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much. -Buddy Hackett
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
If you lined up all the cars in the world, end to end,
someone would still try to pass them.
He's really laid back.
It takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Other dogs think poodles are members of a strange religious cult.
You can't pin anything on a nudist.
The future is much like the present,
but considerably longer.
If all the nations in the world are in debt,
where did all the money go?
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efram Zimbalist Jr.
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Is it because of that song?
Some river valleys are simply gorges!
The seagull flies over the sea.
The bagel flies over the bay.
A sheep rustler broke out of jail and is now on the lam.
How do you tickle a rich girl?
Gucci, Gucci, Gucci!
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
We are all time travelers, moving at the speed of 60 minutes per hour.
I like to leave messages before the beep.
Not only is time-travel possible-
it may have already happened!
It's a small world,
but I wouldn't want to have to paint it!
We parents must encourage our children to become educated,
so they can go to a college we can't afford.
Your mind might be sprained instead of twisted.
In 40 years there will be thousands of old ladies with tattoos.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much:
those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
Think outside the box!
I know what time it is,
but not right now.
Everything can be filed under miscellaneous.
When I look into your eyes I see straight through to the back of your head.
An unemployed court jester is nobody's fool!
An autobiography is a story of how a man thinks he lived.
A man might be a fool and not know it,
but not if he's married.
The less we know,
the longer the explanation.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix!
Never drink and derive!
Why are there 5 syllables in "monosyllabic"?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Televangelists: pro wrestlers of religion
The new "divorce Barbie" comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Amateurs built the "Ark".
Professionals built the Titanic.
There's a new "morning after" pill for men.
It changes their blood-type.
Arbitrator: a cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
I went to a ballet once. I didn't like it. I couldn't even tell who won.
If I told you I was a pathological liar,
would you believe me?
Why can't women apply mascara with their mouths closed?
If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.
Beware of sports that require ambulances at the bottom of hills.
There's no middle ground with this guy,
you either hate him or despise him.
Someday I'll look back on this and run into a parked car.
If the funeral procession is at night,
do we drive with the lights off?
Don't be a sexist!
Broads hate that!
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
If a cow laughs does milk come out of her nose?
7/5 of all people don't understand fractions!
A statesman is a dead politician.
If the good die young,
what does that say about senior citizens?
Meandering to a different drummer.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong!