Does it embarrass you to suffer from a mental illness?
- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago
0Aww, thanks.
It really is difficult for me to put that out there. I don't like to create drama. But, being able to talk about it even in a forum if not in "real life" yet really does help me out. I'm getting some of those memories back. They are not all kind ones, but I'm doing my best with it.
I'm boycotting my class reunion this year. In part, because I get very uncomfortable around people who have children and also because when I get asked if I have kids myself, I just go blank and speechless. I can't even think of an answer for that question.
yuck.There's no way I can ever understand, I know that. I do, and have, attempted (fecklessly) to put myself in your shoes after the death of our friends' daughter. I thought about them 24/7 and what they must be going through each and every minute of the day. I couldn't even sleep (can you believe that?). No way could I even go NEAR the real experience in my mind. So, all I can offer is HUGE CYBER HUGS.
Hi Lorlie, figment and welcome, sweetandsassy. Where's BC these days? I miss her. And Sara, too.
PS: I'm here, but in and out (like a burger
) because horror of all horrors I'm working on a grueling hub.- LMAO
A grueling horror hub?
You're not writing a sequel to Saw, are you?
I'll take any hugs I can get. It means that I'm not in total denial that it ever happened in the first place.
But - stop trying to put yourself in these shoes. It is a trigger! Cut it out! LOL
Also, there are ways of coping with it that a person couldn't understand until they are actually facing it, not simply imagining what it would be like. You could imagine for yourself the worst aspects of it, but you would miss the little things that your brain does to help you get through it.
Reality puts a person in that place. But it is not your reality. So, don't try to go there. I think I can speak for your friends, too.
Thanks so much for your support. Actually, I had a new "missing memory" pop up this morning. It's tricky to find the balance between ignoring and denying this, or letting it completely consume me. I wonder all the time, how do people who DON'T have mental issues deal with this?????
It's time for me to put it away again though.
_______________________
Where ARE Sara and BC? Up to no good I hope!
Hey there, ladies and gents! And especially sweetandsassy-it's kinda strange to be new, but feel at home. We have not been known to bite...promise!
- lyricsingrayposted 14 years ago0
hi everybody, going to try and sleep, y'all have a good evening
cheers
K
L
M
A
O
wordscribe, I see your new hub. It's 4 AM where I am, and I just finished my own.
It's too bad we can't control the world's clocks. I'd like to get more than a few hours of sleep tonight He he he. Sorry, guys I've been a HubMaster 2010 the past 24 hours. Plus, the contest is coming up and OHHHH... I'm gonna get me that $1,000.
My sleeping schedule sucks. Almost 3 a.m. here and I'm sipping Rock Star (aka liquid crack). Really want to start another hub, but c'mon... at 3:00 in the morning? Am I manic?
Welcome, Fluffymetal. This is a fun forum, hang around. Welcome to HP, too.Oh well, at least it's productive. I'm halfway watching this ridiculous info-mercial on the new Oreck Platinum Upright and I'm practically sold. About to dig out the credit card. Dear God, it's so time for me to go to bed before I buy a Slap Chop, too.
Off to bed, nice to meet you. Get to bed, young lady. Your hubs can wait 'til the morn (or most appropriately given the time, the afternoon).
Just take my approach, lol find something to laugh at everyday and always do things that make you happy and always smile, even when you feel sad inside look for something that will make you smile.
I know it sound silly but that is what I do everyday and it works trust me xWhat an awesome approach and outlook!
It's true, too. Looking for the good in things has helped me out a LOT with my depression. Or, go play with your loving pets... My animals can change my mood sometimes. Nice to meet you, calpol25.nice to meet you too wordscribe41 remember smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.
Thats my approach, it does work and im glad it works for you too, as long as we have a smile and our sense of humour depression shall not beat us!!!!
Just tell your self that when your mood changes, and you will be as good as new trust me. x
Does it embarrass you to suffer from a mental illness?
NO..... I'm too Nutty to Care
Judge me if you're good enough
HOME AGAIN: I recently had an episode, so at 32 I'm back w/ my folks. Despite my relapse, I had my work land at the UN & I had a great magazine publish an article-- I'm so proud! But when I meet people, I wing it w/ "where do you live" & the likes. I'm embarrased.
WACKO JACKO: I used to think, "At least I've never had a delusion..." until I had one;) Now that it's over, I'm so ashamed!
PUH-PUH-POKAH FACE: I know it's not my fault;I try to be Zen. But facing folks after going through it--it's like seeing people after a drunken night, starring you, naked, singing a slurred version of Lady Gaga's poker face song..Oh... brother.
You have yourself a lot of self-education to do.
Agreed!!
Greetings, fellow sillies!
I see there are also some newcomers since I last posted-Hi There!!!
I am so glad to see this thread still thriving...I've been writing a hub for a week and it's DEFINITELY making me mentally ill. I'll be done soon, I'm just such a perfectionist/anxiety ridden woman that I absolutely must have it exactly right.
That's pretty nuts, if you ask me...- B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago0
Hope you're feeling alright, BC.
Back later, off to a play.
- B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago0
- B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago0
Im getting there, thank you ....
well, just got back from dr.
We're trying to take care of this sleeping problem. I still on the narcolepsy med - I'm glad. It helps me out so much. But this sleepwalking situation is out of hand completely. I don't even remember being in bed some nights..
All of my clothes were on the floor yesterday morning and the closet was empty. WTF? I should hire a hall monitor to stay in here at night. I hate living by myself. I have no idea what goes on here all night long. I don't even blink an eye anymore when I wake up wearing different clothes than what I had on when I went to bed.
Phew. sorry 'bout the rant. So, this new med is generic which is a lifesaver right now. My Rx co-pay is $60; this Rx was less than $5.00 for me today.
Which brings me to the reason for this post:
Desyrel. Ever heard of it? I have not. He warned me not to start taking it until the weekend, in case of unexpected consequences. I'm hoping for some unexpected sleep! - wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
trazadone, yup.
Thanks for the info. I was hoping NOT to hear "OMG DON'T TAKE IT!"
I'll try my best to describe this:
Say you are talking about somebody behind their back, and they walk in the room and hear you.
You know that knot you get in your stomach? Like, you didn't think you were doing a bad thing at the time, but then you suddenly realize it and you feel terrible.
Well, I get that knot in my stomach all the time without knowing what I did to cause it.
I sold my car to my neighbor a few years ago and she still drives it. It's in my parking lot all the time. I get that knot when I walk past it. I just KNOW I have driven it while I was asleep. I sold it in 2006 and I still get that feeling from it.
Maybe I was driving your car around back in those days...
I wonder where I parked it. Where did you find it? Funny you asked. In graduate school I had this old beater Buick Skylark. Now, this was back in my drinking days, Jen. Bear in mind, I'm in recovery now. Anyhoo, one night I didn't drink (a rare occasion back then). Got up to go to class and there it was: the classic where's my car, dude?" I knew where I parked the old bronze beast, it wasn't there. Called the police, get this... The damn thing had been stolen and used in a convenience store armed robbery that morning. He he he. I got it back, but they'd done lovely things like bend the windshield wipers for the heck of it, had Taco Bell wrappers all over it. Oh, and did I mention I had to PAY to get it out of impound? Very expensive, I might add.
So, if you ever drove a Skylark in St. Louis, MO, held up a convenience store, ate Taco Bell, then you're the one I've been looking for.
What you go through sounds awful. I hate feeling like I'm not in control. I hope Trazadone works. Keep us posted!Hmmm. I did used to drive a skyark, but it was my dad's car. And it was in northern Michigan, not St. Louis. So I'm fairly sure I'm innocent.
Can you imagine if that happened on a night when you were drinking? sheesh what a mess. That sucks girl!
Well I have to work tomorrow, so I don't know what to do. I was supposed to wait to start it until the weekend so I don't have to worry about getting to work the first couple days... not that I can manage that OK anyway. I'm lucky that my boss is so understanding. He doesn't give me a hard time when I can't keep a good schedule.
Hey - should we switch out mugs back? St Pats is over... I do like the green color scheme tho
- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
I don't know, Jen. I'm having a hard time letting go of my mug. I did look at it today and think the same thing... I'll do it if you do it.
How many people can say they've driven the lark? Too funny.
I guess wait on the Traz, it did make me tired initially. Then, no problem... - wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
Nah, I switched back to purple. Must have been while you were posting
The frustrating thing about my situation is the Provigil. It is for narcolepsy, but my dr. presented my case at his hospital and was able to get me qualified to take it (qualified in terms of my insurance that is.) My diagnosis isn't narcolepsy, it's - you guessed it - hypersomnia. Go figure, right?
I told him this week that it is bullshit that I need medication to be awake AND to be asleep. One without the other just isn't getting it for me though.
Before I started the Provigil though, I couldn't stay awake more than 10 hours or so... frustrating to me, and a marriage-ender to my ex.
People who can sleep 6-8 hours a day, then wake up and go about the day without a second thought, could not possibly relate. I'm jealous of those bastards. Er, I mean - those nice people.
Hang tough until Monday, K?
Being Sunday night (oops Monday morning) this post will get buried I'm sure
but if anybody notices:
BP people. You know what is coming next when you're in a manic. How do you handle it?
I'm racing all around and it's awesome that I can do the things on my months old "to do list" with energy to spare. But I have a dread because I know what comes next.
I was thinking this morning, should I have tried to stop it? It's hard when you feel so good and get so much done. But the longer it goes (at least for me) the harder I fall. When I crash I don't just stay lying in bed. I get UNDER the bed and hide from the world.
OK not literally. you get the point though. damn I wish pot was legal, it is the perfect cure for the manic. Slows me right down but I'm not a zombie. I'm pretty sure I feel like normal people do at that point - just regular medium average.
So off I go, maybe I'll have a productive night sleeping!I try not to worry when I am manic. I don't take meds, but my drop paralyzes me. Sleep is my closest friend, but avoids me at times. I am allergic to pot. Chamomile or sleepy time tea works, but I hate tea.
So I just ride the wave, happy that I am getting something done, and when the bottom comes rising up to hit me in the face, I come here, to the forums,to see if anyone needs help. Helping people helps pick me up a bit.
Don't worry about people thinking you're a "freak". We are the cool ones.
Hi FaybeHi my baby. I only answered one question on my homework today! I wasted it all, the whole day. My washer won't drain, so I am ringing clothes by hand
I wont be able to sleep. I could have published two more hubs if I'd known!
How was your movie?
swear to god I was thinking about this thread about an hour ago...
I was stewing about it. It pisses me off too.
I'm incredibly open about my BP, but in some instances I keep it a close secret. I trust my gut and I'm rarely wrong, but I was last week.
I was wrong about somebody who I thought I could be open with. This person has, for nearly a week now, taken it upon herself each day to give me sound, solid advice about how to keep myself in a good mood.
I want to get up in her face about it, but it is my fault. I explained the difference between a good mood and a manic episode. I explained the difference between a bad mood and depression. She blew me off completely. I think she must have been a cheerleader in high school.
rah!rah!rah!
*smack*
hang in there fluffy
God's way of humbling you? That makes me a little sad...
I completely understand where you're coming from with that thought but I feel like I should step in and say, Hey there. Don't think you should have to feel humble because you're intelligent. Embrace it, don't excuse it
BP people are smart and creative. That's the way it is. On my worst days, I say "Ignorance truly is bliss."
No-- it only embarrasses me when I don't want to feel crazy
- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
What a trip this is; I almost forgot about this thread's existence. I'm really glad that it's still alive.
Just a couple of days ago I was weeping and gnashing my teeth, you know what I mean. I was feeling more depressed than usual. The culprit? I'd gone off of Effexor without really noticing-since I take about 6 pills daily, I didn't even note it's absence.
What a difference a pill makes!
But then it got me thinking how dependent I am on this drug. Kinda scary, actually.
But I feel much better, so I guess I'll stick with it and try not to forget the damn things!The benefit of reading this book is that its views are non-mainstream, so you can have an opportunity to have a fresh and different view of your condition or whatever you want to call it. Apologies, if this has been discussed before, I just found this thread and jumped from beginning of page 1.
The book is available in torrent form as well.
- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
- ericsomethingposted 14 years ago0
Its a never ending battle. Only we understand!
I love you guys and hope the best for all of youGawd, I thought I was the only one with PILES of books, papers, ALL of my stuff everywhere. The piles are OCD orderly, however!
- china manposted 14 years ago0
I always thought that tidiness was a sign of mental instability! Does this mean I must re-evaluate
I'm not a sloppy person.
I'm just oblivious.
As soon as I notice the giant pile of sloppiness, I clean it right up and I try not to think about how long it's been piled up. Days? Weeks? When was the last time I had company... hmmm... Bang on !! the only time we clean up here is when someone is coming! or when we can't find each other any more
On a serious note - I am glad this thread has been resurrected, it has been one of the bright spots on these forums, like a resting place
Good Morning, assorted nuts!
Today looks pretty good so far, took my meds and went outside to take in the birds and newly planted flowers. Nothing is more 'stabilizing' than the outdoors-fresh air and all.
I actually feel at peace.I have been feeling horrible the last few days. Edgy, depressed, angry...then I got high, and I everything seems just a little easier to put up with. Sorry to those who I may offend, but damn I love marijuana. It accomplished what my crappy chemical medications couldn't.
- Justine76posted 14 years ago0
well, I finaly saw my doctor today and he says I have Panic Disorder. That freaked me out...
what am I supposed to do now?Hi Justine
I am on Citalopram and have been for the last 11 months.I was prescibed it for depression,due to my alcohol addiction.
Look on the positive side at least you have a diagnosis and with help and medication you can now move forward.
Wishing you all the best.
@ lee LMAO
Hey Justine!
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