I'm A Hypochondriac- With The Wrong Placebos!
It was always this way,
Even in the womb!
It was hot and clammy,
And hardly any room!
You might think I’m silly,
But I’m losing my sense of smell.
I don’t think that I’m getting better,
As for as I can tell.
I find it hard to breathe,
Out of one side of my nose!
I’ll try to keep this short,
There’s simply too much to disclose!
I’ve been weak for about a week.
My future’s looking bleak!
I can no longer make a fist!
Is it the cyst that’s on my wrist?
Of course there’s another,
Right here on my knee.
My eyes are going bad,
And I can hardly see!
I can’t keep taking risks!
I have several bulging discs.
I have arthritis from head to toe.
And I’m getting really slow.
I’m stuck in my rut.
I have a swollen nut.
And a stitch in my gut,
And hemorrhoids up my butt.
Yes, I’m in quite a conundrum,
With swelling in my thumb!
Along with my swollen “plum”,
I have a hernia in my scrotum.
I’ve been in wreck after wreck!
Yes, I’m getting older,
I have pain in my neck,
My upper back, and shoulders!
There is so much I could address!
“Accidents” have taken me down a peg.
So I have pain and numbness,
Through my hips, and down my leg.
So how can in hell I get well?
With all that’s wrong with me.
I have enough pain for a fair the well!
I even see fire when I pee!
My chiropractor is a quack.
He loves to whack and crack!
Pain runs through my lower back !
If there’s pain to have, I have a knack.
Surely, I must have erred,
I’m getting a little scared!
This physician that I chose.
He’s giving me the wrong placebos!
My hernia is a misery,
And will soon require some surgery.
I haven’t slept for insomnia!
I’m sure it’s due to my hypochondria!
You’d think this would be enough.
You think I’d get some slack.
But now I have some dandruff,
And they say I’m a hypochondriac!
Now how in the hell,
Can I get well?
Heaven only knows!
Here I am- a hypochondriac- and they’re giving me the wrong placebos!
I apologize for a wee bit of crude language above -but honestly- I think I'm only calling a spade a spade.
I actually have all the problems stated above.
Well, not the fire, but the rest!
I'm in okay shape for a 80 year old man.
Unfortunately I'm only 60 and a half!
I am a little inconsistent with nagging minor afflictions.
This is what we get when we grow older.
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