Guys, help!

1. 0

   Emily Sparksposted 12 years ago

   I usually let everything up to my boyfriend (where to eat, what to do etc) because I do not want to choose something he does not like (he would suffer through it without telling me).  He just told me "don't be afraid" to tell him what I would like.  How do you feel?  Am I being too agreeable?

   replyreport
   1. 68

      PsychNickposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      So if i get this straight either you or him will be suffering through something? I do not think it should be consider suffering through something. I mean if you are bf and gf you would enjoy doing things the other likes because you are doing it with them. I think you two should compromise on things and take time to go places and do what both of you like. If he told you dont be afraid then dont! Tell him and yes you are too agreeable because you cannot go through life just doing what another person likes especially when it appears he isnt forcing you. So have a talk, tell him how you feel and agree to do things that both you like. Also, sometimes you can do certain things with your friends..like girl stuff with your friends and he do some guy stuff with his friends.

      replyreport
      1. 0

         Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I didn't really mean ome of us would be suffering.  Me, I really don't either way the decision is made. I meant to say, if he really did not like something he would do it anyway just for me.  No, O didn't mean to imply that either way one of is would suffer.

         replyreport
2. 68

   Charles Jamesposted 12 years ago

   Be straight. Tell him to be straight.
   
   Otherwise you will be eating broccoli the rest of your lives because you are both too polite to say you hate it.

   replyreport
   1. 61

      Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I love broccoli!
      If both of you are unwilling to make decisions about what to do, then you call the shots next time you go out. Then tell him next time out he plans the evening. After you see what he enjoys and viceversa, you might know more about the potential of the relationship.

      replyreport
3. 93

   habeeposted 12 years ago

   Grow a spine! Men don't respect "doormats." You can voice your opinions without being pushy or overbearing.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Don't get me wrong.  He never "walks all over me".  He never pushes me to do things.  He asks for opinions.

      replyreport
      1. 78

         brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with habee.  Your original question made it sound like your main interest is pleasing him, without taking yourself into consideration. (I'm guilty of doing that from time to time)
         
         So, here's a suggestion. Talk to him about it, and maybe arrange days that the two of you split what you do. Some days do just what he wants, and others do what you want. But, make sure it's agreed by both of you.
         
         Also don't get into a routine, every once in a while switch days. Also don't make it an argument, if you can't agree on what to do, find a diplomatic way to end an argument...flip a coin or something, or make a game out of it.
         
         But NEVER seem like you are too eager. I find that men don't like someone who is asking too many questions or wanting too many things. Approach it slowly, and feed the ideas to him in pieces. Our attention span is very short, and we don't like being overwhelemed all at once.

         replyreport
   2. 63

      Greek Oneposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      When people eat, embarrassing things can happen.  Food can fly out of your mouth, you could spill something, or maybe even burp.
      
      Best you pick a restaurant that your boyfriend likes to go to, and just order some water.  Watch him talk, laugh and his jokes, compliment him, and look at him lovingly.
      
      Even better still, let him save his money and you make him dinner.  That way, you can show off your cooking skills, as well as your cleaning-up-the-table skills.

      replyreport
      1. 88

         Cardisaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I only came to this forum because I saw your comment in my feed and started to laugh. I didn't even read the original post.  I have to checkout your hubs to see if you are as hilarious as you are in the forums.

         replyreport
4. 61

   paradigmsearchposted 12 years ago

   Dialogue is a good thing.

   replyreport
5. 0

   Arlene V. Pomaposted 12 years ago

   If he asks for your opinion, do you give it?  Or do you just smile and let him take the reins because you don't speak up?  Let me tell you.  When you don't speak your mind when it comes to your boyfriend or anyone else, be prepared to get trampled.  I find it very sad when a woman agrees to anything.  As far as I'm concerned, they are passive aggressive personalities because of it.  You aren't doing yourself or your boyfriend or anyone else a favor by not speaking your mind.  You are merely some puppet or doll in the "Yes" mode.  Sad to see women who are 60 and still doing that.  So why just address this problem to guys only?  Jeez.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Usually when he asks I say "it doesn't matter, what do you think?"  Most of the time it does not matter to me.  He doesn't trample over me at all-he is very considerate of me.  He wants to know what I want, and the few times I told him, he was happy to oblige.  So why do I hesitate to tell him what I would like?  The problem is with me, not him.

      replyreport
6. 69

   rLcasaLmeposted 12 years ago

   In my experience, being honest is the way to go. Hiding emotions or opinions won't be good if you're trying to still know each other.
   I've learned to love the things my wife loved doing, and my wife learned to love what I loved doing as well.
   
   In the same way, I have stopped doing what my wife don't want me doing and she had stopped doing what I don't want her to be doing.
   
   For example, she don't want me to smoke. I stopped it.
   Was she being selfish? No! It's the for the better.
   
   The way to do this is to confront each other. Have a serious talk. Tell to each other that from that day on, you'd both be honest with each other.
   
   Hiding something is a disaster waiting to happen.

   replyreport