Is Bisexuality being selfish;Trying to have the best of both worlds?

1. 72

   poeticmentorposted 13 years ago

   I was often told that people who are "Bi" are being selfish, they are confused and just trying to be on both sides of the fence. Either you are all the way GAY or you are all the way straight..no in between.  Isn't this look upon poorly by other gays and straight people?

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      livelongerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I think it's more like "lucky." You do realize that you don't choose your sexuality, right? If you're fortunate enough to be attracted to both genders, then you've doubled your pool of potential partners.

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         wordscribe43posted 13 years agoin reply to this

         +1

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         AEvansposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         +2

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      Greekgeekposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry to bump a silly and somewhat stale thread, but I used to wear a button in college that said "Bisexual means being twice as desperate." (Which is not true, but just as true as the specious logic in the first post).
      
      Followed by a smaller button which said, "Being bisexual does not mean I'm attracted to you."
      
      

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      Justme13posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm Bi and wish i was either gay or straight. Seems to me it would be much easier.

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      Greekgeekposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Saying being bisexual is selfish is like saying that someone who happens to enjoy many different kinds of food is more selfish than someone who only likes to eat southern cooking.
      
      The straight guy who consistently steals other people's girlfriends is a lot more selfish than a bi person who just generally thinks people are attractive without regard for body parts, but would never dream of butting in on someone else's relationship.
      
      ETA: Blast, I thought I'd answered this thread before, and I had! I need to be more careful to notice how old they are.
      
      Guess I feel a little strongly on this issue, eh?
      
      
      But seriously. I have never particularly felt any discrimination or hatred from gays for being bi. The only stigma I've run into is for "B.U.G." meaning "Bi until graduation." There was some exasperation with people who experimented in college, then turned out to be Het After All and married within a year or two of graduation and had the "normal" family with the picket fence and the kids and all the rest, pretending that the bi phase never happened. To some people -- especially those who had dated and been in love with them -- it seemed like a cop-out.
      
      The ones who get it coming and going are trans. There's a little less understanding on all sides of the spectrum.

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      klarawieckposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think it's selfish. I think it's honest. I believe that one day will come when people will look past the sexuality of their partner and will look and love at the individual inside. When you love a person it doesn't matter what sex they are.

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   cheaptrickposted 13 years ago

   Well Hmmm,let me think of a positive point here.....
   I GOT IT!!Bisexuals have twice the chance of picking up a hot lover on Friday nights...AND,no matter whose pants they stick their hand in...Their Always HAPPY!
   
   Sexuality has nothing to do with what kind of person one is.Selfish is selfish,it's not selfish to be bisexual,it's a preference,nothing more.Look for the goodness in a person,all persons.

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      Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      +1

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   Emile Rposted 13 years ago

   I don't think you can change what turns you on. I guess if you find both sexes hot, that's your business.

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   Escobanaposted 13 years ago

   I am bisexual. Never thought of it as being selfish. Never did have that much experience with women. I only know that bisexuality is a simple fact of being attracted to both sexes. A woman can turn me on as well as a man.
   
   It has nothing to do with your actual experiences and I never felt I had double as much possibilities, in taking someone at home. Feeling attracted to both sexes, isn't selfish. It's what you are. Nothing more, nothing less.

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   HouseSellerposted 13 years ago

   I think Bisexuality is just another level of lust that humans have created...

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      Pearldiverposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Clearly with such.... ahhhhh... wisdom... you consider that your own house is in order..

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         HouseSellerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         hehehehehe.. the day the is order in my house, you'll be the first to know

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   MelissaBarrettposted 13 years ago

   I don't feel particularly selfish...
   
   I can only be in one relationship at a time.  So either way, I'm only removing one person from the dating pool.  Nor am I confused.  I know exactly who I am in love with.
   
   As far as being looked down upon... *shrugs* People will always find some reason.

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   RookerySpoonerposted 13 years ago

   For men, I think bisexuality is an opportunity to understand how a car engine works, whilst appreciating fabulous shoes.

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      MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Not necessarily true at least for females...  I hate shopping and I can barely change a tire...  I didn't get the best of either world

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      brimancandyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I am not bi. But have met men who are, and most are fairly masculine, and could care less about shoes, unless of course they have a foot fetish. So, I am not sure what your point was, other than being sacrcastic.
      
      I know a lot of straight men who don't know how a car engine works, and a lot of gay men that do. In fact the gay community has several classic car shows, as gay men love their cars just as straight men do. I unfortunately am car dumb. Probably because I am too busy having sex with the mechanics to ask them questions.

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   wordscribe43posted 13 years ago

   Sexuality runs along a continuum, it's just not as simple as an "either/or" categorization.  Everyone is somewhere along that continuum, bisexual people just happen to fall in the middle. 
   
   What's the big deal?  I would never look down upon someone for their sexual orientation.  To do so is just plain uneducated and fear-based.

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   Disturbiaposted 13 years ago

   My first husband was bisexual. I don't think it's being selfish, I think it's just being honest about yourself and true to who and what you are.  Besides, who decided it has to be only gay or straight, why should we have to limit ourselves?

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      Justme13posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      +1

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    jabbo1posted 13 years ago

    As a lesbian, I've often been confused by bisexuality but I do not think it's being selfish. Many times, I've thought it's easier to say you are bisexual because it's "partly being straight". But I could be wrong and I am no expert since I am all the way lesbian. Maybe someone can tell me what the attraction is...

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    MelissaBarrettposted 13 years ago

    I've actually thought about that before and wondered if I was caving towards public opinion.
    
    I've found that I fall in love with the person and the sexual attraction follows.  Gender always just seemed a non-issue. 
    
    On pure physical attraction, I am far more likely to be attracted to a woman. I don't do one night stands though and my split of relationships has historically been very close to 50/50 split.  My relationships with men tend to last longer though. (Of course kids might have something to do with that)

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    lockgirlposted 13 years ago

    Is it wrong for a man and a woman to be in love? No it isn't so what is it for us to tell someone who they are in love with, be it a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman. You follow your heart. My daughter is Bisexual and she has both a boy friend and a girl friend. She makes it work and both of her partners except each other.

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    How To Hubposted 13 years ago

    Do they have tests between hopping between the 2 to make sure they are not passing on diseases ? I would be horrified if I had been with a guy then found out he had been with a male . Fortunatly I am married to a very straight guy so it will never happen .
    It is selfish of them to get married if they have no plans to be faithful .

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       MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       How does bi-sexual mean not faithful?  Did I miss a workshop or a memo somewhere?  And the assertion that bi-sexuals and/or gays are more likely to have a sexually transmitted disease is a little insulting as well.  Your very straight husband is just as likely to have carried in a disease as he would have been if he was bi.

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          livelongerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Such a common misconception, I've heard it a million times. They believe that because you're attracted to both sexes, you must want to screw everything that moves.
          
          I don't get the leap in logic, but there are a lot of things that so many people believe that don't make any sense to me.

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             MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             The biggest assumption that I get is that my husband and I engage in threesomes.  I don't like him that much.  When I am in a relationship, I am in a relationship with one person.  Having a girlfriend while married would be infidelity.  The same thing would apply if I was in a committed relationship (unfortunately not a marriage in my state) with a woman and had a boyfriend.
             
             I'm not Mormon... just bi-sexual.

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                livelongerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                Yeah, that's it - they think that if you're attracted to both sexes, you *must* be romantically/sexually involved with both. Hence, the menage a trois and polyamorous relationship expectations...
                
                As to not being a Mormon: how do you explain the magical underwear?

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                   MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                   The underwear are magical because they are on a magical ass.
                   
                   (I just know I am getting banned for this but I couldn't refuse... painkillers)

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                      livelongerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                      BINGO! (To the first statement, not the second!)

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          How To Hubposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          I am going by what I read .Bisexuality is sexual behavior .  CDC fact sheet explains the risks of anal sex. First, "the lining of the rectum is thin and may allow the [HIV] virus to enter the body." Second, "condoms are more likely to break during anal sex than during vaginal sex." These risks don't just apply to HIV. According to the new survey report, the risk of transmission of other sexually transmitted diseases is likewise "higher for anal than for oral sex,"

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             MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/hiv_aids.htm
             
             Please, educate yourself.  Don't use outdated and incorrect information out of context to support your own ignorance and prejudice.
             
             "What are the common myths about HIV?
             Many people believe the following stories that have become commonplace during the 26 years since HIV first emerged.
             ‘You can tell if someone is HIV-positive by looking at them.’ This is nonsense. The great majority of people with HIV look perfectly normal.
             ‘You can’t get HIV from straight sex.’ This isn't true. Vaginal intercourse is now the most common way of acquiring the virus.
             ‘Only gay men get HIV.’ This is also untrue. In Britain, ‘straight’ sex has been the most common way of catching HIV, since as long ago as 1999. Currently the majority of people who get HIV are heterosexual."
             
             If you want to be a bigot, that's fine... but at least have the backbone to say "I believe this way because I do" instead of applying half-assed quasi-medical information that you don't really understand anyway to support your weak-assed theories.

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             Motown2Chitownposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             Couple things...first, Bisexuality is not sexual behavior.  It is simply a sexual attraction to people of both genders.  Sleeping with someone is a behavior.  Seeking out extramarital affairs is a behavior.  A faithful married woman is attracted to men, but does not seek sex with men outside of her marriage.  A faithful married bisexual woman does not seek sex with a woman outside of her marriage.  Hetero, homo, and bi sexuality are parts of a person's identity.  It determines to whom they are attracted, but it does not predict their behavior.
             
             Next, even as a straight woman I can tell you that anal sex is not the most common sexual practice among gay males.  So, just because someone is homosexual doesn't mean they're engaging regularly or frequently in "dangerous" anal sex.  And, even if they are, again, homosexuality is not the "behavior."  Being stupid and having unprotected sex is, and heterosexual people do that all the time.

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          poeticmentorposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          +1

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    MelissaBarrettposted 13 years ago

    And furthermore, if you think that anal sex is the only way that two bi-sexual or gay men have relations then you are either 1. Extremely unimaginative or 2. Watching very predictable gay porn.

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    How To Hubposted 13 years ago

    This is not just about diseases tho . I would not want to be with someone who is unfaithful especially if he wanted to be with males . I appreciate that I could accidently stand on a needle and get a disease .
    Or get sick from food poisoning ,or run over by a car & many other ways .

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       MelissaBarrettposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       I'm cool with that.  I wouldn't want to be with someone who was unfaithful either.
       
       but... at least from personal experience, I don't believe a bi-sexual is any more likely to be unfaithful than a straight person.  Either doesn't necessarily mean both.
       
       I don't get your aversion to bi-sexual men, but that is also your choice.  *Shrugs* I don't like blonds. To each his own I guess.
       
       However, please don't lay the diseased and unfaithful arguments because, quite frankly they are stereotypical, untrue, and insulting as hell.

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          Motown2Chitownposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Agreed on all points.
          
          I can kind of understand the aversion to bisexual men, though...I dated a man when I was quite young who was bisexual, and he has since settled into a homosexual relationship.  I struggled a LOT with his bisexuality because I believe that he was actually gay and just wasn't sure how to proceed.  I suffered a HUGE blow to my femininity because I thought I was "turning him gay."  Because I was the last woman he was ever involved with, I thought I disgusted him to the point that women became repulsive.  If that was the case, then what horrible kind of freak was I, you know?
          
          NOW I understand that was not the case.  I understand that his sexuality was a part of who he was - it wasn't a reflection on who I was.  I didn't make him jump the fence, as it were. 
          
          I think the aversion that some women have toward bisexual men is actually an insecurity on their part, like it was for me.  If they can't keep a man straight, then they feel something is wrong with them. BUT, it would do the world a lot of good if we were all taught that sexuality isn't something that gets turned on or off, and that people generally don't have a choice about who they're attracted to.  They only make a choice when they act on that attraction.  And, if a man pursues a man while in a relationship with a woman, it does not mean that there is anything fundamentally wrong with the woman that has driven him away.

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    poeticmentorposted 13 years ago

    yeah what MelissaBarrett said!  Some people fear the unknown.  Don't knock it until you've tried it. just sayn;.

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    Maria van Olphenposted 13 years ago

    If you put so much importance to what other people are saying, you will wind up confused, lost and frustrated. Listen to your heart, and try not to label it. Follow your heart and love that person that feels close to your heart.

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    Astra Nomikposted 13 years ago

    My partner writes here in Hub Pages and she is bisexual. It is not a choice but a circumstance. And no, she does not date more than one sex or orientation at a time. We have a great relationship as a result. I learned a lot from her. Being bi is just part of being who each of us are.
    
    There are lots of folks who don't know much about sexuality and tend to be afraid of it, for some reason. I think being Bi does give a person a kind of heightened understanding of things.
    
    The two most amazing people in my life right now are both bisexual.

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       poeticmentorposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       interesting.

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    tips-tricksposted 13 years ago

    Well being Bisexual is not that bad its only they want to feel and be comfortable with their surrounding and for which they some time do it for fun or just they didn't have the right company around them..

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    laziamposted 13 years ago

    Bisexuality is not being selfish. It is being true to yourself.
    I don't think someone who claims himself/herself bisexual is not "confused" about what he/she really wants. It is more of knowing what he/she wants: what/who makes him/her comfortable, what makes him/her happy, and with whom can he/she grow as a person.

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       calpol25posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Bisexuality is a sexuality just as heterosexuality, polysexuality and pansexuality.  Granted there is much dislike between other sexualities toward bisexuality but thats just ignorance and bigotry

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          poeticmentorposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          but why is that? I mean I know about hate for homosexuals and what that community goes through but I think Bisexuality goes into it's own little category because you are not choosing either gender.

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    kyorkposted 13 years ago

    I am a lesbian but when I was first exploring my feelings towards women, I called myself bisexual. I think it's because I was just a kid, I was confused and scared, and I wasn't sure whether I was gay or straight or what. But soon I found that it's not the sex of the person I love, it's how I love that person. I am in a committed relationship with a woman and I love her very much. I would love her just as much if she had a penis, I think. It's about love for me, not sex. And even as a gay woman, I can appreciate the attractiveness of a man, same as straight women can look at a beautiful woman and say "Wow, she's gorgeous."

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       Shaina Rodriguezposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       You've made good points, expecially about loving a person for who they are and not for what's in between their legs. When I was younger I was more interested in females until I fell in love with the man who is now my husband. I didn't reject him because of his gender, and I don't think anyone should have to miss out on love because of it either.
       

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          calpol25posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Exactly Shaina True love is gender blind, it does not matter whether you love some one of the same gender or opposite gender as long as you both love each other thats the main thing

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             Shaina Rodriguezposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             I'm glad you agree!

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    psycheskinnerposted 13 years ago

    Being bisexual is just being bisexual.  People are how they are.

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    Shaina Rodriguezposted 13 years ago

    I can't stand the stereotypes given to bisexuals >

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       psycheskinnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Exactly.  I am not sure how being attracted to two genders rather than one has anything at all to do with honesty/fidelity and all that stuff.

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          cherriquinnposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          We fall in love with the person not the gender and I agree that its difficult to see how this has anything to do with honesty or fidelity. If a person believes in being faithful and committed to one relationship at a time,surely being bisexual has no bearing??

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             Shaina Rodriguezposted 13 years agoin reply to this

             agreed!

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    WookieWonderfulsposted 13 years ago

    Like there isn't enough people for everybody and there want for fun/relationships. It's just having double the choice but if you like it why not? I'm personally gay but i don't see a problem with being attracted to both sexes its just personally I'm not. Souls don't have a gender

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       klarawieckposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Oh yeah, Wookie? Then why are you wearing a fake mustache, huh?

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    WookieWonderfulsposted 13 years ago

    Hahaha you prune :p wherever there's a camera there's a pose :p lol

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    Peanutritiousposted 13 years ago

    The truth is, you don't choose who you fall in love with regardless of the gender.

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    KikiCobainposted 13 years ago

    Attraction is attraction regardless. Love is love regardless and gender is gender. The first two are the most important of the three.

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    WookieWonderfulsposted 13 years ago

    well said!

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