I'm freaking out...

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   Nicole Winterposted 16 years ago

   Oh, god, my boyfriend just called to let me know that he'd been laid off!  He's been at the company for almost nine years.  He came by when he was on his way home, (we live less than a few blocks from one another,) and there was much hugging and trying to be supportive, but we're both still in shock.  How can I best support him through this?  I'm happy he called to let me know he was coming over and to tell me he was laid off, it gave me an agonizing ten minutes or so to let things sink in and to start forming a plan of action other than running around the house yelling, "OMG, the sky is falling!"  I told him I would support & love him no matter what and that's just about the best thing I can think of to say right now...  Anyone been in a similar situation & have some advice?!?
   
   --- Nicole A. Winter

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      BDazzlerposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Speaking as a man, that is the absoltuly te best thing you can do. Nobody wants to feel abandoned at a time like this. The practcle stuff like helping with the resume, getting job leads and stuff will come soon enough.
      
      The best peace of advice I can give is ... don't panic. A calm, optimistic, yet realistic view of what you are going through will help.
      
      And keep in mind you (both) are going through it.  The situation will change. And it will improve.
      
      You both have my prayers.

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         Nicole Winterposted 16 years agoin reply to this

         Speaking as a man, that is the absoltuly te best thing you can do. Nobody wants to feel abandoned at a time like this. The practcle stuff like helping with the resume, getting job leads and stuff will come soon enough.
         
         The best peace of advice I can give is ... don't panic. A calm, optimistic, yet realistic view of what you are going through will help.
         
         BDazzler-
         
         ***takes a few deep breaths*** Okay.  Thanks so much, man, I've already started looking through the want ads with both of us in mind, (it'd probably help a little more if I understood exactly what it was that he did at his job, but hey, I'm not going to bother him with any of this yet,) I'm saving them in my G-Mail for *next* week.  I'm also saving links for interviewing tips, resume building, ect, (if I hadn't said it before, thanks again, Patty Inglish, MS.,) but I guess the best thing I can do right now is just be there for him, however he needs me to be.
         
         
         --- Nicole A. Winter

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      sandra rinckposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, similar.  My boyfriends job has cut back his hours a lot and we live together.  I think that is the best you can do.  I think maybe you should consider downsizing.  Move in together if it comes down to that.  If personal emotions come between being rational and stupid, well so be it. 
      
      I have found myself paying much if not most of the rent recently because of this but, what else can I do, it is not his fault.    sorry to hear about that.

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         Nicole Winterposted 16 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks, Sandra.  Originally when I had lost my job we'd discussed moving in together because I honestly have no way of paying my rent.  My landlord has been pretty cool, she owns a few buildings so while I feel awful about paying my rent in pieces, it's not killing her... anyways, though, I just guess it's not really an option for us at this point.  We'll see, he has a condo he is still paying off, it's a one bedroom and it'd be super tight with two adults, let alone a child as well.  Thanks, though, there are some other things we can do to limit our costs, and I've been brainstorming since I read your post!  I'm sorry to hear about ya'all's situation, as well, you're a good woman for helping him out while he's down, my prayers to both of you, best of luck...
         
         --- Nicole A. Winter

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            sandra rinckposted 16 years agoin reply to this

              Thanks Nicole and mine are with you too. 

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      Tracy Jposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      I told him I would support & love him no matter what and that's just about the best thing I can think of to say right now...  Anyone been in a similar situation & have some advice?!?
      
      --- Nicole A. Winter
      
      I got laid off after 11 years with the company. It was the last month of the kids summer vacation so I took a month off from everything to spend time with them and think about what I wanted to due. It can be a big blow to a person's spirit to get laid off after so many years of service. Let alone your inner routine gets all messed up. I would just keep reminding him that he was looking for a job when he found his last one.

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   foxilityposted 16 years ago

   I been layed off several times. In fact just a few months ago I was put to part-time. It sucks and you feel like a total looser, or at least I did. There's really nothing you can say to make anybody in that situation feel better. Just listen to him and be supportive. Hey! time and time again, it turns out, I live through it with no physical scars. Have some faith and it just might turn out to be a good experience, I sure learned from it. Oh! and I know he will probably get tired of people telling him that's it's gonna be ok and that it might be a blessing in disguise, so please don't tell him that.

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      Nicole Winterposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Foxility--- Thank-you so much.  I had a hard time trying to not say it'll be OK, and I failed, of course, but I really do believe that it will be OK, I'm not trying to blow sunshine up his buttocks or anything like that.  I think that in the future I'll refrain from saying it'll be OK, and I certainly won't tell him anything like it's a blessing in disguise, even if it might be...
      
      Thank-you so much for your advice, it's really great.  I'm saddened that your hours have been cut back, things are *so* tight all around.  You're in my prayers, as well as BDazzler, thank-you both so much.
      
      
      --- Nicole A. Winter

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   foxilityposted 16 years ago

   Oh! well thanks, and you and your boyfriend will be in my prayer also. I have gotten use to working part time now, so it's actually kinda nice. So, just hang in there!

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   ArtSirenposted 16 years ago

   Sorry to hear that bad news. I was axed out of my job last year after 7 years, and made the decision to change career completely.
   
   Flexibility is the key with the world economy the way it is at the moment. My advice would be to think very carefully about 'transferable' skills, and come up with a long list of possible career/job options - rather than only trying to get a similar job to the last one he had. If he's been laid off, that particular sector might be getting squeezed, so moving to another similar company might mean him getting laid off again.
   
   Also think about part-time or multiple part-time jobs just to keep the cash coming in, while looking for something more ideal.
   
   My best wishes to you and good luck. Things will improve!

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      Nicole Winterposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much, ArtSiren, I'll have him take a look at this next week when he's come down a bit from everything that's going on right now.  Fantastic suggestions, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment here, I didn't even think of transferable skills, I was trying to think of companies with a similar bent to the one he has been working for.  Thank-you!
      
      --- Nicole A. Winter

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   sheenarobinsposted 16 years ago

   Just be there for him and like everything else it will pass. He'll find another one.

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   Nicole Winterposted 16 years ago

   Thanks, sheenarobins, we hung out together last night and he's surprisingly much calmer than I am about it. 
   
   --- Nicole A. Winter

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   trish1048posted 16 years ago

   Hi Nicole,
   
   If he can collect unemployment, that will help.  They also help with finding jobs.  He also might want to consider a head hunter.  That's how I got my job that I've now been in for 17 years.
   
   Good luck!

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   ocbillposted 16 years ago

   More people will be moving in together. there are even new reports of "some" divorced or divorcing couples moving in together because they simply cannot afford to live apart. As a man, also I think you should support him and be persistent in looking doing unusual job search marketing.
   
   Even old school handyman blue collar jobs, if he has those skills, will be very valuable as a side job.
   
   You saw the picture of the businessman wearing a suit in NY wearing a sign that he needs work.
   People in So. Cal rented billboard signs looking for work.
   It is tough out there folks.
   I know you're saying, "N..S.. Sherlock ! but this will probably be the most challenging of times.
   
   Meanwhile, in the interim try and make some money doing your own little gig & cut costs where you can

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   Mighty Momposted 16 years ago

   Hi Nicole, So sorry to hear about your situation. It's always a punch to the gut when this happens -- whether expected or not. I hope I won't sound sexist here, but from my experience, men handle the grief of losing a job differently than women. So you can't expect him to react the way you would. You mention that already are you more freaked out than he is. I can imagine your tendency will be to go into a flurry of activity to "help" him. That's wonderful (and natural). Just keep in mind that it's his career, his skills, and his experience that will get him a new job. Hopefully he will appreciate your efforts. But he has to process this personally in his own way and time. He may actually end up resenting your involvement and get testy with you (externalizing his anger at himself). All part of the grieving process. Try to stay positive and don't take anything personally. And good luck!!!

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    Nicole Winterposted 16 years ago

    Wow, guys... thank-you all so much!  We're going to all go down to a job resource center this Tuesday, probably and see what they have to offer, (my boyfriend, roommate and myself are going,) and we're both trying really hard to stay positive and think clearly about things.  Mighty Mom, thank-you so much for your post, I agree, so I'm trying to be as supportive as possible without getting all up in his business.  Trish: He's looking into collecting unemployment, we're so happy that we can at least have a little something to lean on in that sense...  as for moving in together ocbill, I just don't know.  I think both of us would benefit greatly from that, (especially me, I'm not going to lie...) but I just feel like it'd be starting our "married life relationship" off on the wrong foot.  We'll see if things get that desperate.  TracyJ: That's for sure... we were all looking for something when we found our last job... awesome advice.  I'm sorry to hear that you were laid off with the company after so many years!  I think that's one of the tougher things, having so many people around you that you've known for such a long time... just suddenly be gone.  *sigh*  Thanks so much, all of you, for weighing in on this.  I'm starting to calm down a little bit, and I really appreciate everyone's fantastic advice.

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