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I'd like feedback on my Hub: Brigid's Cloak

  1. WoodlandBard profile image78
    WoodlandBardposted 3 years ago

    Hello kind people

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. I've had a look at this and have run out of improvement ideas. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Brigid's Cloak. What can I do to improve it? Many thanks :-)

    1. janderson99 profile image59
      janderson99posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I suggest reworking the first three sentences to simplify.
      For example, perhaps you could start by saying:

      Brigid's Cloak is a series stories and traditions about a cloak that covers the earth. The cloak covers sacred places, protects us as clothing.

      The next phrase is a mystery to me
      =>  'as a small cloth to hang to honour Brigid, down to being a small clutie offering on a tree beside a well.'

      Rework to keep the sentences short and simple - one idea only. The problem mainly appears to be poor expression in the first three sentences.

      1. WoodlandBard profile image78
        WoodlandBardposted 3 years agoin reply to this

        Many thanks, very helpful and useful tips, janderson99 :-)

  2. Sue Adams profile image97
    Sue Adamsposted 3 years ago

    This could become a very interesting article. I'm glad you refrained from making it religious and slanted it more towards the folklore and spiritual aspect of Brigid.

    However, before it has a chance of being featured, I would take care of the following points:

    1. Spelling errors [romaing= roaming, locel = local,  windowboxes= 2 words: window boxes etc - check spelling.]

    2. Style too personal - too many "we's" and "I's". For example, instead of:
    "The trinity of the Brigid being and the four directions of the Brigid Cross I personally hold as powerful symbols."

    [the reader already knows that you are interested in the subject matter or your wouldn't be writing about it, right?]
    Simply write:
    "The trinity of the Brigid being and the four directions of the Brigid Cross are powerful symbols."

    3. I would not put an ad so far up. You want people to read the article before leaving the page by clicking on an ad. Just put one ad at the bottom.

    4. Have a catching high quality full-width picture at the top, or just below the first paragraph. Full-width pics look best on mobile devices. Then, when the article gets featured, you can pin that picture on Pinterest with a link back, and gain traffic from it.

    5. What is  Céis Corran?

    6. “The water cut  deep to touch the other world where the Cailleach, The Morrigu, The Morrigan, The Mór na Coire Cíuin, was sleeping. [no caps on “the” after a comma. And, who are these characters anyway? Or is it one person, because you write "was" sleeping. Plural would be "were sleeping". Make yourself clear, the reader is curious, wants to understand.]

    7. Organize the content into specific closely related chunks of text, each with a heading. For example,

    Who was St Brigid?

    History of Brigid's Cloak [research dates, names, places]

    The Brigid Being

    The Brigid Cross - Symbol [?]

    Brigid's Day - 1st February

    Interpretation... "All life on earth needs a cloak..."

    Stories - write each story within its own text capsule and Title of Story as capsule heading.

    Philosophy of Brigid's Cloak - [you are going to have to re-work this entire following section:]
    "[There are 4 seasons, 4 quadrants of a astrology in a birth chart, and  4 stages or octaves of life.
    [what are those 4 stages / octaves? octave is to do with the number 8, so I'm getting mighty confused here.]

    "Three of those cause us to call upon Brigid's Cloak, a Trinity. [Why? You also say that the cloak has four corners - the reader is trying to make some sense out of your content.]

    “As individuals, after we are born, we discover what and how we are, how to move parts of our body, mind and spirit, and how to co-ordinate them together.
    [move our mind & spirit? Do you mean:]
    “As individuals, after birth, we discover what and who we are, how to move parts of our body, and how to co-ordinate body, mind and spirit.” [The word co-ordinate already implies togetherness].

    "We go onto learning and developing our crafts, more than our "smithcraft" but the handling of tools, and materials and how we share and interact with people while doing this. We discover how we are as a team member in a family, with friends and in some of our tasks. I find it is interesting how unions are symbolized with some thing of special metal, maybe whether it is a ring, a sword, or a dowry of coins."

    [Again, the reader doesn't care if you find it interesting. You have to make it interesting for the reader. You are not going to make it more interesting by saying that you find it interesting. If you didn't find it interesting, you would not be writing about it. So saying that you find it interesting is completely useless and irrelevant. Waste of space - Capice?]

    Same paragraph edited:
    “We go onto learning and developing a craft by handling tools, and materials, sharing and interacting with people as a team member in a family, or with friends and colleagues. Unions may be symbolized by some object made of a special metal, perhaps a ring, a sword, or a dowry of coins."

    [What has metal to do with Brigid’s Cloak? can you relate this to Brigid’s Cloak? Perhaps by putting it under the Brigid Cross paragraph and saying that the cloth mentioned in the article is such a symbol?]

    8. Can you find a few more illustrations to brake up the text?

    9. Is there a nice video on YouTube you could insert?

    10. Ad a little poll capsule maybe near the end : "Had you ever heard of St. Brigid’s Cloak?"
      a.) No,  I had never heard of Brigid's Cloak
      b.) Yes I have heard about Brigid's Cloak but not in such great detail
      c.) Yes I knew all about Brigid's Cloak

    Or invent your own poll heading and questions. A poll is useful to gain reader interaction and find out how much interest there is for an article.

    11. Write a better conclusion, summing up the essence of the article.

    I have only touched the tip of the iceberg. If you follow the above tips and have your article checked by a literate native English speaker for grammar and spelling before re-submitting, I am pretty sure it will be featured and have a good chance of attracting traffic for its interest.

    Good luck.

    1. WoodlandBard profile image78
      WoodlandBardposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Wow! Sue, you are so kind and generous to give such a detailed and generous review. A lot of very useful tips to ponder and go over. This is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much.

      A lot to do, so a good re-working for Brighid's Day next year.
      Some of the explanations just need a link to other articles I have written rather than repeating myself, I would think.

      Even so, I am exceptionally grateful for your help. :-)

  3. Sue Adams profile image97
    Sue Adamsposted 3 years ago

    You are welcome. I hope it works out for you.

    1. LongTimeMother profile image95
      LongTimeMotherposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Nice work, Sue!

      Good luck with your rewrite WoodlandBard.