Limericks - Limericks - Limericks

1. 93

   Paragliderposted 16 years ago

   You people! The temperature's rising
   and maybe that's not so surprising.
   We can talk up a storm
   that can keep our parts warm
   but for real? Well, it's what I'm surmising...

   replyreport
   1. 71

      earnestshubposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Surmising is seemingly good
      it keeps all the steam under hood
      when it cuts to the chase
      BPs got the pace
      and her body's exceedingly good!

      replyreport
      1. 0

         wordscribe41posted 16 years agoin reply to this

         Earnest, your rhymes are first-rate,
         they were right out of the gate.
         Soft words like cashmere
         or perhaps Shakespeare,
         my heart you've begun to palpate.

         replyreport
2. 0

   Ghost32posted 16 years ago

   I'm ready to stop for the night
   You write a great poem out of spite
   Tis Queensland it seems
   I'll see in my dreams
   At least there's no bark in my bite
   
   Up here it is three in the morn
   At dawn I'll be feeling forlorn
   The heat in the shed
   Will mess with my head
   But then I'll get back on the horn

   replyreport
   1. 77

      blondepoetposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      The heat in this thread is rising,
      Why is it not so surprising,
      My bosoms are heaving,
      Cos everyones leaving,
      Soon they may need re-sizing.

      replyreport
3. 81

   marcofratelliposted 16 years ago

   It was PB I was tryin' to seduce
   But unfortunately I've some bad news
   My headache is severe
   It just won't disappear
   Believe me it's not an excuse
   
   If I was feeling ok or was good
   I'd come round and do it like we should
   Cause you know I'm the man
   And I had a nice plan
   That involved something soft and some wood
   
   So I'm leaving with 3 limericks new
   About to sleep early, well, after I poo
   Headache's still around
   Nothing helps that I've found
   Brush my teeth, say my prays, dream of you

   replyreport
   1. 77

      blondepoetposted 16 years agoin reply to this

      Stood up by a jolly 'ole loo,
      What on earth is this gal to do,
      Oh then my passion will wait,
      While I wait for my mate,
      I might go for a trip to the zoo.

      replyreport
4. 81

   marcofratelliposted 16 years ago

   (And before you tell me I can't spell
   I'm real good, but this headache from hell
   Is hurting my eyes
   And a word to the wise
   It was "prayers" not "prays", now farewell)

   replyreport
5. 59

   Teresa McGurkposted 16 years ago

   How did I not see this before?
   This thread is the kind I adore:
   fine meter and rhymin'
   -- it's all in the timin' --
   that leaves readers asking for more.

   replyreport
6. 59

   Teresa McGurkposted 16 years ago

   P-Glider's the man; I declare
   that these limericks ward off despair:
   for early this a.m.
   I felt glum, but now am
   quite chipper; so thanks for the dare!
   
   This limerick challenge inspires me
   to write; it enlivens (not tires) me --
   I'm happy to scribble
   with nary a quibble
   whether anyone hires or fires me.

   replyreport
7. 93

   Paragliderposted 16 years ago

   Teresa! What took you so long
   to get here? We're all out of song
   and in need of fresh blood
   to replenish the flood
   of fresh nonsense, so hurry along!

   replyreport
8. 93

   Paragliderposted 16 years ago

   A silly old man from Zimbabwe
   requested the man in a cab "Wi-
   ll you take me to Wales
   where I want to buy scales
   that will ascertain - what does a crab weigh?"
   
   sorry

   replyreport
9. 59

   dawei888posted 16 years ago

   Mmm...My dear uncle does indeed live in Nantucket. Been there for 20+ years...
   
   Think he's the Man From Nantucket?

   replyreport
10. 93

    Paragliderposted 16 years ago

    There was an old man who said "F**k it!
    I think that these limericks suck. It
    should not be so hard
    for a wannabe bard
    to resist the appeal of Nantucket!"

    replyreport
11. 59

    Teresa McGurkposted 16 years ago

    There once was a man from Caracas,
    who went to the store to by crackers,
    he tripped (silly geezer)
    and fell in the freezer
    and froze from 'is nose to's maracas.
    
    Oh dear.

    replyreport
12. 59

    Teresa McGurkposted 16 years ago

    Whatever the referee says,
    Nantucket is such a fine place
    that it's tempting to try it --
    go on; to deny it
    would just be a fucking disgrace.

    replyreport
13. 93

    Paragliderposted 16 years ago

    There's got to be something between
    the frivolous and the obscene.
    Nantuckety frolics
    descend to the bollocks
    ignoring the heart and the spleen

    replyreport
    1. 70

       alekhouseposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       I have to agree with you double
       I'm afraid that we're headed for trouble.
       If the hub police flag us
       and then try to bag us
       our forum will burst like a bubble.

       replyreport
14. 78

    cindyvineposted 16 years ago

    There was once a poet called Alekhouse,
    Who was braver than the mightiest mouse.
    The Hub police she blocked
    As they ran in half-cocked,
    And their anger with words she did douse.

    replyreport
    1. 70

       alekhouseposted 16 years agoin reply to this

       Oh I'm just not so sure I could do it
       I'm afraid after all I would rue it
       cause I'm new here you know
       and I want time to grow
       and I don't want to say that I blew it

       replyreport
15. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    There's no way that your gonna blow it
    your words flow like any good poet
    you use words like "rue"
    That oughta do
    for those of us that don't know it.

    replyreport
16. 0

    Ghost32posted 15 years ago

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    When he found an eyebrow he'd pluck it
    Somewhere on the way
    He found he was gay
    He's got a boyfriend and can't duck it

    replyreport
17. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I'd like to be "terribly" gay
    I could flounce in a feminine way
    to attract all the girls
    I could do sexy twirls
    and get them to do what I say
    
    but being a boring old male
    I respond at the pace of a snail
    my flounce just goes flat
    I slip and go splat
    all over the floor when I fail

    replyreport
18. 81

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    I went out to site in the day
    Don't know how to get work underway
    When it rains cats and dogs
    And the limestone just bogs
    And my hard hat flies off far away

    replyreport
19. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    the weather can be a real pain
    with the wind, the snow and the rain
    it probaby thought
    I'll bring this job to naught
    and get to dear Marco again.

    replyreport
20. 93

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    The weather in Doha is hot
    and dusty. In summer it's not
    a bundle of fun
    being out in the sun
    at 50 degrees (that's a lot!)

    replyreport
21. 93

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    For Farenheit fans, what you do
    is times it by nine, and then you
    divide it by five
    and after that I've
    a hunch that you add thirty two.
    
    50 x 9 / 5 = 90 + 32 = 122
    told you it was hot!

    replyreport
22. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    that is indeed very warm
    and certainly well above norm
    you could fry an egg
    on the top of your head
    and have it for breakfast at dawn

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Once fried an egg on my car
       it left a permanent scar
       Sunny side up,
       a mess?  Well, yup
       Thankfully it's not a jaguar...

       replyreport
23. 93

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    And late in the year the humidity
    ramps up to the verge of stupidity.
    When you walk in the street
    from your head to your feet
    you're reduced to a heap of liquidity

    replyreport
24. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    The Jaguar is a nice ride
    tho their owners are so filled with pride
    you can't say a word
    about a bird turd
    or an egg which was rotten and fried.

    replyreport
25. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    All birds seem to love my ride,
    they crap with precision and pride.
    I scrub like a bitch
    yet still they ditch
    their white anal paint in stride.

    replyreport
    1. 81

       marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I just helped my mom cook spaghetti
       But the stove gets me all hot and sweaty
       If I was more merry
       Make "Fusili Jerry"
       And his hair, decorate with confetti
       
       To forget 'bout the automobile
       Won't be long for you go take the wheel
       Find another bird's sung
       And splattered it's dung
       And has already rusted the steel

       replyreport
26. 81

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    A Jaguar's nice and ideally
    I'd own one but can't afford nearly
    Enough of the dosh
    But if I was posh
    I'd give out some cash to you freely

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Oh, Marco, you are the man.
       I'd take it and ditch my van.
       I'd pimp my ride,
       become jekkyl and hyde
       and sail off on my catamaran.

       replyreport
       1. 81

          marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Wordscribe, I'll buy you a ship
          We can cruize and drink wine and be hip
          Whisper bullsh!t nothings
          Relax and do some things
          Like poker, the kind where you strip

          replyreport
          1. 0

             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             At poker I truly suck,
             I'm a loser with lady luck.
             Butt naked I'd be,
             in the wide, open sea,
             Your very own sitting duck.

             replyreport
       2. 0

          wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

          But, first I'd come to Australia,
          for you and Earnest, I dare ya.
          I'll drive like Andretti,
          you better be ready
          and dress in your finest regalia.

          replyreport
          1. 81

             marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             All right! You can come stay at my place!
             We'll talk limericks and riddles face to face
             And I'm so guaranteeing
             We'll go outback sightseeing
             When we're finished we can go off and race

             replyreport
             1. 0

                wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Thanks, I hate staying in a tent.
                I'm a sucker for an Austrailian accent.
                I'd love to see the outback,
                might give me a heart attack,
                but one I would never lament.

                replyreport
                1. 81

                   marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   G'day mate, a dingo stole my baby
                   Fancy a shrimp on the barbie, fair lady?
                   A dog's eye & dead horse
                   (That's a meat pie with sauce)
                   Too right for blokes, shielas maybe

                   replyreport
                   1. 0

                      wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      I fancy a shrimp on the barbie,
                      'specially if accompanied by blarney.
                      A dog's eye, I'll pass,
                      Dead horse, a wineglass,
                      just hoping your name isn't Barney.

                      replyreport
27. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Cars how I love them what joy
    a buzz for a girl or a boy
    when I feel the horses
    my mind changes courses
    and I want to race at Rob Roy!

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       My mom and dad both raced cars,
       that's how they met, not the bars
       she had a Sprite
       the bitch was airtight,
       his Lotus sweeter than Jaguars.

       replyreport
28. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Australia is known for it's beer
    the local stuffs best, but it's dear
    the snakes are all nice
    and so are the mice
    but the spiders are bigger down here

    replyreport
29. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    I've heard 'bout Australian spiders,
    very scary to us outsiders.
    Snakes I can take
    except for a mistake
    where it gobbles me up like a cake.

    replyreport
30. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    Earnest, please help this minute!
    My rhyming won't stop, I admit it.
    My brain isn't ceasing,
    my rhyming's increasing,
    I need intervention to quit.

    replyreport
31. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger
    so I need to drink a bit longer
    stone all the crows
    strewth! here he goes
    giving us something to ponder.

    replyreport
    1. 81

       marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       A dead dingo's donger - that's foul!
       I'm gonna vomit, please get me a towel!
       Whoever made up that phrase
       Should be given a raise
       Also got kudos from Simon Cowell

       replyreport
32. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Wordscribe you must stop and desist
    you are getting far too good at this
    your fingers and brain
    in remaining the same
    will need to be sealed with a kiss.

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Virtual kissing is new to this girl,
       But, Hell, I'll give it a whirl.
       If it stops me from limmericking,
       and begins my groin tingling,
       then Earnest, you are a rare pearl.

       replyreport
       1. 81

          marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Ah, now this is the stuff that I like
          All my previous plans I will pike
          For in this conversation
          Lies too much stimulation
          For the men and the women alike

          replyreport
          1. 0

             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Glad I have stifled your plans,
             and otherwise occupied your hands,
             Stimulation's the goal
             other posts have a troll.
             Candy for the body's demands.

             replyreport
33. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Kissing is lovely it's true
    but over the net it is new
    so we can tell
    if it's all going well
    We may get you to meter it too.

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       My meter now registers smokin',
       no need to tell you, it's unspoken.
       My rhyming is fading,
       it's truly degrading.
       our online connection's unbroken.

       replyreport
34. 0

    Lady_Eposted 15 years ago

    This funny thread's getting so long
    we should turn it into a song
    With Earnest on Guitar
    the rest of us smoking Cigar
    What could possibly go wrong?

    replyreport
    1. 81

       marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Lady_E, you can sing, I know that
       Earnestshub on guitar, play D flat
       Followed by a C minor
       This tune's sounding finer
       And I'll slap on my knee rat-a-tat

       replyreport
35. 81

    marcofratelliposted 15 years ago

    Oh I will do more than just meter
    As surely the writing gets sweeter
    But I'll censor the plan
    As I'm sensing a ban
    Just be gentle with how you do treat her

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Oh, Marco you're still my main squeeze,
       we're still on that boat in the breeze.
       My feelings won't lag,
       you bought me a jag,
       and make me weak in the knees.

       replyreport
       1. 81

          marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Well it looks like i'm in for the score
          "Babe you know you're the one I adore"
          And with come-ons like that
          We'll have our little chat
          And our clothes we'll discard on the floor

          replyreport
          1. 0

             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Right back at you, Monsieur Fratelli,
             my legs are now weak as jelly.
             This boat will be rocking,
             people will be talking.
             Accidentally we'll sail to New Delhi.

             replyreport
             1. 81

                marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                The climax is close with my boo
                So for now this will end on line two...

                replyreport
                1. 0

                   wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

                   Could not be any funnier. 

                   replyreport
                   1. 81

                      marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                      LOL
                      
                      Well now that the seed's been expelled
                      Which is preferable to being withheld
                      I can pull up my jocks
                      And go find both my socks
                      And refrain so the rules are upheld

                      replyreport
36. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    well we better come up with a chorus
    something that thrills and won't bore us
    with guitar and strings
    and such wonderful things
    that go bump in the night like a walrus.

    replyreport
    1. 0

       wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

         LMAO!

       replyreport
       1. 71

          earnestshubposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          Aww What a cute face!

          replyreport
          1. 0

             wordscribe41posted 15 years agoin reply to this

             Thanks, I kinda need to shave, though.

             replyreport
37. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Your sweet and a car driver too
    the male world is looking for you!
    every mans dream
    a true petrol Queen
    may some of your panties turn blue!

    replyreport
38. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    Maybe a small trim so we can see that smile.

    replyreport
39. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    So glad I could help with the seed,
    a relief it's finally been freed.
    One socks in the corner,
    my sweet Aussie foreigner,
    have we broken the rules they decreed?

    replyreport
40. 0

    Lady_Eposted 15 years ago

    Will soon disappear in a Puff
    must now start writing some stuff
    30 hubs in 30 days
    heads already in a Haze
    I just hope I can write enough
    
    I hope you guys are in too
    It will boost your revenue
    So, get out your pen
    give your best shot and then,
    have a break in Honolulu 

    replyreport
41. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    The time I'm embarrassed to say,
    but thanks for the jump in the hay.
    It's off to bed,
    or the morning I'll dread,
    it's time for this body to lay.

    replyreport
    1. 81

       marcofratelliposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       No worries my sweet little scribbler
       You enjoyed on what I did nibbler
       I've heard the vocal response
       Straight out of the renaissance
       Be back soon to tickle your fibia (and other such bones...)

       replyreport
42. 93

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    I seem to have won me a gong
    without having waited too long:
    100,000 page views
    isn't national news
    but I can't be doing everything wrong!

    replyreport
    1. 59

       Teresa McGurkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Congrats to the man of the moment!
       Whose work is so worthy of comment.
       His style and his wit
       are really a hit,
       he deserves accolades and . . . ice cream?

       replyreport
43. 0

    wordscribe41posted 15 years ago

    That's marvelous Paraglider!
    Will you celebrate with sparkling cider?
    Or perhaps a merlot
    make it a Bordeaux...
    You are indeed a fine writer.

    replyreport
44. 77

    blondepoetposted 15 years ago

    Oh my I'm not wearing panties today,
    I'm feeling so wonderfully gay,
    The breeze up my skirt,
    Deliciously hurts,
    I may get lucky I pray.

    replyreport
45. 91

    RedElfposted 15 years ago

    Congrats, Paraglider, my friend,
    Perseverance will pay in the end;
    Will your revenue follow,
    Or victory hollow
    Be yours? Hope that "up" is your trend!

    replyreport
46. 93

    Paragliderposted 15 years ago

    The point about money is moot
    If I was doing this for the loot
    I'd turn the ship leewards
    and stuff it with keywords
    and bore everyone to their boots.

    replyreport
47. 71

    earnestshubposted 15 years ago

    I'm so glad your not doing that
    You would only get lazy and fat
    It would be no more fun
    if you had to run
    a business with keywords all pat.
    
    It is nicer to see what you write
    without keywords all stuffed.. so much tripe
    It could never sound true
    from a scribe such as you
    to be floggin a horse that was ripe!

    replyreport
48. 0

    Lady_Eposted 15 years ago

    This thread's growing in size
    I think we should all get a prize
    Hope you get to choose
    your own favourite Booze
    as for me I'd prefer Chinese Rice

    replyreport
49. 60

    BadHubbitposted 15 years ago

    Wassup in Limerick Land?
    Where are the rhyming folk grand?
    Don’t let it wane
    Let’s start it again
    This limerick fire should be fanned!

    replyreport
50. 74

    E. A. Wrightposted 15 years ago

    Can't help it, I'm drawn to this chore
    To aimlessly rhyme here and bore
    Those that would read me,
    (And, no, this don't feed me)
    Oh well, I will go and write more...

    replyreport