I would like to feedback on this article. Thank you. :)

1. 77

   Eric Cauncaposted 3 years ago

   https://discover.hubpages.com/education … Atmosphere

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   1. 83

      quotationsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I did not read the whole article, but I can see some issues just in the first couple of paragraphs.
      
      
      
      Starting several sentences with "it" makes the writing stilted and overly simplistic. You could try saying that the atmosphere performs many functions essential to life on earth, including ... and then list them.
      
      There is also a grammatical mistake in the second paragraph "it follows... " You could say, the second most abundant gas or x is followed by y as the second must abundant gas.
      
      Most of all your article introduction lacks a hook to make readers want to read it. Why should we care what gases make up the atmosphere? Your intro should give us some reason to read it. For example you could say that we generally take the air we breathe for granted but in fact the air is made up of many different gases, some of which you may have never heard of. And you could explain that the exact balance of gases is what makes life on earth possible, and upset the balance and life as we know it would end or the climate would change drastically.
      
      For example you could explain as a fun fact that many millions of years ago the atmosphere was primarily methane etc, and that thanks to oxygen producing bacteria the entire atmosphere and ecosystem was changed so that we have the world and atmosphere as we now know it.  So in fact the atmosphere not only makes life possible but is influenced by life even as it is now being shaped by the pollutants created by the dominant life form.

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2. 77

   Rupert Taylorposted 3 years ago

   I'm probably the last person on the planet who should be making corrections on chemistry, but water is a gas? I don't think so. It's a combination of two gases, but is itself not a gas.

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3. 94

   AliciaCposted 3 years ago

   I didn’t read the whole article yet, but I did jump to the “Sources” section. I suggest that you look for other references to replace the Wikipedia ones.
   
   I did look at the section just above the sources and saw some English errors. For example, in the hydrogen section, you say “it does not use for filling balloons.” In the krypton section, you say that the “white light that is released by flash photography and light bulbs are produced by krypton.”

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4. 77

   Eric Cauncaposted 3 years ago

   Thank you for your reply.  I will look into making those updates.

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