I'd like feedback on my article: The Clockhouse

1. 48

   ClearInsightProdsposted 2 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: The Clockhouse

   replyreport
   1. 88

      theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      I'm finding it really hard to read. Perhaps you need to add an introduction to explain what the article is about. It's all very poetic but I find myself losing focus.
      
      Also, you have omitted to credit some images and have clearly marked others as copyright. You cannot use photos unless 1. They have a Creative Commons licence, 2. Belong to you 3. You have the express permission of the image owner. If 3. you should say so in the image capsule, 'Used with permission of...'.
      
      You need to remove the Amazon capsules because they don't relate to anything. You haven't mentioned the books, or said that they are important to the article, or why you've recommended them.
      
      If any of the text has appeared on other sites, it will trigger the duplicate content filter and your article will be automatically be rejected.

      replyreport
      1. 48

         ClearInsightProdsposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for the feedback.
         
         Yes I have copyright but maybe need to state that more clearly. Thanks for pointing out that I'd missed a few and I'll go back and add those.
         
         I'll explain the books better - one is the poetry of Sanders Lewis who I mention in the text and the other is a book I used as research which is about the Welsh idea of sacred land and Celtic Christianity - but I could certainly make that clearer.
         
         Good point about the text duplicating. I need to think about this as this was a piece of writing that I intend to put in my personal blog and possibly in Medium. I think therefore I need to do a more objective rewrite.
         
         Big thanks. I really appreciate that you took the time.

         replyreport
   2. 93

      AliciaCposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I had prepared a response much like theraggededge has created. The photos and the Amazon capsules are the biggest problems, but as theraggededge has said, the language is, too.
      
      Your language is certainly beautiful and poetic, but I think you need some plainer language to set the scene in your article. You need to make it obvious what you are discussing at the start of the article or many people will probably lose interest in reading it. A more informative title would be helpful, too.
      
      After I'd read the first capsule, I still didn't know what "the clockhouse" was, except for a vague clue in the first photo, which has no caption. A more attractive photo at the start would be a good introduction to the article. You also need to make it more obvious what your role in the project was near the start of the article.

      replyreport
      1. 72

         Miebakagh57posted 2 years agoin reply to this

         Hey, I've read your stuff and midway I lost my focus and interest.                                       Yes, I agree with Bev and Lidah. My suggesions: fine tone your article with the ropes at the Learning Center. Thanks.

         replyreport
      2. 48

         ClearInsightProdsposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks AliciaC. Great point. Better captions are a great idea. I agree that I failed to set the scene and so will go back and write a more objective version. This is my very personal subjective version and I need to stand back a bit more.
         
         Really helpful. Thank you so much.

         replyreport
2. 87

   Jodahposted 2 years ago

   I imagine you have permission to use those photos, as the photographer was part of the project, but you need to state that and the big copyright (C) is a concern. As the others said, I had trouble understanding what this was about until 2/3 of the way through. You need to explain what a clockhouse is right at the start. You also have a section of text that is repeated in the article, and Amazon links need to be directly related.

   replyreport
   1. 72

      Miebakagh57posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      The story seems to be an imaginary entity. The writer can understand all the details but not the readers. That's an extreme unique angle.

      replyreport
      1. 48

         ClearInsightProdsposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         Fair point. I like the sound of being an "Imaginary entity" - it would be the perfect job title for me.
         
         I'll go back and put the objective description rather than expect reading between lines.
         
         Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated.

         replyreport
         1. 72

            Miebakagh57posted 2 years agoin reply to this

            You're welcome. Seems right and good. Go and be unique always.

            replyreport
   2. 48

      ClearInsightProdsposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Jodah. Yes the big copyright is a drag. I have the permission from the photographer but getting the image without the copyright is a bit complicated at the moment.
      
      Well spotted about the Amazon links - they are related but I don't explain how or why.
      
      Thanks for the feedback - there is always more to learn and opportunities to improve.

      replyreport