Today I was talking to my boyfriend on MSN, it had been nice, talkin about a lot of things. Then he suddenly said:"I need to tell you something, call me".
I was left stunned. I mean, he has said things like that before. For example I was talking to him through text message (when I was in the same COUNTRY as him) and he said that he needed to tell me something in person. Then he told me that he was moving to Boston straight after university. His mom already has the permit and everything. Wouldn't take that long for him to be able to go there. It could be a lot of things he wanted to say and not knowing what he would say I dialed his number...
He picked up in less than a seconds and said:"My love, without you I can't live, everyday feels like a year, I am jealous of everyone around you, they get to be with you everyday and they don't appreciate you like I do. Now that I know how it is to be without, even though it has not been for long, I know that I never want to loose you. Please be my wife?".
It was wierd that he did it just like that. In a phone. I was stunned. We are young but it feels so "right". So ofcourse I said yes. Now I have a fiancée!
He said that he had not planned it to be like this. But being away from me made him realize what he really wants.
Next time we meet we are going to buy TOGETHER engagement rings. He excused himself for not having one.
I don't mind about the ring. I am just so happy. I am young, yes I know, but in my heart and mind, I know this is what I want, I know this isn´t just "a flame" that will "burn out". I am smarter than that.
The problem is my family.
It's so stupid what people think of him. They always tell me that he is just with me because I have parents that have money. That he just wants to come here to get a better life.
If you understand a little Spanish, you will get this. People say that when he says this:
"Mi amor, tu eres mi vida", then he really is saying, "Mi amor, tu eres mi visa".
Then I always tell them that he is moving to Boston, so he is the one who will be getting my visa to move to the United States... Cause for me it's US > Iceland.
Also, he has never asked me for anything. Ah, yes, he asked for shoes for his birthday. I was the one who asked what he wanted...
He said that he didn't care about the money, if I wanted I could be a stay-at-home wife and he would work for everything.
I am just so mad. My parents really think that. They are rich old snobs.
But since I was 14 I have worked. I wanted to have my own indepented money source.
I have a new car, I am in a private school where you don't get in for your money, you get in for your grades. I just got a new job after not working for a while. I love to read, write, listen to mucis, create things. I don't drink, I don't smoke. (God honest truth)
I have money in my bank, that I worked for and have saved up for a long time. I try new things and I am not afraid to try again if I fail.
I am what you would call "the perfect kid".
They don't have the right to call me "too young". I am as indepented as a girl my age could be. I have done everything myself, my way. They call me stupid, immature. They say I don't know what I am doing. They say:"Oh, it's just something that will last for a little time".
Yet, when I do make mistakes, they say:"We thought you were more mature than that". Or just talk generally like I am an adult and I should fix everything myself. Which I do.
They say I will marry a rich, WHITE lawyer or a doctor.
Everything my "finacée" is not. He is poor, black (Central-American) and is not going to be anything like that.
But will my rich, white, career husband be with me when I am sick in a hospital like my fiancée did?
Would he be calm, give me a hug and tell me everything will be ok everytime I am fighting with him just because I am annoyed or have my PMS?
Would he respect all of my decisions and just ask that I will always be with no matter what if I wanted to go away just to finish my school?
And when girls are throwing themselves at him, just after I leave, would he tell them to go away, that we are already married and I am 2 months pregnant just to keep them away?
Then call me, tell me everything, and tell me not to worry, that he is mine forever?
I am not going to run away from home. Aslong as I am home they agreed to pay for my college. Which is way important for me. I will finish the 3 years I have left. When I turn 21 I will move in with him. We will get married shortly after. He will then be 23.
I am just so happy with him.
Phew, I had to get this off my chest. All my friends are like this too, except for my best friend who understands.
I feel like I can talk to so few people.
So I was hoping that my new family could give me some advice, help and/or support.
Thank you for reading.
First of all... congratulations! IF this is what you really want.
But... since you have brought this to the forums and are hoping, I imagine, for some feedback - I will throw some your way. Although, I am most certain that this too, will go by the wayside, as has most of what your family and closest friends seem to be trying to tell you has, right?
Strangers are worse with being honest than those closest to you! LOL
Slow down. That's it. Just slow down and let this thing play out a bit more naturally.
Time is always an advantage. There is no doubt that you are smitten with your new fiance. If this is real, time will tell you the complete story...
You owe this to yourself, your family and your friends... and perhaps, even future children. Who knows?
You will never regret using time on your side, and this will add to your credibility with those close to you.
Get your ring, and have fun - but take care of YOU first!
Don't cast off the good advice and concern of your family. They have your best interest at heart.
I know, thats why we are going to wait until we ACTUALLY get married. We dont want to do it too fast. We are going to stay unmarried until we can actually be together. He respects that I want to study before I do something that big, like get married, have kids. And I am absolutely crazy about getting kids of my own. But I am smart and think that we all can get a better life if I were also able to get a little income added to the household.
The thing is, the advice I get from my mom and dad or not advices. It's more like:"He is too bad for you, we want that you get something better". Yes, they want me to get and have the best, cause my dad said that I am the best.
But they are just way too stubborn. They don´t even want to listen.
Ok, I must say that my dad actually asked me a little about him today. It felt nice that he was interested.
While my oldest brother, 25, agrees with me. He tells me don't be afraid, he knows how our parents are like. They used to critisize every single girlfriend that he had, just because they werent good enough. And believe me, my brother is not like me.
He crashed is first car that my parents gave him, when he was playing around, he got really bad grades and had to repeat one year. (He was 19 at the time), he drinks, used to smoke, spent his money on crap.
This is what I really want. My mom said that all my life, if I wanted something, I just went and got it. And she said that just now I got more than I can handle. That is why I am just dying to get their support and help. I want them to respect me more. Listen to me atleast.
And yes, I want people to tell me what they really think. Don't be afraid to hurt me. I will respect what you say. But also allow me to defend myself.
So unique - and so common at the same time...
Time is the key, I agree to Write On. Only time will show.
As much as you want to think you are the only one in the history of humankind in such a situation - it is pretty standard. And I tell you what - most of the times parents are right! However, there are plenty of times when parents are wrong - and such cases usually produce very happy families
I assume that your parents are rich white lawyers or doctors (or any other upper middle-class profession, requiring masters or bachelors degree at least). And parents of your fiance are more or less poor blacks with high school education at best, making a living being mechanics, store assistants, or any other similar job.
There is a big problem with such a setup. The majority of such marriages get broken after just a few years - and leave behind unhappy kids programmed to fail in their future marriages, too.
It happens because you and your fiance have different values, perceptions, and expectations. No matter if you rebel against your parents or not, you have the values and customs of your environment ingrained in you - and so has he. And his are very different from yours.
I know you don't think it is important now. We all think like that when we fall in love, especially for the first time. But please trust my experience - and humankind experience - it is VERY important. Whether you both manage to sort out those differences and accept one another as you are will determine if your marriage is a success or a failure.
And there is no way to tell this in advance. You need time. Time without commitment. The wisest decision you can make is not to marry and not to make kids before you live TOGETHER for a couple of years. After the dust of a crush clears, you will see with clarity what you need to work on to be able to stay together, and you will have a better idea if it is possible at all.
PS Oh yeah, and in case you wonder if I am qualified to give such advices - I have an experience of two marriages to girls outside of my circle, first failed - and second is a success
This is the second relationship drama we've had in as many weeks - has HubPages become the latest agony aunt in foreign parts?
LOL Marisa, first one was probably a fake - and this one is probably not
At Misha: We have the same expectations out of life. We spent hours and hours just talking. (Hurricane Noel, no water no lights, all you could do was talk haha)
I was able to live there without even wanting to come home, with cockroaches, mosquitoes, poorly built house, little water, light only half the day… and you know what? I loved it. More than I liked me house back home. With my own television, computer and bathroom with hot running water and lights whenever I want.
We have truly believe that we will be together, but also we know that life is harsh, not everything goes the way you want too. So we are going to wait. In 4-5 years and we are still together. We are going to get married. I wrote that in my other post. I will finish school in 3 years, I will go live with him again until he finishes his university. He wont be a doctor or a lawyer. But he is in a good school and is learning what is certain to give him a lot of money if someone will hire him. I am sorry, I know what it is and know what it is named, but only in Spanish, I don’t even know how to translate the name into my language.
He is not a “crush”. I know. I was a popular girl at school. (Until I choose to go the good girl/nerd path) I used to have a lot of boyfriends. Little crushes. He is my first real love.
And just like second or third real love. First love can end up being a success.
He is just dying to get married and have kids, RIGHT NOW. His older brother (20 something), just had a little girl with his wife, and he is crazy about her. But I told him what I wanted to do, together we found out how we both can be happy.
Also if I can qualify for having my last year or two put like “home-studying”. (Don’t know what it is called in English). It is where you study everything at your house through a computer. Then I could just show up for the exams at the end of each school term. So instead of 1-2 years living together before getting married. Then we could live together up to 3-4 years together before deciding to really get married.
Also, for the sake of his papers to United States, he cannot get married to me until AFTER he is there. I keep reminding him off it. He told me those papers don’t matter, it doesn’t matter where we live, as long as we are together.
I kindly explained that I would feel better living there than where he lives. I got sick a lot there after the hurricane, and he also. It was awesome to live there for a year, but living there, with kids, where people get sick a lot and crimes are everywhere. I just can’t risk that.
The way of life would just be better in the US, for us both. It might take a lot of time to get there, for me that is too say. His whole family will be there. So they can take him a little faster into the country. His papers have already been filed. So again there, I would have to return to my country and wait until I can go and he would be in the US.
(Thank god my dad is in a highly ranked position in a big flight company, I will save a bunch on airline tickets hahaha)
At Whitney 05: A year together and a week in different countries.
If anyone has got advice about my parents. I already sent my mom an email when I was out there. Explaining her to atleast respect the fact that I want to be with him. And help me in hard times without him.
I just need to find some way for them to support me. If I will make a mistake, it will just help me learn more. And I need to make those mistakes, because I want to learn.
As long as you live together for a couple of years before getting married, you are OK.
I mean having real household, like husband and wife.
Again, good luck, and I hope you guys manage
Sorry, must be the skeptic in me but---
Same general story line as other fake "novel", same stats of other faker (new Huber, no Hubs written and just started posting with this story). Also, syntax is very, very close to first fake Hub.
I think she/he's backkkkkkk!!
Hon, do you really need this kind of attention from strangers?
Put all this energy into writing a real novel and quite trying to fool people and win their sympathies.
If I'm wrong, I apoligize but I don't think I am.
PS--GREAT!! Just realized I gave away all the clues of what's wrong!
*Sits into corner and cries*
People are mean. *cries more*
Nah, it's real.
I have 2 more hubs written, just need to finish them up.
You will see. I think I will write until I die.
Also, if I would write a story, it would be more like... Lord of the rings. Actually I wrote PAGES and PAGES once, how it could of all turned out. It was like *30* years later kind of book. I am crazy.
Also, PHOTOS! Who doesn't love photos?
http://render1.snapfish.com/render2/is= … 50,590,442
Hurricane Noel. I WAS THERE! Proof. In the country of Central-America I was!
No lights, no water for a looooong time...
That stupid river "broke" 2 bridges and 1 road. Really strong. Along with it electricity lines and water lines.
Photo of him in my house. If you look closely on the wall you can see photos of me and my best friend.
I do also have photos of us together on my wall. I could take a photo of that photos and show you.
ALSO, I have a letter that he wrote me, IN SPANISH, also cards that he gave me for Saint Valentine.
If you want more proof. I can look. But has to be later, cause I have to go to work now.
Also, I know Spanish almost fluently. How could I learn that in my country, Iceland?
Yo soy escocesa, y hablo espanol muy bien (or at least, I did when I was younger - well enough to work in a Spanish-speaking office). Don't Icelandic schools teach languages?
Yes, English and Danish.
When you go into your college. (Age 16-17) You can choose from 3 languages, Spanish, French or German.
Most pick German, then it's just the same amount of people that generally choose Spanish or France.
I choose Spanish. But what I learned in a WHOLE YEAR was:
Que hora es?
That was it. We really don't learn much. And then people forget EVERYTHING as soon as they stop learning it. They teachers are bad, they don't teach us a thing.
But I love that language. So I am always going to practise do I wont forget it.
Tu hablas (escribes) bien. Vamos a ver si tu puedes decir algo mas en Espanol...
Sorry--you did make a Hub. Just almost a copy of what you wrote here though.
Again, if you're legit--I apologize.
Wow - 2 foreign languages are mandatory, and you must choose a third. So Icelanders know *4* languages (even if the fourth poorly) by the time they graduate high school?
Yeah. That is to say IF you want to pass college. You have to do it.
About my college in English:
Here it says a little about the credits and what things you HAVE to learn to graduate from my college, you can see what they write about languages:
http://www.verslo.is/framhaldsskoli/lei … b_studies/
Sael og Blessud Magga ( sorry I can't make the Icelandic letters on this computer)
I believe you are you and your story is real. I've spent some time in Iceland and everything you say about your education and life there rings true. You are one stubborn Icelander, that's for sure--and I bet your parents are too
I think both Misha and Write On have given you very good advice and of course, I would like to add my two cents
Has your boyfriend ever been to Iceland? Have your parents met him? If not, how about him coming to visit for several weeks so you can spend some time together on your turf not his and your parents can get to know him a little and perhaps will want to llike him and begin to accept him. The two of you come from such very different cultural backgrounds and you have experienced his--it would be good if he could experience yours. If your relationship is sound this would strengthen it......of course he may have already spent time in Iceland and met your parents. I don't know--but maybe a little more time on your home turf in summer or over Christmas would be a good thing. I bet your father works for Icelandair and could help get a ticket somehow.
Whatever, i wish you the best and urge you to keep talking and I'm glad you are going to finish your education before marriage and children. A lot can change between the ages of 18 and 21 and life is very long.
You are absolutely right about my dads job. But the thing is that he can only get tickets (free) for family members of his OWN family. (My mom and his kids) not even for his own mom.
That is exactly what we are doing. I have already contacted and asked about the steps in doing this. Both here in Iceland and then in the French embassy (That does this for us Icelanders cause we don't have an embassy out there).
My parents agreed to have him over aslong as I do everything about it myself. He is already started to do everything about this. Get a new insurance (international), a credit cart, passport...
And everything is taking a loooong time. There is always a problem. For example, Dominicans have this identification cards, with their name, birthdate/place, adress and other things.
His middle name is Alexander. They wrote Alezander on his identification card. He just ignored it cause it didn't matter at the time.
Now they told him when he tried to get the passport that he needs to go to the capital to change this. It will take a little time.
And when he actually gets those papers to fill out for the Visa to Iceland it will take 6-8 weeks to process them. So we are not sure that he will be able to visit this summer before school.
But it is sure that he will come here for christmas and new years eve.
Also, if he would go through the JFK airport, would he need a special visa to the United States or does it not matter in an air transit?
Well, I'm glad to hear that he is coming to Iceland and that your parents want him to--that is good,however long it takes. Negotiating the beaurocracy is tough in any country LOL I hope he makes it by summer,but if not you'll have a wonderful Christmas together. As for the USA transit visa--I don't know. But he better find out because they have gotten to be absolute stinkers lately about this stuff and if he shows up at JFK without the right papers he could end up in jail ( not kidding)
Well, they will not let him to leave his country if he does not have proper papers for all his way
No, he does not need US visa just to fly through JFK (and any international airport for that matter). However, he can't leave the international area of the airport without visa. So, if he plans to see NY on the way, he needs a visa.
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