Critique Request: Wrapping Paper Storage

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  1. WordofMouse profile image40
    WordofMouseposted 13 years ago

    This is my very first hub, so I'd love some feedback. I am testing different placement schemes for Amazon ads, so this is the one I thought I would try first.

    Thanks in advance for your feedback.

    Wrapping Paper Storage

    1. chirls profile image72
      chirlsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Great first hub! Very informative. The only change I might make is to place some of your Amazon ads to the side of your text to make the article flow a little better.


      1. Sullen91 profile image70
        Sullen91posted 13 years agoin reply to this


        1. lrohner profile image69
          lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Sullen, I find it disgusting that you would put someone down that badly just to promote your own hub--especially someone new to HP that obviously knows how to write.

          As Marisa pointed out, you are totally clueless about HP and, I would imagine, many other things as well.

          As for your hubs? Fix up the grammar and punctuation errors and get rid of the passive voice that you are so fond of before you attack someone else. If you really believe that your English is perfect, then you have a lot to learn.

          1. Sullen91 profile image70
            Sullen91posted 13 years agoin reply to this

            When you are churning out material at the rate I am and when you are doing it with absolute perfection, then try to disparage me.

            I'm certainly not putting the op down, and I was only half serious about her looking at my hub. If I wanted to promote my own hub, purely, at the expense of belittling someone, I would not be who I am or who I think of myself as. I only use words such as "monotonous" and "hideous" to stir the pot; maybe I'm self-indulgent. Aren't all writers self-indulgent?

            1. Aficionada profile image80
              Aficionadaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              You definitely send mixed messages, Sullen91, and they tend toward extreme negativity whether that is your intention or not.

              Actually, you are.  That is precisely what you are doing.  And how is it that you demand more tolerant treatment of you than you give to a new writer who has requested constructive feedback?

              Your self-indulgence is probably more appropriate in a different forum thread than in one where new writers come looking for suggestions on improvement.  You may not realize it, but there are more helpful ways to critique a new writer than to batter them about with labels like "monotonous" and "hideous."

              "Communicate more mindfully"?  Please do so.

            2. Marisa Wright profile image85
              Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              I would rate lrohner's writing above yours any day, Sullen.  You may have studied how to write well, but you still have some way to go - your writing doesn't flow naturally, and tends to sound academic and stilted, more befitting a solicitor's office than a website offering informative articles to the general public.

              You certainly didn't do enough to indicate to the OP that your insults weren't intended seriously. Next time you feel like stirring the pot, ask yourself whether you've written your post well enough to convey your "humour".

            3. Daniel Carter profile image62
              Daniel Carterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              Absolute perfection?
              Funny that.

              Sullen, your writing is technically good. Not perfect. Your writing voice is very, very stodgy and dry. In other words, in your great love affair with all things technical about writing, you've lost your personality and presence in being able to convey an appealing "voice" in your writing, not only in your hubs, but also (particularly) in your forum posts.

              Notice that last sentence was a run-on sentence. I care not. It got the point across, methinks. It's also a part of my writing voice. Perhaps I might clean it up a little, or exaggerate it even more, depending on my mood and intent for writing a good hub. Just depends.

              We would gladly befriend you, but you seem out of sorts with the world and humanity. Perhaps if you weren't growling and snapping in your posts, and were a little less self righteous in your writing abilities, we could get to know you better.

              Just a thought.

          2. Lily Rose profile image84
            Lily Roseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            lol  lol  lol


        2. WordofMouse profile image40
          WordofMouseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Thanks for the warm welcome! At least I got to start my morning with a good laugh, so I thank you for that, kind sir.

          Thanks to everyone else for the constructive feedback. I'm going to change the layout of the Amazon ads and add some more text, although I'm not sure how much more I can say about wrapping paper storage containers. Don't worry; I am not taking the "hideous" comment seriously; if my horrible sentence structure is good enough for publication in an international magazine and several national newspapers, then it's good enough for HubPages. As long as the checks keep clearing, I'll take my hideous writing all the way to the bank.

          1. profile image0
            EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            lol lol

            Having looked at your hub, the one thing I would do differently is to start it off in a more personal way, in an attempt to reach out to the reader and hook them in.  For example, I might relate a humorous, personal anecdote how I once attempted to store wrapping paper without using a storage container, only to find it had been eaten by mice when I needed it the following year.  Or whatever.

            1. lrohner profile image69
              lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

              I have a few hubs that sell far and away more Amazon products than the others. They may not get the most traffic, or have the longest time on page--but in the end they make me the most money. Not one of them has any "personal" insight or anecdote on them at all. As a matter of fact, I did this specifically as a test six months or so ago to see whether anyone really cares about our personal life. They don't.

              I think that people want to see professional text written in an unbiased manner before they buy anything--not a story about how how your kids love product A. This strategy is working well for me anyway. smile

              If HP was a blog that people might be reading every time you updated, that's one thing. But HP is a series of one-off pages, and should be treated as such. Most readers, or at least the ones that are going to buy products, aren't around long enough to develop a relationship with you to care about your personal life or anecdotes.

              1. Lily Rose profile image84
                Lily Roseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                I totally agree.  When I first started out writing product hubs I did write a lot of personal insight and experience and only in the past few months I'm realizing that I need to change that.

                When I put myself in the shoes of a shopper on the internet seeking more information about a product, I would much prefer to learn about the product itself and reviews of the product, if available.  Perhaps a short personal anecdote would be enjoyable, albeit not necessary, but not too much.  I also don't - and won't - want to read 1,000 words.  That reminds me that I still need to go back and change some of mine!

              2. profile image0
                EmpressFelicityposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                OK, thanks for the insight... I think I might try a similar experiment on my hubs as well!  Though mind you - with one or two exceptions - I don't actually do more than a sentence of "anecdoty" stuff before getting onto the subject at hand when writing hubs.

                I suppose my problem as an aspiring writer of salesy hubs is that in over 12 years of using the Internet, I've only ONCE deliberately clicked on an ad.  So I'm a "non-clicker" trying to write for "clickers".

                1. lrohner profile image69
                  lrohnerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  I think most of us are in the same boat, Empress. But we're all shoppers, and that's what counts. I truly think everyone needs to experiment with different layouts and different types of approaches to see what works best for them and fits in with their writing style. I just know what works for me. smile

        3. Lily Rose profile image84
          Lily Roseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Sullen - you suck!  AND, you're wrong!  Go away.

          WordofMouse - I think you did a great job on your first product hub.  The layout is good, but since you said you're trying different layout options, I would certainly recommend toying with placing text and amazon capsules side-by-side (place one capsule on top of the other, and click on the arrow that points to the right on the top bar of the top capsule.)

          Best of luck to you!

    2. Lifeallstar1 profile image60
      Lifeallstar1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Sullen91 did a critic on my hub all day today. Plastered it, comment after comment. Unreal!! Not sure who he thinks he is but I just wanted to express to you that I would not give him a second thought and it's not you, it's him. He has a problem. All he does is insult people. I was shocked to see he did it again after doing it to me all day long. Just really shocked. So I wanted you to know not to take his insults personally because he goes around doing this without even reading what you wrote. What a day!! Then he says sorry, I was curious as to why you wrote about concussions. Well, why not ask instead of attacking my hub over and over again! Just needs to grow up and fast. Welcome to Hubpages and please ignore him. If it makes you feel any better you can see what he did to me and you will realize it has nothing to do with you at all. These nice Hubbers are right. That is why when I saw he still hadn't given up insulting people after he said sorry to me, that you should know he just has some issues.

      1. Lifeallstar1 profile image60
        Lifeallstar1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

        oops..I mean critique before I get corrected once again. Sorry, very tired from today.

        1. Sullen91 profile image70
          Sullen91posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Girl, chill out or go on a cruise trip. I haven't insulted anyone, to be perfectly clear. If I harshly criticized your hub, you may well take offense. Nevertheless, no amount of criticism related to the content qualifies as derogatory or insulting. If I have made any character attacks, call me on it. The worst I have expressed is contempt for one user's choice of topics to write about; some comments may be scornful or bitter, but that tone and rhetoric is as far as it ever gets.

          Since you want to rehash the problem(s) with your hub, I'll be happy to elucidate:

          1. Students partake in sports voluntarily; therefore, any tirade against coaches or school officials is wholly without merit.
          2. Students should not be exempt from normal academic activities, based just on their claims of some injury and/or possible symptoms; once a valid and reliable examination verifies that a student has suffered an injury, only then should he/she be exempt from normal coursework.
          3. Diagnostic implements are cost-prohibitive for the vast majority of educational institutions.
          4. There are some potential problems that could arise, based on how athletes behave or act, and their awareness of a testing program for concussions and related injuries can undesirably influence whether or not they report symptoms.

          While I wasn't engrossed in your hub, points 1 and 2 jumped out at me because they are very intuitive. As I'm thinking to myself, "this problem is imaginary", I decide that there's little point in reading the hub in great detail, and I post the comment alluding to 1 & 2.

          Once challenged, I decided to sniff out some of the particulars, because details are so much more important than principles and axioms; and so, points 3 & 4 demonstrate the specific issues, and they show that your article is not very convincing, although it is probably written with good intentions and endearing compassion.

          1. WryLilt profile image87
            WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I don't care if you share your opinions - just hurting people in the process is not nice behaviour.

            You are obviously young and have a lot of growing up to do. You may have some of your own problems but that doesn't give you reason to be rude and hurtful. Not everyone has thick skin.

            Anyone can be negative. It takes a truly amazing person to always be uplifting and positive no matter what the circumstances.

            If you want to give critique I'll welcome your comments on my hubs. Hopefully reading all 121 of them will keep you busy for a few days.

        2. Lifeallstar1 profile image60
          Lifeallstar1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

          Sullen91, I'm just seeing your response now as I happened to be strolling through and reading different critique requests. The reason I mentioned what you did to my hub that day was because I didn't want her to get discouraged. She put herself out there for help and you were extremely rude. I felt the need to express that you had done it to me when I was not even in a critique forum and had never asked you to critique me. Besides, making a complete mess posting a minimum of 6 extremely long comments with incorrect information in it, when I was citing researchers and specialists. So if an 18 year old thinks he knows more than world renowned researchers in the field, I felt it necessary to at least warn someone not to take your rude remarks to heart since she was asking for help. I left your first opinion up and that is fine. If someone doesn't agree that is fine but you saw the mess and even wanted it removed which I did but I was fair and left your angle up on what you didn't like but dumped the rest. That's all. I hope you enjoy HP's and realize your tone with others can be harsh.

  2. Marisa Wright profile image85
    Marisa Wrightposted 13 years ago

    Wordomouse, ignore Sullen - he's a newbie and has very little understanding of how HubPages works.

    It's a good first Hub.  I am not an Amazon expert but I feel you don't have enough text - Nelle Hoxie, our guru, recommends longer text to give plenty of opportunity to use keywords.

    Personally I would mix up the ads a bit more so you have some to the side, some like you've got them, and some side-by-side - but that's just aesthetics and may not be the best selling positions.

    1. Sullen91 profile image70
      Sullen91posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Goodness, how long has critique' meant to point out flaws in the format of words and pictures and ads?

      Oh, that's right, Oxford defines critique as "a detailed analysis and assessment of something, especially a literary, philosophical, or political theory."

      Yes, I do think I offered a critique, since I remarked on some LITERARY content.

      1. Marisa Wright profile image85
        Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        As you note, critique refers especially, but not only to literary works.  Unless my English is failing me, I believe the whole Hub, including its format, pictures and ads,would fall under the description of "something".

  3. akirchner profile image92
    akirchnerposted 13 years ago

    What started out as one person (NEW - did you all read that part?) trying to get an honest opinion of a hub in my humble opinion has turned into a back-stabbing fest while you all mention specific hubbers and make slanderous comments back and forth.

    Do ya'll really think first off this is helping a new person?

    Secondly, do you think this is helping AT ALL?

    I think these kinds of comments should be banned.  That is not the purpose of hubbing or of the hubbing forums. 

    P.S.  If you have a problem with a hubber's attitude - report it - don't use the forums to slam them for everyone else to read.

    P.S.S.  If you don't have something constructive to say or you can't say it in a decent, civilized manner - keep it to yourself and go write that novel you need to write. 

    Again - I believe there is no possible reason for people to go off like this from the thread of an innocent request!

    1. Daniel Carter profile image62
      Daniel Carterposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Glad you added so nicely to the firestorm. Have a nice day.

    2. Marisa Wright profile image85
      Marisa Wrightposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Akirchner, did you actually read the thread?  ONE particular Hubber called the new person's Hub "hideous".  Since then, several other Hubbers have posted in defence of that newbie.

      Are you saying we should just have remained silent?

      The original rude post wasn't a personal attack on Wordofmouse, just a nasty comment about her Hub, so reporting it wouldn't have worked. 

      I'm very glad to see that WordofMouse has been able to see the funny side - she's more tolerant than I would've been!

  4. Ben Peck profile image62
    Ben Peckposted 13 years ago

    Hi Wordofmouse

    Nice hub. better than my first attempt.

    Do you Know that you can place two Amazon capsule side by side. If you use one at the bottom of the page you can use another as the space is ready for it.

    Keep Hubbing smile

    1. WordofMouse profile image40
      WordofMouseposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the input! I knew that it could be done, but I didn't know how to do it. I am still learning the monetization aspect of this business (I've been writing for almost 7 years).


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