Farting in public.

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   Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09abF7ZUNnk&NR=1
   
   OMG OMG OMG WATCH THIS ONE!

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

   Never be sorry, we need a topic to laugh about, reduce some stress, and get a kick out of some of the replies

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   marcofratelliposted 14 years ago

   Ways to disguise farting in public:
   * cough/sneeze
   * burp at the same time
   * do nothing (ensure it is silent though)
   * keep walking and don't stop for 30 seconds so it doesn't linger
   * time it to the beat of a song in the club (make sure you're not the only one hearing the song on your iPod)
   * pretend to notice a smell first (so you don't get the blame)
   * pretend you scraped your shoe on the footpath or floor and it made a similar sound to a fart (disguise it with a small trip)

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      Sufidreamerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I used to work in a supermarket and used to go into the industrial sized fridge to let one rip. It was so noisy in there that no-one could hear - they call it fart-blanche.
      
      Now you know why the packets of processed ham stink of farts when you open them

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         Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         aaa so we have you to blame huh? lol great!

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   Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

   
   
   Gotta be the best natural icebreaker, if only we would all embrace  our stinky poop poopy doo's, I mean better an empty house ,than a bad tennant

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   sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

   I think we should have a contest to see who could film the most embarassing public fart scenario.
   
   who's in?

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   Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

   NOT me I'll just watch thanks

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      sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      you were the first on my list. gun shy? haha

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         Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry i don't like others watching or hearing me fart. Bleching on the other hand I would proudly do.

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   Stimpposted 14 years ago

   Weeeeelllll....not too long ago, my fiance, Joe and I were in a Starbucks in the lobby of a hospital.  This starbucks as you can imagine was smaller than the cubicle in which I am sitting now.  I'm standing there patiently waiting for my coffee.  Joe is standing there too....waiting....or so I thought.  Then, the smell fell upon me.....I look over at another dude putting creamer in his coffee and swearing like an angry truck driver in my own mind.  Because certainly he IS the one who produced such offensive smells with Gawd only knows what he's eating during the day.  I look at Joe....who is kind of smirking..proud like.  I go "did you just drop a$$..." That's what we call it here in the midwest.  And, he starts laughing.  I was horrified....I'd say "fuming" but that would play too much into the humor of the story.  He still thinks that story is funny.

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      Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Gotta love it when they let you know it was them with that victory-grin.

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   sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

   trail mix and beef jerky makes one that will bring people to their knees.

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   Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

   note to self...eat trail mix and beef jerky next time hubby makes me mad. Thanks Sooner!

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      sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      get em. and if you want to end your relationship, throw some deviled eggs in there.

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         Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         lol that would be if I wanted to kill him But I don't so I won't add that ingredient

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            Stimpposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Okay...LOL LOL LOL....you all need to shut up cuz I'm gagging over here....bllll, blllll, blllll.

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    bloodnlatexposted 14 years ago

    I have no shame in it.  I just let them rip and claim it if anyone says anything.

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    jayjay40posted 14 years ago

    I work at a school and one day we were in the hall watching some local actors doing Macbeth. There was a scene where a bell was struck 3 times-dong dong dong. Anyway on the 3rd dong a child farted so loudly that it rumbled around the floor of the hall. The timing was brilliant! The children and staff burst into hysterical laughter. It was ages before we could restore peace and quiet. William Shakespeare would have been so proud.

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       sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       that is too good. Some kids can really rip.

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    jayjay40posted 14 years ago

    I am laughing now just thinking about it

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    Oh Don that was great!

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       Don Wposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       larry. my hero

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    sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

    My wife reminded me of a funny one that happened last summer. We were in Iowa for a reunion and this tubby little kid with a mullet came up to our group standing the deck and said "Fire in the hole" frrrrt!!! everyone started laughing and his mom called him "Conrad, git over here" (Conrad hahaha).
    
    One old lady in the group started laughing because she herd his fart, but she didn't hear what he said. so she kept asking and everyone was laughing so hard- by the time she knew what he said, it started the laughing all over agian.
    
    I didn' know my wife had such deep american roots.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    us shut up on a funny topic like this? naw Stimp ain't gonna happen
    
    
    Great story Sooner!

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    SirDentposted 14 years ago

    It is hard to do but I must "rip" myself away from this thread. Everyone go ahead and have a rooting "tooting" good time.

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       Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Nice SirDent nice!

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    sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago

    This makes my wife violent everytime!

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    sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

    try to "pass" on by now and then sir dent.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    you guys are too much! but hey the laughing has made me feel a lot better

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       sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       good to have you hanging out crazd.

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          Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          thanks sooner it's fun! lmao

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    SirDentposted 14 years ago

    I had to hit the gas and come back quickly. I was talking with my wife not long ago and we wondered if it was possible for one to fart so much that it would cause them to become aphyxiated while asleep. Could be worth a study if anyone might be interested.
    
    By the way, Pinto Beans are the best for farting.

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       Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       actually I heard years and i mean YEARS ago that there was a man who had fallen alseep in a room that apprently had not venatlation...and did die because of too much gas from his farts. Not if it is true that would be even a worse way to go. Death by smelling your own farts!

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    darksideposted 14 years ago

    Never try and sneak one out when you're sitting on a leather covered seat.
    
    I discovered that last week. That and the fact that the public hospital has leather covered seats in the waiting room.

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       Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Oops? lol

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       Sufidreamerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       Church pews are pretty bad, too!

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          darksideposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Wood resonants. Has excellent acoustic properties.
          
          I'm not sure who looked more surprised. My wife, in embarrassment. Or me, for the shock that they were leather upholstered instead of vinyl.

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       Stimpposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Or a plastic fast food restaurant chair.  But the worst is when you DON'T and it actually is your movement in the chair that makes a fart like noise.....someone accuses you and you can't replicate the noise.  That sucks.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    aaaa a good old fart to make everyone look around like 'What was that?'

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    The Bardposted 14 years ago

    Farting, like great Crapp, is a specialised asset. Queen Fart'es of Simybiois proud to be an exponent of the art.

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    Denno66posted 14 years ago

    Um, yeah.

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    blondepoetposted 14 years ago

    Oooooooooo don't you just hate when your boyfriend drops a huge fire-cracker sounding one in the middle of the supermarket and turns around. looks at you, and says really loud, "Oooooo Blonde that was disgusting", putting all the blame on you.
    THEN YOU HAVE TO STAND THERE AND ARGUE WHO DROPPED IT IN FRONT OF THE PUBLIC!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    
    
    Oh and by the way dutch ovens are sooooooooo unethical!!!!!

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    awareposted 14 years ago

    everyone farts . it only becomes rude if it smells. other wise its funny

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Again, I do not.

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    PabstPenroseposted 14 years ago

    I ripped a good one during SAT's. Complete accident, but it was fate. I got a good laugh, but felt like an idiot. haha!

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    awareposted 14 years ago

    Ron you telling me you don't fart? impossible

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Not at all.  It just takes concentration and muscle control.

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          blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Here here and not I said the fly, I am but a lady!!!!

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    Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years ago

    

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    awareposted 14 years ago

    lol now ron that pic is so funny good job.
    i do agree tho about the time and place a restaurant. is not the venue. but if  a safe distance is there and i gota squeeze one out. im gona blast one lol

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       If you keep them all in, you'll never get swine flu.

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          PabstPenroseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          http://rlv.zcache.com/swine_flu_shirt-p … e8_400.jpg

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          Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          And a tummy ache

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    blondepoetposted 14 years ago

    

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    watching Blazing Saddles right now and up to the fart scene!

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    sooner than laterposted 14 years ago

    I usually say something like, "thats what the other side turned down"

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    PabstPenroseposted 14 years ago

    I like to believe that women don't fart or poop.

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       Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Hate to burst your bubble Pabst but we do fart and we do poop

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          PabstPenroseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Shhh.

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             Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             nope I FART I FART I FART HAHAHAHA

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                blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                no you are pulling my leg

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                   bloodnlatexposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   No, Pull my finger!

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                      blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      Agghhhhhhhhhhhh you think I don't know what you going to do. wait a sec til I get my gas mask.

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                         bloodnlatexposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         Let me know when you're ready

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             Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             No, it's more like ffffffffffff..pop!

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                sneakorocksolidposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                They're squeakers and rabbit pellets.

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       sooner than laterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       hahaha, I know what you mean. I used to tell my wife that if I ever built a two story house, I would place a tiolette in a dark corner where I never go.

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    yoshi97posted 14 years ago

    This is one of my favorites:
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3FrzpQ9xb4
    
    and this one:
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLAOPsJ7dyY
    
    and this one:
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReELc6H6f98
    
    and for the 'never try this at home' list:
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNdLU8m4ftc
    
    enjoy!

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    uh oh

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    prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

    sometimes you cant control your fart, so just say, HMMM< and then smile, and say CUTE>>>>>

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    success_toolsposted 14 years ago

    I'm glad my gastritis lets me fart 1 very quiet ffff or ssss type fart once a year.

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       yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       A silent assassin ... there's one on every bus in Houston.

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    Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years ago

    Yaaaaay, it's back!

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    lol Ron were you watching the threads just for this one?

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Yes, watching and doing kegels.

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          Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Aaaa Ron you are too funny

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    yoshi97posted 14 years ago

    he's become *absorbed* with this thread.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    oooo Yoshi you had to go there didn't you? lmao

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    yoshi97posted 14 years ago

    Ron ... for the sake of science ... if you absorb them all, does that make you full of ... um ... well ... ya know.

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Glen Beckisms? 
       Why yes, yes it does.

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    yoshi97posted 14 years ago

    BTW ... I just heard that absorption is the leading cause of spontaneous human combustion ... look it up!

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       Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       what a world what a world, what a cruel world LMAO

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       Uh OH!

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          Dee Dee MonSherieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Hee Hee...I think I know him????

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    Dee Dee MonSherieposted 14 years ago

    There are certain important times that everyone should consider using Gas-X in advance, know what I mean?

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       Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Loud and Clear..............
       
       
       
       we're talkin about oral sex right?

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          yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Help! I've fallen out of my chair laughing and I can't get up!
          
          Curse ya, Ron! Curse ya and that razor wit of yours!

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             Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             *helps Yoshi up* are you okay, Yoshi? lol

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                yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                I crumpled a wing, but I think it should be better by morning

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                   Dee Dee MonSherieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   So long as your brilliant light has not been crumpled....mon ami..

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                   Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   Aaaa my poor Yoshi. Let me see your wing *gently massages it until it is straight with no kinks* there not it is better now And don't worry I added a little fire in that massage too since fire is my element.

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                      Dee Dee MonSherieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                      Thank you crazd...for helping Yoshi get back in shape for our hot tub date, love...do you babysit?  we have a duckie problem....

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                         Ron Montgomeryposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                         He'll supply the bubbles.

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                            Dee Dee MonSherieposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                            Ooooooooh! I love Champagne in orange juice.....bubbly enough???

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                               yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                               Ron is squawking about my colitis problem - lol!
                               
                               I tried absorbing them in Ron, but I dang near imploded this morning - any tips?
                               
                               Oh, and thanks for the mending ladies ... one free back rub for both of yas!
                               
                               You're married Crazd, so I'll pass down the orders to yer hubby.
                               
                               Mr. Crazd ... please give that fine young lady a back rub.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    Ron nice one!

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

    if done in public you can always push the blame off on someone else..best place to fart..plus seeing the reactions of others is a riot

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    Dee Dee MonSherieposted 14 years ago

    Didn't think it was ALOUD to say on forum, whew!....

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    LOL Mr. Crazd...just call him DOC and thanks he did that earlier

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       yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       as he should ... he's a lucky guy.

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          Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          aaaa yer too sweet yoshi. I ain't all that

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             yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

             If ya weren't ... he wouldn't be Mr. Crazd, now would he? 
             
             Trust me ... your the bees knees to him if he's rubbing your back.

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                Crazdwriterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                Either that or maybe I am scaring him into doing it for me just kidding yea he does love me...has loved me since freshman year in HS when he first saw me and the same with me for him..weird huh?

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                   yoshi97posted 14 years agoin reply to this

                   weird? no ... good? yes!
                   
                   Sadly though, I need to get off to sleep. The kids have school in the morning and I need to wake up to wake them up (doesn't quite make sense - does it?).
                   
                   Take care and enjoy your evening.

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    Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

    You too Yoshi gnight and have fun waking the kids up...walk into their room and rip a loud one to scare them awake

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