My Quintessence: A Mother's Reflection
A Mother Speaks
Proverbs 13:24: He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
This was supposedly a hub as an answer to Krystal D on Discipline. Somehow I got stuck and I didn’t find the courage to tackle on this matter. As a mother of three I would have been so eager to share my knowledge on Parenting, so why the hesitation?
When I separated with their father almost nine years ago, I was able to hold on to my kids, no matter how threatening life then for me. Their father was so violent so I left our house and took my kids with me, since I was working I left them to my mother, but being far from them was too much for me plus I was then pregnant to my third child so I decided to go back home bringing the kids with me. So when I returned their father got so angry but later apologized and wanted us to reconcile, I told him I would on conditions that he would not beat me and would treat me with respect. As time went by I realized he would never change so I left our house but my second child was left behind because she had classes that time, so when I went to her school she told me that her father threatened her not to go with me or else there would be hell to pay. So I sought help to the Social Welfare, but they said my daughter (then was ten years old), is in the proper age to decide who would she choose and Psychological Abuse is hard to prove. I didn’t find the help I needed with the proper people I lost hope, I went to my child’s school, but she was not there. I lost all hope of reuniting with my daughter, and the next days were very difficult for me. I grieved for my daughter not only that I couldn’t see her, but I was deprived of the chance to be her mother. As if a part of me had died, I felt empty and I knew then I missed her terribly. I buried myself with work, working day time and night time in order to support my two daughters. Unknowingly, I also have neglected my two daughters for they could only see me during Sundays.
This went on for three years until I realized my eldest daughter began to distance.
Until such time I decided to remarry after 8 eight years. But my eldest did not take it lightly, she would find ways to defy me. I explained to her that I needed to it not just for my sake but for their sake, so that we could rebuild my family. But she didn’t listen, and she stayed with her father. Again, all my hopes of reestablishing my family was shattered, my two daughters were not with me. My desire to show to them how to be a good mother and a good wife was lost. For the second time my heart was shattered, I not only pine for a daughter who was separated from me but for two daughters who wouldn’t give me a chance how to be real mother to them. I not only grieve for the lost daughter but this time I lost two daughters.
I couldn’t believe this has happened to me, yet it has. But I know God has a better plan. Each night I prayed for their safety, each night I ask God to protect and guide them. Somehow, I believe that there’s an end to this, and they would go back to me and be a mother to them. That my separation to them is not a failure but lessons I need to undergo in order for me utilize my full potential. Being away from them is very hard for me, but I keep them in my heart, and from time I would remind them how much I love them. If given the chance, I would still love to fulfill my duties as a mother. And I promise to nurture them as I nurture my youngest daughter who is with me.
As I write this, I am reliving the pain that happened 6 years ago, the wound revived, the dull ache on my heart reminds me that a part of me is empty. Emptiness only the reconciliation of my daughters can fill.